Thieves planning to thieve get thieved by a thief who was actually not a thief but actually was.

Apparently, I was fucked...

Nevertheless, I calmly and expertly nodded my head. I leaned forward crossing my hands together and placed my elbows on the table.

I made a sly grin and spoke in a raspy voice, "That's good and all..."

"... but what compensation do we get for helping you. I do hope that your mistress doesn't think we are slaves at your beck and call"

And that's a cut. Haha, these creeps will totally fall for my superb acting skills, after all, I was half a weirdo myself.

You might be wondering how I was able to stay so calm and dignified in such a situation, instead of shitting my pants and running around like a headless chicken sweating buckets.

The truth is that ever since the day of the accident my state of mind had been stuck in the same hyperactive state. I believe that I have transcended to a higher state of consciousness, a state of 'zen' if you will.

Even though I still felt emotions, they don't seem to belong to me. It feels as if I am observing myself from a third-person perspective. As such I have always been able to keep a calm, logical and rational mind.

Of course, what I described might come off as symptoms of PTSD or depression, but that's all bullshit. Those who have experienced the state of zen will know that it is a different thing. The ability to look at everything around you objectively, for you know, that everything is ultimately pointless and everyone will die one day...

Anyway

Now that we are done psycho-analyzing me, let's get back to the story...

Surprisingly enough they didn't show any cliched responses.

The puppet-butler immediately spoke up, just as if he was waiting for this very question

"20 spirit stones"

I gasped.

No shit sherlock! These were spirit stones we were talking about.

An ancient form of currency that has been long lost after being replaced by the mortal gold coins.

I never thought I would ever hear of them again, especially in this support group, ahem heist crew of the unspeakable horrors. (srsly what were they even thinking when they decided to name themselves that)

...needless to say, everybody was satisfied with the given compensation.

I could even see kind-stalker-uncle drool a bit.

I totally get you man, if I were even a little less awesome than I currently am, even I would be going crazy over the spirit stones.

CAN YOU BELIEVE HE ACTUALLY GAVE US 5 IN ADVANCE

Damn feeling those stones through the pouch that fit snugly in my palm, I couldn't help but feel satisfied. Infiltrating this place has got me a lot of benefits- NOT

I can't believe that I got swept up in the flow, there's no way I am gonna take part in such a heist. Theft is forbidden by law. Oh, who am I kidding, since when did a murderer like me care about the law. Moreover, these people might be the closest thing I have to finding clues about how my brother was killed.

Maybe, just maybe, I was not the killer after all...

The Alchemists tome, the necromancer's stone, and the orb of souls. Various terms flew around my head as my ambitions started to soar without limit. I knew that this was my only bet to resurrect my brother.

Even if I had to pretend to be an unspeakable horror, and commit various crimes,

I would.

Firstly, I should find the real mad dog, and find a way to completely shut him up forever and steal his identity...

"MAD DOG!"

"Er, that's me... WHAT!"

"Stop spacing out while smiling creepily, as I was saying, we will leave for the heist in 3 hours' time, in the meantime, you could make yourselves at home, you are guests of the mistress's manor. However, the library is a forbidden location and you may not enter there. Don't blame me if you end up killing yourself in one of the lethal traps."

"Alright, I will go upstairs then."

I hurriedly went upstairs, afraid that I might alarm them and blow my cover if I acted any stranger. Thank god they interrupted my fantasizing before I started to cackle maniacally.

After I went out of sight, clown-face turned to look at stalker-uncle and said "Don't you think that Mad Dog seems to be acting a bit suspiciously today?"

Of course, I was not even Mad Dog in the first case. I am quite surprised they hadn't caught on yet.

"I dunno, and it's not like I have ever met him face to face before. If he does anything weird, we can just kill him, he is no longer even an official horror of the list, I doubt he would be able to put up much of a fight."

"Heh, its been long since these hands last tasted the blood of an unspeakable horror"

They then proceeded to laugh creepily.

How do I know this?

Remember the blindfolds on the gargoyles. They were actually a futuristic technology that enabled me to bug the room and observe it...

Psyche!

I was kidding, I am just abusing my narrator powers to provide you parts of the story.

Blame the author's poor skills, that he decided to use a cheap trick to combine the benefits of a 3rd person Pov with the awesome narration of yours truly.

Moving on, I did what any rational member of human society would do.

LOOK FOR THE LIBRARY.

What?

I mean he very specfically told us that was forbidden, it's obvious that I had to the exact opposite and look for it.

Why?

Cause it's the most logical thing to do, that's why.

The Law of causality dictates I would somehow find myself there either way, might as well take the initiative.

Also...

I kinda just realized that actually going through with the plan was a bad idea.

I didn't know Mad Dog's fighting style.

Fuck I didn't even know whether the real Mad Dog was human, he could be a were-dog for all that mattered.

I didn't even know any of these losers that called themselves horrors.

There's a limit to how far bluffing will take me.

So much for my brief seconds of unbridled ambition.

Since I am going to become a fugitive anyways I might as well loot as much as I can from this building before fleeing.

