Part 1

It was five in the morning as the sky hosted the dawn.  As he continued walking towards the gym, there were only security guards around.  As we approached the end of October, the weather had cooled down considerably.  Even thinking about the snow that will fall in a few months, a faint smile settled on my face.  Even though the misty and rainy weather of England didn't make my favorite winter season, at least it was snowing a little.

I pulled my gray sweater up to my fingertips and fisted my fingers inside the sweater.  Trying to warm my cold hands like this, I squinted at my surroundings.  A few foxes were running around.  When someone saw me, they stopped and looked straight at me.  Its red fur was so beautiful that I adored foxes.  It was because of my tattoo just below my chest.

As I entered the gym, my stomach rumbled embarrassingly, reminding me that I hadn't eaten after dinner last night.  As my eyes began to scan my surroundings quickly to see if anyone had heard, she noticed the man I hadn't seen in a few days.  He was walking to the treadmill.  He must have stopped when he sensed my presence.  Because he just stood there looking at me.  I frowned at him as his eyes, which I'm sure were black, were staring intently at me.  There was no perverted expression in his gaze, but I had a feeling that he wasn't a normal person either.  He responded by squinting his black eyes at my stare.  His face went blank again, and he got on the treadmill.  As far as I can see, the clothes on her were always the colors she preferred.  I've seen him wear navy and gray a few times, but mostly he seems to be wearing black.  When he took off his shirt and threw it aside, I felt like I had swallowed my little tongue.  It was obvious that he didn't come here every morning for nothing.  I force myself to face forward and pull out my yoga mat.  And I started sports.

30 minutes later, when I started walking in the direction that man was to get a dumbbell, I realized that his eyes were on me.  While watching me with full attention, my steps were directed towards him this time.  He must have noticed this too, as he got off the treadmill and looked at me with his arms folded under his chest.  When I stood right in front of him, trying not to look at his bare and sweaty chest, I saw that there was quite a height difference between us.  He probably had a height of over eighty.  I thought it was crazy as I stared into his eyes, which were adorned with curly black lashes.  I didn't know this man at all, and now I just stood there before him.  He looked at me with a questioning expression and his eyebrows went up.

"Hi, I see you every day. I also see you looking at me every day. Every time I switch gyms, it doesn't seem like a coincidence to me that you join the Gym where I just started. I think you owe me an explanation."  When I spoke quickly, I seemed to see an expression in his eyes as if he didn't know what to say.  Seconds later, his eyes began to stare at me expressionlessly.  In an empty way.

"Hmm, aren't you going to talk?"

His black eyes looked directly into my eyes for a moment, then slowly studied my body.  When he looked into my eyes again, he untied his arms that were tied to his chest.  He turned around and started walking, looking at my confused face over his shoulder.  She got on the bike, and put on her headphones.

  "Idiot!"  I shouted angrily and clenched my fist, swearing as I continued walking.  I grabbed the dumbbell I needed and brought my mat right in front of it.  A smile formed on his face.  I closed my eyes and started weight training.  He certainly didn't seem to care.

✨

"Are the exams starting, honey?"  ' my mother asked the moment she cut her avocado crepe with the help of a knife.  I looked up from the breakfast plate in front of me and looked at my mother, ignoring the thick black hair that fell in front of my eyes.

"Starting next week, mommy."  I said, smiling nervously.  My mother turned to me and smiled.  His small eyes were narrowed as a deep dimple formed on his left cheek.

"I'm sure you'll be successful, honey."  she said while she tucked the hair that had fallen in front of my eyes behind my ear.  Was it so peaceful and reassuring because it was a mother's hand?  And soft... I've never touched anything as soft as my mother's hand.  It's like silk... Even my blood feels warmer when I touch it.

"Of course I can, I'm the girl of the cheerleading team. I'm the girl of the popular girl in school."  I said giggling.  My mother removed her hand from my cheek and smoothed her blond hair.

"You keep kidding, that report card is weak, I'll surf your wave. Guess who's my board?"  he said, raising an eyebrow and looking at me with a sly smile.  When I looked into my mother's hazel eyes with a mischievous smile, my gaze shifted in that direction as the kitchen door opened.  He had unbuttoned the first three buttons of his white high school shirt and left it shabby on his black trousers without even making a move to tuck it in.  His red-brown hair was in a mess.  It was obvious from his every look that he was not combed.  Seeing me looking at her, she blinked mischievously and dropped her math and history textbooks on the breakfast table.  After kissing my mother's cheek and biting my cheek, she sat in the chair next to me.

"How are you ladies?"  ' she asked cheerfully as she poured her tea.

"We're fine dear, how are you?" my mother asked my brother.

"Well, judging by his cheerful disposition, he must have made up with Jasmin," I thought, glancing at my brother.

"I'm fine with your bride-to-be."  she said as she spread cream cheese on her bread.

"I told you so," I thought, taking a slice of bread and buttering it.  Then I had the raspberry marmalade dipped in a fork on my bread.

"I'm so glad my dear."  Suffice it to say, my mother.

