The Lone Macaw (1) – Chapter 9

Sparks flew through the darkness.

They danced without restraint, blazed between the start and finally died, as if they were aged fireflies. Hundreds and thousands of lights started their sheer endless way toward the night sky before a chilly breeze ended their struggle.

I stood on the edges of a field and watched the last stalks burn.

The night of the harvest festival.

It had been two weeks since I was sentenced to a few more months of solitude and the air had turned cold. Soon, snow would follow. At least my hunting yielded enough fur for a warm shirt and a pair of gloves. According to the villagers' experience, this would be one of the last evenings outside. Dear brain, I would like to switch to a Caribbean dream.

But today was the harvest festival, and the field burned.

Thea had taught me the festival's origin, but I didn't really listen. Something about gods and rebirth and circles and who cares. Yeah, the whole god gig lost its meaning after hospitalization. I couldn't believe in such things, be it the greater good or an all-encompassing plan. Therefore, I stayed silent.

This was their festival. And I was just an observer on the outside.

The first thing that came to mind hearing >festival< was music. Lively dances to electrifying music. Beautiful girls dragged shy boys towards their first adulthood, while actual adults sat around, drinking alcohol. Entertainment in a world without computer and TV.

And of course, this festival had none of these.

Alcohol was a luxury reserved for the rich and noble. The music, although at least lively, was mostly unknown folk songs, acapella. And bewitching girls? Hard to get in the mood when most of them were so young their curves didn't show at all. In short, not much to get excited about.

I listened to Elder Rolf's speech about Wulfhilda, the goddess mother, the woman who sat above the fourteen gods. He talked about her life, her death, about love, hate, about the dragon of death, and about the fourteen cycles. Meanwhile fourteen villagers wore demon masks and furs and danced around the flames as the rest of the village cheered.

And although I recognized some parts of the game's lore, I felt lost. To me, this wasn't an important festival that determined the future's wealth. Instead, I only saw a divide between me and those laughing villagers. Hence I only listened to their songs, watched the others' dance, and drank a weird mix of stale milk and mushroom slices.

Thea jumped and turned around, clapping her hands to the songs. She had dressed up with her fine clothes. Linen with less obvious patches. But the missing coat allowed a clearer look at her body and the parts that jumped following the rest of her body.

Hey Thea, you shouldn't do that. The younger girls will hate you.

Beside her danced Uno, though it looked more like an immature boy stumbling after his big sister. No physical contact or matched rhythm, but enough for him. His triumphant gaze became more and more annoying.

I sighed.

Not that big a deal.

"Don't take it to heart." Gentle words came from behind me. "He's still young and doesn't know better."

It was Uno's mother, her voice a mix between love and laughter.

"It's not really bothering me," I replied. "We aren't in competition."

"That's true." She sighed. "But he doesn't know that. For him, this is a competition for his future. He has to win a maiden's heart before someone else takes her away."

"Thea? But she's 18. And he is?"

"9. He'll be 10 in spring. Two more winters and he must find a wife. And out here there isn't much choice." She sighed. "And he really liked Thea's father. So after what happened, he decided to care for her in the future."

"I don't think she needs someone to take care of her." I joked as I pointed towards the back of my head. "She'll probably protect him instead."

"But still. To him, you are a rival. An outsider who came to take his wife away. The only man her age."

I sighed.

There wasn't any need for such feelings. I wouldn't start a meaningless rivalry. After all, I wasn't even a part of this world. Just a passerby through this dream.

Uno's mother must have misunderstood my sigh as she directed an apologetic gaze towards me. I smiled and turned the conversation towards nicer topics. The harvest, the winter, hunting. Everything was better than a love triangle with a boy half my age.

She left half an hour later, leaving me alone at the edge of the field.

The music was still going, but the fireflies had left. Only the stars and two moons lightened the dancers on the field.

It looked fun.

I really wanted to join them.

I remembered all the times I had to put my classmates off. Every time my illness had acted up, every bad day full of dizziness and nausea. I've never been dancing before. No discotheque, no club, no home party. The closest was probably some singing competition we did via the Internet.

