Chapter 7: Guilt.

Sunday.

Day 6.

George.

There was no way I could explain to Issa my random outburst towards her.

That is, without just flat out explaining that I had kissed Cam, which was why I was acting like a total ass. It was no excuse.

I was walking to find Issa since she wasn't in her room and eventually heard singing in the library. I was meaning to tell her about Cam and I at the time, but then things went south fast. I started being a dick to her for zero reason. I know now it had to be my guilt from cheating on her talking, but I still couldn't hold it back.

Then she brought up Cam and I hanging out and I started to feel sick. There's no way she could know about what happened, right?

All I knew was I was feeling gross and had to get out of there, so I did.

I was walking aimlessly through the halls for awhile now. I didn't know where to go. I could go to my room but all I thought about was Issa now when I'm in there. I ended up just sitting in the lunchroom at a random table since no body else was in there. As soon as I sat down I felt dramatically less light headed.

Maybe I should just go back and explain to her why I was being an ass? If there was any chance of her forgiving me, it wouldn't be now, especially after the act I pulled toward her. I cared too much about her and just couldn't bring myself to tell her. It was obvious she was so happy to see me and even looked to be having a good day, I couldn't ruin that for her, but of course now I did that anyway.

I felt a buzz and pulled out my phone Cam allowed me to have soulfully for keeping contact with friends and family, while also being used for my social media. I looked down at it and read a message from my group chat I was in;

Cam: 'Plans changed. Stream will be in about 10 minutes. So be ready.'

The following texts after contained disapproval and annoyance at the change of time from the rest of my friends. Good thing I got my setup fixed early. After my night with Issa, things were all over the place and needed tending to, so that was what I had done.

I got up and started walking to my room. I was in no way shape or form excited for this stream as Cam would be there, along with my guilt of what I did. My friends we stream with also had no idea that we had a thing going on, but they were in on the joke of us being together. As far as they knew, we would still be joking about it today too. Just what I needed.

I get to my room and sit in my gaming chair. Immediately, I think of Issa and I in here just the other night. I take a huge sigh and join the call we were all in.

"Bout time you show up!" I almost jump out of my seat from how loud my friend Gabe's voice was.

"Excuse me, I got here right on time. It's exactly 1:30. Perfect." I surprised myself by speaking way more calm than I felt.

"Guys, remember, George is perfect, he's never wrong." My other friend, Riley, voice chimes in over everyone else's.

"Right Cam?" Riley says longingly. My heart drops and I say nothing, waiting for a response from him.

"Guys we aren't even streaming yet. Calm down." Cam spoke in his normal voice. It was weird hearing him talk to everyone so normally compared to when we were together here.

"Whatever. You guys love it. Let's just start then!" Gabe spoke up once again way too loud, making me need to pull off my headphones slightly. We all agree and I flip on my face cam and start streaming.

At first, it was just like every other stream. We were playing games and talking, while occasionally making fun of each other harmlessly.

"Do you guys have any extra wood?" I ask this to no one on particular then Riley was giggling into his sentence;

"No, but I'm sure Cam has some wood you could have. Wink-wink." Completely forgeting my face cam was on, I feel my cheeks flush a slight pink. I fake laugh at what he said and continue playing.

"Yeah George, I have some, just for you." Cam speaks directly at me this time and I feel like I could faint. I shake my head at his words and keep playing. Cam's character runs up to me in game then drops some wood and a random book and quill. I accidentally pick it up and Cam says;

"Oh no. Please don't read that-" Obviously being a joke, I open it up and read out loud to my friends and the stream;

"Dear George. Hope you liked my wood-Signed Cam." It was simply just a dirty reference to the wood I had just received from him in game to anyone else, but I knew Cam meant otherwise. I quickly shut up and throw the book down at his feet. Trying my hardest to fake a smile again, I say;

"That's just weird." I peek at my chat for the stream and read; 'He's so RED!' I ignore it and read more; 'Guys, he didn't deny it though...' Cam once again pipes up;

"George read your chat. They're right, you aren't denying anything. What's that about?" So Cam was watching my stream too? The chat loved it when he watched it. It only fueled the ship more. But made me nervous along the way knowing he was watching my every reaction to his words.

"Fine, this is me denying it. Denied." Riley and Gabe boo at me and laugh at Cam.

"That hurt me George. My heart is broken." Yet again, Cam's character runs up to me and drops something for me. This time it was a singular piece of raw chicken.

"And what's this supposed to be?" I ask him, slightly amused.

"The closest thing I could find to a heart. It's my broken heart. I gave it to you and you just threw it away." I didn't say anything more. I threw the chicken at him and started aimlessly jumping around doing parkour in game. It was just like in real life; Cam told me he had feelings and we kissed. But I already had Issa. Karma was hitting me real good.

"Oh so you're ignoring me? Fine." Relieved that Cam was finally dropping it, I let out a breath. A few seconds later I feel my phone buzz on my desk. I look down to see Cam had texted me;

Cam: 'What do I have to do to make you talk to me?'

