The knowing

"You know Brandon?" I question, furrowing my eyebrows.

Julia makes large, elegant steps towards us, a smile plastered across her luscious lips. "Yes! I've known him since I was a baby!" She says, pulling Brandon into a tight hug and ruffling his hair with her petite fingers.

My mouth dropped, "And how did I not know of this?" I question, a tone of surprise coating my voice.

"He moved away before we met," She mumbles, "I'm so glad to have seen you, how have you been?" She chatters, before we knew they were in their own little world, and Caroline and I were left to our own devices.

"Why do you keep looking over there?" I whisper, my eyes darting around to follow her gaze.

"Oh, nothing!" She says, letting out a little white lie.

I roll my eyes, "Fibber,"

"Fine, I want to go speak to that guy over there but I don't want to leave you," She answers truthfully.

My smile falls, "I may be going through something but that doesn't mean you have to put your life on hold," I begin, I hated feeling sorry for, just because I may have my problems doesn't mean I can't be left alone, I'm not stupid or vulnerable, maybe I am vulnerable but at least I'm not an idiot.

Caroline's eyes shone with embarrassment and her cheeks flushed, "I'm sorry Ev. I don't mean to, I-I just know how difficult it is to go through what you are," She says sombrely.

"Hey –" I start, reaching for her hands, "It's a hiccup in the road, it's fine, I have you guys for the rest of the night, now that hottie you might not see ever again, go and have fun," I chirp, winking at her and working up her confidence.

She smiles, two dimples appearing on her cheeks, accentuating her blossom lips, painted with red lipstick. "Knock him dead," I smile.

"You're the best you know!" She giggles, placing a kiss on my cheek and rushing off to the mysterious stranger.

I grin softly, my eyes wandering to the club exit, I need fresh air. I get up, my heels clacking against the tiles of the club. "Leaving so soon, señorita?" A gruff voice flirts.

I paint a look of disgust on my face, "Yes, to get away from you," I hiss and walk off, my thoughts expressing my utter annoyance.

I reach for the club hand and pull it down, opening a door to a big gush of cold wind, aha, this was extremely cooling to my heated body. My mind paces to the guy I called days ago, my Alex, or, my once Alex. Maybe I was an idiot, why on earth would I be thinking of him if I had plenty of fish in the sea? I guess because my heart still belonged to him, even though he had crushed it into a million pieces, it still betrayed me and fixed it back up for him, wanting him. I sigh, a deep and heavy one. I needed to get out of my own head, distract myself. My eyes wander to shop signs, all glittering and glowing, wanting people to come inside, however, none of them attracted me to enter, I felt a metal taste in my mouth. Ugh.

Just as I had wanted to turn back my eyes fly to a sign, more unstable and unflashy compared to those I had seen on my walk, but yet it drew me in like no other. It read; Psychic readings with Maryanne. I walked across the zebra crossing, my body felt like it was in a trance, I had to, no – I needed to see this woman, this Maryanne. As I finally walked up to the steps of the shop, I felt this feeling of anxiety wash over me, what was I doing? I had no idea, yet I pushed the door open anyway.

"Maryanne?" I call out.

The shop was small and very cluttered, it had rows of books and cards that needed dusting. Chandeliers hung in the center of the room with intricate gold designs patterned on it. A desk sat in the middle with a crystal ball and a couple more decks of cards, mats and jars of what I presumed were dried plants and flowers.

"Maryanne?" I call out again, this time I received an answer, a warm and bubbly one.

"Hello Evelina," A warm voice greets.

I froze, no one besides my mother knew and called me that. I was afraid to move, "How do you know my name?" I inquire, frightened by this.

"The spirits have told me about you days ago. They guided you here," She informs briefly, I wanted to know more, what else had the spirits said? Was it bad? Good? Was it about me or someone in my life?

I turn around and am greeted with a stubby woman, her hair greying and her piercing blue eyes staring right into my own. "Hello Maryanne," I greet.

"Take a seat," She instructs, her hands guiding me to a chair that felt like it appeared out of nowhere.

I nod and take a seat on the plump cushioning of the chair, "What have the spirits said?" I question.