"Is my father returning?"  ' Harry asked this time.  His tone was a little more serious and sad.  When I turned my gaze to my mother in slow motion, her misty eyes were fixed on us, but she was diving far into the sea, as if she did not see us.

"He said he's coming on Matilda's birthday. November 5th."  ' said my mother, looking at us with her broken eyes.  It was only two weeks until my birthday.  And I hadn't seen my father for three years.  Even though it was very difficult at first, I was not missing you very much thanks to my older brother.  And I think I turned cold from him... Wouldn't you be cool if your father calls you once a month?

"Great! I missed him so much."  I said forcefully, as if excited.

"It will be a nice gift for you," my brother said, looking at me and smiling sincerely.

"What a gift, what a gift..."

"H-hmm."  I said simply contrary to what I thought.

As I glanced at the clock on the wall, I saw that I only had twenty minutes to get to school.  I rushed to my room to have my breakfast and get ready, without being involved in the conversation of my mother and brother.  I got out of my pajamas and slipped a black pantyhose over my legs.  When I put on my black school skirt and black long sleeved t-shirt, I became a total goth.  Of course, my white eyelashes and eyebrows adding a clown look is another matter.  I had eyebrows, hair and eyelashes that turned white thanks to my Russian gene from my mother.  I considered myself half albino.  I took the mascara in front of the makeup mirror and fed it to my lashes.  After coloring my eyebrows in a way that would look natural with the eyebrow pencil, I grabbed my black backpack and left the room.

***

"How much is left?"  ' Stella asked, retaking the question she had asked five minutes ago.  When my eyes shifted mechanically to the clock hanging on the pale wall in front of me, I saw that there were twenty minutes left before the class bell would ring.  When I turned my gaze to my friend next to me, he was looking at the English teacher with strange eyes.  As if to kill.  With his chocolate brown eyes, long sparse black eyelashes, white skin, and always red cheeks, the angry expression on his face seemed to make him look more cute.  She looked smaller than a sixteen-year-old girl.  It's like he just turned fourteen.

"Twenty minutes, Stella."  I said in annoyance.  In every English class, it was a routinely five-minute conversation.  Stella never liked our English teacher for no reason.

The teacher's gaze abruptly turned to us as Stella cursed in a low voice.  As his eyes in dark shades of green swept over us, the gaze of the thirty-person class turned to us.  When she started to squint her eyes at us, tossing her short red hair, I thought to myself that we were fucked.

"Why is this witch staring at us?" Stella muttered in a low voice.

"Maybe because he thinks you should shut up!"  I said in a low voice, following him.

My friend, who fell into silence with my warning, turned his glare to the teacher who was looking at him.

"Stella, continue where we left off," said Mrs. Smith.  My blue eyes were on the girl next to me as I tucked my lower lip under my teeth.  He was still staring at the teacher.

"I don't know. I wasn't listening to the lecture."  she said in a rebellious tone.  As my eyes widened, I couldn't believe that you were giving this answer to a teacher.  She wasn't normally like that.  But he had an obvious anger towards this teacher.  He didn't like it at all.

"You got a problem, baby?" said Miss Smith softly.  She was the only teacher I never heard of getting angry or yelling at anyone.  He was very calm in every situation.

"Mrs. Smith, I'm so sorry I didn't mean to be rude. I have a little headache."  said Stella, as if ashamed of what she had just done.  His cheeks were even redder, and even his neck was pink.

"Matilda, take your friend to a sink to get some fresh air," said Miss Smith, turning her dark greens at me.

"Subject to."  I said standing up.  I took Stella's arm and lifted her up with me.  His face was sullen and expressionless as he walked out of the classroom with thirty curious eyes.

"Why did you do that now?" I asked as we made our way to the girls' bathroom.

"I don't know," he said, shrugging.  "I hate that lesson. It's a good one, look, the lesson has come to a boil, is it bad?"  ' he asked, sending me a sideways smile.

"You're so annoying, you know that right?"  I said as I looked at him questioningly and grinned.

As we entered the girls' bathroom, I looked at our reflection in the mirror.  Two petite sixteen-year-old girls in black, one blonde and one brunette.  It was always a disadvantage for us to look even younger than our age.  In the cinema, we were left with the thirteen-year-olds, calling the film the curse of sixteen as a terrible memory that we could not be taken even though you were sixteen.

"I know."  she said as she turned on the water.

When she gave me the hold my hair look in the mirror, I took small steps towards her and gathered all her hair in my palms.  Cold water splashed her face twice as she struggled to hold her thick yellow strands in my palm.  When she finished washing her face, I let her hair down and made my way to the window to freshen up the stuffy sink.  While Sevgi was drying her face with a paper towel, I forced open the window that needed to be oiled.  I took a deep breath as the fresh air rushed into my face.  I started to watch the children playing basketball while my gaze wandered around the large garden area.  When Stella appeared behind me, my eyes suddenly met with a pair of black eyes watching me on the terrace of the cafe across the street.  My eyebrows lifted slightly as I stared straight into my eyes, devoid of emotion.  Wasn't he the man I saw this morning?  When I poked my head out of the window and stuck it forward, I saw that he was looking directly at me.  It was definitely that guy.

