Days Gone By

Sun began cresting over the edge of the horizon, appearing as though it was erupting out of the ocean's cresting waves. Fingers of light stretched far beyond the clouds, creating a soft pink haze in the clouds high above the ground. Birds just now began to stretch and unfurl their wings, taking flight on the slightest breeze, drifting lazily through the wind, in search of their first meal of the day. 

While many of nature's beasts only now started waking, I had been up for hours already. Actually, the only reason I was awake was because I never really went to sleep. 

Was it morning already? 

There was no way it could be morning– and yet it was. 

I glanced out the window and watched as little rabbits and other woodland creatures scurried in the tall grass in our back yard. The wildflowers twitched and danced in the morning breeze, tousling harder when an animal brushed by the stems of the undergrowth. 

The oil in my lamp was barely flickering, showing me that I definitely stayed awake for too long. Curses! I meant to go to sleep at a decent hour last night, but how could I do that when I was so entrenched in my current book? 

I stretched on my spot on the top of one of the corner chests by the window that I had made into my personal reading nook in the corner of the kitchen and sitting room area. I felt like my spine had tried to fuse with the furniture piece at some point, all of the vertebrae aching and creaking as I swung my legs off of the corner chest and stretched. 

The morning already smelled of warm heather on the breeze. I knew today was going to be a warm one, but that was expected in the summer moons. Today was undoubtedly going to be a long one. 

I had my morning training with Steele, hunting for flowers and stones in the woods with momma, and, finally, town visit for errands. What was really exciting was that the caravans were coming into town, which meant there was a chance for me to add some new books to my collections and an opportunity to trade directly with others instead of going through the local shops. Perhaps I would get a chance to get in a nap by the stream after lunch, but that was going to have to wait. 

I hoisted myself up off of the chest, standing and stretching once again, and quietly tiptoed across the wooden floor to the wash basin and the chest where I kept my training clothes. As I passed by the kitchen, I glimpsed my reflection in the glass of the window. 

Heavens above, I looked like a mess. 

Perhaps a bath later tonight or in the creek was in order as well. 

I made a mental note to make sure to comb my hair today before I left for town; but, for now, it would have to do. 

I glanced over and saw my momma's mess of bright red hair poking out from under the light sheet she had draped over her body. Her features were so relaxed and peaceful. She was so beautiful and strong. I hoped I could be half the woman she was. 

Not wanting to wake her, I made sure to avoid the squeaky floorboards and fished out a shirt and pants as well as a wrap to go around the whole ensemble in case I began to get overheated. It was also good for training. I needed to be ready for anything, just like Steele taught me, and some of that was maneuvering in a collection of clothing. 

I carefully dipped some water into the wash basin and splashed it over my cheeks, which instantly washed away the tiredness lingering in my eyes. I knew the moment I started moving, I would wake fully. The refreshing water dripped over my eyes and down my cheeks. Using the cloth by the basin, I dabbed my eyes and face. 

It was only now that I looked up and really caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I saw a part of me in the reflection of the glass on the window, but I don't remember the last time I really looked at myself in the mirror – and I felt shocked. 

It was still me, but I didn't realize how much I had changed. My face seemed a little fuller while drawing in on my jaw. My eyes were bright, and my lashes longer. My hair was longer too. Shirts didn't quite fit the same way they did before, pulling in the front when it didn't have to before. I had to wrap my chest for my training to make sure I was comfortable. Corsets only tried to eat me alive and were stiff. I needed to be flexible. 

I was also taller now. Before, I needed to stand on the tips of my toes in order to see myself in the mirror. Now, I could stand straight backed and be perfectly framed in the center of the mirror, almost like my momma. 

How long had it been since I saw myself in the mirror? Had I really changed so much from being that little girl? How old was I turning this year? 

I had to think about it for a moment before the number came to me. 

Seventeen. 

That was how old I was turning this year. 

Seventeen. 

Where had the time gone? 

I couldn't believe how much time had passed. It felt like no time at all. From different tasks I did from day to day to the seasons that changed in their constant dance, I didn't realize how quickly it would all go. 

As I pulled the clothes off of my frame, wrapped my chest for morning exercises, and changed, the idea of how much I had changed continued to invade my mind regardless of how much I tried to push it away. I wondered what else had changed about me, as well as what else would change as I aged. 

Once ready, there was no time to waist. The outdoors was calling, and Steele was already waiting in his meditative stance. He was sitting, straight backed and facing the sunrise. His violet eyes were closed, and a gentle breeze ruffled his lengthening hair. 

It occurred to me only now that Steele looked the same as he always did. A little older, yes. There was a little more gray in his hair along the sides of his head and smattered in his goatee. 

