CHAPTER 12

Leonardo got out of the shower, wearing only his underwear, and went to his own room, an hour had passed since he said goodbye to Marcelle, but his heart was still as hot as an oven. A light rain began to fall, and Marcelle said that she needed to get up early to work. Still in the square, they shared one last kiss, and Leonardo took a taxi to his house. He didn't know what to think. 

The room was completely messy, clothes scattered around, cell phone cables, headphones that didn't work, a blue light in the corners of the wall, some manga spread across the shelves, which he was thinking about donating. And despite all this, he felt light, relaxed, his body and mind seemed to be in totally different places, totally different from each other, he didn't even know what to do, he had a lot of adrenaline running through his body. He turned on the computer, heard something that matched the joy he felt, and started watching some clips from The Cure. 

As he hummed to The Cure in the bedroom, in just his underwear, he thought about Marcelle, and what they did together, just remembering her, his body became excited, and grew. He continued listening to The Cure. 

He lay down on the bed to think, while the sound rolled loudly through the room, the words escaped, and the sensations were alive in his body. The sounds that Marcelle made, her breasts, it was all a hurricane of things in Leonardo's head at that moment. He put on an INXS show. 

And soon after, he looked at his cell phone, he had already seen earlier that Jane had sent a message, but he didn't think it was the best time to respond. He sent some messages. Jane was already writing the text for her next video, and asked Leonardo for some opinions. 

It was about a person, who had been a victim of betrayal, but had also betrayed, and seemed to love very much, or loved, to feel loved. Leonardo wasn't of much help, his cold manner would only advise the person to leave everything aside and look for someone else, and that side of Leonardo was still strong. 

Leonardo sent a photo to Jane, a photo of him wearing the running clothes, as she had chosen, he decided to show her. A simple photo, which he had taken before leaving home. Jane asked how the race went, and that she was thinking about running soon. Leonardo decided to talk about everything. Everything. 

After he talks a little about his meeting with Marcelle, without mentioning her name. Jane thought it would be better to make a video call, Leonardo wasn't used to that either, and was still shy to talk about everything he felt. Jane's face was very distinct, she had big eyes and well-defined eyebrows, she looked good even in low-resolution images. He started talking, while she just listened, with her eyes glued to him, she was also a great spectator. 

After talking about dinner, Leonardo started talking about the square, and told about everything they did there. The face he made made Jane laugh several times, she said he was as red as a strawberry, and he stuttered a lot. Even though he was shy, he decided to say everything, about the experience he had, and how he felt. In the end, Jane made an admiring expression, and her eyes were shining, and her voice was gentler. 

Jane asked what Leonardo's routine was like, if he had enough time, as he had said he was just working with her, she thought that maybe Leonardo could go and watch the recording the next morning. No appointments scheduled, and it was raining heavily, maybe he should go, he always felt bad, having attended so few recordings in his previous job, only when he needed to discuss something, with someone from production. But Jane was completely different, she recorded practically all her material at home, she rarely recorded on the street, so he decided to go. 

The rain was falling increasingly heavily, Leonardo was still talking to Jane. He couldn't add much to her text, but he kept her company, commented, helped, he had already spent more than an hour on the video call, evaluating each part of the text, with Jane. Some messages arrived for Leonardo, he hadn't seen them yet, he couldn't keep one person waiting while he spoke to another. 

They talked about music, Jane heard INXS playing in Leonardo's room, she recognized some songs, she preferred emo, and post-punk. After a while, Leonardo decided to put out an American Football album, Jane said it was part of her adolescence. Along with Placebo, and My Chemical romance. Some songs that Jane recommended hit Leonardo in a different way, he even knew them, but now, he could taste each lyric, and each melody seemed to flow through his body. 

Now Jane would start her night routine, she would go to bed early, she made an appointment with Leonardo at nine in the morning, they would probably be able to record everything until 1:00 pm and then they would have lunch out. It was as planned. Jane knew about the commitment that Leonardo had, with the race. 

. . . 

Leonardo's mother had arrived, she was completely soaked from the rain, but she was fine, she took him some chocolates, said they were on sale. She also said that he had lost a lot of weight, he had to celebrate, the change was visible. 

When Leonardo returned to the room, she faced the mirror, smiling at him, and the mirror, smiling back. She was shirtless, and hadn't weighed herself yet, but she felt some changes in her own body, few, but she felt them. The ten kilometer race was close, so he decided he would only weigh himself after that. While he enjoyed the chocolates, he went to look at the messages. 

