Chapter one(I do)

Sometimes I like to hide too. Hide from all the screams and cries. I do cry too, silently and helplessly.

These screams are live in my head from time to time. I shake at every little noise. And I glare at impulsive children that won't stop chattering or battering.

People think I'm strange, just because I hide in the shadows, seeking for solace and peace that I never did find as a child. I wear black to avoid attention. But I think it does the opposite. I hate colours. I can't stand them their fake brightness that no one can actually grasp and feel.

So I love quiet and I hate colours. What more do you want to know?

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The sun set on the pretty flowers once more. It rose high in the sky, glowing radiantly as it should in countries in Africa. But it was always like this in my country, Nigeria,

sunny and hot. I was sure my skin reacted to the bright rays of the sun, it looked like caramel, brown, beautiful and radiant. My white dress looked flawless and pure. I could barely see my silver stiletto heels as the dress was long and overflowing, with silver stones on the edges. I didn't need to look in the mirror again, I knew how I looked. Beautiful, innocent and yet fearless.

And fearlessly did I walk to the aisle, effortlessly, my heels barely making the usual "kom kom" sound. I wore a sweet and genuine smile that I could almost taste it. I could feel the overwhelming joy even on my fingertips, like I could almost hold it.

The congregation, which consisted of friends , family and well-wishers stared at me in awe and they probably shared in my joy too because they were all smiling too. I could see the Priest waiting, also with a fatherly smile on his face.

I almost missed my steps as I cat walked swaying my hips, I looked at him. He looked gentle and so inviting in his black tuxedo. As I got closer to the altar, i noticed his eyes. Something was defintely different about them. His brown eyes were lighter in shade and I noticed the warm glow in them as they rested on me. Then he smiled .

The Priest read the vows and I happily said yes I do to all of them. Christopher didn't hesistate in lifting the white veil that covered my face, as he kissed me gently but it was more of a smooch.

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Receptions in Nigeria are usually noisy, the place bubbling with loud music coming from big speakers placed in specific corners. The guests are not left out, as there is abundance of food, meat and drinks. Though the irony was that the food provided was enough, but yet not everyone had enough food.

That was how my Wedding reception went. It was full of jubilation and loud music. I and my husband were the centre of attention as expected, we danced together, then with friends and family. Speaking of family.... While I conversed with my old classmate, Jasmine, someone I didn't expect showed up.

"Hey rose, your dress is so sexy... "Jasmine admired my red dress, it wasn't long like my wedding dress, this one was sexy.. Not pure or innocent. It was beautiful but not indecent.

"Thanks. You don't look so bad yourself " I had to raise my voice so she could hear me.

We talked about other things, trying to catch up on the few years we didn't see each other , then Christopher came to meet us. He held me and squeezed my shoulders gently, he usually did that when something disappointing was about to happen, it was like an insurance that he would always be there, with me.

"Is something wrong?" I asked him.

He smiled. "Look who's here with us on the happiest day of our lives?"

My eyes were small but i was pretty sure they widened and became large and round as i stared at the beautiful,middle aged woman standing behind my husband.

"Mom ...?" My voice cracked. "What are you..? Chris what is she doing here? How did you even find her? " I couldn't help asking questions, I could barely hide my surprise and resentment at her presence.

"I'm going to grab a drink. "Jasmine said and walked away.

Christopher held me and led us to a less noisy area.

The silence was uncomfortable and yet it felt right to me.

I caught her staring at me from time to time , then she looked away when our eyes met.

"Hi Rosalie " she finally spoke to me. Her voice was different from what I used to hear years ago. This one was filled with warmth or maybe it was just guilt.

"Hi.. Mom" I clasped both my hands together.

"You didn't tell me you were getting married today.. "She gave an embarassed smile.

I returned the smile. "I'm pretty sure I would have if I had a way to contact you, mom. "

Chris placed his hand on mine reassuringly, he could sense the tension and anger building inside of me despite the awkward smile on my face.

I breathed in slowly just like Chris had taught me during times like this, then I breathed out.

"Why are you here? " I asked the stranger who was actually the one that gave birth to me. But being a mother comes with responsibilities, and my mother wasn't good with handling responsibities or keeping promises.

"I came to celebrate with my daughter... My first child. I'm really happy for you both, i never thought you two will end up ...like this" She smiled.

I laughed. A joyless laugh. "Why not? Oh you expected me to end up lonely and confused like you? That's what you all expected right? "

I saw the hurt flash in her brown eyes, but I relished it. I didn't care. I stopped caring about her a long time ago. I didn't want to, but it was the only way I could get over the neglect and painful memories.

"Chris, have you seen Desmond? " I turned to my husband.

