274. Chapter 274

She’s generally got it under control.

It’s generally not something that gets visible to anyone else.

J’onn knows. Of course J’onn knows. And Kara knows. Of course Kara knows.

They help, when it gets overwhelming.

When her thoughts spiral and won’t stop, won’t stop, won’t stop, when she needs to have everything in the lab just so because it won’t stop, won’t stop, won’t stop, when she needs to get out of the apartment and get into work because she knows what will happen if she stays. Which is how Eliza knows.

She wishes Eliza didn’t know.

That never helps. Eliza never helps.

Eliza makes her cycles stronger.

It won’t stop.

Now? Now, it’s Maggie. Now, it’s Maggie, because she’ll find out that Alex isn’t cool and badass and calm and kickass. She’ll find out that Alex is a complete wreck inside. She’ll find out and she’ll leave and Alex will break and she needs to be in the lab. She needs to be training new recruits.

She’s good at those things.

She’s good at those things.

She’s good at those things.

J’onn sighs when he sees her – feels her, really – slip back into the DEO after two long shifts that most certainly mean she should be home sleeping and eating ice cream and resting, not coming back for more.

He tries to make a habit of never deliberately dipping into her or anyone’s thoughts, but strong, powerful surface thoughts always leave impressions in his mind.

So he sighs, because he knows, and smiles softly, because he’s proud. Because somewhere in Alex’s struggle right now, she remembers that she copes better when she doesn’t close herself off, alone. And she’s doing what’s best for herself by dragging herself here.

He will never stop being proud of his eldest Earth daughter.

And he’s hardly surprised when his newest daughter shows up with a bewildered, concerned look on her face a few minutes later.

“Hey J’onn, I’m sorry, is Alex here? I thought she’d be home, I know she just got off some really long shifts, but she’s not picking up her phone, and – “

He puts his hand on Maggie’s shoulder and leads her to one of the sparring rooms without a word.

“She’s not feeling so great, is she?” Maggie asks, and J’onn glances down at her, curious and impressed.

“I may be new, but I know her,” Maggie answers his unspoken question, and his eyes smile down at her.

“She’s not feeling so great, no,” J’onn confirms softly as they stop in the entryway of a room identical to the green room except lacking in Kryptonite-emitters. She’s got some new recruits lined up and she’s teaching them a new set of moves, and damn, is she good at it.

She’s good at it.

Excellent.

A demanding but thorough teacher. A ruthless, smart fighter.

Excellent.

She can’t control her mind, maybe, but dammit, she can control the way her body wraps around a new recruit’s and shows him how to throw her down. She can land perfectly, and call attention to the way that she let herself fall without breaking any bones, so the rookies can learn how to both throw down and be thrown down most effectively. She can flip herself off of her back and back onto her feet without using her hands, because she can control her strong, how agile, how useful, her body is.

Maggie watches her with a tilted head and soft eyes, and she sees the battle raging in Alex’s, and she knows that she’s in love.

J’onn can feel it radiating off of her, and he smiles.

“I’ll leave Agent Danvers in your very capable hands,” he says, because Alex’s family is growing and he couldn’t be happier. Even if it added another child for him to worry over. It was worth it.

“Hey Danvers, you about done beating up the newbies?” Maggie calls, and Alex stiffens, and the rookies grin.

“Oh come on, it’s just training, once we finish basic, we can take her,” Yve calls, and Alex scoffs.

“Doubt that, Butler,” she parries, but stiffens and dismisses them to practice on each other in a different room nonetheless.

Maggie squeezes Yve’s hand on the way out, and Alex has barely-controlled terror in her eyes.

“I’ve got to go join them, supervise their session,” she tells Maggie quickly, efficiently.

Maggie nods softly. “You can do that if you need to, babe, but I think you need some sleep.”

Alex gulps and her breathing starts to get ragged, her heartrate starts to skyrocket. “Can’t sleep.”

Maggie is quiet for a long, long, long moment, and then, “Thoughts spiralling, Danvers?”

Alex blinks rapidly and swallows and fights the instinct to run. “How – “

“I know you, Alex. Here babe.” She puts her hand on Alex’s chest. “Breathe out into my hand, okay? Just breathe into my hand. Just breathe into my hand.”

Alex glares for a long, panicked moment before closing her eyes and conceding. Her coiled muscles relax somewhat in a few breaths, and Maggie strokes her cheek softly. “Come home with me, Ally. You need to rest.”

Alex tenses again.

“Breathe into my hand,” Maggie repeats, and Alex does.

“I have to…” She splutters, at a loss for explaining, and thinking, hoping, from the kind, patient, affectionate look on Maggie’s face that maybe, just maybe, she doesn’t have to.

“I know. I know. What if I promise not to leave your side until it gets quieter in there? Hm?”

“And then you’ll leave?”

“Would you want me to?”

Alex shakes her head fearfully.

“Then no, I’d stay to celebrate the quiet with you.”

“Why are you – “

“Because I love you, Danvers. Because you’re amazing and you’re allowed to feel what you feel and be supported every step of the way. Okay?”

Alex quirks her lips to the side and Maggie nearly swoons.

“You’re the best.”

“I certainly hope so, because the best is exactly what you deserve.”