Chapter XXXVIII - Slithery Old Snake (part 2)

"I was... going to talk to Hod about this."

"Ohh? So, Hod doesn't know?"

Hod's mom turned to Hod, but the guy shook his head.

"Actually, I already know. Come, let's talk."

Hod immediately stood up to leave the front desk, and I thanked his mother before going away to chat with him.

I ordered lunch before she left to the ordering desk, and I approached the table that Hod chose.

"I'm sorry, Rize."

"Hmm? For what?"

He started the conversation with an apology, and I only turned confused.

"If only I stopped us from going to that dungeon, you wouldn't have ended like this."

"... It's not your fault, we both know that."

He let out a pissed growl after my sentence, as if he wanted to be blamed.

"How could you not blame me for this?"

"How can I even? Although, if we're deciding on who to blame, I guess I am the one who is the most blamable."

"No way. In no world are you the one mistaken--"

"That's my view about you as well. So, let's take the middle ground. No one is at fault, Hod."

In any case, the only one blaming him is himself. I only say those things so he stops.

"Hod. If we... I... don't go to that dungeon, a lot of people will get hurt, or worse."

He just lowered his gaze, staring at the floor right on his left. The guilt on his face can be recognized all over.

"Plus, a single life isn't worth hundreds. If only we didn't stop that threat, what do you think could have happened?"

He processed what I said as he closed his eyes and let out a sigh.

"There has to be another way."

"Maybe."

He suddenly looked up.

We could have waited until the back up we never knew was coming. Maybe if we wait just one more day, Fran's team of adventurers will come. We can join forces with them to fight the orcs in the dungeon. But that doesn't change the fact that no one, not even the Swordsaint, will be able to kill that orc god. Not even me.

But even then, a day of waiting will only change a little. And by then, the chances of someone else getting hurt would also rise. Red orcs are Blue ranked. If the adventurers Fran brought any lower than Blue ranked, it could prove difficult and may increase the rate of someone getting hurt.

Which means, whether it was by luck or not, Fran's team coming late was actually a good thing.

Hod just shook his shoulder and let out another sigh. He really couldn't do anything about me, no matter how much he wished for it. The guilt might slowly eat him. I should stop it before it goes any further.

"Hod."

I looked at him dead straight.

"Thank you for being considerate. Just know that this... whatever is happening to me, it could have gotten worse without you."

I said to him softly to try and switch his mindset, and he only laughed.

"I could've done better."

"What is happening isn't your fault. No matter how much you are going to blame yourself, this situation isn't going to go away."

"Kkhh... I know that."

He turned his head downwards. He really is feeling guilty. Then...

"But instead of feeling guilty, maybe you can do something."

He looked at me again, and I only grinned widely.

"I need you to find out everything you can find in fixing a broken magic soul. Find any information you can get your hands on."

"W-What...?"

I moved my back to lean on the chair, and I began explaining my plans to him.

"Well... I don't wish to stay in this state, you see. It would be nice if I have someone else to be looking for a way to heal me, right?"

I'm just stating the obvious. But to him, it was like a surprise.

And sure enough, after hearing that, he suddenly brightened up again. He probably realized that what happened to me wasn't just the end, and I intended to find solutions to this. 

Was he really thinking that I would just accept my situation? Who do he think I am?

"I understand. Then, I will do my best to find any information regarding fixing a broken magic soul."

"Hmm. That's the right mindset to be in. Not in that doomer way of 'Everything Is My Fault'."

"Grekekk... I'm just feeling guilty..."

I laughed at him and took out the book from the library that the old lady gave me. I told him I will also be looking for ways to heal myself, and I will start with this book.

As for Hod, he is an adventurer. He can move from town to town, gathering information. Him helping me will surely have an effect, and I will need all the help I can get.

Because according to Jrake and Klane, no one with this sickness has ever been healed before. They are either permanently damaged and won't be able to use too much magic, or just straight up dead.

Unless given proper treatment, anyone with this sickness will be dead. I was healed by a healer for a long time during my sleep, to get my magic soul to regain its balance.

General Alfeid was the case where the patient died. It's because his magic soul wasn't treated and left to crack. Eventually he ran out of all magic energy and his magic soul's cracks became bigger and bigger until it collapsed, and he died in the end.

But, just hearing that no one has ever healed doesn't let me down at all. I will find a way to heal. After all, I was without magic the first time I came here. If I survive that, I can survive this.

The meal came in the middle of the silence, so momma Hod just smiled at me and walked away. She knew there was something going on with me quitting my adventurer job, so she just let Hod handle it. She doesn't want to be a part of this.

Me and Hod talked around about what will happen from now on. Even though I'm only a part of the team for like two days, I'm already leaving it. It won't change much of their usual things, since I'm practically new.

And finally, about me. What will I do from now on?

I can do another job, maybe being a business ma... woman, or trying out some normal jobs. I can still continue the healing thing at the church. And right now I still have a ton of money with me, so I think I can worry about my inn later.

"So? What will you do from now on?"

He asked me after I pushed my empty plate, and I began to ponder deeply.

"I don't know. Maybe a normal job?"

"Well if you want, we could always use an extra hand here."

He lifted his hand and pointed it towards the front ordering desk, where his mother was taking food orders from the hungry group of teenagers.

"I... hope you're not considering that I can cook. The only things I'm good at cooking are a bunch of red orcs, and I think we all know how that turns out."

"O-Okay... Maybe you can learn?"

"I'll consider it. Thanks for the offer, though."

I stood up while thanking him, and Hod's mother realized that I stood up. I nodded at Hod's mother who's looking at me on the front desk before leaving.

It really is a weird feeling... being pitied by others. I always thought about myself, not once about how I thought about what others think of me. And then it crossed my mind what would my family think when they realized their son died…

"Tch."

Without realizing, I let out a pissed sound. If it wasn't for that skull bastard, I would still be enjoying normal life. But... he had to cut me in half.

And now I'm here, pondering about my broken magic soul.

After that talk with Hod, I went straight back to my inn and started reading the book the old lady gave me.

I didn't realize the time I was reading, so I kept on reading until midnight. Feeling a bit dizzy after reading, I took a shower, which actually made the pain even worse. So. I just went to sleep immediately.

Is this what retirement looks like? Eat, Sick, Sleep, Repeat? Sounds fun.

The book doesn't really say anything about getting a cure. However, it does mention how I can get better by continuously healing myself, which I was already told by the doctor. 

And it doesn't get better permanently. Meaning, there is actually no way for me to get permanently healed.

So, I closed my eyes, trying not to imagine anything, and I fell asleep. Luckily, there's no nightmares this time, so I can dive in peace.

I just wish... the nightmare in real life could end.