"Well, they have said a lot about you. Especially about an old boyfriend, uh, A name, Al, Alex, no – Alexandre.

Instantly my mouth dropped, not only mentally, physically. I was completely shocked, "what?" I say dumbfounded.

"There's also a woman here, a very vibrant and loud woman here," She starts, "Uh, something about her heart, she's showing me pasta and high-school, especially high-school. She is saying no to something, oh, she's saying no to alcohol and she's saying you need to talk it out with a guy, with Alex," She spits out, everything she said sounded so fast and shocking.

My eyes bubble with liquid, I couldn't keep the eruption of tears from falling down my cheeks, "T-that's my m-mother," I sob, attempting to wipe the tears from my eyes. "She hated alcohol," I chuckle.

She smiles at me and looks down at the piece of paper that she had laying on her desk. "Was your dad a big drinker?" She questions, her voice seemingly sounding as though she was invested in my life story.

"Yes, he died because he got alcohol poisoning," I confirm, although I was never really close with my father it still hurt, I remembered him lying there in the hospital, it felt surreal.

She nods, "I'm sorry for your loss,"

I smile, "It's okay, he lived a good life and I hold onto all the good memories of him," that was a different life, one that I will always keep intact.

This Alexandre guy has come back into your life, right?" She says, seeking confirmation, but every word she said I clung to like I was holding on for dear life. It all resonated.

"Yes," I whisper, "h-he has," I blurt out.

I could barely think, my mind kept calling out for my mum and on the other hand it yearned for him. "Does she disapprove of him?" I question.

"No, she's just very mad at him,"

I grin, "Ma, does the afterlife not let go of grudges?" I joke, in an attempt to lighten the mood.

The psychic chuckles so loudly and so happily, "She's laughing so much, she's showing you and herself laughing to a point where she's crying in a kitchen," She mentions, scribbling away on her dotted notes full of black writing and unreadable words.

I smile to myself, I remembered that day so well, I had come back from school, a very bad day at school where I had gotten teased by my lack of understanding of English words and she had scared me, she jumped out from behind the front door and completely scared the soul that inhabited my body, I had sprained my wrist and started crying. After the hospital, we were in the kitchen and I had said something dumb to which my mother replied with hysterical laughter.

"That was one of the best memories I have of her," I sob out, wiping away dried tears.

"She loves you very much and wants you to know she's always here for you," She says warmly, and for a second, I feel as though it is my mother looking at me with those sweet eyes and her huge smile.

"I love her too, so much," I choke, I move my chestnut hair away from my face, placing it behind my ears, and try to contain myself.

"Io ti amo mio caro," [I love you my darling]

I look up to Maryanne, her face had contorted into a loving and soft expression, she held this familiar energy. "What?" I utter.

She looks at me with a sweet smile and then starts speaking in another language, one I hadn't spoken in for a while, "Sei diventata una bella donna," [You have grown up into a beautiful woman]

"Mamma?" I question, my eyebrows furrow and my expression was completely confused, what on the actual heck was going on?

"Sì," She says, nonchalantly [Yes]

"Non ho molto tempo per andare, ma volevo dirti che devi parlare con lui, c'è qualcosa che deve dirti, un segreto su quel giorno," She begins, taking in a fast-paced way, splurting out information while looking at me in the most loving and serious expression. [I don't have long until I have to go, but, I wanted to tell you, you need to speak with him, there's something he needs to tell you, a secret about that day]

"Qual'è il segreto? Dimmi. Non voglio parlare con lui. È un idiota!" I hiss, just thinking about him made me want to burst with anger. [What's the secret? Tell me. I don't want to talk to him. He's an idiot!]

"Metti via il tuo orgoglio e parla con lui! Sei sempre stato così testardo! Capra testarda," She groans, annoyance coating her tone. [Put away your pride and talk to him! You have always been so stubborn! Stubborn goat]

"Non posso dire nulla perché non mi è permesso, è il tuo destino, ti sto solo guidando," [I cannot say anything because I am not allowed to, it is your fate, I am just guiding you.]

