31. Like 'em Mean (Rodney McKay)

If anyone asked Tony what his type was - Snarky, smart and candid were his favourite things.  It might not be what most would look for but he wasn’t everyone.  Tony was at the Navy mixer dressed in a tux as Madam Director had demanded he attend, something about making the Agency look good.  

So as a result, Tony was bored stiff making stilted conversation. This was not his idea of fun but he did have to smirk at the conversation he could overhear.“Why on Earth do I have to be here?”His companion, a Colonel, rolled his eyes. “You know why McKay, now smile and try not to eviscerate anyone to the point they cry!”This McKay looked non-plussed. “But I thought you said I could have fun?”Tony swept in.  “Well at least you are looking to have fun.”Tony watched as he was sized up and he caught the flash of arousal on the guy’s face. He could work with that.  The man spoke with a smirk obviously aiming for a reaction.  “Please tell me that you are not part of the repressed armed forces?”

Tony smirked. “Oh, there is nothing repressed about me ... So how are you going to entertain me ...”

Rodney took the opportunity to introduce himself. “I am Dr. Rodney McKay, a scientist not a quack doctor. And who are you apart from lighting up this otherwise boring party?”Tony held his hand out. “Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo. NCIS.”Rodney nodded. “So you are the ones called in when the Navy and Marines misbehave.”“That’s us.”Rodney smirked. “Hey Sheppard. Why don’t we have an Agent Afloat for our crazy marines?”Sheppard  turned back from his conversation. “Are you flirting?”

Rodney shrugged.  “Don’t get crabby if you’ve not found someone this hot to talk to.”Tony snorted at the compliment even if it was delivered to someone else.  “Well, how about you talk to me instead and we’ll make your friend happy as you won’t make anyone cry.”Sheppard sent up a prayer of hope that this Agent could distract Rodney.

&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&

Tony walked into the office the next day to smirks and he smirked right back.  He loved geniuses as they applied their brain to all things including sex.  It sucked that Rodney worked so far away but he promised to stay in touch and Tony was content to try.  “So how was your evening?”Tony smirked at McGee because the question was not being asked with genuine concern but rather as an unsubtle dig.  Thankfully for the probie, he was too fucked out to care.  “I met this delightful genius, Meredith, who rocked my world - all night long .”Tony had not laughed when Rodney shared his true first name.  Instead, Tony had taken the promise and the use of it as a way to shield their relationship with care.  

McGee sneered. “Being good in bed doesn’t make them a genius.”Tony smiled sweetly.  “No the two Ph.D.’s are what qualify the genius statement.”All of the team tried to get more details - all to their great frustration.  No one got anything else, Tony received each email and stolen phone-call with joy.   

&*&*&*&*&*&*&*

In the mountain Colonel Carter was looking at the Atlantean pair with suspicion.  “He hasn’t insulted anyone?”Sheppard grinned knowing the reason for it. “Nope. He is in love.”

Rodney rolled his eyes. “It is too soon for that and being in Atlantis will put a dampener on things but yes, I am happy with who I met.  I’m sorry Colonel but you’ve been replaced in my affections.”Sam’s eyebrows rose to her head.  She kind of liked Rodney now as a friend but she was well aware that he didn’t make the greatest first impression.  She had to be worried about the security of the program.  “Right ... Colonel?”John knew what Carter was asking so responded dutifully.  Rodney may be his best friend but he was the Military Commander of Atlantis and therefore had a responsibility to the security of the base.  “His name is Agent Anthony DiNozzo, works for NCIS, doesn’t strike an immediate concern but I know that you will want to do a background check.”

It turns out he was legitimate and seemed to care for the scientist - so much so that the interrogation impressed O’Neill.  To the point - he was asking the President about a potential agent afloat for Atlantis.

&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&&

A year later, Rodney had gone through all the rigmarole of getting out of the mountain.  He was cheating, intending to use the Daedalus to beam him to Tony. Well, close to Tony - he had no intention of breaking his NDA.

Rodney used the time he was having his exit-medical to make sure he hadn’t brought back anything exotic from the Pegasus Galaxy to check his earth messages.  He opened the one from Tony first and having read it, immediately started cussed out everyone.

“How the hell did that seem like a good idea?” Rodney asked the question rhetorically but knew someone would ask which would be a perfect excuse to vent.Dr. Lam interrupted his rant. “What’s the matter?”“My boyfriend decided to jump into the Pontiac to rescue his boss and witness.”Lam was frowning as the vehemence wasn’t what she expected. “Okay, some might say that was a heroic thing, McKay.”  

McKay shook his head. “I’ve never doubted his heroism ... He is stupidly brave rather like Sheppard. Wait, I never want them to meet and influence each other - that would be bad. Damn idiot. He can’t afford to tax his lungs like that after the plague.”Lam’s eyes rose to her head. “The plague?”Rodney had freaked out when Tony had told him but got over it seeing he was alive.  He’d directed the scientists on Atlantis to look at potential lung therapies as a way to try help, Tony.  

Lam could see the worry. “Let me talk to Vala and see if the general would allow a visit.”If there was ever a hint about how much Rodney cared it would be the lack of sarcasm in his heartfelt. “Thank you.”

&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*Tony awoke from his treatment to see Abby sleeping in his chair. “Hey Gothgirl.”She woke up with a smile on her face and ran forward to gently kiss his cheek.  She didn’t want to jostle him or damage his lungs any further considering he’d been hurt rescuing Gibbs.  She loved Gibbs like a father but it didn’t seem fair that he was now okay and Tony was suffering in hospital.  

