Gamble On Everything

Sha Sha's POV

It such a dreadful night as we silently eat our dinner. My father didn't even bother to talk to me ever since that night. I know he's mad, and because of that, he lost his control and hit me with the mops stick.

I can see he feels a bit guilty about hurting me and bruising my face, but maybe because of his ego, he didn't even say his sorry. I know, I am too at fault. I cross the line and also hide behind Andrew that night. I didn't even say sorry to Darian and make things worse.

I heard that Mr. Cheng didn't even talk to my father again after that incident. I don't know if Mr. Cheng feels ashame or fell threaten by Andrew's word. But, what I know is that it has a significant impact on my father and even his work.

As for my brother, I see no change in him. He still looks at me like I'm a fungus in this house. He never respects me too, and always thought that he's right. But after what happened this evening, whenever I look at him, he would avert his eyes from me.

Is he..afraid that I told father what I saw this evening? I didn't stay long after I had dinner and I give my excuse to return to my room. It's been like that ever since that night. I never stay too long whenever I'm with my family. Did I become an unfilial child now?

Close my door. I change my clothes to wear only shorts and a sports bra. I took my book from my shelf and lay on my bed. While I was reading, I heard a buzzing sound comes from below my pillow. I scrunch my eyebrow a little before I gasped.

Right! Andrew said he would call me tonight. I search my phone under the pillow with my hands and slide the green button before I put it on my ear. "Hello?" I said without looking at the caller.

"Hey..it's me. What are you doing right now?" Andrew's voice makes my heart flutter, and my face turns red. I hide my face with my blanket unconsciously.

"Um…I was reading a book." I reply, and I do hope that my voice can't be heard by my parents.

"A book? What kind of book did you read?" he sounded like he was interested in what book I was reading. And I don't know either I should tell him or not. It's not an informative book; it just some romantic novel. Just something that a girl like me loves to read.

"Sha Sha?" he called my name, which then I was stuttering a little. "It's a novel."

"Mhm? What is it about?"

I bit my lips before I took the book and stared at the cover of the book. "Just a love story. About a guy who proposes someone to act as his wife, and he pays her for ten billion."

"Wow..that's a lot of money. Is the man is a king, or what?" I chuckle to hear his honest comments.

"Yeah, somewhat like that," I reply it short, and he giggles at the end of the line. "What will you do if someone gives you an offer like that?"

I rolled my eye while looking at my ceiling before I answer his question. "I don't think something like that will ever happen to me. No one wants me. I'm unloved by everyone."

"That's not true. Someone loves you. It just..you doesn't see it yet." I was speechless when he said something so sudden like that.

Does someone love me? But who?

"Hmm.."

"What's with that reply? You don't believe me?" I blink my eyes a few times before I said again.

"No one loves me, Andrew. Not even my parents. But, if there is really someone who love me even a little, I feel grateful. I feel happy even though I know there's no such person likes me." I like you, Andrew. But you don't know this, and I'm afraid of telling you this.

I'm afraid that you don't feel the same feeling as I do. I'm so scared of getting a rejection from you. There are so many things that I'm afraid if I tell you this. So I think what best for us is to stay friends.

"Then…give me a little time. I'll find someone who will love you more than anything in this world. How about that?" I should feel happy with what he just said, right?

But why did I feels so sad inside? I feel like…he just rejecting me even without me telling him how I feel. I smile bitterly before I said, "No, Andrew. I don't want just anyone. I'm happy with how I am right now. I don't need a man who loves me. It just enough for me that I know…you always there for me. It is okay, right? I can trust you, can I?"

Silent. I didn't hear any reply from Andrew on the other side, and I squeeze my eyes before I shed any tears. "Um...Andrew..I...I think I'm a bit sleepy now. I talk to you later?" I try my hardest to not sound like I'm a broken heart. I keep on my smile even though I know he can't see me. I know, but I want to keep those smiles so that I feel less sad than I am now.

"Okay. Sleep tight, Sha Sha. Goodnight." he ended the call, and I broke into tears. I think I really need to sleep now. I can't let my parents saw my swollen eyes tomorrow.

….

Andrew's POV

After I ended the call, I rub my face with my palm. I can't even tell Sha Sha that I will always be there for her, because I don't know…for how long I can be there for her. My life right now is like a ticking bomb.

I can leave her anytime, and I don't want her to be sad when I'm gone. I know from her voice that she is …probably holding back her tears. I don't really know how she feels about me, but I think she might feel the same way as I did.

Because every time I touch her or hold her hands, I could see how red her face becomes. I know she is also not used to a man like me, and to fall for me, it might be easy for a girl like her.

I didn't intend to play with her feelings too. But I also can't let her go. What should I do? Everything is a mess, and I regret it. I regret that I didn't have much time to live, and I regret that I was born sick.

While I'm too focused on my feelings, Gonzales put something in the tray near to my bed. Just when he's gone that I take the file on the plate. I flip the file and read the details inside.

I didn't order him to do the background check, but I guess my private shadow probably can read my mind, or maybe he got some sixth sense? The file he gives to me is about Lin Xun's profile. Sha Sha's father.

I guess the reason Gonzales give me this file is for me to take action on that old man? I scoffed a little. Really, Gonzales? You're just as ruthless as I thought you are. But when I ask you, you pretend to be a good guy, huh?

"What do you think, Gonzales? Should I just gamble on everything I had now?" I asked him. I told you that this Gonzales is like my therapist. His opinion matter to me too. Besides my father, he's the only one I trust in this world.

He might be..the only friend I had in this world too.

"Will you be happy then?" he asked me back. His question makes me sighed, and I lean my head at my headboard.

"I'd be too happy that I could die instantly…but…it's only momentary for me. It's a different story for her. She'll live with those sad memories for the rest of her life." I told him what I really think. About this personal matter, I believe Gonzales will not leak it to my father.

"What's different from now? You already intrude her life and imprint your image in her memories, Master. She still will live with those memories. But what is worse is…she never knew your true feeling if you didn't tell her. She'll live thinking that you never love her, and it might worsen her life even after you die."

Like being shot in my head, I think what Gonzales just said is true. There's no difference since I already intrude her life too much. It's a different story if she never loves me, but it too late now as I already know how she feels toward me.

I didn't say a word at all after that. I know Gonzales also didn't bother to wait for my answer.

If I want to gamble on everything I've got then…the first person that I need to face is that rude old guy. I still need his permission if I want his daughter. Then I need my father's approval too.

I know my father won't say anything to my decision but..is this what I really want? What if…I never get her before my expiry date? Will I die in regret too?

I have so many regrets already. I don't want to add more sorrow in my life before I really go. Come on, Andrew…think!

"Master, don't forget to take your medicine today. If you want to live a little longer..then you know what to do." Gonzales's sudden voice almost makes me jump from my bed.

'He…really…annoying!' I took my medicine and swallowed it before I went to bed.