Long Silence and New Beginnings

I was once again seated in a corner booth and looking out of the bay window, a mug of coffee in hand as I imagined a few months ago. I have grown to be so much attached to this small yet, elegant restaurant, which Calvin once brought me to. It seemed ages ago that we came here together. After that day till now, he had not said a word to me.

It was the last few days of winter and signs of spring were showing outside. The view outside was pleasing to the eye, but it held emotions that I could not quite put into words. At this moment I was secluded from the rest of the world and was occupied with my own thoughts; gazing out of the window, sipping the last bit of the black coffee I ordered and the book I was reading earlier forgotten and left open on the table.

Even though this place reminded me of the hostile silence Calvin showed me these days, it also carried the fond memories of how nice this bad boy could be if he intended to. Besides the serenity of the view that could only be captured from here was something that I needed so much from time to time in life as it was one of the few things that could make me forget the complexity of my life.

The day after I had had a glimpse into the reality of Calvin's much-hidden life, he started being back to his usual self, which showed how much he loathed me. Each day that passed made him more and more resentful towards me. His eyes showed nothing but hostility if we happen to make eye contact by any chance. I could only imagine it was because of the new knowledge I had of his life now, which he could be thinking of, as having his weaknesses exposed. Not wanting to complicate things even more, I decided to avoid him at all costs. However, it occurred to me more than once that I sometimes missed having him around after I saw his much warmer side that day.

Without me realizing it, my thoughts drifted to how Calvin's behavior changed even during lessons in the past five months. He would come to the classes earlier than me or even went to the extent of skipping them if I was there before him. This was a sure sign for me that he wanted to avoid crossing paths with me more than anything. At first, I was concerned as to how he was coping up with things in his life, but I had to let go of the urge to talk to him, not only about that but about everything. So I resorted to coming to lessons as late as possible without passing the starting time. Since he anyways sat in the last row and I in the front row, we did not have to encounter the problem of seeing each other much during the lesson times, which made things easier for both. I even noticed him waiting till I left the hall at the end of each lesson before he gathered his stuff to leave, which made me sad for some reason.

A few days of this peculiar behavior of Calvin was enough for his cousin to notice it and I once overheard him asking Calvin if everything was okay. Fabien seemed very much concerned about his cousin, but Calvin only nodded and dismissed the question as if it was obvious that he was fine and Fabien was only imagining things. I could not find out what happened afterward anyway -if Fabien got the answer to his questions or not- as I had to leave quickly before Calvin thought I was eavesdropping and started causing a scene or worse, started bothering me again like he used to do before.

My phone started vibrating, bringing me back to the present instantly and I managed to catch it before it slipped off the edge of the table. There were two missed calls from Fabien. I was about to call him back when I received a text from him.

Fabien: I'm right outside the restaurant. Would u mind if I join u now?

I immediately looked out of the window and saw Fabien's car parked next to the sidewalk right in front of the restaurant. He was waving his hand to me with a smile on his handsome face; his dimples made him look so innocent. I found my face lighting up with a huge smile in return, which was not very elegant. 'Why would both these Beaufort cousins make me act less elegantly?' I wondered to myself as I quickly texted him back that he would not have to ask to join me here.

Fabien entered the restaurant, shrugging off the coat and handing it to the butler at the doors, and headed towards me, still beaming. Each step he took, he managed to turn heads towards him and I noticed girls giggling and whispering, throwing glances at him. Both Calvin and Fabien had the same effect on girls, which I found quite amusing.

As he sat from across me, I could not help but smile. Inwardly, I was analyzing the envious glances some girls tried to hide, which were directed towards me. They were jealous of me, probably assuming I was dating him secretly, but they could not openly show their emotions, because I was the princess. I never wanted them to feel strange as they thought I was above them. I would prefer if they treated me like they do to any other girl, but I was not allowed to act that way as I needed my people to respect me someday, which was what I was taught.

My unstoppable train of thoughts wandered off to think if there was a way to change things and let people treat me casually and comfortably while giving me the due respect, which would be needed one day if I were to become a proper queen and serve the kingdom well.

Fabien cleared his throat slightly and began; "Knock, knock, Ava! I hope you're still there. Or are you daydreaming of something?"

His words broke my chain of thoughts and I could not help but laugh at what he said as I knew what he was implying.

"Look who's talking, huh? Isn't it enough that you have all the other girls here having their eyes glued to you that you want me to daydream about you as well?" I said in a fake annoyed voice, giving his hand a playful squeeze. I felt warmth seeping into me at the contact, which made me realize how lonely I have been feeling before he came.

A waitress came to get his order, interrupting our conversation. Unlike Calvin, Fabien did not even so much glance at the waitress more than necessary, let alone flirt with her. This was one clear difference between them. Fabien ordered the same coffee as mine after consulting me for the best beverage here. That was when I realized that it was the first time that someone else joined here with me other than Calvin.

Over coffee, we talked about how he, Mel, and I bonded over the past few months and how time had flown without us realizing it. I was happy that there were no awkward silences between us and that I could talk about almost anything with him. It was a warm feeling to be able to share things with someone, who would not judge me. It was the same with Mel and that was why I always loved her, but there were things that Fabien understood better than her. It could be because he was somewhat solemn than her. What I knew was that I was so lucky to have both of them in my life.

My only worry was that I could not talk about what was going on with Calvin with either of them. I felt bad for hiding things from them, but I felt that it was not my place to talk about it either. I did not quite understand what I should be doing if it was right to talk about it or stay as if nothing happened. For some reason, I had decided to go with the latter, assuming it was a safer and a less complex, less harmful route to take.

Mel, not knowing how things changed between me and Calvin in that one day, would never think that he was acting any stranger than before. Fabien, on the other hand, might or might not know anything. Whichever it was, he remained the same as ever, treating me like usual for which I was very grateful. I did not know how to respond if he ever inquired about it.

Time passed quickly and we were on the third round of coffee when we noticed that it was getting dark and it was my cue for getting back to the palace. Fabien offered me a ride back and I teased him saying that even if he did not offer me one, I would definitely make him take me home.

Inside the palace, when I reached the flight of stairs that led to the princess' section, the atmosphere among the maids, who were running about hurriedly, reminded me that in two days the grand ceremony to commemorate the start of calling in applications for suitors would be held at the palace, which would be hosted by my parents and for which only the heads of each noble family would be invited. If one or both parents or the responsible older siblings of a family were called for the ceremony, it was an invitation for them to send in one suitor from their family.

I started to feel suffocated as I quickened my steps ever so slightly and headed towards my room, trying hard to remain calm and act as if I was unaffected. Once inside, having no one to see my reactions, I let silent tears fall down my cheeks as I sat on the edge of my bed. Once again, I felt like a little school girl, feeling helpless and scared. Not being able to choose my life partner as I wished was hard, but knowing that every suitor would be eyeing my inheritance and would not be really applying because they had a liking towards me was beyond painful.