The First Chant of the Curse...

It all occurred so fast. I couldn't say that I saw it coming... I guess in life no one has the authority to say that. My story started so to say half a decade ago. A life pandemic as I'd like to call it. I want to start of by stating... You changed my life for the worse, but you can relax... Because this is sadly not your letter.

This mortal was special. She was the start of a destiny I believed was true...

You told me that my work could go places. You had those soul drowning pools for eyes, yet you hid them behind stupid glasses. The day my sight first locked onto you, you shook your hair back like you knew I was staring blankly at your existence. Believe it or not, I'd probably still stare today. Love was just around the corner... For one of us though, for the other one wanted some other shit: A replacement, a tool to use to get over your fucked up ex, you needed me to forget, to forget about your failures. One would probably wonder how I'd know that, seeing that you'd never tell me this straight up. You were a master at wearing the mask, but also had the talent to break down in front of others just to get their sympathy...

I should probably thank your best friend. The only person I'd love to lose to in a game of chess. I just gave it away didn't I?

Don't worry if you're still lost... You'll find out soon who this slight of hand killer is. Your smile sent out pure warmth whenever we locked our sights, so I'd lie if I said that you were all bad... When I needed you, you were always there. Love at first sight showed itself to me that first day, but your love had a blinding sight no innocent soul could withstand. It's funny how someone never listens to other's warnings of someone when they're in love... Funny isn't it? I remember you always used to laugh at my stupid jokes... You thought that they were cute, but do you think this one is cute? Or is it offensive?

I learned a lot in life, but one thing that I'll never forget is that you are in control of your own destiny... You were my destiny, for you made me this person. I thank you,even though I was never in control of you to start with...

I was a good writer of fiction, but now I'm an outstanding one.Or at least that's what people around me say... I never saw the things others saw in my work... Maybe I'm a blind writer?

Ha ha...

When were you going to tell me, that you only strive to help me not get hurt, yet by showing me how bad I can actually get hurt by someone... Someone I loved... Someone like you? I still remember seeing you look at me in the school's corridor and flinching away quickly. I'd lie if I said that I'd not appreciate one more hug. I know we didn't have many of those in the time we spend together. Now, let me get to your story...

***

It was the start of a new dawn. The birds were talkative and bees active as the flowers began to bloom in September... A new day was upon us and another day closer till we die. I still can't believe we made it to a month milestone.

The public park had its distance to walk, but I didn't mind traveling for you. One might say that getting up at 07h00 just to see your girlfriend is madness, that you could've rested till a later hour, but I wasn't that type of person. I knew that time was running out. Our time together in a whole, weren't going to be long...

The one problem people have is thinking that they have time. They plan for tomorrow, yet forget about today. Not knowing that aiming for the future is keeping you from seeing your destined present...

I got dressed, rinsed my face and combed my hair. I left the house with a slight smile, greeting my grandfather and everyone down the street on my way to meet you... I had a good feeling about this one, because it was the first relationship I've been in that I made an effort to visit my girlfriend in five long years. I mean you can't blame me, I was easy... Too easy I'd say.

I was lost and I was looking for love, but instead I found trouble.

Halfway to my destiny I stopped a few yards from the park. A strange childhood scent roamed pass my nose. Memories of me being a happy child in primary school came back. I knew I'd never be so popular again. I mean my high school was in a white residence, so there is bound to be some drastic changes... More then what I expected. As I approached the last corner on my way to the park, a picture, idea popped into my head of us being happy. Yet... I knew your parents would disown you or something worse. I still don't get why people do that. Didn't our nation suffer enough before 1994?

I arrived at the park in search of you. Maybe you were still on your way? Or you forgot? Without noticing I grew a sense of pessimistic negativity... I always have been expecting worse my entire life. Seeing that I've been lied to by my father, mother and grandparents... Yes maybe they wanted to protect me, but little did they know that a sad truth hurt less than a happy lie.I know it easier to lie than to tell the truth.I mean at least you'll save a victim's heart from crashing to his knees...

I've been waiting there for about 90 minutes, but I didn't think much about it... Girls usually take long to get ready, don't they? Or is that a false stereotype that we as men started to believe, seeing that most men see themselves as higher ranked than women?