"Yeah, he's over there with his friends." He pointed at some group of guys taking pictures and I spotted my junior brother among them.

"Have you spoken to him? "The question was meant for my mom but I wasn't looking in her direction.

She answered still, "No I haven't. "

"You should probably do that. "I stood up. "I'm going to catch up with some of my old classmates. "

"Rose... "Chris tried to hold me, his eyes begged me to stay.

"I'll see you later. I guess. "I stared at my mom. She only nodded.

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When Christopher and I had our first dance as husband and wife, with his hands placed gently on my waists, my hands were draped around his strong, firm shoulders. Our bodies moved slowly to the rhythm of the blues playing from the speakers. Just like metals attracted to each other, our eyes met and connected. I tried to resist his lips, they were so tempting, my hands left his shoulders and I touched his face.

He laughed. "You want to kiss me? "

I smiled. "No.... Your lips were swollen so I was inspecting them.. ".

Another laugh. "Since when did you become an inspector? "

"Since now baby "my smile was seductive .

"No... We'll wait till we're alone.In our house, comfortable. "

"I didn't ask you for sex"I chuckled.

"So you mean you don't want me right now? "He winked.

"Curse your sexy eyes "

We burst out laughing.

Just then I turned to look around. Everyone was watching us with admiration on their faces. My mom was seated on one of the chairs on the high table, she smiled when our eyes met, I looked away immediately.

The celebration lasted till night came. Then things became even more interesting. The lights were put on and their glowing brought colours on our faces. The women dresses sparkled as they danced. I could barely hear the music or comprehend the different sounds. I tripped and almost fell but chris held me.

"I'm taking this off! "I laughed and took off my heels.

"You're drunk. "

"Drunkily in love with you "I tried to kiss him but he held my hands instead.

"We should probably get going. I'll tell everyone we're leaving. I'm feeling tipsy too. " he said.

He pulled me along with him and we went to meet the excited and tipsy guests. They wished us well and we said our goodbyes.

"Your mom is coming with us. You know that right?

The sound of that awakened me from my drunken state.

"What?.. Why?.. "

"She can't stay in a hotel when she has us here. She's still your family Rosalie. "He sighed.

I didn't say a word to him. I remained silent even when we were in the car. I stayed silent while my mom conversed with my husband. My lips were pouting in peevish anger.

I rolled my eyes a million times and turned my face away from them, looking at the houses we passed.

"Can we stop and get pizza? "I blurted out. I just needed fresh air. I was tired of Chris acting like everything was fine.

"Yeah.. Sure."he said obviously reading my thoughts of wanting to be away from her.

Outside, I breathed in the air and entered the restaurant. I ordered it and waited for a while.

I was still pouting while waiting for my Chicken flavoured pizza when I felt hands on my shoulders.

"Hey. "Chris smiled seating beside me.

I didn't reply but stared at him instead.

"Is the pizza ready yet? "

"In five minutes time. "Was my tired reply.

He rubbed my shoulders. "Don't be such a baby. It's just for tonight and then she'll leave. "

"I thought I was your baby. "I replied instead .

"Not for long though."his eyes rested on my stomach.

"Silly. "I chuckled.

Back in the car I stopped pouting and turned on the radio instead. I closed my eyes and leaned back and relaxed.

I heard Chris offering my mom some pizza which she kindly refused, she never liked junk food anyway.

I drifted off to sleep with the sound of their voices in my head. I opened my eyes instinctively knowing we had gotten home already.

"Finally. I'm so tired. "I yawned and hurriedly alighted the car.

I knew Chris wanted me to show my mom to one of our rooms where she would spend the night, but I didn't want to.

About an hour later, I had my bath already and was getting ready to sleep on our warm and cosy bed, when the door to our room opened, he turned on the lights, ignored my questions and went to the bathroom.

I watched him walk past me with his white robe on.

"What is it? "I asked. He didn't say anything, while he put on his pajamas. He lay next to me on the bed but kept a reasonable distance, which was odd.

"What did I do this time? "

Then he turned to stare at me. "I would love to get some sleep if you don't mind"

My eyes widened. "What's that supposed to mean? It's the night of our wedding and you're acting this way? "

"Well it's you who has been acting so selfishly and insensitive. "He replied.

"Is this about her? " I laughed. "If it's about her, then have a good night sleep Chris. " I turned to the other side angrily, pulled the duvet childishly to myself.

In the middle of the night, I felt hands wrapped around my waists, pulling me close. I smiled in my sleep.

"I love you still Rosalie. And I'm happy that we're finally together, as a family. " I heard him whisper.

"Though I wish you would accept your mother again as your family. "He added.

I opened my eyes. And it took a while before I fell