Painless Pain

~~~~let me down slowly by Alec Benjamin ~~~~~

7 years ago...

Linda continued to pace around in the dark office of their father because she was too afraid to even think that there existed windows. Given that apparently every deity in the universe was against She felt as if this was the last day of her life and if she died she would go straight to hell, so no sensible reason to bother opening the windows and letting the light in because in hell there is no light but flames, she had to get used to it.

Yeah,right! flames, she thought for a moment that it would be a very good idea and uncomplicated one to burn her report card and say that the cooker burnt it accidentally but wondered how she would explain what her report card was doing in the kitchen when she never went there.

She didn't want to face her father's wrath nor his dissatisfaction but the she remembered that she was his dearest daughter whom he never got angry with, he has never scolded her about anything from her childhood and no one ever dared to scold her within her father's hearing. In essence she was her father's child.

But deep down she knew that, he was always disappointed in her whenever he received her report card, he had that indifferent look in his eyes but it disappeared in flash and replaced with an all too familiar smile and he said 'work hard next time' and every time he received a phone call about her behavior he only sighed and told her to go.

She sighed.

She stopped pacing around and stared at her brother who was sitting in front of the office TV calmly as if nothing matter in the world.

Of course he was calm, he was always the straight A student no trouble at school, no trouble at home, a neat room, neat and good friends like Manzi, no scandal, a handsome face, a  killer smile, a neat life, just a golden boy who hate danger or maybe that was a facade he put around because he was too perfect to be on earth.

She knew that after facing their father, Shema would come after her, giving her a long sermon about her behavior and the marks she got and that speech she hated about himself , how she should behave just like him but who is she kidding ? Everyone knew that the dearest daughter of Kabera augustin in isn't interested in studying. Nothing in the world which would make her interested in studying or behave like a rich elegant daughter she was.

After all, every family has an idiot and a blessing, maybe she was the blessing or the idiot but mostly the latter.

Shema was digging his nails into his thigh to avoid himself from going nuts as he prayed that the time would stop forever he didn't feel like facing his father today, absolutely not on his birthday, all he wanted to do today was have a tour around the city or go for a match with his friend but what did he get earlier in morning from his school?a report card marking his incoming death.

Linda thought about it throughout and kneeled down next to Shema with pleading eyes.

"Shema, could I ask you a favor please?as your little sister?" Shema only stared down at her.

"I know this sounds ridiculous but please, as the golden child can you please ask for them to not ground me, they should at least let me keep the phone after all there's nothing totally wrong with getting bad marks, someone life doesn't only depend on studies, if I even got a chance to meet the skeleton of  Isaac Newton I would totally resurrect him and kill him myself for the pain he made every student go through, I mean wasn't life not more peaceful before he brought his stupid elusive theory that made people hungry for knowledge, oh maybe I am wrong it all started with sophocrate who wanted to show off what his almighty brain can do?" she zoned out for the moment thinking about those time before examination came to exist.

Being grounded? Your phone, that's all you care about huh? Shema silently thought as he looked down on his oblivious sister.

"Anyway back to the topic can we fabricate something like how I am going to pursue my studies further online using my phone that I could top up next term?" She looked at him expected some reaction out him but he still staring at her "oh, yes it sounds stupid, I have a laptop which leave the excuse invalid but of course that genius mind of yours can come up with a better plan, who knows maybe you can just tell father that going on for a long time with no phone develops an 'empty

head sydrome' which can lead to serious issues like a completely shutdown of brain system or a 'magnolia virus' which duplicate in the brain for going long without human interaction"

Magnolia? now she wondered how she came up with that.

"Well, you already have 'empty head sydrome' so it would be hard to convince them that you will develop it afterwards" Shema simply replied "I am greatly amazed at your brain capacity to make up a disease but fail in academics as if it's your job"

She snorted.

"You can't blame me, we have to blame my parents to pass off their poor genes to me" she defensively added.

"My existence is a proof that they don't have poor genes"He calmly replied.

"Nice way to rub a wound but why are even still here you should be off with your friends spending our father's money on your birthday afterall you got better marks than anyone in our school that's why the universe is unfair I was you, I would be packing for a trip to the moon but I guess I will never know" she sighed dramatically.

"The pain of being a black sheep of the family" she said admitting that she was the idiot the family, she sat down in the sofa after seeing that it was useless confronting her brother.

"The pain of being the family scapegoat" Shema also murmured.

Linda turned on the TV but only every nation TV. they showed Kabera augustin giving food to the poor people in Kamonyi (located in South province) accompanied by his trusted men.

