Chapter 16: Rock On, Part 1

"Aayush, what did you do today?" Ritu asked as the car stopped at the Hauz Khas traffic signal. This was their daily routine. Aayush's teacher had suggested it as a way to get him to express more. It required patience like feeding an infant morsel by morsel.

She turned to look at him. He stared outside his window. A young boy, about his age, displayed a plastic police car, whose indicator lights shone and the siren rang when he pressed the white button on the top.

"Aayush, look at mama, beta."

He reluctantly tore his gaze from the toy and brushed away the hair from his eyes. He needed a haircut.

She wriggled under the seat belt to make herself more comfortable and smiled at him. "What did you do at school today?"

"Aayush play guitar."

He had taken to guitar two years ago. He enjoyed that more than anything else.

A few months ago, the school had organized a concert the children had dressed as rock stars leather jackets, sun glasses, funky hair. He had played the guitar and had even sung a little. She had been a proud mom.

The last three years in Abilities Plus Academy had made a world of difference. The founder of the school, Mrs Dave, had an autistic child, and had started the school with the intention of providing specialized support for autistic kids. They had started with three students and now had fifteen. The school had four full time teachers two of them trained speech therapists, one psychologist and one music therapist. Aayush's Manisha didi, a young girl in her twenties who taught music, had been a godsend. She recognized his interest and encouraged him. He was taking additional lessons from a private tutor now.

The signal glowed green and she pressed her foot on the accelerator. "What songs?"

"Radha on the dance floor."

"Only one?" A motor cycle almost brushed against the car before moving away.

"Many." Aayush looked straight ahead.

"What other?"

"Rock on."

It was one of the songs he had played in the concert.

"Bas? Two?"

"Not two. Many."

"Tell mama about all of them."

She kept asking him. He kept replying. Little by little.

It wasn't too long ago she bore scratch marks on her arms and hands from her struggles with him. If Aayush wanted something, usually cookies or candy, he became violent, if refused. The doctors explained he saw her not as a mother, but as a vessel to get his needs met. As he grew up and got stronger, it got harder for her to control him. He still had those moods, but thanks to the new school, they were less frequent, less intense.

Yet there were nights when she couldn't sleep, worrying about him. She and Sunil would take care of Aayush as long as they lived, but what would happen to him when they were gone?

With Sameer, she escaped into a fantasy world, where only the two of them existed. All her fears, her problems, on hold. A few moments of pleasure stolen from a demanding life.

They were almost home when Aayush said something. She was so absorbed in her thoughts she almost missed hearing it.

"Aayush, what did you say?"

"Mama, ask questions."

She almost banged into Ramesh ji's parked Corolla. "You want mama to ask questions?"

"Yes. About school."

She hugged him as she parked the car and then felt him go rigid in her embrace. She pulled away.

"Can Mama hug you, Aayush?"

"No."

"Just once."

"No."

"Only for a second."

"Okay. For a second."

Aayush was the well spring of her happiness, her existence.

"You know what? Mama and Aayush will watch a movie tonight."

She knew he loved that. In the darkness of the cinema hall, he sat mesmerized. He didn't appreciate feelings love, fear or anger. Neither mockery nor sarcasm. He understood only the physical action, which sometimes made him laugh at absolutely the wrong places, eliciting stares from others.

"Watch Rahul movie," he responded, rocking himself, calming down his own excitement. Shahrukh Khan fascinated him.

As she turned the key at the door of their apartment, she looked at the Rama and Sinta masks on the door. The irony.

Sunil was home, sprawled on the sofa in the living room, in front of the TV. As always, the room was in chaos shoes flung away, socks draping the sofa, briefcase open on the floor, lunchbox on the coffee table, car keys on top.

"Hey, champ!" He put his hand up for Aayush for a high five, ignoring her. Ritu picked up his things to put them in their appointed place.

She went into the bedroom and discarded her saree for a more comfortable T shirt, jeans and flats. When she came out, Sunil and Aayush were busy playing X-box.

"Aayush, go and change, beta. Remember the movie?" She said, looking at herself in the mirror, pulling out a loose thread on the collar, smoothing the shirt over her flat stomach.

Aayush was immersed in the game. His eyes unblinking, a frown on his forehead. Doing his best to beat his father in a sword fight they had going on the TV monitor in front of them.

"You're watching a movie?" Sunil asked, not looking at her.

"Want to come?"

"No, I have night duty."

I know what nightly duties you have.

Of late, she had learnt to keep out of his way. They barely spoke to each other; his erratic working hours made that easier.

"Aayush!" she called again.

Aayush was too busy attacking the red swordsman of his father. He couldn't be drawn to the mundane at this time.

"Shoot!" Sunil exclaimed, dropping his console. His swordsman lay on the ground. "You won again, champ!"

For a fleeting second, she glimpsed a brightening in Aayush's eyes in the moment of conquest and then it was gone, in a flash.

"You want to play another round?" Sunil asked.

"Okay," Aayush answered.

And then they were at it again. The earnest, absorbed look was back on Aayush's face. She felt a twinge of envy, seeing them together like this.

It hadn't always been like this. They had been a family once. Till he decided to punish her for a crime she never committed.