“Thanks for rescuing him.” Abby didn’t need to mention Gibbs, she knew Tony would know who she was talking about.Tony smiled as that was all his energy levels would allow.  He used what energy he had to ask the most important question . “Is Mer’ home?”Abby frowned, not sure if she had heard her friend correctly . “Tony?”

He coughed once again showing he wasn’t fully recovered but much better than he was.  “He is supposed to be here this weekend. This sucks.”Abby wanted to gasp as that was the most she’d gotten out of her friend about this mysterious lover.  “I’m sure he’d be here.”  She offered, hoping to offer some type of comfort to her struggling friend. A voice interrupted them,

“HERE! Of course I am here you stupid fool of a man.”Abby was about to square off against the person calling her friend an idiot when she saw Tony grin.  It stopped her in her tracks because this was not his placate the witness smile, this was, full on Tony DiNozzo effect.  The smile that could blind and make men and women stop in the street.  

“Love you too Mer’.”

Abby sized him up. “So you are the one who swept our Tony off his feet?”McKay rolled his eyes. “I am not sure who swept who but god it was a much better end to the night than that boring reward evening.”Tony grinned weakly because he agreed with everything that Rodney said.  Rodney kept on blustering through.  “So some of my people will be coming here and when they do I am afraid that you dear little Goth will need to leave.”Abby scowled. “Hey now, I have been here since Tony was admitted.”Rodney rolled his eyes. “This is not a competition but I have access to materials that can heal him fully ... But you do not have the clearance. Are you willing to let your stubbornness be the cause of him not recovering.”

Abby’s face fell at even the thought that she could be the cause.  “I will leave but the jury is out on you Mister.  You might make Tony smile but you are seriously rude.”Tony whispered. “I like him that way.”Rodney didn’t even bother trying to hide his smug grin. He wasn’t too sure why someone as gorgeous as Tony would want him but he was too smart to tell him to leave.   “Bye Gothgirl.”

Tony sighed as Abby flounced away. “You had way too much fun there.”Rodney snorted. “Oh babe, I have a list of all the things I want to say to your coworkers if I meet them.  They should be glad that I no longer work for the CIA, I used to express my displeasure there with a car bomb.”Tony pouted. “Stop being so hot when I haven’t got the energy to do anything about it.”

Rodney hated hearing things like that because he knew how fit and health crazy Tony was.  He wasn’t naive enough to the think that the universe was fair but it had some crappy karma.  “I do need you to sign a crazy amount of forms and then I have permission to try a procedure to help you.”Tony wasn’t sure where this was going but he trusted Rodney so he signed form after form.  His arm was tired after signing his life away once again to the government.  His security clearance had to be high for the MCRT but this was way above that - so whatever the secret was it was bound to be amazing and crazy.

Rodney lay on the bed next to Tony and told him the most fantastical tale.  Tony didn’t deny any part of it because he could see the truth of it in his lover’s eyes even if it was crazy.  “So now the door is locked I am going to ask Vala to drop in.”Tony shrugged because it was not like he was going anywhere at the moment.  He would just like to stop coughing and be able to drag Rodney to a proper bed.

The next thing Tony knew a beautiful dominatrix appeared by his bed in what looked like a Star Trek transporter job.  “Hello.”Vala grinned back.  “Why do you always know beautiful people McKay? And Carter said this one is yours?”

Tony smirked. “And he is mine.”Vala pouted. “And you won’t share will you McKay?”Rodney snorted. “Not on your life and I don’t think even between the both of us we could handle you.”Vala grinned at that assessment as it was probably true.  “You may be right but still I hate to see such prettiness struggling when I can help.”

Tony just said.  “What do you need me to do?”Vala had a wicked grin on her face. “Lay back and think of Rodney and I will do the hard work.”Tony looked at Rodney and he just nodded so Tony did as he was bid.  He lay back on the bed and thought about all the things that he’d just learnt.  He could tell Vala was standing over him and there was some type of metal device on her hand and it was glowing.  He would think it was space age but he knew the exact truth.  

The device made his torso feel warm but he could feel a loosening in his chest.  He could breathe easier but it kept going.  He didn't want to get his hopes up but he felt like his lungs were getting healed but that would be too much.

A little after a two minutes had passed when Vala’s hands dropped. “Well handsome, how do you feel?”

Tony was stunned but had to ask.  “Like I could run in my pro days even with a dodgy knee.”Vala smirked. “I didn’t fix the knee but if you come to work with us then I will see what I can do.”Tony hadn’t even considered that aspect and was struck dumb by the idea.  Rodney snickered. “I think you will find there is an offer in the works and O’Neill considers this an incentive.”Tony wanted to laugh because hell, as incentives go, this one blew the FBI and Homeland out of the water.  “We need me to check out so now awkward questions can be asked.”Rodney nodded. “Agreed, I know you hate hospitals but would you let the doctor at the mountain check you out. For me?”Tony threw his head back against the pillow. “Fine for you and you play dirty.  I will remember this.”

Rodney shrugged because he was a genius - NCIS didn’t appreciate his Tony’s talents.  All he needed to do was use an excuse to get him into the mountain.  He knew Jack wouldn’t let him get away without joining the program.  

Then the real fun would start when he would go back to NCIS to let them know about the transfer.  Rodney wouldn’t lie, he was really looking forward to that part - he had a list of grievances to air with Director Vance and he would work his way downwards.

Now developed into an expanded story - here