Im still just a coward (Luca)

I practically lied right to her face. To her sweet innocent face. She looked at me with those bright trusting blue eyes of hers and I didn't tell her the truth. That practically no one outside of the Zade family has a gold aura like she does. That every single ruler of our realm has had a gold aura.

I hate Zephyr for this. Why did he tell me of all people about her possibly being the lost queens daughter. He could have just kept it to himself he didn't have to bring me down with him. I don't understand what he's planning I don't see why he won't just tell her. Isn't this a good thing?

I mean the entire realm has waited twenty long bitter years for her. Shouldn't Zephyr be excited to be the royal family that found the queen.

None of this makes sense to me. It was easier for me to want to lie to her when I thought she was some stupid girl who would be too much like a human.

She had to go and be this bright shinning light. If she was a man I'd want to never let her go. I understand fully why Asta and Zephyr seem so obsessed with her.

She has this light that pulls you into her that makes you feel warm and safe. Her eyes shine with her every emotion like she doesn't feel the need to hide anything in this realm like she's free to truly be herself. She grows even more beautiful and confident everyday as she adjusts to this realm.

She's not one of those women who look beautiful on the outside but as soon as they speak it makes the outside beauty so much less when they're ugly on the inside. She's beautiful inside and out.

She speaks about this realm like she's lived here forever. She already cares so deeply for the beings in this realm more than most beings born and raised here do. She looked like an absolute goddess having fun with the merfolk.

I'm sure the other boys would have sold their souls to see the way she shined that day.

I hate Zephyr for sending me out there with her for giving me a chance to know her beautiful soul. I don't know how long I'll be able to show her this realm and our ways when the others are away without breaking down and spilling everything to those trusting eyes. Im still just a coward.

I have long since repaid my debts to Zephyr yet here I am still at his beck and call like a lost little puppy dog. He looks at me with those stormy grey eyes of his and my heart races. I know I'll always do anything that man asks of me. Knowing damn well he'll never love me then way I love him.

I hate seeing him with Luna wrapped up in her presence in the way I want him to feel for me. I know if I told her she'd tell her to go to me or that she didn't feel comfortable taking him from me even though he's not even mine and never has been. That's just the kind of person she is and he's having me lie to her. My love for that icy man will be my doom one day.

I sigh and look out the window of my office to get a glimpse of the stars in the night sky.

"Thank you for taking her to the mermaid cove today." Zephyrs silky smooth voice comes from behind me.

I whip my head around to look at him. His grey eyes are cold like always, but a hint of softness lingers in the back of them. His dark black hair is slicked back to perfection and i like always I long to run my hands through it to be the one who gets to leave him a breathless mess.

I wonder if he knows what he does to me after all these years.

"Of course you asked and you know I'll do it for you even if I don't want to." I try to keep my voice as normal as possible.

I can't have him knowing how badly I want him to pin me against a wall and have his way with me. There's no way he can't know though he has to. Why else would he always ask me for things?

He knows I love him and would do anything that came out of his mouth. Even if I know it's wrong. I can't say no to him. I should say no more. I think one day he'll go to far with whatever he's gotten himself wrapped up in and it'll be bad for the family we've worked so hard to build, but I'm nothing but a puppet ready for him to pull my strings.

"I still appreciate it I know you didn't really want to at first. She's wonderful once you get to know her isn't she." His grey eyes shine as he speaks about her and I know I shouldn't have a jealous knot forming in my stomach wishing it was for me.

I force myself to smile. "She is wonderful she wasn't what I expected her to be. I did enjoy our time together I think we'll be good friends." If I can get over lying to her and wishing I was the one zephyr wanted to love.

"I'm glad to hear that. If you don't mind I have some paperwork here that needs to be filled out for the servants payments." He pulls a stack of paperwork out of his bag and places it on my desk.

Like the puppet I am I smile. "Of course Zephyr I'd be happy too." I wasn't planning on sleeping tonight anyway I suppose.

"Thank you you're the best." He turns to leave and I wonder if he's going to find her or if she's with Asta.

I can't be having these thoughts. I've tried telling myself that for years and it's never worked. I guess you really don't get a choice in who you fall for. I wish my heart would listen to my brain and stop pining after the icy man. I try to focus on my new task of paperwork and push all thoughts of Zephyr and lying to Luna out of my head for the rest of the night at least.