18. Accepting The Reality

Yue Yan had woken up about an hour after Zicheng had visited him and left his room when he had returned from visiting his brother at the guild.

What happened to his family kept hunting him in his sleep. Alone, Yue Yan thought about all that has happened since he first opened his eyes and found out that he had transmigrated into someone else's body.

A concept he thought happens only in those such novels that he had read and in some of the scripts given to him to act upon. He would never have believed it even if it hadn't happened to him.

He is grieving his lost but he has to live. He has to survive this. It will be a too shameful of him to disappoint the original Chen Yan further by him committing suicide or any other shameful acts.

Right now he has no place and no money. He has to find a job with accommodation. He has no qualifications here so to search for a civil work or any well paying job will be impossible.

He will start with manual labour. Yes. He will start with that for now. He has to survive for now and later after he has studied this place and found his bearings, he will climb up in this world too as he did in his other world.

He'll make Chen Yan very proud in the afterlife when he hears how he, Yue Yan had lived well in his name and body. He must not fail this time like the first.

If he had acted faster and took his small family out of that house when he had those memories that day, after seeing how poisonous his parents were, they all would have at least been alive.

Oh, how he wish he could be granted a chance to go back to that morning before they had stepped out of their hut, ah, he would have fixed his mistakes. He wished in his act but he also knew that was not possible.

Now he needs to find a job a place first and foremost. He should ask that guy from earlier, maybe he could help him get one.

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"Yes I would need a place to stay. I don't want to go home. Both my parents and my second brother hates me. I don't think they would be happy to see me alive still." he explained.

"Parents?! Brother?! Chen Yan what are you even talking about now? Are you sure you're alright now? Perhaps you have a hay-fever?"

Zicheng asked as he kept checking Chen Yan's body for any abnormalities. Confused and worried are lighter words to describe his emotions at the moment.

"Why do you have to scream at every word I say?" Yue Yan asked, now he was getting infuriated by this annoying stranger- helper. He got up to leave the room. He felt he needed some air.

Yue Yan had called this hem to help him find a job and a place, but here he was, screaming and repeating his every word. 'Ah, such a pain.' He thought as stepped out of the room.

"Where are you going?", Zicheng asked following him out.

"Don't follow me. It feels stuffy in there. I need some air. Will just walk around here. Don't worry. It's not like I have any other place to go to right now." He said and left the astounded Zicheng to be rooted on his spot.

When he came to his senses, he decided to let Chen Yan have some space as he wanted and left for his study.

Zicheng has been confused all throughout this whole conversation he had with Chen Yan. Some of the things he was saying did not make any sense. He may not have been close with him as they grew up but they used to play together as kids.

He knew Chen Yan's parents and they died almost a decade ago. So which parents was he referring to and where from a brother when he is an only child?

Or did his father have a mistress? Well, even if that answers the 'brother' part, what of the parents that he had mentioned? And why will they not be happy to find out that he was alive?" He thought as he paced to and fro in his room.

Yue Yan did not really go anywhere that was far. Like he said, he just needed to clear his head. He just stood outside Zicheng's house and just leaned on the wall by the side of the gate.

His mind full and blank at the same time. There was so much on his mind and yet he couldn't prioritise which one to think of at the moment.

Whenever he thought of how to deal with one problem, another issue will pop up making him distracted by that one too. At the end, he couldn't come up with any counter measures to tackle any of his issues.

Earlier, he was hopeful that once he was able to get any manual labour with accommodation inclusive, he could start re-planning his life. Now he feels the fear of failure trying to grip him but he doesn't want to give in.

He had stepped outside for a clear mind and see what else he could come up with but his thoughts are more muddled than before.

"Aahh.", Yue Yan was frustrated. He is trying to encourage himself to stand firm and believe that things will be okay.

That he can make his life better and make Chen Yan, Tingting, Yuyu and Lulu very proud of him as they watched over him from up above sky.

Yet the harsh reality of his circumstances keeps making his resolve dwindle. He has no one here. He is not of this world. He misses his mom very much. She was his pillar in moments like this.

Has she been here with him, she would've given him guidance and shielded him from harm. Yue Yan started crying when he thought of his family from the other world too.

His father was harsh but he made sure to let his children feel his love for them. His twin brothers who were always competing with each other showed their love for their family in their own ways.

His teenage sister will never end a call without saying the words "I love you, boo." Yue Yan chuckled and smiled amidst his tears when he thought of his little sister.

There was twelve years age gap between them but that stubborn seventeen year old treats him like they're mates, she cares about nothing at all.

He had told her to stop calling him "boo" when she calls but that fell on deaf ears.

"Aah, I really miss them." Yue said, he was quite homesick.

The evening air was much colder since it was winter. He knew he has to get inside otherwise he will be worse by the morning. He was still recovering.

The scars he got from the stony ground that scratched against his skin as he too was being dragged by his dad had not healed yet.

Since he's promised himself, the real Chen Yan and his small family that he will do his best to live the new life that he has been given again well and happy, he has to take very good care of Chen Yan's body which was now his.

And it's not like being outside here is any more productive than inside. With this thought, he rushed back inside and went to look for Zicheng.

Since he did not know his room, he had to open a number of doors. He opened about three more doors before he found him in what looked like a study.