Samuel

The first of September 1974, 3:45 a.m. at the port, while we were gathering in order to leave, the boss came with a 20 years old ginger boy, the guy was skinny, tall, orange hair, blue eyes, and a light beard. The boss asked him

-          Introduce yourself to your new crewmates Samuel, I am pretty sure that you will get along with them.

The new guy seemed to be too shy but he managed to speak

-          Good morning everyone, my name is Samuel, I am 20 years old, I don't know much about fishing but I hope that I will learn a lot about it by working with you!

He said that with a funny tone that made the most of the drew laugh, still that was a good sign because it was the same way they welcomed me.

After we got all of our stuff on the bout and decided to leave the boss came to me and said with care

-          Take care of the new guy, be nice to him and teach him all what he needs to learn.

I nodded as a sign of "yes" to the boss and spoke

-          Yes sir, don't worry about him, he will do great.

Then we left the port, and during the fishing I became close to Samuel and he opened up to me after only 2 weeks of working together. I used to think that it is always a nice thing if people open up to you but after knowing Samuel, I realized that I was wrong, and here's why.

On the Twenty-second on September 1974, while Samuel and I were cooking the dinner for all og our crewmates he seemed very sad and I wanted him to feel a little bit better so I asked him

-          What is it, Samuel? Is there something bothering you? You can always talk to me.

Samuel faked a smile then said to me with a low tone

-          Can we talk after this whole dinner thing ends? Because it is a very long story.

I nodded as a sing of acceptance and we kept cooking in silence.

After we finished the dinner, Samuel and I went to a bit of a private place so we can talk, once we got there and sat, I asked him with a comforting tone

-          So, my friend Samuel, what is that long story thing?

Samuel looked at me with a deep focusing look on his eyes, then he started speaking

-          Alright my friend, what to start with?... okay, here I go. I don't think that you will possibly ever understand me but here is the thing, I am not normal, I mean that I am not like all o you, there is something wrong with me, that thing is that… ahh that thing is that I hate everything, I hate my life, I hate myself, I hate my job, I hate my family, I really want to die as soon as possible, in fact death is what made me pick this job since I don't know how to swim. I know that you won't understand me and you don't have to, I acknowledge that I am not okay, but there is nothing I can do. The reason why I hate this life, is because it is pointless, my parents only drink and have sex, my older sister is a whore, my older brother is a criminal and drug addict, everywhere I go my family's reputation follows me and destroys every single chance for me of having a normal life, they always call me as the alcoholic's son or the whore's brother, the love of my life left me because my brother robbed her family, I caught all of my friends sleeping with sister, no body ha ever hugged me, I tried my best to build a life, but couldn't, I know that killing myself is a sin, but Lord will understand my suffering, I know I seemed fine for a little while, but I was just faking it, I have never knew what happiness feels like. So I hope that I will taste happiness in the afterlife, thank you a lot for hearing and listening to me, please don't try to propose anything to me, because I have already tried everything.

Samuel was just talking, he didn't even cry nor show sadness like the other crewmates, he just said all that without showing any concerns or showing that he wants to find a solution, it was the first time that I ever see someone like him, and the strangest part is that I understood his feelings and didn't think of him as a strange person, I understood him perfectly, I understood why he doesn't want to try and make things work, I got his point.

Few days after that conversation while I was cleaning the baskets, I suddenly heard one of the crew-mates screaming

-          Samuel! Samuel! Samuel! Can you hear me?

I let the baskets out o my hand and went running to the place where the noise came from, When I got there, I found three of my crew-mates on the ocean, two were awake swimming while one of them was not awake, that person that wasn't awake was Samuel, they got him on board and they checked if his heart was beating, Jack put his head on Samuel's chest and tried to hear, Jack heard nothing and Peter spoke

-          Just try, we still can save him, come on let me do it.

Peter started pumping Samuel's chest and giving him oxygen, he did it once, twice, third time, fourth,… he did it for 25 minutes but nothing worked, Samuel was already dead, Peter gave up and walked away with tears on his eyes, all of the others started crying, on that moment I realized that I was shocked, seeing him dead right there, I thought that I was going to freak out and cry the same way I cried when my mother killed herself, but I just got a little amount of tears for Samuel, even though I really felt as if he was the closest person to me eon that bout, maybe because I didn't know him for a long while, or maybe because I didn't really care about him, or maybe because I knew that he was going to do it, or maybe because I wanted to be the dead person right there.