Jonathan had canceled the race on Tuesday, the forecast was for rain all day, he thought it best to cancel it soon. Marcelle had sent some messages too, and a photo, with the clothes she was wearing. It had caught some rain, and she was almost completely wet, she thought the photo looked funny, and sent it to Leonardo. 

Her hair wet. The photo seemed to emit a fragrance, and sounds seemed to emit a lot. Her skin was completely wet, her smile was a little shy, trying to shrink away. The wet clothes, being in a different shade, was like playing with Leonardo's memory, trying to remember the touch of each thing. And the sounds. 

He sent an audio, said he had been busy reviewing some things about work, making a video call. "A video call? Can I make one too?" Marcelle asked. Leonardo said yes. It was the second in a day, everything was changing for Leonardo. 

The mirror observed Leonardo sitting on the bed, leaning against the wall, smiling, forcing it a little, but most of the smile was genuine. He was happy, with everything that was happening to him, his feet were swaying non-stop, and he left music playing very quietly, so that Marcelle could hear it clearly. Audioslave, played in an ambient sound, and he smiled, towards Marcelle. 

She was very comfortable, lying on the bed, wearing a white shirt, she hadn't shown anything below, just her bust and her face. She leaned on the bed, saying that everything was perfect, but she was really tired, she needed to rest over the weekend, she was very close to her. Races, dates, Kisses. She needed a break, she felt sleepy, but she couldn't sleep, something seemed to stir in her body. She was tired, but she wanted more. 

Leonardo felt that things were heating up, in the conversation, she said that his mouth is wonderful, and her taste is outstanding. He, in the video call, managed to say more about what he wanted. He talked about how he was thinking about this time in the square, about how he wanted to feel the taste of her breasts, inside his mouth. He talked about how he wanted to kiss every part of her body, know every detail and every curve of her body. He wanted to keep growing, with her, and going further than he had already gone. Now he was more sure of himself, despite being shy, there were more things he wanted to explore. 

The conversation continued, Marcelle was already feeling more sleepy, her voice had become hoarse, she was lying on her side. Leonardo wondered what kind of clothes she was wearing, besides the shirt. But he didn't ask. The conversation had changed the direction of lust, it was more intimate, more questioning, about both, about desires, about work, friendship, the future, people. The conversation deepened, and Leonardo's desire grew. Marcelle's look was different, really different, it was like looking at someone who wanted you, for some reason, it was feeling contemplated, by someone's eyes. 

Marcelle praised Leonardo's mouth again, she spoke about his voice, and that he should talk more, when they are all together, she said that, and really showed that she wanted it. Her mouth was amazing, soft, shaped and had a special contour when she spoke, different, everything about it was different. 

Leonardo liked every different detail about her, he liked these different things, he observed the details, his eyes were always attentive to the details, he was able to notice things, and keep them to himself. He kept within himself every impression that Marcelle gave him, and every feeling that it generated. 

He was about to hang up, and the member was hard, every part of Marcelle was warming him, he thought about trying something, asking to see beyond the shirt, to meet again. But shyness spoke louder, perhaps common sense too. 

The blue light reflected off the wall, leaving a small bluish shadow on the side of Leonardo's face. A sigh, and he looked at the ceiling, after turning off his cell phone. He turned up the music, and lay down, again, looking at the ceiling, and traveling between images. 

Diving into an ocean of colors, pictures passed around his body, some were memories, others were imagination. He imagined what Marcelle was wearing, imagined what it would be like to lie down next to her, and all worries, fears and insecurities go away. He imagined himself hugging her, after the race, lying on the beach sand. He remembered the taste of his first kiss. It tasted like the ocean. 

. . . 

The rain fell throughout the morning, trees were covered with the grace of rain, a strong smell of gray clouds covered a large part of Rio de Janeiro, marking the change of days, the change of weeks. Cariocas don't like rain. But if it weren't for the rain, you wouldn't notice the change of seasons, because everything seems like summer, or it's raining, or it's a completely sunny day with a clear blue sky. But, even though the rain had a strong impact on the locals' routine, everyone carried on with their lives normally. With a frown, many went to work, with distant looks, crowded buses, and empty sidewalks. 

Light rain was still falling in the Humaitá neighborhood, water was running down the stairs and sidewalks, small waterfalls were forming coming down from the hills, few people dared to go out that morning to pass by, and unless they had some serious commitment, they would stay at home. 

