Is this love?

I yank the toilet door and see him standing outside the door, his eyes clouded with worry and pain, what pain?

How dare he stand here acting like he gives a fuck about me.

He walks up to me with outstretched hands like someone making a petition to a higher being, I step back anger clouding my judgement.

"What the fuck do you want from me?" I say with spite.

He withdraws his hand, his face hardening "I know you don't trust me and none of this probably makes any sense to you but..."

"I don't care about you ..." I interrupt him, "I don't give a fuck about your intentions and as far as I'm concerned nothing happened between us so just leave" I feel a slight stab to my heart as I say the last words, why is my heart betraying my feelings right now, why do I want to run into his arms and beg him to stay with me forever.

"You don't mean that" his usually firm and hard voice breaks and cracks like a little girls', he looks broken the exact image of a jilted lover, my resolve begins to waver as well as my anger.

He didn't do anything wrong, I asked for it, I invited him home and I jumped him like an animal to satisfy my lust but what doesn't add up is how he wilfully agreed and participated in it, why did he do that, why didn't he laugh at me and call me a loser, why is he here right now in my bedroom looking like a broken doll.

But I don't ask any of the questions that run through my head,

"Get out" I say firmly

He laughs a small weak bitter laugh, covering his face with his hands, he uncovers his face and nods his head a few times as if agreeing with some hidden force.

He turns his back to me and walks out the bedroom door in nothing but his boxers, he marches down the stairs andI watch him gather his things that we had discarded downstairs in our hurry the previous night, he gets dressed in a furious hurry and storms out of the house without another word to me.

I want to run after him, I want to tell him how confused I am and how nothing makes any sense, I want to show him my heart and how it beats for him but instead I go back upstairs and lie on my bed feeling empty, it is Saturday.

Monday finally comes but not quickly enough.

I spent the last two days going through the motions of my every day life but not registering any of it, the events of Friday keeps repeating in my head.

The fire inside of me did not quench with the sex instead it has become a raging desire, I keep picturing his face, the feel of his embrace, his smell and even right now I am searching for that familiar brown warmth among the many pairs of eyes.

I open my locker absentmindedly and take out books, I close it and walk into my first class still searching.

My eyes go directly to his chair where he is majestically seated, Jessica standing over him laughing about something, I bow my head in anger and pain, he should be mine.

My head begins to ache, I am not used to feeling so many things at the same time, infact for a long time now i have been void of any emotions or so I believed, nothing makes any sense.

"Miss Marley, can you come to the board and help us balance this equation?" I heard the question, but it makes no sense so I remain seated staring off into space.

"Miss Marley?" I look towards the direction of the voice, I see the owner of it, a staunch middle aged man with a happy face and bald head, but it seems unreal.

The maths equation on the board looks like an ancient code in an ancient language, my hands are shaking, I feel hot.

Faces begin to morph into strange shapes, I close my eyes and open them, a familiar scent fills the room, I know this scent, I inhale loudly, trying to trace its origin.

"Savanah are you okay?" I feel a hand on my shoulder, jolting me back from my trance.

Mr Smith the maths teacher has his hand on my shoulder looking pale with worry, I am not on my seat, I am standing...standing next to.... oh my God, how did I get here, why am I standing next to Zachary.

As my face widens in realization and panic the whole class begins to laugh and murmur,

"She's so high" someone is saying.

Zachary has his eyes on me, and the panic in them is mirroring mine.

I spring for the door running as fast as my legs can carry me. I get to the restroom and turn on the faucet splashing water onto my face, why do I feel so hot, is it the fever again?

I hear footsteps approaching and I run into a toilet stall locking the door behind me.

I spend the remainder of the day avoiding Zachary, I am feverish again and for the first time in a long while I am scared.

I head to my last class for the day, biology.