I Am Not...

The summer breeze please let me know where is she now...

Tell her that I give my pledge to her

My life now is her possession.

Chen Xi Wang

***

The Grandfather helps Xiao Yi as he picks a full set of acupuncture needles from a wood table near the door. He looks so serious but I try to calm myself. I can see the grandfather is starting to examine Xiao Yi and do treatment with his needle. Actually, I am afraid of needles but this time my worries subdue the fear that I felt because Xiao Yi closed her eyes now.

As time passed by, the grandfather looked more relieved now. At that time I know Xiao Yi will be fine.

"Princess, don't worry she is safe now. You can take a rest here."

"That's great to hear that. Thank you, Grandfather, for helping us. I don't know what I should do if Grandfather had not appeared at that time."

"Princess…"

The grandfather looks at me like something disturbing his mind so do I. I don't want they called me princess because I am not her.

"Grandfather, why are you called me princess?" I asked him.

"Princess…I think…"

"Grandfather, my name is Luo Fei Yang." I said.

He looked at me with curiosity. If he knows the 'real' princess. He must be really confused right now.

I am trapped here. I don't know how to come back. I don't want to be here also but what can I do? I just know that I have to be that witch!

"Princess, what do you mean?" He asked me.

"I said my name is Luo Fei Yang. I am not your princess. I don't know her as well." I explained to him but the grandfather looked worried towards me. "Grandfather, why do you look at me like that?"

"Princess, I am sorry because I came late. I will examine the princess. Please tell me what they did to you, Princess."

My eyes opened wide as I heard his words. I explained to him but it seems like he doesn't understand what I said. He thinks they did something to me but they didn't.

"Grandfather, I don't need to be examined. I am totally fine."

"Princess, but you are…"

"Grandfather, I am not the princess. I say the truth."

The grandfather stared at me again. This time he looks at my neck. I just realized if there is some reddish spot then he turned his face in another direction.

"Uhm…I…"

He doesn't say anymore because he turned around and took a super small jar made of porcelain from his wood cupboard then gave it to me.

"What is it?" I asked

"Princess can apply this for your-…your-…uhm…"

He looks so hesitant to continue but I get it so I take the jar from his hand. I don't know why I feel like he knows something about my body and makes me so embarrassed. I know that I do nothing but I don't know what happened with this body before and thinking about that just makes me scared. I know it's not make sense but…

"Princess, she will be fine."

That grandfather looks like understand and is talking about Xiao Yi to distract my blank mind.

"Uhm…Thank you, Grandfather." I said.

"Princess… I am not a grandfather…"

"Then I am not a princess. So can you call my name?"

"Princess Shui Jing. I don't dare."

"You said that you are not a grandfather then I am not princess Shui Jing, so please call my name. My name is Luo Fei Yang. I don't know about your princess and I will never be her as well. I will call you whatever you want. How?"

He looked at me. Why does this grandfather still look hesitant even though I explained that I am not her. I know this face is similar or maybe I live in her body but this is not me. Another reason why I don't want people to call me her is because I felt this princess has a complicated life. I don't want to be involved with her life. I just want to come back home. I don't care if people judge me as selfish. I really don't care. In this life my name is Luo Fei Yang. Even though I have to be here, my name is still Luo Fei Yang. I don't want to live with her shadows on me.

"If you don't dare then I order you to call me Luo Fei Yang. Don't you know if you called me princess then that people will catch me again. Don't you feel pity on me?"

I have to trick him but actually what I said is true. If I am wandering with identity as her then her enemies that I don't know will catch me easily. I don't want to go to that place anymore. I just want to live in peace. That's just my simple wish but why has it become something unreachable for me?

"Princess, I am sorry. Did I make you become like this?"

Eh? How come he thinks like that? Why does this grandfather feel guilty towards me?

"What?" I asked.

"I will examine the princess so if something happens I know what I shall do to cure Princess. Tell me-"

"I'd told you that I am not your princess. I am not her. I am Luo Fei Yang. Don't you understand? Oh…God! Help me!"

To be honest I feel so frustrated to explain to him over and over again so I take a very long deep breath. I have to remember if he is a grandfather so if he doesn't understand I have to be patient to face this grandfather. I look at him again and see him confused.

"Grandfather please listen carefully." I stopped for a while then continued again. "I am not-"

"Alright, I understand…"

Now the grandfather who takes a deep breath.

'Wait? What does he understand?'

"Luo Fei Yang…"

Oh My God! He really understands what I want. Finally he called my name even with confused face expressions.

"That's it! Yes…called my name like that." I want to jump but my body is still sore.

"Uhm, alright." He said again.

"Grandfather, I promise you to call you whatever you want."

"Then called me Chen Xi Wang."

"What?"

"Chen Xi Wang."

I am shocked when I hear that name. Is he Xi Wang that I am looking for? But that's impossible. In front of me there is a grandfather not…not him…I mean not Xi Wang that I knew.

'Wait…Is he in disguise? No! This must be impossible.'

"Why?" He asked.

This time my lips became dry. My heart is beating faster. I don't know what I should say. I am really confused.

"Miss Luo…What's happened?"

He asked me as he knows nothing.

Then I hear someone get into this hut but I am not brave enough to face who is coming.

***