The Worst Person in the World

Three weeks. I was out of commission for three weeks. A week in the half at the hospital and a week and a half at home. I was warned against 'strenuous physical activity' for another two months at minimum so that made me completely useless to Nick and Jace if something happened.

I wanted to scream my frustration from the rooftops but I couldn't get up to one. I hated feeling useless!

Still, it was nice being back at work despite getting an overwhelming amount of attention from coworkers I hardly even talked to. People whose names I didn't even know wanted to know what happened and how I was feeling. A crowd lingered around my desk practically all day. Even Sherry was unusually attentive.

"Are you sure you should be back at work so soon?" she asked, concern lacing her voice.

She'd called me into her office first thing in the morning. At first I'd thought I was in trouble because of the way she had her fingers interlocked on her desk. Of course it would actually be an intervention.

"I was getting sick of lying around and I feel loads better," I said truthfully.

If I'd spent one more minute in bed I would have lost my mind. The first few days home of chilling with my cats and watching movies had been alright but with so many things on my mind I got antsy being unable to do anything.

"I'm not even on pain meds anymore, it just hurts a little if I bend over."

Sherry eyed me suspiciously. "I don't want you pushing yourself. You had major surgery."

Apparently, Jon had filled her in on everything when I didn't show up to work. I was both weirded out that he was looking out for me and grateful because there's no way I could have called in sick, being unconscious and all.

"I'm fine," I reassured her. "I've been very well taken care of."

Faye had hovered over me every second she was home and Jonathan and Nick came to visit once a day. Their attention, though well-meaning, had smothered me and was part of the reason I was so anxious to get back to work. If I was back to work it meant I was better and people could get off my back.

"Alright, but take things easy. I'll mostly have you filling out paperwork for the next couple weeks so you don't have to drive around."

Joy. Paperwork. What was the point of being back at work if I couldn't do the parts of my job that mattered to me most? Well, it was better than nothing.

So I sat at my overcrowded desk all morning, trying to focus on paperwork despite the curious horde. When lunch rolled around, a vein was practically throbbing in my head. Thankfully, someone came to my rescue.

"Hey Lor, want to grab a bite?"

I had never been so happy to see Jonathan. "I'd love to."

The crowd parted for him and he escorted me to the café across the street without any further interference from colleagues.

"Your timing is impeccable," I told him right before taking a bite of my sandwich.

I groaned in appreciation. Had the sandwiches here always been so good? Or was I just happy for a taste of normalcy?

He smiled. "You looked like you could use some help. Every time I walked past your desk there were at least three people there asking personal questions. I know how much you love those."

I stuck my tongue out at him for the sarcasm before softening. "Well thanks for the save anyway. I don't know how I'll go back there after lunch."

"You could hang out at my desk," he offered. "I'd ward off any curious onlookers for you."

I didn't even care about what that would look like to other people in the office. I accepted in a heartbeat. "You're a lifesaver, Jon."

He shrugged. "Anything for you."

That statement made me uncomfortable, but less so than it would have a few weeks ago. He said it in a matter-of-fact way but it was almost teasing.

Since I'd been in the hospital, it felt more like we'd become friends. As smothering as all the attention was, he'd made me laugh a few times during my miserable confinement in bed, both in the hospital and at home.

In all the time we'd been "dating" I'd been going along with whatever he said without any actual enjoyment outside of interacting with his kids. I admired him for being a good person but that was the extent of it.

The last couple weeks, especially once I was more lucid, our conversations felt more like the ones I'd have with Faye. Despite my general annoyance at being fretted over, I actually enjoyed talking to him while I was laid up. He helped ease the boredom when he visited.

Somehow he'd crossed the line from awkward fake boyfriend to actual friend. So now I felt even guiltier about using him. My feelings were a complete jumble.

The rest of the day passed without incident and it was all because of Jon. If someone came over to talk to me, he'd subtly redirect them and they'd leave. He never bothered me as I plodded through my paperwork, since he had work of his own. In fact, the only time he talked to me at all was asking for advice on how to word something in a report. Perfectly normal, acceptable work behavior.

Not having to worry about what to say around him was really nice. Maybe he understood me better than I thought. But how had he picked it up when I'd never said anything?

At the end of the day, as Jon walked me to my car he finally spoke up. "The girls miss you. Could you come over for dinner sometime this week so they'll quit asking me if you're okay?"

I smiled genuinely at him. "I'd love to see them. Dinner sounds great."

"Awesome. We can figure things out tomorrow, I've got to pick them up from my mom's." He turned to walk toward his car.

I bit my lip, debating. I ended up calling after him and when he turned around, I surprised him with a hug. I never initiated hugs. Ever. Yet here I was, doing it out of gratitude.

"Thank you," I whispered around the lump in my throat. "For today. I…couldn't have done it without you."

It was hard to admit. I, who needed no one, had gotten unasked-for help from this man that significantly improved my day. Somehow I couldn't let that go unappreciated.

Jon wrapped his arms more tightly around me and put his face in my hair. I only flinched a little from the contact but it was enough for him to notice and he released me.

"I'm glad I was able to help. I want to be there for you, Lori. Anytime you need it. I love you."

It was the first time he'd said it since leaving me in the hospital one day and I'd garbled it back to him while drugged up. It pained me to lie to him. He really was too good for me.

"I…I love you too. I'll let you go now, your kids need you. I just had to say thank you." A pause. "Bye."

I scurried to my car before he could say anything else, feeling like the worst person in the world.