The Pot and The Kettle

"I'm sorry T, please open the door." My eyes start watering. Not because, I'm sad because, I'm angry. He can have a life but, I can't? I never went out with anyone in hopes that one day he would ask me and now that i actually have a date he acts like i belong to him. "Please open the door, I...I just need to talk to you." I don't want to fight with him but, this is how it's always been . He does something to hurt me and as soon as he bats his puppy dog eyes all is forgiven because, no matter what he's my best friend. I roll my eyes and open the door. He lets out a sigh of relief, "What?" i snap at him. He looks to me sadly and says, "Listen I just.." I put my hand up to interrupt and lean on the door, "You just felt like being an dick for no reason. I can't go on dates but, you can?"

He nods his head in refusal, "Its not like that. I just thought." I interrupt again, "You just thought what? That I'd sit around forever and wait for you to pull your head out of your ass?!"He stares at me for a moment then says, "I was waiting for you to say you wanted me first." I laugh angrily, "You knew?!" I don't know what came over me but, I use all the strength in my and shove him off the porch, he stumbles to a stop and I say, "You jerk! You watched me mope around all this time and you knew! You never cared!" He huffed, "Of course I fucking care Twisted! I've been in love with you for years." suddenly I'm crying and i say, "Yeah and I guess you just buried all your pain in every girl you saw." He puts his hands up in surrender and says, "I admit, I handled it badly."

"Badly? You didn't handle it at all Derek!" He steps quickly toward me, "I didn't know how! I thought if i told you that you'd be all logical and come up with reasons why we shouldn't be together." I cross my arms, "Oh yeah because, it makes total sense to tell the guy I'm in love with that I don't want to be with him." I take a deep breath in and ask, "What did you think would come out of this?" He grabs my shoulders and says, "I was hoping... that when i told you, you'd give us a chance." I close my eyes in frustration and he brings me into a hug while saying, "I know that I'm just throwing this on you. I know the timing is shitty but, I want to give us a chance T. I want to be with you."

This is what I wanted isn't it? This what I dreamt about for years, Its right in front of me but, I don't want it. Not like this and Its not because, of the kiss its because, "It took you seeing me with someone else. Jealousy is the only reason you want me." He lets go of me and instead places his hand on my face, "Well that's what gave me the push to ask. Yes." I back away, his hands slipping off my face. I wipe a tear from my eye and say, "It's nice to know that i wasn't enough inspiration on my own. My answer is no Derek." He looks at my in shock and anger "10 years of friendship and falling over each other and you say no...because of some dude you just met?" I storm back to him and yell, "No! It's not about Cole! It's about me realizing that I 'am way better to you than you are to me! I've never left you alone and wondering why you're not enough but, you've always done that to me! I have been in love with you for the past 4 years and you've not only known but, have slept around never caring about what i felt. You only cared about your stupid needs!"

He closes his eyes in pain and I say, "I deserve better, You were always everything for me but, i never had everything to you!" I stop talking. I mean how can I when his lips are kissing mine, taking my breath away. He stops kissing me and says, "You don't have everything because, you are everything." I look down, "Than how can you make me feel like nothing?" He sighs, "I don't mean to. I don't know how to handle things sometimes, forgive me T. Give me a chance." I look up to him and see how desperate he is for me to change my mind, to give in. I want to give into him, that's what I've always done but, how can i forgive him after inflicting so much pain on me and for so long? I walk out of his arms and into the house and say, "I'm sorry. You're my best friend Derek and I love you but, I just don't see how i can get past this."

I see pain flash across his face then he quickly turns calm, scary calm, "It's understand. I got to go but, you still coming to rehearsal?" I give a weak smile and say, "Of course." He waves to me as he trots down the driveway and though he seems to be okay, something in me says, things will never be the same again." I shut the door and instantly look at the clock, 6:42pm. Shit. I have 18 minutes to get everything done. I run to the kitchen and grab a pot, setting it on the stove at high temp. I look desperately for a can of tomato soup. I spot it on the counter and hurriedly open it and toss it in the pan. I run to the fridge, pull out a beer, grab some silverware and a bowl, setting the table. Once the soup is done I serve it and make sure that everything is set up just the way my father likes it.

I check the clock, 6:57pm. Three minutes . I run up into my room and slam the door shut behind me. I try listening for the car but, in the back of my mind I can hear the words of everyone at school saying, "why would she kill herself? She's rich. I wish that i had a dad that was loaded." Yes but, what they don't know is that Dad nor I have been the same since the car accident. We lived, mom died. I got cursed with reading people and he got cursed with an eternal rage that can only be tamed by abusing me. If they knew...would they still want my life? Why would i kill myself they ask? Well, no matter how shitty my life is, I wouldn't. My amazing father did me the service of giving me a huge scar across my stomach after having too much to drink one night. It only took one swift movement of the knife in his hand and a few buddy cops of his to turn the case from assault to attempted suicide.

I hear the sound of the car pull into the driveway and count the seconds till the front door opens. I hear the door shut and instantly shiver in fear. footsteps echo in my ears as he walks up the stairs. Oh no. Why is he coming up here? What did i miss? The steps stop at my door and my doorknob turns. I crawl under my desk and close my eyes, preparing for the worst.