I stare at my 'mother' my eyes pleading for her to tell me, this is how every romance story goes, the main character always has to choose their fate, wouldn't it be nice if someone told the main character what to do and what not to do?! It would save them so much time!

"Grazie mamma," I say sombrely, "Mi manchi tanto," I add, a new coat of tears falling down my cheeks. [Thanks mum] [I miss you so much]

"Anche a me," She cries out, grabbing my hands and holding them, "Mia cara ragazza," and with that she disappeared, I no longer felt her presence and Maryanne's eyes had rolled to the back of her head. [Me too] [My darling girl].

My head tried to whirl around the event that had just happened, it felt unreal, it felt like a fantasy. I look up from the wooden desk to Maryanne, her body still recovering from the possession. Her eyes were shut and she was humming to herself. I felt the need to get out and call Alex, straight away, but figured it would hold disrespect towards the psychic lady who used her body as a source of communication between two barriers, the dead and the living.

I pulled out my phone, several missed calls and text messages alarmed me, I hadn't heard anything during this session or while I was on my walk. Did I blackout? Among the messages laid one from someone whose number was unknown to me.

Me: Who's this?

Immediately a beep alerts me and I look down to see a message from an unknown number.

Unknown: A name that doesn't concern you right now. Do. Not. Contact. Alex.

Me: Why?

Unknown: Because he holds a dark past.

Me: Don't we all…

Unknown: Not like Alex.

I roll my eyes and scroll through my other messages, replying to each and everyone with the same line, 'I'm okay I'm just at home. Have fun tonight and don't worry about me, I have a date with Netflix. 😉'

I switch off my phone and place it back into my purse, closing the zip and looking up at Maryanne, her eyes still remained closed but she had stopped humming now. "Are you okay Maryanne?" I question.

"I'm okay, I'm just trying to regain my energy. This work takes a toll on it," She informs like it was nothing.

"I'm sorry about today," I apologise, a small smile formed on her cheeks.

"Don't be, I do this for a living, it's fine," She brushes off, continuing to hum.

"How much for today's session?" I ponder, my hands reaching for my wallet.

"Completely free, I don't do this work for the money," She says flatly.

Against her resignation, I place a fifty-dollar note on the table and give my thanks before walking out the door. My eyes dart to the glowing screen in my bag, I pull it out to see several more messages from the unknown person.

Unknown: Don't do it.

Me: What are you doing? Watching me?

Unknown: …

I find my way to my contacts, dialing a familiar number, Alex's. The phone beeps three times before a broken voice answers.

"Ev?" It asks, yearning for a reply.

"Alex," I begin, I didn't want to talk, I felt comfortable in the silence that for longed for a little while.

"Ev, can we please talk?" He pleads, his voice sounding scratchy and almost as he had been in a heated emotional state.

"Yes,' I say flatly, my hands gripping tightly on my phone, "I-I've been meaning to, I just didn't know how," I start, I grasp at things to talk about, things to say. What do I say first? Do I flat out ask what happened that day?

"W-why did you do what you did?" I blurt out, my voice shaky, my hands tremble from the nipping cold of the air.

"I had no choice. I can't explain it just yet because it's much more complicated than just saying because I was influenced, it's so much more Ev, and it had so much to do with hurting you," He admits, his inability to tell me why he did what he did, why he hurt me the way he did caused a fire to grow in the pit of my stomach. I knew I should be reasonable but at that moment I just could not.

"So, you wanted to talk, yet you don't have anything to talk about!? I have been wanting to know for years why? What? How did this happen? And it has hurt me and stopped me from doing what I could've been doing, I can't even look at someone without thinking of you, it has emotionally scarred me and you can't even explain it!?" I hiss, fury took over me and I blurted out every emotion I had been feeling, all the hurt, anger, repulsion, every. single. thing.

"I-I c-can't explain it w-without endangering y-you," He stutters out, his voice sounded sad and quavering.

"Well, I'm sure I can handle it, just like I have been doing for the past ten years without any word from you. Never contact me. Goodbye Alex, and this time forever!" I scream, I felt everything release and I just fell to the floor, shedding tears in the lonely and dark streets of Melbourne.