Chapter 31 : Disconnect from world

My breath came in ragged gasps, my hands and shoulders trembling violently. Tears streamed down my cheeks like an unstoppable river, betraying the facade of toughness I had desperately tried to maintain.

Before she could utter a word, I erupted, my voice a desperate cry of pain and frustration. "Are you trying to commit a suicidal pact with your friends?!?!?!" I screamed, cutting her off in mid-sentence.

She sat on the ground, frozen in place, her eyes wide with shock and disbelief. I towered over her, my body wracked with sobs. "You're drenched. Let me–" she began, her voice laced with concern.

"I don't need your kindness!" I shouted, my words dripping with venom. I lunged forward, pinning her to the ground. Grabbing her collar, I stared into her eyes with an intensity that could have set the world ablaze. Tears streamed down my cheeks, my body shaking uncontrollably from the cold and the weight of my emotions. "Why are you doing this?" I demanded, my voice breaking. "I'm torn, why can't you see..? Sofy's death affected you so much that my pain and happiness didn't matter to you even once. If she is so important to you then why are you trying to follow the same path!"

My hands trembled as I rested my head on her chest, my body wracked with sobs. "Why did you show me the way of heaven if you were going to take me to hell? Why?" She remained silent, but I could hear her heart pounding anxiously against my ear.

"Were you this cold?" Tears streaming down my face, my expression contorted in pain and anger. "Ama, were you this heartless?" I pinned her to the ground and wept uncontrollably. My helpless cries echoed throughout her house, the only sound breaking the deafening silence. Then I heard her voice, a murmur meant only for my ears. "How did I give you the wrong impression of me being warm and kind?" Ama's face was blank, her eyes devoid of emotion. I stared at her, my eyes darkening with anger and hurt. "Wrong impression?"

"Right, how did I get the wrong impression?" My eyes narrowed, my lips curled into a bitter smile. "You were always cold and distant, indifferent to me. Perhaps you only wanted a short, temporary relationship with me, which is why you never formally proposed to me." I chuckled bitterly. "You regretted meeting me." I stared at Ama, my eyes filled with sadness and longing. I wished I were as important to you as your friends.

All of a sudden, she sat up and hugged my waist, her grip like iron, stopping me from falling backwards. She pulled me closer, my heart racing like a runaway train, I sat on her lap, my hands gripping her shoulders like a lifeline. I stared at her, her eyes cold and unforgiving, her slightly furrowed brows a testament to her anger.

I heard Sophia is going to propose after the national dance competition. Do you think Amaya will accept her?

A voice echoed in my head, it was Demi's, her words dripping with venom.

Why would Amaya drop you at your mom's house just two days before the national dance competition?

She dropped me because I missed my mom. There was no other reason. It was my decision. I kept on saying that again and again on repeat, like a broken record.

Really? Who do you think she'll choose if she had to choose between you two?

Who would she choose? What a cruel joke it was. Did I even stand a chance when it came to Sophia's place in her heart?

My hands trembled, and I started to feel a sharp, stabbing pain in my stomach as the cold air hit me. I lowered my gaze, my voice barely audible. "I heard Sophia was going to propose to you after winning the national dance competition. If she had proposed, would you have left me sooner?" I asked. The pain was excruciating. My whole body ached, and my bones felt like they would rip through my skin and come out. My stomach grumbled inside me, making me feel like I was going to vomit.

"Zeya, stand up and change your clothes first. You're shivering!" Her voice was laced with anger and frustration, like a whip cracking in the wind. I chuckled at her, and she said how I got the wrong impression of her being kind.

"Since Sophia is your world then why are you still going to L.R. University? I won't stand up until you tell me." My voice was low and menacing, like the growl of a predator. "You saw her death with your own eyes, your whole world was shattered there, then why are you still trying to go there!? Do you really want to die with her than–"

"I said change your clothes first!" She shouted, her voice echoing through the room like a thunderclap. I flinched, my body trembling with fear. I gulped, seeing her eyes filled with rage. They were like two burning coals, searing into my soul. She trembled with anger, her hand tightly clenched into a fist. She glared at me, her expression twisted with fury. "And I said I won't!" I retorted too, my voice barely a whisper. I was scared, but I couldn't let her see it. "I won't until–"

"You said it yourself, didn't you!? I saw her death with my own eyes, goddamnit!" Her voice trembled, tears filling her eyes yet she didn't let them slip. They glistened in the dim light, like diamonds suspended in time. "Do you think I can change our fate by staying here!? Sophia died in national competitions! And there were students of Feather City too, not only Aqua! Whether I stay here or there, on national competitions, there'll be students from all the universities of our country! Don't you know that!?" Her voice trembled with her ragged breathing, her chest heaving with emotion. "She died in front of me, in my own arms, how can you even think I'll let her die again?" She asked, her voice hoarse and raspy. It was like the sound of sandpaper grinding against wood. "I also don't want to go there. But I don't have a choice!" She said, taking a deep breath to control her emotions. Her hands shook as she spoke, and her knuckles were white from gripping her fists so tightly.

