Chapter 6 - Life is not always smooth sailing.

Sitting alone on the farthest side of Nyan Nyan French Maid Cafe, I finished drinking my cup of hot coffee silently.

"Waste not, want not" as the old American saying goes, I thought to myself. It's also one of their many good principles that led to their country's success. It's a righteous practice so I applied it into my daily life.

Even if Josiah has rained down on my parade and have spoken harsh words to me, a cup of coffee with sugar and cream is still a cup of coffee with sugar and cream. It doesn't show any resentments.

It has no "hard feelings".

It's such a shame to let it go to waste, so I drank it up and swallowed all my pride.

That's another one of the "Principles to Success" I've learned from an old book I've read back when I was in college - "Learn to accept constructive criticism from other people. If you don't, there's a high chance that what you're doing will eventually fail. People tend to have "Tunnel Vision" because inside their mind, they perceive that their idea is a one-of-a-kind, genius idea. It could be, it could be not. That's why constructive criticism is good. It helps a person to improve and make their ideas even better."

I would have preffered that kind of criticism coming from him. In fact, that's what he always did when we were college students. He tells the truth without any sugarcoating. And that's fine with me. I never took it personally. I accept it, make changes with my ideas, and come out with something even greater than the first one. And I always thank him for that.

But now... He just destroyed my confidence and dreams without any second thought. I really feel so low...

"Move on, Teslan, move on! It's over! There's nothing more we can do. Move on! Move forward! Keep yourself together now! Do not break down and cry!" I've said to myself.

The cute waitress returned with the 600 Peso change.

"Here's your change, Sir."

I hesitated for an instant, thinking about my pride once again. But I took it in the end.

"Be practical!" I shouted inside my mind. "You can't use pride to pay for transportation or food! You can't eat pride! No need to impress the girl! Know your place! You don't need to show airs! You have nothing! Just take the money and leave!"

Josiah was right all along. I need the money.

I guess I really looked shabby to him.

"Sorry about the way my friend acted earlier. He's... really stressed from his work."

"Oh well, whatever... Wait a sec, did you just said he's your friend?"

"Yes... Sort of... Why do you ask?"

"I really thought he's a businessman or something. So... You know his name? :)"

"Yes..."

"And... Do you know his number? :)"

"Yes..."

She leaned closer.

"Tell you what. If you give his me his info, I'll call it quits. That change is supposed to be my tip, ya know?"

I know where this is going but, what did you ever see on that guy?!

"Uhmm... Why are you asking for it?"

She looked up at the ceiling and smiled.

"Well... He's kinda cute... and interesting... He's edgy, and serious, and... I really like his smug attitude. He may look tough on the outside, but I'll bet my whole month's salary he's all soft and gooey on the inside. I'll crack his shell and make him fall head over heels for me. So, would you give him his name and number, pretty please?" She asked, as she playfully blinked her eyes many times.

Oh... The injustice of not having a handsome face. Still, this girl is scary! She's not just a straightshooter, she's a go-getter! I can't believe a woman can be so aggressive!

Again I must say, Oh! The injustice of not having a handsome face!

"Ah, sure... Of course..."

And I wrote it down on a piece of my notebook's paper.

"Arigato gosaimas!* This will be fun, playing silly mind games with his head. Teehee! :)"

And she cheerfully returned to her post.

(*Arigato gosaimas! is a Japanese phrase that means "Thank you very much!")

I tried to give her some word of advice.

"Love is not a game that children should play."

She looked back at me and smiled.

"Don't worry about your friend! I'll take care of him! Promise! I only pick the best. He'll fall in love with me, you'll see. :)"

I don't know if she's serious about having a romantic relationship with Josiah or she's just gonna play around with his heart for fun. Either way, good luck.

The guy's as cold as ice.

====================================

It was 6 o'clock in the evening when I finally got home. I just walked all the way from the coffee shop, and thought about many things.

What now...?

Do I have a Plan B?

Should I still pursue this dream, The Server of Iris, even though Josiah has made many valid points about its impossibility?

Should I just give up and forget all about it...?

What if I just become stubborn, ignore everything he said, and continue this project on my own? Can I make it work?

Would it become successful...?

What should I do...?

What is the right thing to do...?

I opened the old wooden door of our small apartment and saw mom and dad, sitting around the kitchen table, staring at its smooth white linoleum surface, doing nothing.

You don't need to have ESP (Extrasensory Perception) to know that it's not a good sign.

"Oh there you are, Tessy. We've been waiting for you." My mom greeted half-heartedly.

"What's wrong, Ma? Did something happen?"

"Come here, Teslan. We need to talk." My dad answered.

I don't need this... Please... Not now...

Things just went sour with me and Josiah! Whatever the problem is, I don't want anything to do with it! I'm not in the mood to deal with this right now!

But I have no choice. I need to wear a mask that says "I'm okay, everything's fine!" on my face. I don't want them to worry and add more to their problems. I'm 23 years oldfor crying out loud! I'm old enough to handle my own problems!

They don't need to know.

I walked inside the kitchen, sat down on a plastic chair, and listened to my dad.

"Teslan... I'm very sorry... But we can't stay on this apartment any longer. The rent, and the expenses here in the city is just too high." My dad said, his head bowed down and his voice sad and low.

"The landlord raised our rent again, and we don't have the money to pay for that. So... We're going back to our province and live in your father's ancestral home. I know you love this city, Tessy, but I hope you understand. We will save lots of money. There's no more rent to pay, and the food is cheaper..." My mom explained as best as she could.

If I still have any chance left of achieving my dream, it's all gone now. Living in a province is way different compared to living in a city. The internet is slower, the transportation time is longer, the convenience is gone, and the electrical hardware I needed to create my invention is expensive and hard to find. Sometimes, the only electronic supplies available are either outdated or obsolete.

If the chances of getting a good job here on the city is slim, getting a good paying job in the province is almost non-existent. That's why people from the province goes to the city - to look for a better opportunity, to earn more money.

But none of that matters now. We have come to a point where we can't pay our rent. I can be stubborn and have it my way, take a huge risk and say "I'll find a job within the week and pay for the rent!" But stubborness never did me any good. I have no more confidence with myself. I might fail, and when that happens, we'll definitely live on the streets. No, I don't want that. I never want that to happen. Not to my parents. Not to me.

Even though I'm sad and brokenhearted right now, and can honestly say that I never want to live in our province, I need to face the music and put on a brave face.

"Mom, Dad, it's okay. I understand. It would be a nice change. The air is cleaner there. :)"

Their faces brightened and they finally smiled.

Forget the "I'm okay when I'm really not okay" mask. Throw that away. I'm definitely fine now.

To see them happy, to see them smile, that, to me, is the most important thing in the world.

Life in the province is not gonna be easy, but we'll survive.