He had managed to fashion a blade long enough to trim up his face and his hair. He also managed to fashion himself a small collection of clothes and his house was finally in order. Steele had a home now, not just a shelter carved out of stone. 

Really and truly, he has made this land part of himself, seemingly pulling something from nothing in a world he was not from. He was such an inspiration to me, and I was honored to call him my dad. 

Wordlessly, I walked up to him, his shadow eclipsing me, and sat down beside him. I closed my eyes and let the warmth of the early morning sun wash over me. Breath after breath, focus seeped into my mind and the troubles of the day and curiosity of how I have changed washed away. 

Without speaking, we moved together into different positions, stretching and maneuvering from standing on two feet, to one foot, into deep set squats, and opening our bodies and minds to the energy of the day. 

Immediately after, Steele walked me through a new set of positions and maneuvers, but I was using more than just my fists now. Last year, for my birthday, Steele presented me with two very beautiful gifts – a matching sword and dagger. Now, when I worked on my positions, I was able to use blades unlike when I was young. 

One breath after the next, I twisted through the air, tucking and rolling as I let my muscles act out of sheer memory. From time to time, Steele's eyes would light up with pride as I managed a difficult maneuver. 

I loved that feeling. 

I loved making him smile with pride like that. 

Once we finished up our morning exercises, I darted inside and grabbed my bag and sat with my momma for a cup of morning tea before going outside where Steele was waiting for us. He carried us to a new patch of forest where we hadn't explored very much where momma and I found a whole new collection of herbs, spices, and stones that would be worth trading in the town. 

We even found a small, bubbling brook where we splashed around and rested by, letting the cool water run over our feet and refresh our bodies. We filled our canteens and slipped some herbs inside to purify the water before heading back to our home. When Steele returned, he had several handfuls of sand which we sifted through. I was pleasantly surprised when I found a few dozen teeth, three large shells, and a dozen or so broken shells and bits of bone. 

We made our way back home, talking to Steele about all of the things we found and showing him the plants. From the inside of my bag, I fished out my journal that Kendel gave to me so long ago as well as the book of herbs I purchased. Of all the books I collected, this was still the most valuable to me. My original vow of keeping this book pristine was a dream I couldn't hope to maintain. 

While I kept the book in the best condition I could, many of the pages were stained slightly on the sides, the edges of the book were no longer crisp, and it smelled of herbs and the earth. The spine had definitely cracked in a few different places, and some of the pages threatened to slip out every time I cracked open the book. 

It was the perfect combination for a book of this type. 

The afternoon hours seemed to fly by with unbelievable speed. Momma and I were able to make a quick lunch from vegetables from our garden before we packed up everything and headed into town. Even as we approached the cobbled stone streets, I could smell the foreign herbs and spices on the wind. 

We entered the town and immediately saw the banners spreading from all different sides of the streets as well as the horse drawn caravans just outside in the fields. Their booths were extraordinary, filled with countless treasures from different districts and counties across the continent. 

I had to force myself to not spend all of my earned coin and tradeable items in one place or another, but it was so tempting. There were teas I wanted to try. Books I wanted to read. Maps I wanted to collect. Weapons I wanted to practice with and master. 

All had to be paced. 

Everything I had in my bag was exchanged for one thing or another. I came with treasures and left with treasures, making for a valuable and productive day. I even left with something that Steele would be very pleased with – a new rapier. As we were on our way back, something caught my attention that I couldn't quite shake. 

As I moved from booth to booth, I felt eyes on me. I have been used to the feeling all of my life. From the way I dress now in my pants and skirt combination to the way I now carry my dagger and sword at my hips, so many have always been looking and whispering about me being one way or another. 

Like my momma's phrase said, water on stone. Beat me to the bone. Your words run right over me. I didn't care what they thought about me. I didn't care what they said. I knew who I was. I didn't need them to tell me. 

Time hasn't changed the number of whispers, but it seems like some of their whispers have changed their tunes. When I was out among the caravans, I noticed the eyes of certain people on me, particularly the sons of many of the traders and nomads. They smiled and waved at me. They offered me deals that would not be profitable for their business. 

I noticed that, on the way home, momma mentioned that some of the caravan vendors asked about me. They were curious about me and who I was. They wanted to know my interests and, across the board, if I was promised to anyone. 

I laughed when momma brought it up, but it wasn't until I was sitting on the roof delving into my new book that the statement really hit me. 

Were… they interested? In me? 

Why? 

"Terrilyn?" 

The sound of my name startled me out of my thoughts as I looked over at Steele, who sat down beside the house and was staring at me curiously. I gazed into the giant features of my adoptive Orion dad. His curious brow drew me in, willing the words out of me with the slightest provocation. 

"Is everything alright?" asked Steele. "Did you find any treasures?" 

