Alone

"I am sorry...". He couldn't look me in the eyes when saying those three words... His face was turned to the side... I knew... I knew just one thing when I saw that expression and heard those words. It could only mean that even my brother had now abandoned me...

My vision started to get blur, my legs were trembling and they could barely keep me standing. Tears... Tears... I almost cried there, in front of him and my family, but I managed to hold them at the last second.

"Everblade... I am your brother and I will help you whatever you need, but only if you get away from your wrongdoings. Abandon this path... Give up on her..."

How could he say those things to me? Just how? He was the very same who, besides supporting me on becoming a knight, told me about love and said that believed in it.

My love is not different from what he told me, my love is not different from those a woman and a man have. Love is genderless, there's nothing such as a woman and a man, there's only you and the one you love...

But despite how much anger I felt... Despite how much hate I could throw at him with my punches and words... I stayed in silence. He was... He still is my brother, the only one that supported me in becoming the first knightess of Coventry kingdom and possibly of this continent. I can't possibly be angry or hate him just because of this... And slowly, this anger started to turn into a headache and then become a heartache... It's the feeling of sadness.

The only one I could rely on has abandoned me... Just like the waters of sadness abandoned my eyes when I could no longer hold them back.

"If... If that's all... There's no point in me staying here any longer", I said, lowering my head in a foolish attempt to hide what was flowing from my eyes. "Goodbye...".

No replies were given to me... I walked away slowly without looking back. I don't regret my choice... No matter how much hurt I am and how much better it would perhaps be if I did what my brother said, I don't regret it.

"Give up on her"... I am sorry brother... You gave me such a simple easy task to accomplish in order to have your support... But that's a thing I can't say yes to. I was here because of her and I will continue... Because of her.

Despite how many tears left my eyes, the feelings of the moment were still present... The sadness, now weaker, was losing to my anger... My pain... And my hate. I felt the urge to turn back and give them a piece of my mind... But I didn't do so, it was not worth it.

Fight their hate for my same-sex love with more hate and anger would only make things worse, I realize that after taking a few deep breaths and thinking about this more carefully.

If I wanted to do anything, I should release my anger on something else... A rock, a wall, anything as long it's not an animal or a person should work just fine to relieve me from my anger... And so, I stopped at a nearby forest I saw nearby...

Thunk!

Thunk!

...

Thunk!

The sound of my sword hitting against the tree repeated over and over again, countless times... I simply had too many things held inside myself, and not only from today's conversation, but I had things from ever since my childhood. Thoughts, hate, offenses... Pain...

Thoughts of a world that could be better if certain fake ideals were discarded...

Hate against those who said my place just like many other women were inside homes, taking care of children, and doing the "easy" stuff...

Offenses against those who underestimated me as a knightess...

Pain... From being in forbidden love with a princess... and from being so far away without seeing her face for such a long time.

To be honest, It was actually pretty unfair with my family to suffer something that I alone should have received... But it suits them well, I think they can learn a thing or two when living here, or at least I hope so.

My strikes then stopped... My mind was a little bit clearer and I felt much better from the anger, although it was still present in my mind. It's kind of ironic how a simple tree can be more helpful than a human...

But the help it provides is very limited..... It can't talk, nor give as much entertainment as the company of someone. And I was feeling very lonely now that my brother had abandoned me and there was no one else I could ask for help. Perhaps if I was one of those princesses in fairytales, I would be able to talk with the trees and be less lonely... Although I am pretty sure princess used to talk only with animals, not plants, in the stories I read at least...

Suddenly, however, my thoughts are interrupted with the loud groan of pain from an animal. I... I first thought about it ignoring it, animals probably are hunt in this forest everyday anyway... It's just the way of living of hunters. But then the groan came back... I wasn't annoyed at all, but... The feeling of pain... I could feel it through the groan. I couldn't tolerate it... I need to do something about it...

Following the noise, I walked through the forest, under the shadow of the leaves on the tallest part of their trees. I would run here, but the irregular terrain requires me to be extra careful not to trip and hurt myself.

It took me a few minutes to find the source of the noise. I saw a little white fox... It looked beautiful with those red trails of the fur running across it's back and conquering the tail. I approached the fox, slowly, and it groaned again... It seemed to be alone, just like me. Perhaps the groans of pain were because it was abandoned here or it lost itself from its family? I couldn't really tell, but I wanted to help.

Its ears turned around as though it heard something and then it turned its face to me. The immediate reaction of it was to show its sharp teeth and try to look intimidating... It also tried to run away from me, but the tail was caught in a bear trap. I couldn't say anymore if the red was blood or if it was part of its red fur...

I approached to try releasing it from the trap... But the fox almost bit my hand. Fortunately, I was reflexive enough to dodge that... I attempted again, but it seemed like I was a little bit too late... Voices appeared, coming from behind. By instinct, I just ran to behind a tree to hide before they saw me here...