Chapter 404: Deciding Fate

??? - Mid Summer : ??? | ???

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- Chrysi Floga ~

*Blub* -H..Huh?!- Jolting awake, my eyes sprung open only to be blinded by an endless white light. -What the hell?!- I couldn't feel anything, not my own body, nor anything around me. I could only hear a deep, unending hum.

But as my panic escalated, my memories began returning, -Ah...- And my nerves started to ease. -I died.. didn't I...- The last thing I could recall was throwing hundreds of kilograms of silver rock toward a voice I heard. -I guess I got caught in the explosion...-

To be honest, I wasn't too surprised. Thinking back to all the warnings from Lord Vasilias and Chamrosh I chose to ignore, it was beyond foolish to continue so brazenly as I did. -Hah.. thinking about it now, it's almost funny...- When I reminisced about my endless, almost obsessive drive to find the phoenix's feather, I couldn't help but want to laugh. Even though I saw nothing wrong with my decisions in the moment, looking back on it made me feel like I was a frog tunnel-visioned on a fly while a hawk loomed over me. -I guess it's true that death sobers you up...-

But even though that moment of clarity brought upon a wave of regret, it didn't take long for those feelings to fade.

My life, while filled with terrible decisions, was one I had the pleasure of living. Just as there were many dark times, there were many bright ones as well.

Even though I squandered it, having had the chance to meet and befriend the truly incredible people I had in the later years of my life and find people who were willing to accept me for who I was, I felt oddly content. -I just wish I could go back and thank Chamrosh and Lord Vasilias one last time...-

Quickly sinking into my own memories, a voice echoed through my mind, and a presence almost seemed to appear in front of me. "~Young dragon... How does death feel?~"

I could only barely understand its words, but attempted to speak in any fashion I could to respond. "~It.. isn't as bad as I expected...~" Unable to feel my body or close my eyes, I tried to look toward the voice in the endless white space.

But the next time I heard the voice, it was from a different area. "~Do you not harbor any regrets?~"

Trying to shake my head, I responded lying softly. "~I certainly have them, but.. I understand that clinging to them will do me no good... I'd rather.. try and learn from them so maybe in my next life, I won't repeat the same mistakes...~" Understanding that I was speaking to a god, I quickly stopped trying to find it, lowering my focus and relaxing.

"~What a fascinating child you are...~"

Hearing what sounded like a hint of praise, joy joined the storm of emotions swirling in my mind.

"~So.. what brought you into the mountain? What were you so eager to find that you would come to such a desolate.. and dangerous area?~"

"~I wanted to find the phoenix.~" Not hiding a thing, I spoke freely.

"~For what purpose?~"

Pausing to think, old.. unsavory memories began surfacing, and my tone softened with thought. "~I have always lacked talent... With a reserve so small that I couldn't dream of using anything beyond basic draconic spells and a body so frail I'd lose a spar to someone half my age, I had to rely on my mind to try and fulfill my parents' ever-rising expectations... But while it seemed to at least keep them hopeful when I was younger.. as my siblings got older, left the nest, and started achieving all these wonderful things while I sat at home, being forced to hide from the eyes of the public, their demeanor toward me shifted from hopeful indifference to disgust.. and my siblings mostly followed suit..." Even while I was enrolled at the academy, I was forced to use a different last name, and regardless of how well I did in classes, my mother never once gave me as much as a smile.

It was truly like she had disowned me.

But that was something I had felt for a long time...

Thinking back to the look of disappointment my Mother gave me when we tested my attribute node affinities, I felt my chest tighten to an almost sickening extent.

"~Living under that roof, wondering when I would inevitably be disowned or forgotten about was nothing short of hell... But after I became an Elder, and finally let the lingering hope that I was just a 'late bloomer' fade, I took matters into my own hands.~"

Watching me in silence, the god hesitated, taking a moment to think before speaking curiously. "~So you were seeking a phoenix's feather in hopes that it would improve your constitution.~"

"~That's correct...~" Having spent dozens of years researching everything that could possibly let me grow my reserve or strengthen my body, from cultivation and alchemy, to miracle drugs and artifacts that only existed in myth, I spent decades trying absolutely everything I could get my hands on, no matter the risks.

But even though some things nearly killed me, none of them ever worked. So, after becoming an Elder, I decided to start looking into the things that only existed in myth, crossing off whatever lacked evidence of it having ever existed and digging into whatever seemed promising.

And at the end of the road, I had settled on the feather of a phoenix.