"Seriously? What did I do? I am sulking about seeing his face and he appear to be everywhere at once" Linda said as she dramatically threw the remote as it was no use to change channels.

Everything seemed useless at the moment.

Shema only continued to carefully observed their father without blinking, their father was wearing the same usual facial expressions with a fixed smile, a smile he detested with his whole being. Whenever Shema looked at his father the more he feared that he could see himself in him and it totally scared him to the core to think that high chance were that he would become like him.

He gulped.

"Don't you think he is in a nice mood today?" Linda asked upon looking at their father's fixed smile, she hoped it would be like that for a long time.

"What made you jump to that conclusion?" He replied but still fixed his gaze on the TV.

"He is .... smiling?"

"He is always smiling" Shema replied bitterly.

"Uh, yeah right" Linda said as her face even sulked more as her new profound hope was crushed in four words.

They fell into a heavy silence as she started saying a rosary and planning how someone could turn themselves into a thin air, how to stage a fake heart attack, how to steal a phone from a heavily locked safe or how to die but still be alive, how to unexist but for Shema, he was wondering why of all the people God always made him in this position.

To bear other people's burden. He silently prayed that after this he would live to see the second day of seventeenth birthday.

The door bursted to reveal a tall man, he had a rich chocolate skin, he had a long nose, small scrunitizing icy cold eyes wearing the same small smile. He was wearing a simple trouser and a simple blue moshion shirt, everything about him screamed 'I am a your average, 24/7 happy, candidate to be bishop, middle income, satisfied with life man now how can I help you my dear friend?'

But it was far from that.

Shema and Linda jolted up to see face their father who was already looking at them, a cold sweat fell from Shema forehead as the atmosphere in the room tensed up at the arrival of their father.

Kabera looked at the screen to see himself being aired, he smirked.

"I told the cameraman to take my right side face because it looks better on camera, young people don't treasure their little job nowadays" he commented hastily.

"But.....you..looked good anyway" Linda added silently praying it would put her on his good side and yet it was true in the whole Kabera family tree none could ignore their heavenly beauty, from the tall figure,rich chocolate skin and long nose everyone could mistake them for descendants of late kings.

"Really.....?" Kabera inquired wanting to hear more compliments from his daughter who was sweating blood at the moment.

She nodded frantically.

He smirked and patted her head, He sat down on his office chair and observed them, he raised his hand as a gesture for them to come closer.

The kids' feet suddenly felt heavy but in the end they stood in front of their father who was scanning them like hawk.

Linda placed her report card quickly on the desk playing that her dormant fairy godmother would at least add 15 marks on the report card but it wouldn't be possible. Shema also places the report card next to the other one and hid his trembling hand behind his back.

Kabera put on his glasses to scan the report cards and muttered something like 'interesting' under his breath as he continued to raise his head to see if the result suited them or if what he was seeing was true.

The killer silence was suffocating that any living thing would instantly die upon arriving.

"Linda, get out" The man simply said after a long silence.

"I know I deserved death but I swear it won't happen again....wait you want me to go?" She rambled in confusion.

Kabera tilted his head as to say ' you want to me say otherwise?'.

"T...hank you?" with that she picked up her report card clumsily and left without even looking at her brother who was now in 'how to die peaceful' mode.

Now it was two people left in the room,one was observing the other from head to toe while other was suddenly finding the design of the wood interesting.

"How many marks again?"

"Ni... ninety four percent sir" Shema robotically answered.

"Uhh"

Kabera leaned closer.

"What about her?"

"49" Shema replied as his breath hitched in his throat.

"49% and 94% such an interesting variation" he looked over him " what did I say last time Shema?" He asked now in a more gentle tone.

"You said that I should always be below your dearest daughter" Shema replied wanting to sound sarcastic but only came out as a defeated soft whimper.

"Then I deserve a clear explanation to this" Kabera said in a low cold monotone voice as he threw his report card in his face.

Shema fell silent many explanation came to his mind like how he wanted to attend a mathematics competition so he had to get better marks or how he needed better marks to attend an Ivy league University badly but he didn't have the energy to voice them.

He only stared at the desk.

"Trying to pull a little stunt huh?" Kabera provided.

"I can't dare sir"

"Did you forget what you are?" Kabera inquired once again removing his glasses.

"I can't forget sir"

"What are you Shema?"

Shema looked at his shoes and tried to remember what he remembers.

"I am parasite who has nothing else except Kabera augustin mercy and pity" Shema automatically replied.