Suddenly, she wrapped one hand around my back and the other under my knees, lifting me effortlessly into the air in a bridal style carry. The unexpectedness of her actions caused me to hugged her neck tightly.

"I understand your thoughts, for once I clung to the same desperate hope too. But Zeya," She lowered her gaze and walked upstairs. "I have learned that the cruel hand of fate cannot be swayed by a mere change of place." Her voice was barely a whisper, and her words were laced with a hint of sadness. She seemed lost in her thoughts, and I could see the pain in her eyes. She walked towards her room, her footsteps heavy with the weight of the world. Her face was pale and drawn, and her eyes were tired and exhausted.

"Like you wished for, Zeya, I would have gladly imprisoned my friends within these cold, unforgiving walls, shielding them from the horrors that lie ahead." She put me in her bed and handed over a towel as she walked towards her cupboard to search for a dress. "But wouldn't it be cruel to rob them of their vibrant youth? They deserve to forge memories and experiences that will shape their lives. Their laughter and joy are precious gifts that I cannot bear to extinguish, Zeya." Her words pierced my heart like a thousand tiny knives, and tears welled up in my eyes. Her voice was a winter wind, cold and unforgiving, but beneath its icy exterior lay a hidden warmth, a flicker of pain that betrayed her true feelings

I didn't want to change high school memories, but it seems like I don't have a choice but to change it.

"Dry yourself and change your clothes," she whispered, her eyes flickering with concern as she handed me a set of pajamas.

I took off my drenched t-shirt and trousers, shivering as the cold air hit my skin. I sat on her bed wearing only my undergarments, my face flushed with embarrassment. She was standing near the cupboard, her own shirt discarded, revealing a lacy black bra.

"Do you have a spare change of undergarmens?" I asked, unhooking my bra. She nodded and rummaged through her drawer. I saw her smirk widen as she pulled out a bra that was two sizes too small.

"This should fit you, it's my first bra." she said, her eyes twinkling with amusement.

"Do you want me to kill you?" I glared at her, seeing the 28 AA sized bra. She blinked her eyes rapidly and inclined her head a little, a look of mock innocence on her face. Her lips were pursed together in a tight line, but her eyes sparkled with amusement.

"Isn't that your real size though? You used padded bra to increase your size, right?" she asked, her voice dripping with sarcasm. Her eyebrows were raised high on her forehead, and her lip was curled into a sly smile.

I opened my mouth in shock, speechless. She lowered her gaze and raised her eyebrows even higher, seeing my breasts. Her eyes were now twinkling with laughter.

"Forgive me, I always thought you used padded." She turned around swiftly, hiding her smile and searched through her drawer again. Her eyes narrowed at me, and her lips curled into a thin smile. "You had seen me without them, how can you think I used padded one!?" I stood up from bed and walked towards her, my face flushed with anger and my eyes narrowed into slits.

"You mistook something, dear. I never saw them during highschool. I always thought you used padded during our highschool." She defended herself, her voice dripping with sarcasm. Her eyes narrowed at me, and her lips curled into a thin smile. My gaze went to her breast, she hadn't used a padded either. "Your aren't that bigger either." I rolled my eyes and turned around to walk away only to be pulled back in her arms. My heart raced, my face flushed, and my eyes widened in surprise as we stood in front of the mirror. My breath caught in my throat, and my body tingled with a mix of excitement and nervousness. Her one hand rested against the mirror, her other hand on my waist. Her eyes were locked with mine in the reflection, and mine were fixed on hers. The air between us was thick with tension, and my heart pounded in my chest. Her cold body pressed against my cold back, her breath tickling my neck. Her eyes were mysterious and unreadable, like a dark forest at night. I gulped, my heart pounding so hard it felt like it would break my rib cage. "A-Ama.." My body shuddered under her breath and touch, her grip around my waist tightening with each passing second.

"Can we disconnect from the world and reconnect with each other tonight?" As she whispered, a symphony of butterflies erupted within me, their wings creating a gentle flutter against my heart and stomach. I parted my lips to speak, but their delicate wings brushed against my heart, stealing my breath and rendering me speechless. Her hands slowly going down, as I squeezed my eyes shut and pressed my palm against my mouth, my body erupted in a symphony of shivers, the heat within me intensifying with each passing moment. She slid down her hand under my underwear, her other hand hugged my neck, her gaze directly staring at my naked soul, she whispered a word enough to make me give up everything, "I want you, Zeya~"