Something in the Rain

I wanted to wake up thinking, believing, that my life was finally on track. I wasn't in the last person wishing for this but I wanted sanity and I wanted closure. I am 25 and I was diagnosed with chronic alcoholism about three month ago and it wasn't a problem until my ex fiance's wife reported me for threatening them. I hadn't been clean for this long 50 days in a row with minimal withdraw symptoms but my anxiety was still pretty bad so the rehab doctor decided to give me counselling and I was in no position to deny. my withdrawal symptoms from alcohol waren't as painful as the ones from heart break they were more to deal with and that is why are started drinking in the first place to avoid the age in my chest that field like a routing truth article it will work in my cubicle for one last time because I'll be given a clearance today I sit on the brown wooden chair I used to kick when I was so miserable that the doctor had to time I hands up alcohol was my escape the idea of alcohol was not pleasure button is keep because when that one liquid burn your throat it start dissolving the hot stop down their and slowly nudes you so you don't feel hard break isn't beautiful it isn't from one literature it's not listening to sad songs or something like that it's feeling okay for a minute and then starting to feel they are ghost around you that touch on your skin you miss them you missed I'm so much that you show on your memories with them. Dr Mayank Sharma my shrink almost my age tells me that it will always hurt and it will make one cry and scream they wants nose is blocked and iceberg that hurt is inevitable but it will hurtless and I will see the understand why somewhat it what dated and I think I understand when I look back to the day Robbie left me for another woman he said he had ground out of love and I stood their thinking where did I go wrong but thinking about it now makes me realise I did everything to truly belong to Robbie I changed myself for him I changed my ways and choices for him when I should have let him love me for who I was because that's what love is that what love is a supposed to be loving someone for who they are Dr Mayank also say that love is ionic it tells you cage your older self in the metamorphose force into someone new. and I agree but if the changes identity you become a better person what use is it then. my thoughts are descripted by someone's approaching food steps. I tilt my head to see who it is but in my heart I know it's doctor Mayank he has help me a lot he has a seed me going to extremes and only he had the calm to cool me down and honestly from the past week whatever he is around I feel comfortable and relax like I'm home. how are you Anjali his voice is come and give I stand up so he can sit on the chair I am good doctor I smile sometimes I smile on purpose because I am kind of attracted to him he has never judge me but that's what shrings to listen without judging I am thankful my sessions started last month because it would have been terrible to face him after knowing he has seen me back for alcohol last day.....Hmm... open my file I am impressed with your recovery your a great patient I am so proud of you He sings on the yellow light I am happy I am clean I finalist sit on the bed so anything you want to talk about with your shrink one last night he smils and I can't help but notice help beautifully to small temples from under his bottom I want to laugh at myself for looking at him like that I want closure the doctor one last time I want to close my eyes and reply the last year and never look back again I admire people he is chair close up to me so he can hold my hand so I wonder if it's okay for him to do that he give me a soft note and I close my eyes I take a deep before speaking when Robbie ask me to marry him I said we wear to young but then he hug me and told me we are supposed to be together I was so in love that I agreed until I found out 4 month after add an official engagement that he was sleeping with someone else I feel like I was sinking and that there wasn't enough oxygen in the year to keep me alive he started to hurt me with he is word and actions and I never new how evil he could get until he to Pride in what he did to me he gently circles the back of my hand with his home and for the first time I don't feel like crying I take a breath again I thought I could end the hot by drinking but whatever I was sober I could feel the clouds of sorrow build up again so I drunk again at tie to escape this hurt I was so mad so I invested so much in him but he decide to give his love to another woman I used to drink and call him God I used to call him till you pick up the phone and shutter my heart again but even then I didn't feel a shield I wanted to humulated so that it would trigger my selfesteem and help me move on it's okay Anjali you are in a very good position now his voice felt form and honestly there's more I green and continue I used to apologize a lot I used to wake up and say sorry and check my phone because I know I must have screwed up again I lost my job I lost everything I lost myself one day I got to know that Robbie and Simran had a baby so I just wanted to wish them I showed up at their place and his wife thought I was going to harm them so so she reported me I sigh I'm happy she did Mayank I am glad she did I open my eyes and he smiles maybe he is smiling at how I addressed him without the prefix doctor sometimes sometimes Anjali think don't just break they shutter and the unexpected happens and you get hurt by someone you trusted more than your life but drift doesn't change you it reveals you he says and I catch the last line it's from the fault in our stars right the last line and manage is my yes I see your very laugh so who is coming to pick you up my mom he grabs the file again I see you live like just 10 minutes from here I guard comes and tell him that my mother is there he waits for me until I pick up my belongings my mom looks young and I hug her when I see her Mrs Seth nice to meet you I am your daughter's