But dancing with a girl, touching a girl, kissing a girl. Those had become unfulfilled dreams.

My first confession had come from a 13-year-old girl in my dream. That was only one level above your right hand as a girlfriend.

Should I should go over there and join Thea? How would she react?

Would it be my first dance with a girl?

Wasn't a dream something where dreams could become reality?

I chuckled.

Make your dreams a reality in your dreams.

The perfect slogan for a corrupt politician.

Should I go and get another jug of milk instead?

Or should I stay right here?

Just this decision is too complicated.

Hence I lay down in the fields and watched the stars.

Different from earth. Unknown constellations and more colorful. Not only white, but yellow, red, and even some light-green ones. In between them, two moons. A big blue moon, hardly glowing, and a small yellow moon, much brighter. A different sky.

This was just a dream.

But what if…

A thud resounded beside me.

"You won't dance?" Thea lay beside me, looking up into the sky. The drops of sweat on her face reflected the light from above. It was strangely attractive, containing all her vitality and momentum. To live without regrets, doing manly things with no care, not wasting any useless thoughts on what should be better. Someone so different from me.

"I don't know the songs." I answered with a poor excuse. "But it looked like fun."

"You should have come. I needed a dance partner."

So there had been a chance? Another wasted dream.

"Can I ask you something?"

"You already did." She chuckled. "What?"

"I talked with Uno's mother." I began. "And she talked about your father. How Uno wanted to replace him. So…"

"Yep. He's dead." She paused. "It happened two years ago. He went hunting and didn't come back. The others said a boar had protected her cub."

Silence.

So that's why she had reacted so weirdly when I brought my game home. I tore those old wounds open once more. With no warning at that.

"It surprised me when you brought those hares back." Thea broke the silence. So she had the same thoughts as me. "Back then, dad would always bring home hares. He said those were the easiest prey. And ma would skin them and sew beautiful clothing. I always bugged dad to catch bigger animals, because I wanted a long coat like the princesses in stories."

She chuckled.

"And… your mother?"

"Ma died the following winter. She became weaker and weaker… and just fell asleep. She couldn't accept that dad had left us, and it killed her." Thea sighed. "But I still have auntie and Uno and all the others. So I survived. Even though I missed the age to marry."

Missed the age to marry? With 18? Millions of women on earth would cry. Please have some mercy…

"So you patrol because…"

"Yep. You remember the three regrets of a mother?"

"Hmm?"

"The second one is not being able to shelter your child. So if I can protect myself, my mother won't have any regrets. And with that, I just stumbled into it. After dad, nobody entered the woods anymore. So I thought… maybe I could protect them if I chase the danger away. Something like that…" Another pause. "Anyway. Why didn't you dance?"

Topic change? Well, so be it. She had answered mine as well.

"It felt off. I don't belong to this village, so it was hard to come over. I was… afraid."

"That's stupid. You even got your marriage proposal." She laughed. At me? With me? I didn't know. "If you want to, do it. And if you want to, then belong here, too."

"It's not that easy… the others…"

"What others? Isn't it only you?" Thea stood up. "They can't welcome you if you don't come over."

And she was gone.

I heard laughter from afar.

>If you want to, then belong here<? Was it that easy? Was it even possible? They had welcomed me with no protest, that much rang true. My whole >punishment< had been one big persuasion to stay. But what did I want?

I squinted my eyes.

The stars in the sky stretched, forming long stripes of white light in the dark.

Like her hair. The silver-white hair, flowing in the wind, following her endless dance.

Behind my closed eyes, I could still see her bewitching figure. That perfect dance, completely different from Thea's hopping, but also unreachable. Her strength, her beauty, her perfection. Was she somewhere in this world? Did she sleep under these beautiful constellations?

During this festival night, I lay alone with my thoughts on the icy floor.

Soon it would be winter. Trapped in the middle of nowhere. Until spring.

But the question remained.

What did I want?

This question accompanied me through the first days of winter.

Until a brief sentence turned the village upside down.

Uno was dying.