I nodded and smiled up at him, showing off the rapier. He nodded his approval after taking the blade in his thumb and index finger, examining it with his immense violet eyes. I watched how he studied the blade, measuring the balance as he taught me how to do and testing the durability of the blade. 

"This is a good sword," he said softly. I felt my heart flutter in my chest, a swelling of pride rising up inside of me. "You chose well, though I think there may be something else on your mind?" 

I don't know how he managed to do it, but Steele, like my mother, has some strange ability to see right through me. I do want to talk about this thought about boys being interested in me, but how do I even start? After all of these years and through all of our conversations, one thing we never talked about was boys. 

I wasn't sure why I was nervous about talking about it. It wasn't like it actually mattered; did it? 

"Well… yes," I muttered. "It was something momma said." My cheeks suddenly felt warm, and something stirred in my chest. Awkwardness? Anxiousness? 

Steele sat and waited patiently, unblinking and not pressuring me to speak. I liked that about him. When I thought I had my thoughts together, I sighed and finally managed to speak. 

"Well, while we were in town, momma said that there were some boys asking after me. They asked if I was promised and such. I guess… I don't know how I feel about that," I muttered. I saw Steele's eyes gaze at me pensively before a smile curled onto his face. 

"You can feel however you would like about it; however, if it were me, I would feel… eh… koonyardo vi… special," stated Steele. It made sense in its own way. Still, it didn't make sense to me. 

"But why though?" I asked, genuinely confused. "I mean. No one other than you and momma have really cared about me. And what if I don't have those same feelings? Is that… wrong?" Steele shook his head, his hair swaying like branches in the wind. His hand came up and rested near me as I sat there on the roof gazing up at him, the new book I purchased pinched between my fingers. 

"Terrilyn, you are so very special and unique. No one I know is like you, and they are starting to see it now. If you do not feel that way, then that is okay. You do not have to feel that way until you are ready," stated Steele. I couldn't help but smile as I leaned forward and touched his finger, tracing the ridges of his fingerprint with my hand. I felt ease come over me, but it was sadly short lived when a new question infected my mind. 

"What if I don't feel that way ever?" I asked. Steele chuckled and pressed his fingertip into my leg ever so slightly. 

"Then you do not have to. You have to ask yourself, Terrilyn, what you want out of life?" 

Steele's question loomed in the air like a continuous cloud. It stayed in the air and clung to my mind, settling into the deepest parts of me. 

What did I want? 

Not just today, but out of my life? 

I thought about the people in the town living their lives and the adventure the caravans and nomads promised. I thought about the lands I haven't seen and the things I haven't learned. So much of me felt torn about everything I wanted to do that, suddenly, one thing caught my attention. 

Just as I felt the confusion filling me like an overpoured cup, a warm summer gust swept over me. The wind came from the land and blew the lose strands of auburn hair into my face. Instinctually, I turned my head away and found my eyes fixated on the horizon where the ocean and lands beyond waited. 

All at once, the answer became apparent. 

"I want to learn," I said softly. "I want to see what's beyond the horizon. I want to study and learn everything I can, and I want you and momma there with me." 

Indescribable feelings swirled in my mind, but a quick glance at Steele's smile over my shoulder gave me all of the reassurance I needed. It wasn't that there was a wrong answer, but it was the fact I was able to give an answer was what really mattered. 

"Terrilyn," said Steele with a fatherly smile on his lips. "Kootha sapien tralu yoo'cur inna." It was a phrase I knew well after spending so much time with Steele. He said it so often and me knowing his language gave such a positive feeling to his words. 

It meant, "You're wise beyond your years." 

It was his way of giving his blessing to me, and it would be well spent. 

"Now, would you like to read aloud? Or spend time alone?" asked Steele, giving me a playful nudge as I kept my balance on the roof top. The feelings of anxiousness vaporized in an instant and the playfulness returned. 

"Absolutely," I said. I pocketed the book and secured the rapier. I knew he would offer his hand, but I had something else I wanted to try – something I needed to try. 

I turned quickly on my feet and, before he could draw away or offer his hand, I stepped up on top of his hand and darted up his arm, clutching onto the fabric constructing his shirt and making it all the way up to his shoulder on my own strength. 

His eyes widened, impressed by my speed and strength, as I secured myself onto his shoulder. 

"You've been practicing," said Steele, his deep, thunderous voice reverberating with resounding amazement. 

"I learned from the best," I said. "Now, let's get started. Just… start walking. That way!" I pointed toward the coastline, hoping to gaze at the ocean as I read aloud to Steele. The Orion nodded and, standing carefully, made sure to wave good-bye to my mother before he began walking in my nondescript direction. 

Like how I pointed in a random direction, I wasn't sure where my life was going. What I did know was that I had Steele and my momma behind me, supporting and loving me. 

Really, what more did I need?