shrink Mayank he shakes hand with mom is she find she ask yes you are daughter is completely fine just make sure she Tak her medicine properly he hands her his clinical notes and my file a smile that him thinking this is the last time I will see this man who had help me get through my own miserable mind or maybe I will see him again some day with someone and I will remember her grateful I am for him come Anjali let's go thank you doctor my mom says take this Anjali this is my card if anything happens please call me he give me his visiting card and I give him a smile my mom arrange a house warming party for me welcome but I honestly don't think it's necessary because the reason I went to have his embarrassing and fortunate but she says it's only a little happiness that matter she is happy that I am clean but I still have a feeling that she is disturbed by the actions I took in the past when you go a purpose you you hurt everyone who cares and loves you and I her I am going to get a shower and change I go straight to my room for the first time I feel like a stranger in my own room I will pink and white floral dress and open the drawer to grab some clips I see my phone line there I haven't use my phone since I got into rehab because they want the people there to engage in physical activities and not digital and it had work to because I don't even want to switch it on anymore but I do I will save doctor mayank's number I think to myself and a long trace the power button the first message that pops up is Robbie's I am sorry Anjali Simran shouldn't have done that I am sorry I read it and I keep my phone back in I shut my eyes and open them again trying to avoid any unwanted thoughts I brush my hair and keep biting the inside of my cheek to avoid any sort of breakdown I don't want to let people down anymore I have done enough damage of my baby many aunty hugs me and kisses my cheeks I look around and there are only 3 people in the room that to moms friends and I'm not disappointed that that she didn't call mine because I don't have any everyone I know is linked to Robbie I said near mini aunty and a nostalgic smell hits my nostrile my hands start to Shiva and my neck tickles I feel like I am going to go crazy I get up and walk to the window and I feel hand on my shoulder I took back and see it's my young as a doctor I can't be prouder he pets my bag and I just smile I am to free of cubed with the nausea building up inside me so if I take you out will you come he says I just look at him like he is some ghost and he wait for me to say something isn't it against the rules or something I try to re gain my senses no I am here as a guy asking a gorgeous girl out he says mom allows me to go out she think it's they be but I grab this opportunity to look forward to life I realise I am not the only one notice in him around he takes me to an ice cream hub I think it's going to poor he says while looking the car I think I should buy my favourite flavour for you and you buy me yours as smile and he notes I choose cookie cream for him he select men chocolate for me why did you ask me out on a date we are sitting near the balcony area under the pink umbrella it's a treat you passed your test you didn't touch it even though you got the withdrawal symptoms I feel embarrassed for repairing to it as a date he says he like the flavour I got for him but I feel like his is better its mean tea and sweet for Babli my favourite from now on but I don't want to tell him that and fill embarrassed again this man nose everything about me and I just know his name and what he does how old are you I finally ask 26 he causes in ads with the laugh and married I smile because I think it will be weird if I don't doctors do have a weird sense of humour I really like the person you are your present makes me feel some thing I never felt and you are pretty to so I just thought you know he rises his shoulder how can he say something like that so easily then I remember that he trained he is the shrink beauty is a myth the soul is timeless he says I don't choose you for your history I choose you for you why do bad things happen to good people I finish my cup of ice cream because if that thing happen to bad people it would be a good thing he says I laugh I should capture this happy you and maintain your record she start stopping he is pocket I think I left it in the car I just get it he lives I look around and see a family of face approaching me and my heartbeat ghost crazy hi Anjali Robbie waves at me he weds for me to say something but I don't I just look down and think about how bad my luck is I hear about you I am so sorry we didn't mean to I hope you are good now he is word or Harsh and I want to get up and leave but I don't I want to face it I feel like a Rebel in my own body it's okay I am great I force a smile I was worried I hope your over it he says and gets under the umbrella since it has started drizzling I feel my legs freezing up I am over you actually I am here with something he is expression changes like he's mad at me and then he looks up should be leave honey Mayank hand feels warm on my gold body and I am not hi I'm Robbie Robbie extends his hand and Mayank take set I am Mayank he is my you are with her she ask him like he cares yeah a lot about you thought I am a professional so it's a little out offline but you sincerely suck for messing with her she is a gym she says and grand my hand I keep looking at him as we live stand here Mayank takes out his phone it's drizzling I say to that he doesn't click but he does a woman like you should be gift safe all the things you like about yourself and everything you don't should be kept safe to make you realise the person you are and the person you are becoming towards the card with him I can't stop replying it all in my head and blushing I am not sure where it happens but I feel something when I am around my young like we are connected and all I can do now is free that he feels the same way I know I know something has happened something has happened in the rain and I am not letting go.