9 Talking

"What?!" I exclaim pushing back from his chest.

Ethan nods, "I can prove it too. Once I charge my phone. You'll see the contact name and when we were talking."

I point to where my phone charger is. "There you go." Not willing to trust him yet, but wanting to, so badly too.

He sighs and gets up, plugging in his phone. I don't know what to do, my emotions are all over the place too.

Maybe Pa was right and I judged Ethan too soon, unfairly, and harshly. I might have messed everything up over nothing.

This makes me tear up again. So I quickly wipe my face with the towel, grab my glass and empty it.

I go grab another bottle, but put it back for the harder stuff on top of the fridge. I make me a nice tall glass of it on ice, swirling it around to cool it down.

I sip it to check and let the whiskey roll over my tongue and glide warmly down to my stomach.

I walk past Ethan and head to my bathroom, washing my face off and cooling it off while I am at it.

I head into my room, grabbing my lounge clothes and go back to hop in the shower. I spend long enough in the shower that the water turns cold, before I hop out.

When I come out in my lounge clothes and my hair up in a towel, Ethan is sitting patiently on the couch, looking just as sexy as always. His rugged, tight jeans and dark blue, button up, over a white shirt has always been handsome to me. Knowing the muscles that are hidden under those clothes, and what he can do with those hands that tap his knee in thought. It all had me wishing I'd touched myself in the shower, instead of just standing there under the water.

I bite my lip at the thought, but when he looks my way, I quickly take my dirty laundry into my room. I breathe deeply, trying to calm my racing, perverted thoughts and use the towel to dry my hair off. I'm bent over to get the back of my head better, when I hear Ethan clear his throat.

I jump, standing tall to give a scowl.

"Sorry, Sam. I didn't mean to startle you. My battery is charged enough now, I waited to turn it on for you."

He steps forward, looking around taking in my bare walled room, the only decor are pictures that I've set up on the dresser and nightstands. A few of my father and me, but his eyes land on the one of me and him that Pa had taken four months ago. Then another one that he was unaware that I had ever taken.

He was standing on the porch of the Victorian that his grandpa had built for his grandmother. It was a side profile of him, staring out over the ranches pasture where the tall, jade green, grass.

I was pretty proud of that picture, the way the light lit him up perfectly, the calm and content smile that curled the edges of his lips. He looked so serene and beautiful, I could not help but take a picture of him at that moment.

He stepped closer to the picture as I turned his phone on. I scroll through his calls, looking for the one day I needed to see.

Sure enough, I see : Dawn (cousin/Henry's wife), as the contact.

I go to his text messages and look up the messages between him and Dawn. I read their banter for a minute, stop myself and turn it off to hand back to him.

I take a seat on the bed, not sure my legs could still hold me up at the moment.

Shame.

That's the best way to describe what I'm feeling, it's beyond embarrassing. That's for sure.

"Satisfied?" He asks arrogantly.

"I'm sorry, I was wrong." I say meekly, hugging my self with my head down.

He huffs annoyed, "Yes, you were."

Tears form at his words, I deserve this, but it still hurts.

"I'm sorry, I should have known better. I do know better. I just... I didn't want to be hurt like my ex hurt me, again."

"Why didn't you just ask me though?!" His voice rises, as he squares his stance with his arms folded in front of his chest. "I thought that you would at least know me better than that by now."

In defense of myself, I clench my fists and through gritted teeth I seethe, "I'm sorry, okay. I don't know why I didn't. You don't have to rub it in. What I did wasn't easy for me to do you know! " I stand up and hold my ground.

"It sure did seem easy to me. You already had packed everything you wanted to take, while I was working in my office that morning! I thought we were okay! Every time I asked you if something was bothering you, you told me you were alright!"

He's pacing the room now as he recalls. "I knew your hormones had been out of whack from your implant, but to think that I was cheating on you? When we are always together?! I mean that's a whole new kind of paranoid thinking to me!" He throws his hands up in the air, and turns around, too angry to even look at me.

"We have not always been together! You have to travel to your work office every other month and you are gone for a week! I don't know what you are doing during that time! Who's to say there was not an ex you still fool around with when you were there! That's why I thought that! Because there's too many men out there who would take that opportunity! I WAS WRONG! I'M SORRY!" I shout back at him.

He turns around to say something, but I cut him off, "I'm sorry, I don't know how to handle having a damn good man. All my experience is from being with pieces of shit. I'm sorry, I didn't trust you and I hurt you!"

I run my hands through my hair, pulling at it in frustration, "I still can't believe that someone so considerate, so damn sexy, and just fucking perfect, would ever want to be with me! That's like fairytale shit for girls! To top it off, we were Perfect. Fucking. Strangers. That's a one in a billion kind of luck, the odds are better at winning the damn lottery!"

I throw my hands up in the air, waving them around for emphasis, "I couldn't believe how lucky I was to have you! I love everything about you! Why do you think I wanted to be pregnant?! Because I wanted to have a family with you! Because for the first time in my life I knew I had found someone who was special! I know I messed everything up and that it will never happen now! Okay?! I get it! You don't have to make me feel worse than what I already do!"

I sit back down, crying on the bed, while he stands in stunned silence. He starts to say something but I cut him off again.

"Please, just, just leave me alone, right now " I lay on the bed and smother my face in the pillows.

I hear him walk out and shut my bedroom door, which only makes me cry harder. Part of me wants to run after him and not let him leave. Shame stops me because I brought this on myself, I deserve this.

I cry myself to sleep, knowing when I awake, I'll be alone to start over again.

This time though, I know, I'll never fall in love again. Ethan will always have my love but he deserves better than me.