Not Scared to Use It

Generally getting a 'no' from his Jie, Xu Rouguang was only left lying down on the bed next to Lai Mingjie. The demon king had kept him close again, soundly sleeping next to the general. In contrast to him, Xu Rouguang had his eyes wide open.

"You can't save me."

He didn't give a loud answer for this earlier, but the more he tried to sleep, the more he couldn't take it off of his head. A depressing, frustrated glint shone on his eyes as he stared at the ceiling. Everyone in the Imperial Army had looked up to him for being awfully powerful; however, he couldn't really use his strength to protect the most important person to him. The crippling anger crept from his heart again, forcing him to growl under his breath.

An arm flew around his eyes as he tried to sleep again. He was too angry not to let off some steam. His arm then flew back to his side as he rolled to his side, back facing Lai Mingjie. The general's eyes grew cold even if he ended up staring at his own hand.

It felt too familiar. This anger... this rage... this fury...

"It doesn't save you from the consequences of your actions. See how it even implicated him."

He suddenly remembered what Nuwa had told him. His actions implicated Lai Mingjie? Did it mean it was his fault that Dunzhao came and attacked him? To think about it, Dunzhao did mention things about how his sacrifices were in vain. What did he do that his punishment was being thrown into the Abyss? How was he connected to these demon sentinels hunting Emodao in the mortal realm?

Before Xu Rouguang could continue with his thoughts, a hand crawled to his chest. He looked down and held it with his own. "Jie?"

"You were growling. Stop growling. Are you still thinking about it?" Lai Mingjie spoke, but his voice was groggy as if he was fighting against his slumber. He was evidently not awakened by the growling; he was just disturbed by the fact that Xu Rouguang had his back against him.

"I couldn't help it. I really don't want you to be held responsible for something you didn't do." Xu Rouguang's eyes dimmed.

"Nah, it's not like it never happened before. When I was still a demon king, a lot of disasters were attributed to me. I had no idea about those things they said; they all treated me like a black-sheep god rather than an overly charismatic demon king." He shrugged in his sleep, not helping the smile on his face. "Though it contributed to my infamy, I still have no idea about those things. Of course, in a way, I was still held responsible for those."

"It's not like you had to defend your innocence before."

"Just now, I realized it was better to have been killed than to be imprisoned for hundreds of thousands of years..."

Xu Rouguang knitted his eyebrows. He was dissatisfied by how lightly Lai Mingjie was taking this situation. If the Council of Heaven pushed for it, he would be taken away. He would rot in jail, and Xu Rouguang didn't know what he would do if it happened. From the depths of his heart, he knew he was willing to kill his way to get Emodao out.

The hand on his chest patted him. Xu Rouguang realized that his heart was already pounding, and Lai Mingjie could feel it. He then sighed and moved to roll on his other side. His arms wrapped around Lai Mingjie, holding his love against his body. He rested his mouth against Lai Mingjie's crown as he forced himself to sleep. The smell of Lai Mingjie's shampoo smothered him, but Xu Rouguang needed to do everything to calm himself.

Lai Mingjie only obliged to the hold. He was okay with sniffing Xu Rouguang's body all through the night. Like all children of the gods, Xu Rouguang smelled like the freshest flowers only found in their divine gardens. The flowers that Emodao loved even though he hated those who grow it, the flowers that he could remember so badly. At the back of his mind, he wanted these flowers to be buried with him when he dies as Lai Mingjie.

He only had thirty months left in this lifetime, and he still had no idea where or how to gather Xu Rouguang's memories. On the contrary, the more he spent time with Xu Rouguang, the more he remembered his almost-forgotten days of glory. The drinking, the fruits, the heavenly voice of a maiden. He could feel so much comfort going back to this particular memory.

When did it become all so hazy? Lai Mingjie opened his eyes as he felt Xu Rouguang hyperventilating again. He moved his face up before breaking out of the embrace, slithering upwards to meet with Xu Rouguang's confused eyes. He then began stroking at the general's head.

"Can't really let it go?"

"No. I'm sorry, I can't. I feel like... I'm going to die if I wouldn't be able to help you." Xu Rouguang shook his head like a stubborn child and clutched at the fabric on his chest. A sudden pang came to him which he could not explain. Tears started flooding from his eyes as he made a bad attempt to wipe them off of his eyes. "Ah, it's... all falling out again..."

"What a crybaby..." Lai Mingjie chuckled for the first few seconds... before he went silent. He then reached out and started rubbing the side of Xu Rouguang's face. His fingers were suddenly missing a phantom feeling of longer hair as he did so.

"Rouguang, was your hair always this short?" He moved in closer to whisper, kissing the forehead of the other to make him stop.

Xu Rouguang managed to calm himself down with Lai Mingjie comforting him that way. He then started sniffing alone before chuckling as his eyes were still welling up with tears. Rubbing them dry and red, he smiled as he stared at Lai Mingjie's face. "Why would you suddenly ask that? No, I cut it myself when Glacier found me. It was too long that everyone else mistook me for a woman when I first met them.

"Does it matter?"

"Mhm, not really. I just wished you kept it." Lai Mingjie closed in to kiss Xu Rouguang's forehead again. "Don't be so helpless, Rou. Everything will be fine, one way or another. It's not like I'm planning to go down that way after all." He started lying down again, pulling Xu Rouguang's head to his neck and caressing the general's head repeatedly. "Sleep now, we have a lot of days ahead of us..."

The general hummed as he wrapped his arms around him again, this time, softly. His eyes were still moist while his chest was still hurting from the loss of air. However, the strange comfort and security in that hold washed over him.

For some reason, Xu Rouguang wasn't quiet because he accepted that he couldn't help Lai Mingjie. In contrast, it was because he decided what he needed to do. His lips moved and bit into the collar of Lai Mingjie's shirt. His eyes closed as slumber made its way to him. However, a maniacal smile curled his lips in secret.

'I will decimate everything that would stand in my path. Be it the demons, the immortals, or even the Goddess Nuwa herself. No one's taking Jie away from me...' The sound of the ticking clock grew fainter and fainter as he fell asleep. 'Even if Jie refused my help, I will barge through the walls. All I have is my strength, and I'm not scared to use it.'