The god though, just like everyone else, thought I sounded insane. "~What a ludicrous desire...~"

His words, escaping with a chuckle, made me want to scoff. "~It's only ludicrous in the eyes of those who don't understand… Watching the gazes of those who once loved you fade and be filled with disdain is something far more painful than death...~"

"~You say that, yet just a moment ago you said you were content with your life.~"

"~Of course. Even if such memories are still burdens I must shed, I am content with how I lived my life, and the path fate chose for me... I truly couldn't be more thankful to have had the chance to meet some of the people I did, and experience what I had... Just as there are bad memories, there are good...~"

Falling silent, the god's presence faded as if he started walking away. "~I see...~" As he paused, I could clearly feel his judgemental gaze on me. "~So, if you were given a chance to return to the world of the living, what would you do?~"

"~I would settle the turmoil that has tainted my heart for centuries, and return to those that cared for me.~" I responded firmly.

And the god noticed, falling silent while inspecting me.

But I never raised my gaze, submittting to whatever the god was thinking about before he came to a decision. No matter what fate beheld me, I had already accepted it.

However, rather than telling me what it was, he asked me a question. "~Young boy, if you were to reincarnate as something other than a dragon, would you be displeased?~"

-Huh?- "~N..no.~" I honestly didn't know how to respond.

"~Then, in that case, I will give you an opportunity.~" *Woosh* Hearing what sounded like the ignition of a flame, an intense heat ripped through me. "~If you wish for it, I can fulfill your desires, however, it will come with the cost of your soul.~"

Cautious, I spoke with a bit of worry. "~What.. does that mean..?~"

His voice quickly steadied. "~My name is Konrul, the Phoenix of Eternity, and I wish to make you my apostle.~"

-Ah...- It was the moment I was looking for. After endless years of searching, I had found the treasure I sought after. -But...- "~I have already lowered my head to serve another god...~" Regardless of how badly I wanted to accept, I couldn't. "~I apologize.~"

There was a long silence that surrounded us the moment I finished. "~You wish to reject becoming an apostle because of your faith in another god?~" He asked as if I was insane.

But I remained firm. "~He was one of the few to reach a hand out to me.. someone who showed me kindness when I didn't deserve it... He was even the one to guide me to you.~"

"~Ah...~" Having a moment of realization, Lord Konrul's voice settled before he continued as if speaking through a smile. "~Is his name Nott, perhaps?~"

I instantly tensed up, but tried to remain calm. "~That is one of his names, yes...~" I couldn't shake the nervousness that took over my mind though.

"~To think that really is that old dog...~" He spoke rather fondly before continuing with a bit of excitement creeping into his voice. "~Don't worry, I won't keep you from repaying your kindness to him, and I can promise he won't mind you becoming my apostle.~"

Hesitating, my mind raced. "~Only if you can make an oath that you are telling the truth, and promise to never force me to harm anyone against my will...~"

"~Hahaha!~" He instantly broke into laughter. "~Telling a god to make an oath... Alright, then.~" Although I couldn't see his face, I could feel that his smile had grown wide. "~I will do everything I can to make sure your soul and body survive the 'ceremony', however, it is up to you whether your mind escapes unchanged.~"

Tensing up, not sure what he meant, I finally raised my 'gaze'.

"~All I can do is wish you luck... This will not be an enjoyable experience.~"

-W..what?- Feeling like I was slowly being submerged in magma, heat ripped through my very existence before an indescribably unbearable sensation filled my mind.

In an instant, all conscious thought vanished, and instincts I didn't know I had took over. My few remaining senses heightened as the hum faded, and a colossal, colorless feather appeared in the endless white space before me.

It was the feather of a phoenix being shoved directly into my soul...

A soul which still resided in the reserve of my own lifeless body.

*Crackle* *VWOOM* Feeling a burst of mana shred my body the moment my soul's connection to it returned, I watched as my own mana ripped through my body, tearing apart everything that was left of it.

But even though my mind and nerves were instantaneously obliterated in the process, rather than the pain ceasing, it only grew in magnitude.

Rather than being the pain of my body being blended, it was the pain of the feather attempting to rip my soul apart, and even after feeling what could only be described as a gentle embrace trying to keep my soul intact, the pain never settled.

But little did I know, expecting it to settle was a rather foolish thing.. because even as eons seemed to pass in my mind, nothing ever changed, the only difference was that slowly.. but surely.. the feather dissolved.

It was the only thing that gave me hope that it would eventually end.

But sure enough, even though I was doubtful, when the feather eventually finished, the shears that had formed in my soul began repairing themselves, and the connection to my body was once again strengthened.

But this time, rather than being instantly squashed under the unending pain, my body was filled with a wonderful warmth, as if I was laying before a fireplace on a cold evening.

And for the first time in what felt like an eternity, my soul was given a moment of peace.

Even if it wasn't going to last long.

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