Chapter 10

His downfall

Carl's P.O.V

I feel like everything was heavy. My eyes, my body—everything. I tried to open my eyes but, the light is blinding me. I tried to move my hands and I manage to do it. I want to know where am I but, I can't do it since I can't even open my freaking eyes. Damn!

I can hear the machines around me. I can feel the warm temperature of the room, and silence. A deafening silence.

I guess I'm still alive? Right?

Am I in a hospital? Yeah, maybe.

Relieve wash through me. Atleast, I didn't die. I'm still here and breathing this oxygen. Atleast, I am already saved by my angels. Geez! Thank God! I am not ready yet to be in heaven or hell.

Seconds passed, the door of the room went open. I can hear the footsteps walk towards me. Then, it stopped three steps away. I observe the person if he'll do anything stupid but, it didn't happened. It's was just staring at me. Later on, I feel the person touch my shoulder lightly.

"Bro, can you f*cking wake up now! Common!" he said slightly annoyed with me. Geez! If he knows that I did try it but I can't just open these eyes of mine. I was bit frustrated because of my thoughts.

I wish I can smack his head and roll my eyes on him. This idiot!

Upon hearing the voice I know it's Gian. I know him very well—like the whole him. The id*ot is here huh! I tried to move my hands again for him to notice it and he did. A gasp escape in his mouth. Almost overreacting like I was risen from death.

"Holy sh—I mean, thank Goddness! Wait me here, I'll just call the doctor!" He said in panicked then leave me. Running in the hallway and shouting that I am already awake. Until I can't hear his voice, silence welcome me again. About thirty seconds or so, I hear a group of people talking and rushing.

They entered the room and I feel like they're about ten or more by just estimating. I can also hear familiar voices crying. The doctors are still arguing about something I didn't understand, sound familiar voices from the gang, and the nurses that keeps saying thank you because I was already in my consciousness.

"Are you really sure that it was a miracle? How come—"

"It is not possible, his body is strong—"

"Doc, you need to check him first! Don't just stand there and watch him, stop blabbering some nonsense conclusions and check his vital signs now!" Gian's roar echoed the whole room. They all stilled and look at him in shock.

The doctor hurriedly check me and I was just observing them all. You check my eyes by putting a flashlight—well, I guess because I don't really have single idea what kind of thing is that. Then he ask me some questions until he finished checking me. He talked to the another doctor again, then, discuss some stuffs.

He approached me again and told me to slowly open my eyes. At first, it kills me. But, later on I already adjusted which make them relieve.

Gian and the gang was pretty quiet. The doctor excuse himself and same as the other nurses. My friends thanked them. Then, I was left with my friends and they began to approach me and asked me if I can breathe properly or what I am feeling. And honestly speaking, their kind of exaggerating things. Well, that's quite stupid.

"Dude, I almost things that you won't wake up. But I remembered, heaven will not accept you—"

Someone scoffed and cut him off. "Wow! Comming from you who don't believe in God," said by Jess.

Groggily, I replied to them. "You idiot! You really want me dead?" They all laugh with my statement. I look at them one by one and I can say that they are really happy to see me okay.

Wait, there is missing . . . And, how many days I've been in coma?

"Uhm, how many days I am sleeping—I mean unconscious?" They all when silent. I look at Jess who is nearly and asked her the same questions twice.

"How many days I've been unconscious?"

If takes her ten seconds before she answered it.

"Uh, you slept for almost a year, Carl." I was dumbfounded. W-what?! That long?

I blink several times and ask another question again. "Where is she?" They look at each other again and hesitation is evident in thier faces. It feels like they're is wrong and they're keeping something from me.

"S-she leaves us. She didn't told us where she's going. All she said is . . . She will leave for your sake. That she would rather choose to saw you away from danger and sacrifice," all of us went quiet. And I was stunned and I can feel the lump on my throat. I feel like I am crying in seconds.

She smile sadly and continue.

"Actually, I didn't know what is running in her mind. We persuade her that we will just pull some strings for her because we don't want to say her leave for you and for the sake of us but, she didn't listen to it. Partly, I understand her because maybe it is too risky and it might loose one of us but, it makes me sad that we even didn't know her location is and what is her condition there. . . We did try to persuade her Carl. We stopped her, advice her and ask for connections outside but, she didn't listen. All she said is keep you safe and it's fine with her. It's quite surprising that she cared for you this much."

I didn't hold my tears anymore. I cried in front of them and sobbed hard. Gian approach me and hug me tightly. Same as the twins, they tap my shoulder as I burst out. I feel so much pain.

I feel like I would rather to be in comatose forever rather than knowing that she's not here anymore. She left me and it hurts, it f*cking hurts me!

It infuriates me that I can't do anything for her. I was so stupid and lame. And, I was angry at myself. This is all my fault, I should have known better.

__

I didn't know if how many days I locked up myself. I was already at home yet I feel like I am not. After I found out that Haile is already gone, I ask them to discharge me in the hospital. The doctors stopped me but, seeing me desperate in front of them. . . they just let me. My friends drive me home and when I got there, I just faced my biggest downfall.

I was too late, I am f*cking late!

My grandparents already left this world. They're dead. And it's because someone killed them, our f*cking rival killed the one whom I treasure the most.

How sad, I am alone now. How pathetic! How dumb! How useless! How lame and how poor I am! This is all my fault!

On that day, Nicky's mother come to our house and slapped me. Blamed me because it was all my fault that her daughter is already dead. She slapped me, she slapped me hard while crying. I can feel her pain, if she's angry because she lost her daughter then, it hurts me too. N-nicky, she's also my friend!

My neighbors and people who knows me judge me. It's like a wildfire who scattered that fast. Thier words stabs me.

I feel like my world turned upside down. I didn't know what to do. I was still mourning for my grandparents and Haile's disappearance. And just then, someone blamed me because it is my fault—which is partly true. And it seems at all of the people around me loathes and hates me that match.

They even wish that I shouldn't live. That I should be dead.

I want to end my life. I don't know if I can still move forward without them in my side. They leave me without a notice and it wrecks and broke me into pieces.

My friends? I cut my connection to them. I cut everything. I was devastated, I want them in my side too—to be comforted yet I feel like it's a bothersome to them. So, i decided to not talk to them anymore. Just what for? To seek attention? To gain pity?

For Goodness sake, I was pathetic.

It's been what? Days? Weeks? Months? I lost count already. And to be honest, I didn't know if I really can move forward and just forget that it didn't happened.

Can I just go with them? I am tired. I am already tired of keeping and pretending that it'll pass. I'm tired to put fake scenarios just to make myself happy even a little. I am losing my hope in everything! I didn't know if what is my future ahead. I am fucked up!

I can't do this anymore. God, just please. . . take my life. I can't do this anymore.