"Good, I thought my energy to teach you that went to waste" Kabera added with a satisfied smirk, he reached in his desk's drawer and removed a cigarette he lit calmly and inhaled it.

Shema's nerves now went into alert mode as he figured out what was going to happen as he watched Kabera calmly smoking, his scar burn haven't even yet healed and yet here he was going to get others.

Kabera handed him the cigarette, Shema's eyebrows rose in confusion.

"Take...it...and...smoke"

Shema took it and brought it closer to his lips, he had never smoked before and now his so called father was going to make him smoke, he threw a fit of coughs which earned him a serious look from his father and he decided to hold the smoke in his mouth.

"You look so much like me than him isn't it funny?" Kabera calmly asked.

"I beg your pardon sir"

"But you have his personality,you are like him, perfect or trying to be perfect under my nose, trying to conquer the world with your perfect little pure hearts defying the world in an ignorant naivete ways leaving me cringe at your every movement" He paused to look if he still caught Shema attention"but you know what, he didn't conquer the world I stopped him and look at you trying to go in his shoes trying to defy me and the world"

"I once killed a perfect stupid man dreams and nothing says that I can't kill yours,Shema and I am more capable to do it" He added breathily.

"Do you know one trait I share with God?"He asked, Shema shook his head in response "I can see everything, I can see your little pathetic wings try wiggle out this caged I created, I can see the fire in your eyes telling me to kill you before you kill me, I can see your spirit as a rebel, I can see you fighting against the universe and it's mockery because I am always watching you"

"But let me remind, I have the ability to crash you and everything you cherish so be careful you may wiggle your wings trying to break free without knowing that the caged is electrocuted and kill you, so stay in the cage and be satisfied with the little grains, understood?"

"Understood"

"I don't want to hit you or burn you because I am in a good mood even though every nerve in my body always jump at every opportunity to break your little soul physically "

Shema released the breath he was holding when he heard that he wasn't going to be burnt or hit.

"But I can't let it go like that" Kabera added as he started removing five box of Intore cigarettes and placed it in front of Shema.

"You have just smoked your first cigarette and I reckon that finishing these can't be a problem, isn't it?" Kabera asked in a fatherly tone.

"No, it won't be a problem sir" Shema replied with his eyes tearing up upon thinking that he won't survive smoking 6 boxes.

"As expected of my favorite son" Kabera said as he gently patted his head.

"Anyway happy birthday" with that Kabera opened the door to see a pretty shocked Linda eavesdropping. Her eyes were filled tears as she looked forth between the men in front of.

She looked at her father and saw another person she didn't recognize at all.

Kabera sighed and passed her without saying anything.

Shema collapsed into a sit nearby feeling his soul leaving him, Linda ran toward him and pulled him into a tight hug, she started crying and Shema patted her awkwardly. During this whole time whatever violence happened in this household everyone made sure that Linda couldn't see because she was the only pure soul they were left with others were all tainted.

After a moment she pulled back to look in her brother's eyes.

"I'm sorry, at first I suspected it but never had valid proof but now....." She bursted into tears as she couldn't voice her anger and guilt. Whenever she failed all the blame went to her brother, everything she did was blamed on her brother no wonder she was always left unhurt, she felt horrible and ridiculous, a very bad sibling to be this oblivious.

After that moment, there was a silent promise to never let that happen again.

After smoking all the cigarettes, Shema later woke up in a hospital feeling dizzy and nauseated, he didn't know whether he should thank God for being alive or curse him for making him alive to experience another series of painful moment.

A young nurse entered the look and was surprised to see him staring back at her.

"Oh, you are awake" she said in a squeaky voice.

"Apparently" Shema sat upright to look at the nurse "how long have I been sleeping?"

"Three straight days" well now that explains the headache.

"Oh"

"Your father look a lot like you" the nurse said.

"I have been told" He added already being exhausted at the effort of the nurse to make a conversation.

"Your father checked you in the hospital looking lost, he was dying in front my eyes looking at your unconscious body" the nurse continued on "Your father loves you but you only cause him trouble he told us how he have put you into different rehabilitation to help you to quit smoking but you don't instead you do it freely ignoring that you suffer from bronchitis, kids nowadays are ungrateful"

"My father said that?"

The nurse nodded " I personally think you should change into a better man as your dad and stop making his heart ache"

Wow, that man should have put on an act worth an Oscar award this nurse is pretty moved shema thought as the nurse continued to rambled long advice.

"And for now you are free to go home go and checked yourself out in the system down at the reception" with that the nurse left the room feeling proud that she have put a shitty teenager back on a normal path.

But it was a never in a normal path.