Best case scenario, I get to keep all the goodies and all the blame's pinned on the real Mad Dog

------

The house was a complete labyrinth.

How was anyone supposed to find anything here?

Why even bother warning us about the library if we couldn't even find it?

I punched a wall in frustration only to find...

... nothing happened...

So much for accidentally discovering a passage if my hand went through the wall.

I sighed and moved onward.

Soon, I came across two majestically carven wooden doors with pictures of dragons and other mythical creatures on them.

Obviously, such an extravagant entrance must be the gate to the forbidden zone.

They might as well have painted on it with red letters saying, secret treasures hidden here.

I swung the doors open only to find them falling off the hinges.

And breaking into pieces pathetically after reaching the ground.

That was ... quite a pity.

I had found the library, but it turns out that somebody had beaten me to it.

The place was a complete mess, remains of ruined traps could be found all over the place, the books were all over the floor and the shelves were broken and toppled over.

I followed the trail of destruction to a stairwell that was built in the wall. It seemed to have been a secret passage, but whoever was here before clearly used brute force to destroy the entire library and uncover the secret passage...

Interesting...

I took a moment to randomly pick up some random books and stuff them into my bag. The more information I knew about these people and the owner of this house the better.

As I slowly descended down the stairwell, the temperature seemed to rapidly drop. It felt as if I was entering the maw of an ancient beast. I heightened my senses and softened my footsteps before continuing my downward journey.

I entered a dark windowless room, the only source of light being a glass orb in the center that seemed to emit a pale white light. Wisps of smoke seemed to revolve within it and caused the light to shimmer all around the room.

Right next to it, crouching on the ground, was a girl dressed in a spotless white dress, long black hair cascaded over her shoulders, covering half of her face. The black pupil of her visible eye seemed fathomless as the deep abyss.

A mischevious grin spread across her face as she quickly swiped the orb at the center with another similar orb. (obviously a fake, I have read my fair share of treasure hunting novels to understand what was going on)

The girl giggled to herself, "Let's see how much you enjoy being stolen from Anna, I want to see what plan you have prepared to stop me..."

Looking at the mischevious grin on her face I couldn't help but feel entranced by it.

Fun fact 1: Humans like beautiful things

Fun fact 2: Human teenagers are often controlled by their hormones are stupid and impulsive

Fun fact 3: I had forgotten that I was also a human teenager.

Thus, I slowly felt drawn towards her, and looking at her I couldn't help but extend an arm to help her up.

"You are really pretty. Be careful or you might dirty your dress."

"Hiyaa!"

She shrieked in surprise and looked at me, completely flustered

"Wh-when did you come here?"

She slightly jumped and moved backward clutching the stolen orb to her chest.

Looking at her reaction I just couldn't help but want to tease her further.

She was obviously not someone I could afford to mess with, but a part of me just wanted to observe her reaction and court death.

It's like that time when you know that it's a bad idea, and you were gonna be so dead if you went through with it, but you still do it anyway.

"Just a second ago. But more importantly, don't you know that stealing is a bad thing, it's a criminal offense"

Do you realize the irony of a murderer lecturing a person thieving from the house of a bunch of lunatics?

Moreover, if someone steals from a house of a lunatic, its obvious... that he/she is an even bigger lunatic

If only I had not suddenly lost over 100 IQ points just by looking at her.

"What did you just say?"

Well crap.

Simp mode activate.

"I just said that you were really pretty" I responded, trying to play cool, but with a huge shit-eating grin on my face.

"Wait, di-did you just call me pretty?"

"Yes..."

Wait, this is going differently than expected...

She then proceeded to smile shyly and slowly pulled her hair behind her ear.

In the process, the other half of her face was revealed.

No, it wasn't burnt off like Two-Face or Hela. It's just that her other pupil was a deep crimson that reminded me of fresh blood.

Her shy smile slowly twisted into a maniacal grin as she tilted her head at an angle, somehow looking crazy and seductive at the same time.

At that moment I knew that I fucked up.

Big time.

Blood started to drip for eye sockets, splashing all over her pristine white dress and black hair.

She slowly levitated off the ground and her hair started to fly all over the place.

Her limbs slowly cracked and dislocated, bones started to jut out of her skin, rupturing it as bursts of blood spilled out.

Her neck was still twisted and her face still had the same maniacal grin on it.

The pale white light from the orb still twisted and turned, illuminated her from behind.

She seemed to have crawled right out of the middle of a road accident.

Her eyes seemed to stare straight into my soul through mine.

-----------------------------------------

Quick question 1:

What is Black and White but Read all over?

If you said the newspaper, the Ding Dong! You were correct! You get nothing!

Quick question 2:

What is Black and White yet RED all over.

If you guessed - A girl in a white dress that looked like she had been run over by a truck.

Like an isekai experiment gone horribly wrong.

Then Ding Dong! You got it right once again!

As a reward, you get to experience a super painful DEATH as her vengeful spirit TEARS YOU APART from LIMB TO LIMB!!!

----------------------------------

She suddenly teleported to stand right in front of my face, her eyes bored right into me as she slowly proceeded to ask word by word.

"Do. I. Still. Look. Pretty?"