Blood and glory

I was never one to care about my personal well-being. Ever since I can remember, I have always been an individual who would often neglect his personal needs and desires in favor of the needs of others. My world was small, shallow, and lonely. My own blood just did not appear to hold as much value as the blood of others. Whether I got hurt, if I was hungry, lonely, or stressed, I didn’t mind it, as long as my suffering brought some benefit to others. When I come to think about it, I have always been a somewhat careless person.

I was around 9 years old when it first occurred to me that I might be different from what was often considered to be normal. The gray skies of a city took on an uncharacteristic red tint that I was not yet familiar with. The sun shined with an intensity the little me was yet to ever witness before. It was so bright, so beautiful, like a massive diamond was refracting light, basking the city in its stunning, mesmerizing rays. Gone were the days of bleak nothingness. The city beckoned a new era, the era of eternal sunlight.

Over the next couple of weeks, the city kept getting increasingly hotter and as the water evaporated, many of its residents were left with muddy-brown water leaking out of the pipes. Many households were outraged, some were devastated, and others found their own ways to deal with the problems at hand. The authorities were not quick to deal with the issue. After all, before a solution could be put into place, many deals needed to be made, contracts needed to be formulated and signed. The officials were more concerned about turning this severe drouth into a profit than bettering the lives of thousands of people.

Eventually, the ruling parties of the city killed two birds with a single stone. They offered heavy taxed water supply, available for residents to buy from convenience stores. They explained that this was just the means for the city to gather enough funds for a better water treatment facility. The city became semi-uninhabitable for those who lacked wealth. Many rushed out to the nearby cities to buy water without the added taxation, some even moved away.

This nasty predicament was the primary cause for my parents sending me away to stay with my aunt Lauren. A strange lady who had a massive collection of porcelain strung up on her walls. “Be wary of that woman. She’s a crazy one,” my father said to me before sending me off to stay with her. Aunt Lauren wasn’t all that bad. She had a pleasant house that was surrounded by big green forest, cliffs and mountains contrasting the harsh gray cities of my hometown. I liked it here, there was so much free water…

When I first arrived, my aunt greeted me with a firm handshake. “Hello little guy,” she said in a cheerful tone, with a big wide contagious smile adorning her face. She squeezed my hand so hard I almost choked on my own spit. Not a welcome befitting of a loving aunt.

As I walked in through the front gate a strange yet captivating aroma had taken over my sense of smell and before I knew it, It was already taking control of my sight, drawing my gaze towards the wide variety of mesmerizing flowers found in her yard.

My legs took their own initiative. They approached the beautiful roses allowing by eyes to have a closer look at the petals that formed a pattern reminiscent of a hypnotic circle, drawing me ever deeper into my subconscious. As my hand reached to touch the flower, I felt an array of thorns slowly piercing my skin as droplets of dark red blood covered the pinkish petals of the rose. I stared deep into my bleeding palm, captivated by the combination of feeling and color that had mesmerized me even more than the flowers before it.

As the blazing rays of sunlight reflected in the droplets of my blood, I saw another silhouette within them. My aunt firmly grabbed me by the wrist and dragged me towards the kitchen without saying a word. Even now, I do not know what must have been running through her head, but just as I thought she was about to scold me, she exposed her face, revealing a worried, nurturing expression.

“You should be more careful while paying in the garden,” she said in a shaky tone that made it seem like she was about to break down in tears. Her thick, manly hands that had previously squeezed me, seemed so soft and carrying while she was bandaging my wound.

Lauren had no kids of her own, but it was plainly obvious that she was fit to be an excellent mother. That being said, she was not fit to be a wife. She was too crude, too brash and masculine to attract the attention of most men. They feared her. It didn’t help that she was also a head taller than most of them, and built with a bulky unfeminine frame reminiscent of a professional wrestler. Great compassion could be found in her deep, dark-brown eyes. She was not a bad person; she was merely a little-bit crazy.

From the moment I first laid my eyes on it, the forest surrounding her house captivated me beyond belief. And the second aunt Lauren finished patching up my hand, I leapt up off the chair and rushed back outside. Her house looked old, like it was right out of a fairy-tale. The walls were covered in beautiful grapevines etching the exterior wall of the house in a stunning green frame. They say that grass is always greener on the other side, but to me, the grass here was much greener than it was back home.

Immediately, I rushed out, running past the line of three in front of the house. I ran, taking in the beautiful sounds coming from the distant grim mountain. I smelled an array of smells I had never previously experienced before. And as I found myself on a hill, a beautiful vista overlooking the entire town, something inside of my little heart began to tremble with a profound, distinct intensity the likes of which I’m yet to experience to this very day.

The vivid small town I suddenly found myself in contrasted greatly with the gray man-made cityscape I was used to. It opened my eyes to things I had never previously seen before, and as my little mesmerized self, tilted his tiny little head just a little bit upwards, his eyes lit up in a hue of blue that echoed through his brain igniting countless arrays of neurons that I’m sure resembled fireworks against the backdrop of the night sky.

I spent the rest of the day exploring the town on my own. Wandering its tiny street without a worry in the word. The vast blue sky appeared to be much closer to the ground than usual, and as the day seemed to be nearing its closure, with the onset of an orange tint slowly smearing onto the azure sky, I saw I young girl running past me on an intersection of a tiny rural street.

