Chapter 174: War (Jeonjaeng)

"But please grant me a daughter, a beautiful daughter to keep as my own, as a daughter without my own mother in my life. And please allow her to be educated, as my father educated me and you have found your use for me that binds us together. Please, allow me to keep any female offspring that we produce, no matter what any future law says." "You want us to risk our lives for female offspring?" "As you risk yours to marry a lowborn such as myself, even though the Emperor brought up my status. We both know i cannot leave my lowborn roots behind and you always tell me that you want to give me the world. Please give me this instead…" "Are you sure?" "If you want the grandchildren of Seo Geom, then you will have to raise our children just like he did, with all of them that we have. Please, i beg of you. Imagine what you can do with a daughter who turns out just like me?" "You really want a daughter that badly?" "I want as many daughters as I will give you sons." "And what all you do for me in return?" "I will bear you as many children as you like, i promise you that I will…"

"What are you thinking about, My Lord?" "It is none of your business." "Tell me, you look so preoccupied…" "Just because we share a bed, doesn't mean that I will start telling you my secrets." "Really? Not after all of this time? Man, you are a hard one to crack." "We only sleep with each other, we are not in a relationship…" "Husband! It is the middle of the night for goodness sake!" "So what? We are technically man and wife after we…." "After you harass me on a daily basis? And nightly? Come on, you know that I work, and i need my beauty sleep." "You are already beautiful, and you smell good and your skin is soft, unlike mine…." "You can say that again." "Hey! Here I am complimenting you…" "Propositioning me more like." "And you cannot even say one nice thing about me in return?" I loved it when I annoyed her to the point where she would get on top of me and scold me just like she used to in our childhoods.

"You are handsome, you are smart, you are beastly in bed and you taste even better. But it wouldn't hurt you to bathe in oils a little more since your skin is so rough. You know that i like to bury myself into you after I…" "…rock my world?" "How do you expect me to be comfortable like this?" "So what? You just want me to bathe more?" "You also need to groom yourself a little more, it would't kill you, you know." "Hmm, no I don't think that i can do it." "And why is that?" "Because if I become as tempting as you are, then neither one of us will get any sleep at all." "Oh really? So it is fine of me if I loose sleep, but not for you?" "Hey, nobody is forcing you to work. You could always live comfortably as my wife, but you are the one who is dragging things out." "Unbelievable." "You have a wealthy man who cannot wait to marry you and give you the world…and is dying to fill you up with sons. You need to learn to put up with his…moods until you are in a bridal dress, only then will i make some effort to be considerate on your behalf." "You arrogant, selfish, masochistic…" "You want daughters, remember? And the last time that I checked, I am the only one who can give that to you…" "It is so adorable how you make out to be the only man in the world for me when there is plenty more…" "Hey! What are you…"

I had her pinned to our bed mere seconds after she made the mistake of mentioning other man in my presence. "You belong to me and you know it. Every. Single. Piece. Of. You." I emphasised every word as i slowly began to undress her right under me so that she couldn't escape. Not that she wanted to, the little minx. She just couldn't help herself but to give into my demands every single time. Usually men would get bored of this quite quickly and move onto the next, but her foreplay was rather interesting, and she was the only one that i had. The only woman, that is. "Very well, i shall just bugger off to my own tent and…" "And do not return to mine, i mean it. The war is almost over and there is no need for us to see each other again after this." "Are you being serious right now? Don't you know how hard it is for us to take precautions so that we do not get caught? I sweat my ass off every-time that I make up an excuse to go to your tent without arousing suspicion from the general or any one of our masters?" "so what? What does that have to do with me? You were the one who flirted with me first and you were the one who sneaked into my bed to give me oral pleasure. To this day I still do not know what your name is and quite frankly, I do not care at all."

