Entry 6: New Girl

December 7, 2015

It's been a while since my last entry, probably because nothing's worthwhile mentioning. Plus, I'm in the process of getting over with this crush thing—yeah, up to this point I still believe it's just a simple crush—and I don't think writing about it would be any help. I can say I'm about… 78% over him? Yap, I'm using percentages to prove a point! I think not talking to him and trying my best not to have long conversations with him in class helped a lot. I remembered last October; we had a pair activity in one of our subjects and unfortunately, we became partners, but I acted sick—well, in my defense, I'm kind of sick that day, so that I would not talk to him that much and just simply do the activity silently. But I can't my heart melted when he asked me if I'm feeling alright then checked my forehead to check my temperature. I swear I felt my cheeks heat up with his sudden movement and turns out he noticed that too, but he simply thought that I'm just really not feeling well. See, I once again remembered those little things! Now, I'm getting a little confused with my feelings! Curse you, Dash Newitt!

Kidding aside, just this first day of December, Dash sent me a message simply asking how I was. Of course, fragile me quickly replied, and that's how our conversation started until he opened up something about Kaiya and him. Turns out he's done with her. I mean, nothing happened between them. Just flirting—that's his word. Yeah, looks like Dash's a freaking player! And I probably should have not liked him. I'm likely one of those girls he played with but jokes on me. I'm still here listening to him whining about Kaiya, being clingy and all.

Of course, I scolded him for turning Kaiya down, but that's all I could do 'cause first of all, I'm just a friend—Yeah, not a best friend. He does not believe in those things—second, I can't dictate his feelings. When I heard about that I was afraid of what I'm feeling towards him because I know too well that I'm still in the process of forgetting and leaving those feelings behind for the sake of our friendship. I fear I might get myself in danger once again and I don't want to do that to myself anymore, so I tried to distance myself.

And for the first time this year, I guess I made a great decision. Just in today, Dash's being link to another girl in our class. Her name is Jastine Perez, she's a tall girl, a total shift from Kaiya, who's shorter, but of course, both beautiful ladies. I could say that Dash has an indeed great standard, my insecurity as could not relate. Anyway, I can't believe Dash was this kind of person. I guess I didn't know him at all. When I first heard the news about it, I'm not gonna lie it disappointed me but I guess I'm not surprised about it? I don't know, I just kind of felt that something like this might happen, eventually.

I don't know the reason it disappointed me; I guess I'll just leave it like that for you to think of in the future. Other than feeling disappointed and surprised, I was kind of sad too, not for me, but for Kaiya. Like I told you before, Kaiya is a sweet girl, and seeing her cry breaks my heart because I knew that feeling. Dash made me feel special once too, and now seeing him makes other girls feel special—hurt like hell. But you know what hurts more is that the girl Dash is with now is Kaiya's friend. Dash is a total ass for doing this but I can't judge both of them because I didn't even know how and when did this even happened, they were just getting teased at class earlier.

I also want to add Dash foolishness! I was so mad at him earlier and even remember now, I'm getting frustrated! During our English class, we were a group for our class project; It bummed me out knowing who my groupmates were because I KNOW! Oh my gosh! I know they are all irresponsible and lazy! But I thought to myself, it's fine as long as I won't lead them I'll be all right but this ASSHOLE named DASH NEWITT screamed my name when our teacher asked who do we want to be our leader! Get this, our teacher was only asking our group, and he's not in our freaking group! THE AUDACITY OF HIM TO SCREAM MY NAME! UGH! I'm so mad at him that time and I was so glad that he's just near me so grabbed his hair and pulled it hard the moment our teacher looked away to express my frustration to him — I'm sorry, not sorry for being violent. It hurt him, but he was laughing, making me more frustrated at him.

I took a long sigh before going along; I guess I really don't have much of a choice. I shared my ideas with my groupmates, and they said it's fine with them as long they would not memorize long lines and that got me thinking hard! Well, our project is to create a scenario wherein someone needs to propose to someone and as part of the play, we have to recite a famous poem. We need to be imaginative on this one so I need my creative juice on this one and I need to think fast because we only have limited time. From time to time my classmate would give some ideas for the play which I appreciate, I guess they are not so bad after all, oh gosh I hope so.

Minutes passed, we're already done planning, and I was just silent in my seat while my groupmates were all too busy talking with each other about something. Yeah, they are all friends, that's why I'm a little worried about my group. By the way, that time our teacher asked us to arrange the seats into a round position so that we could huddle with each other properly. Surprisingly, the whole class was not that loud, which was kind of new to me.

Suddenly, I felt someone tap my shoulder; it was the devil who called upon my name, obviously at first at hiss at him, but when he told me something; all the frustration and madness I'm feeling towards quickly dissolved. Poof! All gone! I hate he could do this to him. With the simple;

"You can do it! I'm confident you will do great. You're the best leader I met!"

He proudly stated while wearing those charming smiles of his with his thumbs up. I rolled my eyes on him for saying that make-believe nonsense but inside, my heart's jumping up and down and there's that crazy butterfly in my stomach, again! I think I already said countless curse words here just to justify what I'm feeling and heck; I know I'm nowhere in stopping from using each one of those curses, so I apologize in advance. This is purely out of my bottled-up feelings. Even though he probably said those words just because he saw how frustrated I was at him and he felt sorry about it. But my stupid self refuses to see that.

So I guess, I'm down to 66% of fully getting over him. I hate you, Dash, for making me feel this way once more!