Day 1704 /Evening

As I rummaged through the books and papers in our family study, I couldn't find anything about 'mana'. It was frustrating. I was desperate for answers, but all my searching led to nothing. I was tired, so I sat down, my hands holding my face as I tried to understand what was happening.

What is mana? What does it do? Could it be harmful? But if it was harmful and it's in the air we breathe, wouldn't everyone be affected? It seemed to be linked to the use of magic. Just one use was enough to trigger a terrible curse.

My mom's symptoms, the blood she coughed up, must be from her lungs. But I'm not a doctor; I don't know how the body works. Was the mana hurting her lungs? Was it destroying her lungs from the inside, or was it something else?

What should I do next? I'm only five, and yet I have to face the fact that my mom might have only 12 years left. How sure is that? And what would those years be like? Would they be full of pain, like how cancer affects a person? I don't know. There are so many questions, and I don't have the answers.

I needed to learn more, even if my mom didn't want me to. She had said that magic could be used to heal, but if that was true, wouldn't someone have already used it to cure this curse?

Could this be solved with regular medicine? It doesn't seem...normal. It's not a disease or a condition that can be studied or treated with drugs. It's more complicated, harder to understand.

How do I start to deal with this? I remember from my past life that Yarrow and Plantago plants can stop bleeding, even internal ones, but... I don't think that's the answer here. None of these seem to be the answer.

If the magic that can heal everything can't fix this, how could regular medicine help? The problem seems to be mana itself, right? If I can remove all mana from my mom's body, that should save her, right?

But what if it kills her instead? She had said that the gods died and then mana was released into the air, which means that mana isn't natural in this world. So, the people here... they shouldn't need it to live.

That gives me an idea. Remove all mana from her body. But how? It's everywhere in the air. I'd need to find a way to take the mana from her body and the room, then keep her there for several days to see if she gets better.

But I can't do that. I'm only 5. If I start talking about these ideas, I'd be telling them I've lived before, and even worse, in another world.

I need more time, but I don't have much. Maybe 11 years? By then I'll be 16. Maybe it'll sound more believable then.

I take a deep breath. All my plans are based on one idea. There's a chance I could learn more if I studied magic, even if my mom doesn't want me to.

Why can't I just live a normal life? I want to enjoy my time, to enjoy my parents' love. They've been so kind to me. I've had a great childhood. I might even find love here...

This life is so different from my previous one. I have everything I ever wanted, except for this. I don't want to lose my mom.

Tears start to fall down my face. I can't stop them. I start to cry, the reality of what's happening overwhelming me.

"Lilly!" My mother, walked into the study, noticing the books and parchments all laying around on the ground, her face filled with concern as she saw my tears. "What's wrong, my love?"

"I... I was just thinking about... about the curse," I confessed, my voice trembling.

She sat down next to me, her face softening with understanding. "Oh, Lilly. This is a heavy burden for you to bear, you are only a child."

"But I don't want to lose you, mother," I admitted, my voice shaking. "And I feel so helpless."

My mother pulled me into a comforting embrace. "I know, sweetheart. I know," she murmured into my hair.

"I want to help you," I whispered, my words barely audible. "There must be something I can do."

She pulled away to look at me, her eyes filled with a mix of sadness and determination. "Lilly, some things are just out of our control. This is one of those things."

"But there has to be a way," I argued, my voice rising in desperation. "Maybe if we understand magic better, we could..."

"No, Lilly," she cut me off, her voice firm. "I've told you before. I won't let you learn magic. I won't put you in danger."

"But, I could..."

"No," she repeated, a touch more firmly this time. "I won't have this discussion. You are to stay away from magic."

"But..."

"Lilly," she said, her voice soft but stern. "Promise me. Promise me you won't involve yourself with magic."

I stayed silent, my mind racing as I struggled to find another way to help.

"Promise me, Lilly," she repeated, her voice echoing in the silent room.

"But what if..." I began, but she cut me off before I could finish.

"No," she said firmly. "You are a child, and you should be doing child things. Go out, play, enjoy your childhood. Let your father and me worry about this."

"But!"

"No buts," she insisted, her voice soft but firm. "Promise me you'll try to enjoy your life as it is. Can you do that for me?"

"I... I promise, Mother," I finally replied, my voice barely above a whisper. The world around me seemed to crumble as I uttered those words. I was back to square one, feeling as helpless as before.

"That's my good girl," she murmured, pressing a gentle kiss to my forehead. "I love you, Lilly."