Chapter 9

IT'S HARD TO SAY GOODBYE

Haile's P.O.V

All I can hear is the sound of the monitor and the oxygen that supporting his body. From the cannula in his nose and those tubes that I'm hella sure painful in the skin. Those white background and curtains that surrounds him, and those machines—that helps his body to survive. He still unconscious and I feel bad about it to be honest. I was watching him the whole time, I was there hoping that he open his eyes for me. At least, just for the last time.

Damn, it was all my fault.

It was at 3 A.M. in the morning, yet I'm still here standing. Regretting all of those decisions I made. Flood by those what if's in mind and thinking if coming back here is the best decision—which is really particularly wrong. It was the biggest mistake I ever made and I am angry to myself because I put his life in danger.

I'm so stupid.

Today, is the last day where I can see and took a glimpse on him—that I wish will last until my last breath. Where I can trace his perfect features in this glass window where I am standing. Today, is the day where I wish that this day will never goes to an end. I want to apologize, I want to hug him, I want to kiss him so bad and assure him that I'll leave for his sake but I know that it all sounds so wrong. It is f*cking wrong! Because in thier eyes, we are blood related.

God, what a cruel world right? How unfortunate. I want to tell them the truth but, would they listen? For sure, they won't. Our life is indeed a twisted story. It has many secrets to tell. And, it has many revealations that you will not expect to be heard off.

Unconsciously, I didn't notice that I am already crying. Damn, I was a crybaby now because of our situation. It's feels heavy inside, and to be honest I didn't wish this kind of life. Before, all I want is to be in his side and protect him in any cost as what I did promise—not until that accident happened. If I would rather go back back in time, I will gonna choose to live a life . . . a normal life.

But, I can't just decide and dictate my fate. After all, I'm still thankful for those for those raised me, my parents. My foster parents. Mister and Misis Santiago.

Yes, I am not the real daughter of Santiago's. But still, I'm very grateful to them despite of what happened from the past, I owe my life to them. A smile crept on my lips as I remember them. Even if I'm forced to take this position but, I am still happy. I was saved by them and I was beyond thankful for that.

I am still lucky to live my life.

A baritone cold voice erupted me from thinking those deep thoughts that clouded in my mind. "Are you really sure that you're going? You can change your mind, we'll just pull some strings to those freaks." I look away and wipe my tears that cascading in my cheeks, it was Chad.

Did he just saw how fragile I was huh? Well yeah, whatever. I hate to admit that I am not okay but, I don't have a choice. I accepted the deal. And even so, I can't afford seeing him in danger so it's better this stay away from him.

I nod and put the hood of my jacket. It's cold here and I feel really sick. "Yeah," that's all I said then look at Carl again. He's still there, as if he's sleeping peacefully.

'I will definitely miss you, Carl. I love you but I can't afford to loose you. ' I said in the back of my mind.

What a shame, I can defend and fight my enemies until death but I can't fight my love for him. It's just that, I am scared . . . I am scared that I might loose him just a snap.

I hope soon you'll gonna understand. Just wait me, love. Until I come back, I promise that no one will stop us on that time. And I will prove and show to you what I am capable of. I will shower you my love and kisses— everything you deserve. All that I can give.

We move along the quiet hallway and went to the nurse station where I can give my letter, my letter for my grandparents—Carl's grandparents. Well, the content of the letter is about thanking them for letting me stay for a while. And, confession about my real identity, and other information that they need to know. Specifically, the truth behind everything that happened. From the past and up until now. By that, atleast I can put thier mind at ease. Atleast, I tried to be honest with them even if it's kinda too late.

That I hope they will understand too.

Chad and I went straight to the headquarters after. I close the door of my room and sit in my bed. My closet are now empty and all of my stuffs was inside my luggage bags. It's already packed and I was waiting for my flight to somewhere they don't need to know.

I let a problematic sigh.

I will to miss them. I will going to miss the twin, Jess, Gian and the other gangs. Especially him, I will going to miss Carl so damn much. How unfortunate I am. I can't fight for him right now because my foster parent's condition.

And yeah, that's the reason why I choose to deal with the rivals effing condition too. It is because if I will not agree, then I might loose my members and I will loose him too. Plus, I can't see him ever again. Hell, it was really complicated to decide what is the best. So that, even if it's painful in my part, I need to sacrifice and endure all of this.

After all, maybe one day I can see him again right? Or maybe no.

I am not sure about it but, whatever it takes I'll try to take risk.

A soft knock take me back from my senses. "Haile, can I come in?" it was Gian.

"Yeah, come in." I said in low voice carrying the strength of the wind. The door wide open and I also saw them tailing Gian. They all look at me with sad expression. I tried to smile at them but they all burst out into tears.

Geez! I am not dying for Christ sake.

"We will gonna miss you," I hug Jessy back and tap her shoulder. Reassuring her that it's all fine. Gian look at me then smile timidly. He's like he was about to say something but he just keep it on himself.

"Don't worry, we'll update you about him. Just don't block our communication alright?" I didn't response and look away. Well, I'm planning to block all of you and live alone in a far place.

All we can hear is the sound of crying and farewells to each other. Hours later, they send me to the airport and I was crying the whole time until I rode the plane. If y'all want to know where on Earth I am going?

Well, I will move into a place where no one will know my existence. I need to be there, I need to have and live a new environment. Not as Haile, but, as Acey.

I look at the wing of the plane. I smile sadly as I look at those people bidding thier goodbyes with thier love ones.

"I guess I have to face and use to be alone this time," a lone tear escape in my eyes again. "Goodbye Carl, until then."