Like A House Arrest

After eating some roasted peanuts, I immediately finished and put them away. My jaw hurt a little as the peanuts were quite dense, which made it hard for me to chew them. Besides that, I didn't have an appetite and want to sleep all day as my fever had not gone down yet. I also asked Donghwa to keep the roasted peanuts in the kitchen before pulling back the blanket.

These days, he looked very obedient, like a kitten who had just been yelled at, or he didn't even want to be blamed for what he did that night.

On the bed, the blanket almost covered my whole body, even though I knew that my fever couldn't make me felt better. The dizziness in my head that was a little sore also made my days seem like the worst day. I thought that I was going to die now and I was prepared for it.

Not long after, I felt the bed was a little cramped and at the same time, I felt Lee Donghwa's hands already embracing my body. Without removing his hands, I said in a low voice that sounded weak, "Donghwa, it's hot. Don't hug me. You could catch it later."

There was a long pause before he answered in a voice that was full of affection, "I don't care if I have to catch your fever — as long as it is yours — then it doesn't matter at all."

Hearing his words that sounded stupid in my ears, I slowly opened my eyes, then asked, "Then, if you are sick too, who will take care of us?"

"The doctor," he replied briefly.

"The Doctor? What if you're dying and I'm dying too, who will call the hospital?"

With a pause, I could hear him chuckling behind me before replying with words that were even dumber than before. "I'm dying for myself, but not for you. So if I'm dying and you're dying too, I definitely can't fight for myself to call the hospital, but I absolutely can fight for you until my last breath."

I was stunned when I heard those words. I felt like I wanted to laugh at him off and said that how to pity he was with those words.

Lee Donghwa was indeed that kind of person. When he felt guilty for something, he would say many things that didn't make sense. Since I knew him in college until now, he was very expert at looking for loopholes to find the weakest points of my feelings.

But gradually, in the past three years, I also realized that how stupid I was at that time as I kept allowing him to manipulate my feelings, so now he used it as a weapon to defeat me.

I wasn't a stubborn man in the past before I knew him. I was a man who upheld the values ​​of decency. However, ever since he asked me to cross the forbidden line in my life, I seemed to forget about my old self, who wasn't stubborn in both manners.

However, in time Donghwa had also lost his old self, as well as me to him. If in the past he liked me who always spoiled him, then I no longer wanted to do it anymore. After all, he already had a lot of toys out there, so why should I endure just one-sided pleasing? God would only laugh at me.

After my fever went down on the next two days, I felt more refreshed than the previous days. During the day, I no longer spent time in bed all day and slept well at night.

I planned to go for work this morning, but Donghwa forbade me to go — he even asked Hoonsik to watch over me while he was going to work. So, there was nothing I could do but musing inside of the lonely room, which was enveloped in an infinite void.

While Kim Daehyun, called me several times today, asking me to let him come to visit me. However, since I was a house arrest in my own house, who was always being watched while his master was out, I could only keep refusing it subtly.

Fortunately, Daehyun was a very understanding man. Any excuses would always make sense to him, even though I knew that he was forcing himself to accept them.

Then, a different context for Doctor Jeong himself. He always contacted me, asking me to discuss when we would start to do surgery, but I also refused it because of my selfishness. I didn't want to smell disinfectant in the hospital, which seemed to give the impression that the death was right in front of my eyes.

On the sofa, I smiled stupidly while thinking of myself. It did seem like I would spend the rest of my life with a lot of lies.

In the evening, around 7.00 p.m, Donghwa came home with a cheerful face. He embraced me warmly who was currently on the bed before he took off his clothes and went to the bathroom to take a shower.

I stared at his back until the bathroom's door closed while thinking, that Donghwa came home tonight with no scent of someone else. It wasn't only for tonight, but also yesterday. It seemed that he had gotten a little self-conscious of his disgusting behavior all this time.

Until he came out of the bathroom, I was already laying on the bed. I closed my eyes but wasn't asleep yet.

Not long after, I felt him already in bed, then slowly embraced me. His cold body felt so soothing, and his warm breath was so warm. He did have those two things in the past but they disappeared a few years ago, and today he brought them back. I didn't know where he found them — maybe in another place where he left them.

Lee Donghwa kissed the nape of my neck, and his hand slowly entered my thin pajamas. I knew that he wanted to do it tonight.

I wanted to refuse by words, but I had run out of excuses, so I had no choice but to let him do it. I considered this thing as a payment for what he did during these few days for me.