In the middle of all this metamorphosis between buildings, people and water, a person walked, with large black boots, dark blue jeans, a black shirt with a ship symbol, and a large green coat. Leonardo listens to music through headphones, a bit of Midwest emo, he was going to meet the person who recommended this style to him, Jane. 

The weight of the clouds in the sky, and the gentle fall of the water, made him calm down, his heart beat in rhythm with the rain that fell, he was just, like that city, being filled by the water that fell from the sky, and gray clouds, releasing everything they were keeping inside. 

Jane lives in a large condominium, a lot of space, and with many buildings. After presenting himself at the reception, Leonardo soon arrived at Jane's apartment. 

"Wow, you came, even with all the rain." Jane spoke, as she greeted Leonardo at the door. 

"I already had this appointment with you, I couldn't help but come." 

"I hope you feel like you're at home, this apartment is my home, and my studio, so you can feel free." 

Leonardo left the thick coat on a rack at the entrance to Jane's apartment. Her apartment was very spacious, it seemed to have a small studio in a bedroom, and the living room was huge, with a large window with a privileged view of Humaitá. 

Jane took Leonardo to the bedroom that she transformed into a studio, although she often recorded in the living room, which also looked like a television show set. Everything was very well organized, light colors, a welcoming environment, with a delicate and slightly sensual decor, bringing to light the main topics she addressed. 

In Jane's studio, she was finishing preparing to record, it looked like a theater dressing room, there was a large mirror on the wall, full of lights around it. She finished doing her makeup, and her hair, she did it herself, and got ready. There was a notebook on her makeup table, another video from a YouTuber about makeup was playing, Jane said she loved it, and they were always exchanging information. 

Leonardo saw his image reflected in that large mirror, and the lights brought every smallest detail into view, he even noticed the small marks on his face, his wrinkled shirt and pants, the shape of his hand, his chin. This mirror was even more sincere than the mirror Leonardo had at home, it revealed more than Leonardo could bear. 

Jane still talked about makeup and hair, explaining how it was different, putting on makeup to go out, and putting on makeup to record, were different things, and she also preferred it that way, she liked that difference, because she herself could notice it. Leonardo ate homemade bread that Jane made herself, and tried to avoid looking in the mirror. In addition to the mirror showing the details of Leonardo's body, the contrast that he and Jane had was even stranger to his mind. 

She was very careful, very delicate, very slender, she seemed to know how to show the best that was in her, he acted in a completely opposite way, in fact, he didn't know much about things, he knew the basics, to make a good impression, but he didn't go beyond from that. 

After eating some bread with homemade strawberry jam and a banana smoothie, Leonardo talked about the video that Jane was going to record. 

"How are you going to present this case exactly?" 

"It's a delicate thing to show, and difficult to change people's opinions about it, and it's super complicated, because even people close to me act like this and think it's normal." 

"A girl was cheated on, ended up finding out, and instead of working things out, she decided to start cheating on him too. I don't know if this is right, but I know that many think this is normal. "A changed horn doesn't hurt" that's what many people say." 

"Maybe I'm not the best person to talk about this, but I don't see why people keep relationships like this, it would be easier if they assumed it wasn't working, and each person went their own way." 

"There are so many things that we know are wrong in our lives, but we stop giving up, even though we know that they are bad for us. I myself love eating bread and cakes. I love this type of pasta, but I know that eating too much of it is really bad for me." 

"I know that this affects a person's pride a lot, many suffer just because they feel an attack on their pride, they think that everything should be the way they imagined, the way they thought, and no other resolution." 

"Things are not that simple, they need time to mature, people still need to learn how to deal with each other. The desire exists, love too, dealing with these two things and where the problem lies." 

"Love, and desire. It seems to be the same thing, but, I admit it's not, I already felt both things. Now, I never learned where one begins, and the other ends." 

"No one knows, usually two people meet, and do their best to make everything work out, and if it goes wrong, they will have been happy trying to make it work, that is the most important part, but it remains hidden, after certain traumas." 

"It's common for people to only think about the bad times, the fights, and the separation. But there is also a lot of complicity in this, and that remains hidden, beneath the beatings that the person takes." 

Leonardo took a deep breath, it was a very emotional subject. He was colder now, but before he isolated himself at home, he thought about it all the time. He walked the streets at dawn, trying to repair some things in his own life, seeing that it didn't work, he isolated himself once and for all. 

"Yes, I was like that for a long time, I avoided thinking about anything related to an ex-girlfriend I had, but now, all that has changed. On the other hand, I learned to be okay, alone, I think it would be difficult to learn to give up on that." 