I didn't bother responding, I just put my phone back down and continued playing. Seconds later, another buzz. I didn't look at it this time. I glance at the chat and read that instead; 'omg! Is he texting Cam right now? He keeps looking at his phone!'

Bad idea. I turn back to my computer and play my game. Then, another buzz. Curiosity killing me, I look at my texts;

Cam: 'C'mon don't ignore me George.'

Then I read the latest one;

Cam: 'You know you want me. I could come to your room right now.'

I dropped my phone but quickly recovered and picked it back up. Gabe catches me off guard by asking;

"George, who you texting? Is it your girlfriend? Oh I bet it's that."

"George likes Cam. He'll never get a girlfriend!" Riley says this with almost too much conviction.

"See George, everyone ships us. Just let it happen." Cam finally butts in, sounding just joking enough to come of as exactly that, only I knew different.

"Sure." Is all I say sarcastically, pretending to be focusing on killing a skeleton in game. Then, another buzz. I was getting tired of this, I just wanted to stream in peace without worrying about anyone. Slowly I look down at it;

Cam: 'You're thinking about our kiss, aren't you?'

More buzzes;

Cam: 'If you don't want this all you have to do is say so.'

Cam: 'I'll stop right now. All you have to do it tell me George.'

How was I supposed to respond to that? Of course I wanted it. This whole stream has been so tempting whether I would admit it or not. Cam was saying and doing the right things to make me want him to come over here in my room right now. In the very same room Issa and I had almost slept together in.

Me: 'I want to, but we shouldn't.'

I must be the stupidest person alive. In my heart, I know Cam and I would make more sense than me and Issa because we couldn't even see each other like a normal couple, but that's also just because Cam couldn't be mature about it.

I text him back quickly.

Me: 'We should talk more about this tonight.'

This time I get no reply, which somehow makes me feel worse. I found myself looking at the clock over and over. It was now almost 7. We had been streaming for almost six hours. The subtle flirting between Cam and I had died down after our texting. We moved on to playing a different game and was actually having fun with them.

"Gabe! Pay attention it's your turn." I yell a little too loud. We were playing a card game that was so stupid it was actually fairly fun.

"Crap! Sorry, was eating a grilled cheese." 

"Yeah, I can hear-" Stopping me from finishing my sentence, suddenly there's a loud knock at my door. I jump up and look over at it wondering who would be bothering me. Cam had made it obvious to others not to bother either of us while in our rooms working, so who could it possibly be?

"Hey guys. I've gotta go. Sorry. Bye-bye!" I wave to the stream and exit out of the call then briskly end the stream. Quickly I run over to my door, ready to yell at whoever was interrupting.

"What do you want? I'm working-" I open the door and see Issa standing there looking worried.

"Hi. I just wanted to check on you. You left so suddenly and you seemed upset." She looked uncomfortable so I invited her inside. I closed the door and sat next to her on my bed where she had welcomed herself to.

"I just forgot I had to stream, which I'm, by the way, in the middle of doing." She abruptly stands up and paces back and forth.

"No way. I'm sorry-I had no idea. I can just leave-" I grab her hand and sit her back down.

"It's fine. I already ended it so it doesn't matter." She looks at me apologetically then says;

"Is there possibly any other reason you were acting so stressed out earlier?" Was now a good time to explain to her about Cam? I wasn't ready to lose her. I couldn't do it. Before I get the chance to say a word, she was interrupting;

"Look, it doesn't matter. I'm just glad we're here together now. I missed you George." She leans in and kisses me deeply. I hesitate but kiss her back. Issa was leaning far into our kiss, obviously wanting more. I pull away, remembering the stream.

"Issa. I was still streaming when you knocked. That means Cam probably heard and is wondering who was knocking at my door. I don't know how much longer you should be here."

"Then come to my room George. I need you." Instantly, I felt butterflies. She was looking at me with seductively big eyes.

"I want you too. But if I go he'll wonder where I went if he comes to check. I really can't." She stops touching me and gets up.

"Okay. I get it. I'll just go then. Sorry." I quickly follow her and grab her into my arms.

"We have all day tomorrow. You'll have all of me then. I promise." She smiles at me and then hugs me.

"Sorry I'm a hassle to be with. I just care about you so much."

"I like the challenge. Now go, before Cam shows up." We kiss and she leaves me alone again.

I turn and fall into bed, really wishing the bonfire wasn't tonight so I didn't have to do anything else today. I hear my phone go off multiple times over on my desk. I open it and see it's the guys from the group chat;

Riley: 'You gonna come back on? Everyone wants to know.'

Gabe: 'yeah get back here dude.'

I open my private messages and see that Cam has also texted me;

Cam: 'get back on. That's an order (;' 

Trying not to think about how much of a bad person I felt like, I sat back down and continued streaming with the guys. 

But deep down, somehow I just knew that later tonight was going to be drama filled, and I wasn't ready for it.