Questions.

A few more months have gone by, Our son is now nine months old. He looks so much like Zero it's scary. The only difference is the hair color. It's light but brownish, which he got from me. He is growing up nicely. Everything is on point with a normal child. I do my best to take notice, making sure everything is like its supposed to be. He is starting to want to walk, and even saying some words.

Zero is a wonderful father giving him tons of attention and time. He makes sure, that when he is home, ZJ is his everything. I always knew that Zero would be a great father. He is so kind and loving. I couldn't ask for anything more in that department.

I noticed after the night Zero got pissed, when reading the Manga he stays away from it for a bit. When he did go back to it here and there. He tries not to let me know, that any of what he reads is truly bothering him. I understand that he wants to know what happens. That he needs to know, at the same time, I feel if he was happy here he wouldn't care. I have mixed emotions. I just keep everything in and to myself. Our relationship otherwise is very good. Everything on other accounts has settled down.

We go once a week for dinner at his parent's house, as his mother asked. Just everything is normal and peaceful when we go there. They give ZJ a lot of attention, loving on him not to mention spoiling him rotten. It is their first and only grandchild. Ichiru still lives with them. I have gotten a lot more comfortable around him now. We have become good friends. He is also a great uncle to all of my children, excepting my daughters as well as Zero's son. Mrs. Kiryu has also done the same, treating them well and with respect. She also never mentioned me taking a test again to prove Zero was the father. She has calmed down in a lot of ways. Making life a bit easier, which I am very thankful for.

My daughters have gotten used to them all now. Even my younger one finds it cool to hang out with them. Still not fully understanding how any of this is possible. Which she isn't the only one. We still wonder the same thing.

Ichiru even confided in me that Zero told him the truth, about the anime and everything else. He is looking into how this could be. If it will change anything or if they would have to return at any time. He is leary about Zero, I can see it, even though he hasn't said it. I know, Ichiru doesn't want to return. There really would be no point for him too. He has no life there, his plotline ended and it was over. Where here in real life it was just beginning. He was reading into a lot of things and trying to talk to older Japenese people, asking questions. He hasn't told me his findings as yet, so I feel he hasn't found out much. I am sure when he does, he will let me know. We never told Zero anything about this.

Ichiru didn't want him to know just yet. Ichiru had mixed feelings about Zero reading the Manga. He also understood, why he wanted to know and he also knew what took place. Since he already read the whole thing plus the memories editions. Unlike Zero, Ichiru didn't care what happened. Once he found out he was dead and Zero had to devour him, the rest was just a story and plot to him as well. He didn't feel or have the connection that Zero has to it. He surely didn't care anything about Yuki or Kaname. He knew that Kaname died and Yuki has his child. He knew that would bother Zero. He was just worried about what he would feel about Kaname know longer being around. Ichiru thought about a lot of things. Just as a did. We just kept them to ourselves. Both having our worries for different reasons.

Mine was fear of losing the man, I loved dearly. The life we have built, that I have given up everything, I ever knew for. I had fear if he went away did that mean our son did? Did that mean Ichiru and his family did as well? That was what Ichiru was worried about. His life as he currently knew it, going away for good. Vanishing into thin air just like it appeared. Taking away his parents, home and job. All the things in the last eighteen months that he has had, that he had gotten used to.

There were many unanswered questions, we all had. We were sure that Zero felt the same, but like always, he always kept his feelings to himself. Doing this best not to let on, how he really felt. Some because it hurt him deeply and other reasons because it would hurt the people around him. That about him never changed.

He figured if he went back to Yuki everything that started here would be over. He wondered the same things, that I did and even Ichiru, with also having his own questions on top of those.

I felt if there was a way of keeping his family members alive, his son safe, would he then have the reasons he needed to go back to her? Would he? Even though he wouldn't be here with us, he would know that life for them and our son would go on without him. It scared me.

I never have felt like this before. Scared someone would leave me? In my other marriage, that never even crossed my mind. I was very comfortable, and secure in the relationship. This one not so much. Everything in my other marriage was normal and like a regular one. We had the love and as time went on, it faded. Our priorities were our children and the life we built. We got comfortable in everyday life. In the life we made together, there were no worries like this. None of Cheating , being or wanting someone else. No worries about leaving. No worries about regrets. In this marriage, I feared it all. The love I feel for Zero, I never even knew could exist. The emotions and feelings he makes me feel, are like none before. If he would leave me, I would fall apart. I hate this feeling, I hate being like this. It came with the good and also the bad. I have never been this vulnerable before in my whole life.

When I remember reading parts of the manga, how Zero loved and longed for Yuki, it makes me feel, I just took him away from the love of his life. That maybe even in this world, he is supposed to be with her. If that is true or not, I do not know. It's just how I feel sometimes. I look at him, so happy with the time we are sharing. That I even got this far to be with him. I hope it never ends, I hope he doesn't resent me. I hope so many things.