To Become a Dead Man

Sunlight streamed through the open window, and Carrot rested his head on the windowsill of the living room while Theo studied magic. Scourge was curled up on Theo's shoulder, dozing in the sunrays.

Theo was sitting cross-legged on the sofa. He was supposed to be doing some sort of magical meditation. But he didn't get it, and his anxiety that Dullahan was going to find him was more than slightly distracting.

Eloise and James were gone. They had returned to the magic tower, and many of the others had returned to the king's guard.

Marc had decided it was best to keep Theo's existence a secret, even from his family to decrease the risk of Theo's location leaking.

Still, someone was always in the house with Theo, and he had agreed to let Giselle attach a wind spirit to him. The spirit was normally silent and invisible, but it was able to share Theo's location if Dullahan captured him.

Of course, Theo was sure that it also gave Marc and the other's peace of mind to always have an eye on him.

Theo's current body guard was actually Giselle. She was sitting in an armchair across from Theo, knitting and monitoring his lack of meditative practice.

She was too kind to tell him that he was doing poorly. Instead she just reassured him that 'these things take time.'

"If we aren't going to kill me," Theo started to talk to Giselle, "do you think we could at least fake my death?"

Giselle looked up from her knitting.

"Fake your death?"

Theo nodded. While he had been excited to be free of the curse, he couldn't help the anxiety that Dullahan was going to find him.

There was only one more day until the deadline to kill Marie and Owen, and Dullahan would know something was wrong when Theo didn't report back.

"At least that way, Dullahan might not look for me." Theo said.

"It's not a bad idea."

Giselle thought for a moment.

"If it was heavily publicized, Dullahan might believe it." Carrot added.

"But we would have to get it done by tomorrow." Theo said. "Maybe we could make it look like Marie defeated me when I tried to assassinate her."

"I believe that would work." Giselle said. "I know Marie can enchant her bullets to explode, if we could get some illusion magic we could make you look all charred up and dead."

"You want to have him in an explosion?" Carrot's voice was extremely disapproving. "I hope you don't make him actually all charred up and dead."

"Also, Marie's explosions are enough to kill someone, but not evaporate all the blood. It's why I haven't…"

"Oh, she could totally make an explosion that big. It would just kill a lot of civilians and leave her defenseless." Giselle said.

"However, if Dullahan also wouldn't think she's strong enough obliterate you, we could stage it so that I'm working with her to create a more intense explosion." Giselle continued. "I can use all the elements, even if fire isn't my specialty. Plus, I can help keep the destruction contained with the wind and water spirits."

"That might work."

"If you were publically 'killed', the crown would want to verify your death." Giselle knitted a couple more stitches. "Which means we would have to let more people know that you're alive."

"How would they verify my death if there's nothing left of me?"

"Bone fragments. Use memory magic to look into their past."

"Bones?"

"It's surprisingly easy to find bodies nobody wants. Even human ones." Marie said. "It'll be no problem to plant some."

"I don't guess Marc could be the one to verify, then."

"No." Giselle shook her head. "The other royals don't exactly trust their youngest two siblings when it comes to important matters."

"There's another royal as insane as Marc?" Theo asked.

Giselle laughed.

"Princess Sofia might have him beat."

They sat a little longer with only the quiet sounds of knitting needles and Scourge's quiet snores.

"The crown princess would never side with us," Giselle voiced her thoughts aloud. "I'm sorry, but she would probably go with the kill you plan. She doesn't approve of loose ends."

"It's reasonable." Theo shrugged.

"The first prince is overly cautious about his reputation. He wouldn't like the risk of you either." Giselle paused. "But, the second prince might be willing to take a gamble on you."

"The second prince?"

"He's close enough to the throne that he has some small hope of accomplishing something big enough to win the right to rule over the older two." Giselle said. "Leading a secret campaign with the strongest known magic user to take down the worst villain on the continent sounds heroic enough for a chance to rule."

"I think this might work. We can talk to Marc about it when he gets back." Giselle nodded to herself. "But in the meantime, you need to get ahold of your mana."

"It's not working!" Theo protested. "How is sitting here supposed to do anything?"

"You need to let go of your hatred for your mana." Giselle said.

"I don't hate my mana." Theo flinched.

Giselle glanced toward Carrot before she crossed the room to Theo and placed a hand on his. Theo flinched once more at the warm gesture.

"Carrot told us about how you discovered that you can use mana."

Theo's shoulder's curled inwards and his chin quivered. He felt vulnerable and raw.

"I'm sorry we invaded your privacy like that."

Theo's eyes flashed wide with surprise.

"We weren't sure how to handle you, so we dug into your past. I'm so sorry for everything."

Giselle wrapped Theo in a hug. The warmth felt foreign. He couldn't remember the last time someone had hugged him.

"You aren't a monster. I- I had a rough awakening, too." Giselle whispered.

"It was nothing like yours; I won't pretend to know traumatic that was." Giselle continued as she patted Theo's back.

"But I lost control of my mana, and it could have led to causalities if I hadn't been from a long line of highly trained mana users who recognized the signs that my awakening was coming and prepared for it. Luck was what kept me from killing my loved ones."

Theo couldn't hold back a strangled sob.

"I just want to get rid of this mana." Theo choked out. "I want to rip it out of me. It's disgusting."

Carrot stomped at the ground. He wished he fit in the house better so he could go to Theo.

"We can't get rid of mana. Even mana suppressors won't last forever." Giselle murmured. "You can learn to harness it, just like I did, but to do that, you have to let go of your hatred for it."

"You would be better off getting rid of me."

Theo pulled back from Giselle. The sudden movement made Scourge stir, but he didn't wake.

"I lost control and no one decided to get rid of me. The difference between us is only luck." Giselle repeated.

"I committed massacres."

"You were excessively unlucky."

Theo pressed his palms into his eyes and drew in a deep, steadying breath before shaking his head.

"I apologize for being so emotional these past couple of days. I'm not normally like this."

"I'm sure you're normally much more suppressive." Giselle snorted. "Which is why you're having so much trouble with this exercise. It's about being in tune with yourself and your mana – yourself and the world, really."

Theo raised an eyebrow.

"It means feel your feelings, idiot." Giselle flicked Theo on the forehead and returned to her chair. "Sorry, but you have to work on your self-hatred before your training with me gets more action-oriented."

Theo grimaced. Giselle was the nicest of the group, but she also seemed unwavering in her decisions.

"Well, I'm sure one of the others will leap straight to sparring. Some of them, say Henley for example, have the emotional capacity of dewdrop."

"I think I'll like that better." Theo muttered. Still, he closed his eyes and worked on his meditation again.