"What are you looking at?"  ' Stella asked as she searched where I was looking.

"See the man in black on the terrace of the cafe across the street? He's looking straight over here."  I said without taking my eyes off it.

"No one on the terrace. No, no one. I don't see anyone."  he said, still examining the terrace carefully.

"How is it nobody?"  I said in surprise.  My eyes were on a pair of black eyes that kept their eyes on me.  I could see him sitting on the left seat across from me, staring straight at me with slightly scowled eyebrows.  It was there...

"There really isn't anyone."  said Stella, staring at me nervously.  I grabbed him by the arm and brought him to where I was.  Maybe he couldn't see it from where he was.

"Look, there he is! Man in black, how can you not see?"  I said, literally sticking it to the glass.

"No, there's no one there!"  ' he said, raising his voice a little higher.  "Do you see ghosts or something?"

"But there…" what he said was making me ponder, as I watched ghostly movies flashing before my eyes.

"Ghost?"  I asked with wide eyes.  As my eyes shifted back to the opposite cafe, I saw a pair of black eyes still staring at me.  Did ghosts look like this?  I wasn't sure of that.  I knew they were in disguise, but I wasn't sure.  Then why was he content to just watch me for two years?

"God bless my love."  she said while looking at me with fearful eyes.  He made the pilgrimage and repeated it.  When I looked into the cafe again, the man was not there.

"She's gone…" I said with a quiet murmur.  He looked around nervously as his chocolate brown eyes widened like mine.

"Oh, finally."  she said, giggling, after a moment of getting over her fear.

I stared at the door, my eyes wide with fear, as the creaking door made us both jump in place.  I could feel her trembling as Stella wrapped her arms around my waist and rested her head on my chest.  A high-pitched scream came from both of us as the door slammed violently against the wall.

"My God, I'm only sixteen. It's too early to die, my God."  as I rebelled, my eyes fell on the silhouette entering the door.  As the fear in my eyes gave way to relief, I nudged the trembling girl in my arms.

"What are you doing?" Emily asked, raising an eyebrow, looking at us.

"We thought the ghost had arrived."  said Stella, pulling her head off my chest.

"What? Ghost?"  She started to laugh.

"Forget it," I cut off.  After watching us blankly for a while, he approached the sink and washed his hands.

*

While my soul was traveling with the friends it had made in the spirit world, my body fell into a deep sleep with the tiredness of the day.  While my blue eyes dominated everything they saw, the naive and transparent souls of my mother, my brother and Stella, my transparent soul, barely discernible as a grain of dust, were next to my soul.  I was floating in a dazzling way, like that strange flower whose name I never knew, that I had blown in the spring months.  As I began to soar around me, I noticed that the blue was getting darker with each rotation.  It became petrol blue, it became dark blue, it gradually became black and became completely black.  Like every color, blue was fascinated by black and entered its vortex.  My soul struggled to return to its body as it lost its blueness in a pair of black eyes.

I felt a pressure on my left shoulder, but my brain wouldn't do what I said and wouldn't let me open my eyes.  As the pressure I felt on my shoulder increased, a weight descended on my right shoulder.  I felt short of breath as the weight slid over my collarbones to my neck.  My body didn't even move as my throat struggled to scream.  When my eyes suddenly opened, a darkness like the bottom of a well greeted me.  As the reflected brilliance and eerie brilliance of the water at the bottom of the well gave me goosebumps, I realized that the darkness I saw was actually big black eyes that looked like a few stars left in the dark sky.  My breathing became even more disturbed as I stared at the shimmering dots in the black as if sprinkled with diamond dust.  As the weight on my neck receded, I looked at the man whose face I could make out in the dark.  This was the man I had seen at the gym in the morning, watching me on the terrace across from the school and thinking he was a ghost.  My throat-ripping scream hit the walls of my room and probably reverberated throughout the house, as reality exploded in my brain like a bomb mine, loud and brutal.

As fear took over my body, a tremor engulfed me, and I began to tremble violently, like a person having a seizure.  I could feel the tears running down my cheeks as my eyelids closed tight as a result of my tremors.  I heard the sound of my room door slamming against the wall as I was screaming my mother's name and my brother's name.

"What's up with Matilda?" I opened my eyelids as my older brother's worried voice showed I wasn't alone.  My scream escaped my throat again when I saw the man watching me with a happy face while my brother's arms were wrapping around me.  I felt my hair drenched with sweat, while my pupils were getting bigger with fear.  I swallowed several times with fear.  When I opened my mouth to speak, there was only a muffled groan.  As another tear fell from my eyes, the man's eyes followed my tears with curiosity.  I seemed to see a faint sadness in his face, but when I looked into my eyes again, I thought it was something I saw wrong.  I took a shaky breath and screamed with all my might.

"Ghost, ghost...!"

I thought I was shouting, but my voice was rather hoarse.  As my eyes never left the man's, the evil smile that spread across the man's face made my heart beat faster than it could have.  Before my consciousness slipped into the darkness, all I remember was a pair of gleeful black eyes.

*

26.02.2023