"So that is it? You are done with me, just like that?" "For fuck's sake, we didn't even discuss what this thing is between us, so why are you acting clingy all of a sudden? Besides, I already have a woman waiting for me as soon as I return." "Hang on a minute, I thought that you were a sodomite? But you have a woman? Who is she? And do you love her? Like how i love you?" "Love? What does love have to do with anything to do with me? I am incapable of such feelings. She is just…my obsession, the one who can give me everything that I ask for, as long as i remain faithful to her and not go near other women. Not that i really want to, to be honest." "So she…." "…she is an exception I guess." "How is it? I mean, what is it like to be with a girl?" "Being with a girl…woman is just to much more…intimate and sensual. They smell nice, they have soft skin and slender curves that can fit in the palm of my hands. It is totally different that being with men, especially ones who sweat their asses off easily, just like you." "So you prefer women to men?" "Do you know that I have never kissed a man in my entire life? I cannot do it, it isn't the same as kissing a woman. Their tongues are smaller and sweeter, and far more delicate. It is almost like suckling on honey." "So why can't you have both? A man and a woman?" "I do want both, but the man that i want isn't you." "What? Are you kidding me? Are you in love with somebody else?" "You do not need to worry about that also, just leave and do not seek me out again." "I can change you know, i can be like the man that you want…" "Nobody can, so take the fucking hint and leave before I kill you and throw your body in the pit of dead men that we have behind the tents." "I will not give up on you."

"I will not give up on you my love, not this time." I heard her whisper to me on our very last night together when she wrapped herself around me as usual. I could feel her stroke my eyebrows, my hair and even my hands before she dragged her tongue up my back, which was all I needed to set me off. I had her right there and then until we were both tired and she wouldn't let go of me this time, not even to let me turn around in my sleep. She clung onto me like a child and placed her head in between my shoulders and her neck before she dug her nails into my skin so that she could mark me for herself. Every single day that I was away from her, i always looked at these marks to remind myself of who i belonged to and what I had waiting for me back home.

I missed the Seo's more than I ever had now that I didn't have a tyrant over my head trying to make me forget them as I had to be more cruel with each passing day. I missed Hwi, who was my only companion in this life, and his sister who was my soulmate that I was lucky enough to keep by my side, even if that meant giving her empty threats…mostly. Hwi walked with me, ate with me, sparred with me, taught me new things that my father never wanted to, in fact we both had to become each other's fathers since we were left without ones. I spent my youth with that man and I experienced all sorts of things growing up by his side. I knew almost every single though that went through his pea-sized brain just with a single look, but his sister on the other hand was annoyingly better at concealing her emotions. Sometimes I couldn't read her right away and it frustrated me to no end due to her sheer recklessness. I could now fully understand why her brother kept her locked up at home, the girl acted like she had 20 lives and I didn't even want to think what she was doing right now. A rare smile crept over my face as I could imagine her wearing her brother down as she tried to do 100 things at once and pretend that she wasn't waiting for me but coincidentally prepared 10 different dishes just for me.

Just that memory alone gave me hope for what I was about to come home to; a best friend for a brother-in-law and a woman who was going to encourage me in everything I did as well as live the life she was deprived of by my side. I had them on my mind on our future as I lay in my 'bed' with god knows how many other men, trying to keep my sanity alive and my ambitions only a few steps away. But this guy wouldn't leave me alone and he gave me no choice but to silence him in case he let on about out little secret, which would result in gruesome torture and death for the both of us. I had to return to my woman and my brother-i-law alive in one piece so I could honour them with the merits that i had made for myself in this war, just like I did with my first one in Liadong. I finally had everything that I needed to marry my woman and bring her glory in my name so she could be taken care of for the rest of her life now that her plans were over. And then she would finally give me the children that I wanted…and then she will help me with my plans…and then we will sped he rest of our lives together, jus the 2 of us. Along with her brother of course, but still, it will be just us. Yeon…she will live with me, and tend to me, and feed me and clothe me with her hands. She will cook for me and our children and I…could not wait to see her with a swollen belly with my possession, my flesh and my blood. She piqued at my curiosity, and I found myself waiting for her when she disappeared. I wanted to beat her at her plans and I did, but then when I almost lost my upper hand and I found myself floundering before her, I almost couldn't breathe. But in this time that I had spent away from her, I found myself waiting for those moments and the unpredictability that she bought to my carefully calculated world. She saved me as a child and again in my recent years under my fathers roof, she was the only woman who looked at me, who catered to me and who cared for me. And who loved me unconditionally. And as for myself? Was Yeon really only a key component to my plans? And someone that I lusted after, separately? Were you supposed to think of someone who were those things this much? I saw her everywhere, I smelled her everywhere, I felt her small yet delicate hands working their way around my chest when I slept and I tasted her whenever we passed cherry trees. Was all of this…love?