I tried your phone, you didn't reply... I'm guessing you never intended to see me, seeing that your ex also left you after he got what he wanted after a month. I wanted... No! I needed to love you... Someone... I got up and started walking, walking back to my emotional empty home I never wanted to be at. Not after today.

That night you texted me, trying to apologize for not fucking showing up. You knew me so good, or so you thought: You think you knew that I was going to accept it and forget, send you hugs and kisses and pretend like you didn't just fuck shit up for us. I decided not to entertain you with a fight. As you probably didn't expect. I decided to leave you on read...

Then the strangest thing happened. A post caught my eye, a post of... Depression. People cutting and taking pills... Posts of others hanging from bridges and their ceilings. Thoughts of you standing over my dead body appeared in my head, it felt good seeing you devastated and dying emotionally because of my death. I felt power, a lot of power...

***

Yeah I know what everyone is thinking... I'm an asshole. I'm not gonna lie, I've done a lot of bad shit in my life, but before you judge my thought... First look at yourself and secondly finish reading my second letter. Maybe then you'll have a better picture of what's actually going on in my head...

***

With those thought sprinting through my head, I noticed something strange. Someone or something planted this idea in my head, an idea of... I don't know, but I was alone and sad... Then suddenly it struck me. I forgot all about this one thing... What you reap is what you sow... I sowed the fear of losing me in other, but reaped depression from other's comments about me. But my depression is a letter for another day... I'm not sure which letter, but soon. If I have the strength to write it...

***

You probably still wondering who I'm talking about, but I'm sure one soul knows. I'm terribly sorry, but I won't be giving out real names, but let me just call you "Girl with Glasses". How does that sound? Too straightforward? I guess maybe it was a little...

Let's move on, there is one more thing you did to me that I'd like to get out. Lets just say, the reason I put you first is because you had the least share in creating the monster I am today... We can even go by color coding if you are interested in knowing how much each person in this novel played a role in killing me... You are dark green.

The next colors are lime green, yellow, orange and last red. Red being the worse and probably the future reason for my suicide... Dark green as you might've guessed is but just the tip of the iceberg...

***

I really didn't have so much of a problem that you didn't show up. Or maybe I just told myself that to hurt less. I never knew that life would be so cruel after primary school... Did you? I'm guessing you did. Everyone knew about who and what you are and were, but of cause I didn't...

The following Monday came to knock on my front door. I thought I'd be able to forget about everything that happened, or actually didn't happen... See what I did there?

Yeah I know I never told you how much I love you and how much I cared about you in person... I guess I've never felt true love for a girl before, you were first... Wait no, you weren't. The person next in line was the first. If you lost me just now, let me explain... What I felt for you wasn't true love, but it was love... Before I lose track of what's important.

That Monday morning at school I didn't see you anywhere, maybe you skipped today? I wasn't sure. I thought you were officially going to be absent until I saw you walking towards where I sat, with your huge schoolbag. We surprisingly didn't talk much that morning, but then first break was brought into existence...

Your ex walked by like he always does, but this time with his new girlfriend... I could see you wanted to cry, but rather you said something else and for me personally it was worse than crying. She turned to her best friend and stated...

"You know, I'll never stop loving him, even though he treated me like living shit..."

After those words sank in, my soul shattered from inside my flesh and the shards of spirit cut open parts I never thought I had inside of me, but like I said... My feelings for you was real, but they weren't so strong for me to actually cry for days about you. Surprisingly my tears only lasted that specific day...

I told you that I'd always be your friend even though I knew that's not what I wanted. I wonder why people say that just after they were killed by their so called love of their life? I wonder... This was my first non-dramatic heartbreak, or as I like to call it "my demo breakup"... This was my first chant I spoke... On the road to chanting the spell that'll be the end of me...

And to the girl I mentioned in the beginning, you who ruined my life for the better and worse... Your letter is up next darling, but don't stress. You'll probably never read it, knowing you...

Oh and to those who think they are safe, think again. Everyone will appear in this series. Maybe not in this one specific, but there are many more to come. Oh and "Girl with Glasses", this is only your part one.

Your sincerely

Mr Unknown