She appeared to be the same age as me, but slightly shorter. Her round, soft face, resembling a small droplet of quicksilver, was crowned by two stunning blue eyes that were unproportionally large. Her light blue dress was carried by the wind along with her golden braided hair. Alice was strange; she was different; she was out of this world. And as our paths intersected, almost like it was fate, her hat got picked up by the wind and was carried towards me in a motion so graceful it didn’t seem real.

I caught it flying at my face, and as I moved it to the side, away from obstructing my line of vision, the had already made her way towards me and was standing directly in front of me.

That was how I met them. Kids from the surrounding areas. We got to know each other surprisingly well during my stay. We spent our days playing and running around the vast and beautiful forest. I can recall it like it was yesterday. We pretended to be a pack of wolves.

There were four of us in total. Mal, the tallest of the bunch, probably saw himself as our leader. He was a big, chubby, brown-haired kid with a narrow face and a long nose that looked like he borrowed it from an old man. There seemed to be no end to his energy, he would always try to lead us and fail miserably, because of this him and I would often get into fights and since he was half a head taller than me, I never really seemed to end in my favor.

That’s when Carl would step in, he would step in, he would always get Mal off my back. While no match in strength, Carl's tenacity was more than enough to scare anyone. It would seem as if he could even deal with adults if he had to. Normally, Carl was a quiet kid, never really picking fights or opposing anyone, but when push came to shove, man, you really wouldn’t want to be on the receiving and of his anger. And then there was Alice the only one I still keep in touch with, the girl of the group, she was a nice and sweet girl would always offer the three of us a shoulder to lean on, because of her small and frail build she would often find it draining to run around the forest with us, chasing rabbits isn’t easy after all, but she always pulled herself through and simply pushing herself a little-bit harder than the rest of us. Sometimes I think that without her I would be long gone…

-It seems like your childhood friends mean an awful lot to, but what exactly do they have to do with your strange obsession?

-I was just getting to that point. You see, on the last day of my stay, me and my friends ventured farther than we have ever ventured before. We went to see the waterfall. Maybe it wasn’t the smartest idea for four children to go into the deep, dark, scary woods all alone, but we didn’t know any better. As we saw it, we were a scary pack of wolves and no one in the entire forest could ever harm us. But we were wrong.

During our expedition, we were forced to learn that we were nothing compared to an actual wolf…

At first, we ran, but having realized that we would not get away, that’s when I knew I needed to do something, something that no one expected me to do. So I stayed back, deciding to fight the wolf on my own.

At First, I threw rocks at it to get its attention, then I picked up the largest stick that I could get my hands on. I tried to intimidate it, but it was futile. I tried swinging at the wolf, but the beast was too fast. It swooped right past my wide, wild swings and bit into my shoulder. I wasn’t scared, yet I could feel my heart racing; It was a strange euphoric feeling that seemed to get me on an emotional high; I didn’t care if I died that day or if it will be any other day, for that matter. All I was worried about at that moment was that unknown sensation. But then I heard Carl shouting from the distance. He got the attention of the beast on to himself. The wolf wasn’t the only one affected by it. The second I heard his voice, it was as if something in me knew I had to fight. That’s when I saw the edge of the cliff positioned directly behind the wolf. Being the opportunist I know I am, I had but one option, and that was what I did. I grabbed the beast by its neck, lifted its front body and charged forward as fast as I could, throwing both myself and the wolf off the cliff.

-I see, and what happened next?

-Well, I woke up at the hospital next morning. A large pool of water softened my landing. Sadly, the wolf didn’t share the same fate and landed on the rocks. After I fell carl got me out of the water as fast as he could, while Alice called the hospital to get me treated. I guess I owe those guys my life.

-And what about Mal, the big kid?

-What about Mal, her ran away with his tail between his legs, never to look back.

-How did that make you feel?

-Didn’t really care since the result would have been the same either way.

You see doctor, this occurrence was that first time I realized that I’m not right in the head. I feeling I felt during that moment was exuberant; I felt like it changed me forever.

-Could you try to describe it to me?

-I felt like the world was nothing, like I am all there is, like I can be whatever and whoever I want to be. It is a hot and burning sensation that makes your guts twist and turn like two snakes trying to devour each other. It is a feeling surpassing all others, a feeling that truly makes you glad to be alive. And you see, doctor, ever since the moment I first felt that feeling, the moment I enjoyed it beyond what’s physically possible, that was the moment I knew, I was a suicidal maniac.

-Excuse me, mister Asinus…

-Call me Thane

-Yes, Thane, what you’re saying is quite shocking, to say the least, and I think it will take some time for us to work out the real meaning of what you just said. But by any chance, are you implying that you actively seek pleasure in death?

-Um, well I know what it might sound like but despite “suicidal maniac” having a weird ring to it, I really don’t care about death that much. It’s all just a part of life, life and death, good and evil. All of these concepts are beautiful. And I believe that they’re so much more beautiful when closer together. After all, is it so wrong to seek stimuli in this sysiphean boulder-like world of ours?

-I see, mister Asinus, I’m afraid…

-Thane, please continue.

-… I’m afraid that I will have to advise you to stay in our institution due to your self-destructive behavior. I would be simply shocked if something terrible would happen to you because I failed to intervene.

A deep sigh was heard right before the recording ended. The screen of a tired old monitor fades to black.

“I see, Thane was it? So you really do have a death wish.” the reaper remarked.

A muffled scream could be heard in the background…