Jane sighed a little. She finished fixing her hair and was already heading to the living room to start recording. She shook her blonde hair, and looked firmly at the mirror, as if she were about to comment on something, but she continued to shake her hair, in a very beautiful way, she tilted her chin up, looked at her face from different angles, seemed to be contemplating herself, but it was more than that. 

When she looked at Leonardo, in the mirror's reflection, he got goose bumps, she seemed to see him from head to toe in a single glance, she could see everything about him, she made that impression. After seeing some angles of the face, she continued the conversation. 

"I guess I got used to being alone too." Jane said, as she walked into the living room. 

"Before becoming a youTuber, I had some very troubled relationships, I even ran away for a few months, with a boyfriend, when I was a teenager. It's not something I'm proud of now, but that experience made me mature very quickly, and I also went through a lot of bad things." Jane said, she sat down on the couch. 

"Many of the people who watch me are teenage girls, and they think about taking a similar attitude to the one I had, but I always advise them not to do it, I know it worked for many people, but I also learned to let the time Act." 

"So you ended up living with someone when you were still a teenager? I think this is quite common, actually. Many of my friends got married right after finishing high school. And they're pretty much all fine, but they married people they knew well." 

"Yes, that's what I've been working on, about getting people to know each other well, before making more serious decisions. And avoid deeper wounds." 

Jane started to arrange the equipment to record, Leonardo helped her, setting up the tripod, turning on the lights, positioning, and sat in a chair, behind the camera. When Jane spoke, it seemed like she was talking directly to him, and it was a very pleasant experience for him at that moment. 

The recording ended shortly before one in the afternoon, and the rain was still falling gently, instead of going out to eat, Jane ordered Japanese food, while they waited for the files to download onto Jane's laptop. She loved Japanese food, Leonardo wasn't a big fan, despite eating anything, this wasn't his favorite food. 

The files were slowly transferred to the notebook's HD, and Jane talked about the faces that Leonardo made while she recorded, she often stopped herself from laughing, it was a new and difficult experience for both of them. 

"I've recorded here several times with people around, many friends like to come and accompany me, but with you today it was different, I seemed more introspective in the subject I was talking about." 

"I discovered after I started working with you that I really enjoy these subjects." Leonardo said, while eating another sushi. 

"Serious? It's really good, working with what you like, with subjects that excite you, that's why I think I got real lucky, working with you, always delivers everything on time, and is very attentive to details." 

"I'm not that attentive, I wish I could be, I don't understand much, and after months, I start to review things in my memories, and I see that I made a mistake." 

"This happens to everyone, I always catch myself thinking "I shouldn't have said that.", But now the time has passed." 

She really liked Japanese food, she smiled after each piece, and she didn't hide it, even with her mouth full of sushi and her big cheeks, she looked towards Leonardo and forced a smile. She was a person with a very youthful energy, very different from Leonardo, and they were the same age, but Jane seemed to have the same energy as when she was eighteen, she gave this impression, that she wakes up early, and sleeps late, and lives just like that. 

She asked a little about Leonardo's favorite foods, Barbecue and Açaí, that's what he said, he talked about the place he used to go to on the beach, after work, he really liked the açaí from that place, and he said that one day he would take Jane there. 

After lunch, they continued talking, while the rain fell thinly, and lighter, Leonardo also became lighter, Jane's soft sofa helped a little. They were watching the same series that Leonardo watched with his mother, he was rewatching the first episode, with Jane. 

She could be romantic and tough, even with fictional characters, she said that the police officer was being silly, trusting a childhood sweetheart, who should hand him over soon. Apparently she didn't really like "Opposites attract." which many films sell, but Leonardo liked it. Maybe because he knew he was the different part. 

They only watched the first episode, it was already three in the afternoon, Leonardo needed to go soon, even though he wasn't going to run, he knew it wouldn't be good to spend that much time at someone's house. And maybe, he could talk to Marcelle a little more, via video call, he was silently clinging to a little hope, he thought that maybe this would happen. He was already getting anxious, that's why. 

When they said goodbye, Jane gave Leonardo a very tight hug, and said that she hoped everything would be fine between him and Marcelle. Jane's eyes shone like emerald, it was a deep glow, hidden between the observant expression she had, in that look, she showed a lot of herself. 

They said goodbye with a hug, and two kisses on the cheek. Leonardo decided to take a bus home, at this time and in this weather, it was very empty, and it would make him think a little more. As the bus swayed from side to side, Leonardo realized that he forgot his coat at Jane's house.