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The deepest part of my soul

Shaelynn committed a great sin. There were reasons and circumstances, but a sin is still a sin. She was determined to take everything with her to the grave, but things never go as planned. As time progressed, she began to question what she thought and believed until now. She thought she would never feel guilty but she became unsure. And the persistent detective, Rhys who kept chasing her and insisted on getting to know her better didn't make the situation any better. She knew that everything around her and herself were changing too. Was it a good or a bad thing? That, she didn't know. She was chasing for answers to many questions. But different people come up with different answers, even when the question is the same. In the end, what will be the answer she will arrive at?

Reika_Izumi · 都市
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37 Chs

Chapter 16

The door closed behind Mother and Ailish, and I just stared after them for a moment. Then I stood up and fed Calypse because my little sister forgot again and my mother liked to pretend it didn't even exist. Despite this, Apocalypse loved Mother very much and was always around her.

I went back to my room and took out my cello. I told Mother that I wasn't feeling too well so I wasn't going to the university and she didn't object. I didn't have any physical problems but I felt overwhelmed by life. I needed some alone time and although I usually didn't talk to many people, I still wouldn't be alone.

Shannon hadn't called or left a message so I had no idea about her father's condition and didn't want to bother her. If she is resting and I hope she is, then I don't want to wake her up. And about Rhys... I don't know what I want. Maybe I just want to forget about him for a while and take it easy.

Anyway, I have a competition coming up soon so I seriously need some practice. So I took out my music sheet and started playing. Through music, I released my tension, sorrow and incomprehension. Music is my tool and yet it's much more. People can replace and discard their tools but there is nothing in this world that could take the place of music and my cello in my life. Without it... I have no idea what I would be. Music is a part of me, like my hands or my feet. Parting from it would be extremely painful and getting used to its absence would be impossible.

If one day I lost my hand for some reason and couldn't play anymore, the music in me, in my soul wouldn't die. I could compose, I just couldn't play it myself. It would be painful but I could live with it. Music.... Music couldn't be taken away from me. My soul will sing until the day I die, even if that song is a bit melancholic, dour and eternally sad.

I don't know who I would be without my instrument, but I wouldn't be the person I am today. Not the same. I can't imagine being anyone else but I know it could have turned out differently. It would be sad.

Naturally, music is not permanent in me. Sometimes it goes silent and I became desperate. I am afraid it will never come back, it's gone forever. But when I am about to lose all hope, it always returns to me. It gets more and more beautiful every time. And sadder.

Where did I get my talent, from whom, and why? I don't know but I have a few guesses. Nothing is free in this world. It's hard to believe that you got the talent for nothing. I think we have to pay for it somehow. With tears, pain and sadness.

I want to believe that the suffering I endured at the hands of Seth was not in vain. It did not happen for nothing. I would like to believe that this was the price of my talent because then I paid handsomely. That someone - I have no idea who - gave it to me. Otherwise, I would have to believe in myself, in my abilities and.... I can't do that. This is why people believe in supernatural things, Gods and superstitions. They can't believe in themselves but they have to believe in something. At least that is what I think.

One of the strings snapped, and the phone rang. The end of practice. I hurried to the kitchen to answer it.

„Hello?" I said in an uncertain voice. Who the hell is this? We are usually not at home at this time.

„It's Édoard Elliot." I would have guessed from the French accent anyway. „Am I speaking to Miss Shaelynn MacBride?" I swallowed and hesitated. I would have preferred to hang up the phone. I don't think this detective is a bad guy, but he made me feel uncomfortable.

„Yes, it's me." I answered and quietly took a deep breath. „Why did you call?"

„I want to talk to you face to face." My heart stopped for a moment then started racing like crazy. Did he figure something out? Does he suspect me? What does he know? How?

„Why?" The indifference of my voice surprised me, as I was a mess inside.

„I don't want to talk about this on the phone." He said dispassionately. I have no idea what he wants. „I want to talk about it in person. Would you be able to meet me somewhere today?" No! I don't want to, but I have to know so I don't really have a choice.

„Of course." I muttered barely intelligible. It's time to brush up on my acting skills and pull out the 'I am innocent' card. „Where would be good for you?" I didn't say my workplace on purpose. It would be a suitable place but I don't want anyone to see us together. There was a moment of silence on the other end before he said a place I didn't know.

„Then in an hour." I said and hung up. I put my cello back in place and tidied up my room a bit. I made my bed, put away the pile of clothes and threw out the trash. My room was rarely as organized as it was then.

I ran out of things to do and had nothing to do. So I took the car keys and went to my van. The address given to me by Édioard wasn't too far so I got there sooner than expected. It was a pleasant, little teahouse.

It was on a quiet street without much traffic. Perfect if you want to drink tea in peace and silence. The building was small, a shooting blue colour with big windows. It was cozy and warm inside. The paintings and greenery were perfectly matched and it had a calming effect on the mind.

I don't know how it usually is, but there weren't many customers present at this hour. It is absolutely suitable for a private conversation. Maybe that's why he chose this place.

I looked around but didn't see him. I sat down at an empty table and looked over the menu. I grimaced. The selection wasn't exactly to my liking, but I couldn't just sit there so I ordered a cup of black tea. After 15 minutes he also arrived and took a seat across from me.

„Good afternoon." He nodded politely and I returned the gesture. A waitress appeared like lightning and smiled at him. That smile was very suggestive and told me more about their relationship than I wanted to know. „The usual please, my dear." His voice took on a flattering, seductive tone and a smile similar to the girl's appeared on his lips.

Some men don't deserve to be this handsome. He is definitely one of them. Bastard. But at the end of the day, every person has many faces, and they change depending on who they meet. He is a heartless, cold guy to me but he seems to be the epitome of charm in front of other women.

„I will bring it immediately." She chirped and flew away. The detective's face became expressionless, perhaps a little grim.

„I'm assuming you didn't call because you wanted someone to have tea with. Or do you have so much free time?"

„Of course not." His voice changed to a different, cold tone. „I had my reasons." I looked at him questioningly, urging him to continue, but he didn't. In the meanwhile, the waitress came back and began her flirting anew but this time he paid her no attention.

„Is it related to the investigation?" I asked after she left disappointed. His lips curled into a sneer.

„No, it is not related. But to be honest, I don't think we're going to make much progress on the case." I tried to hide how relieved I was to hear that. „If we don't come up with something shortly, we have to close the case."

„How terrible." My words were hollow, emotionless. Hardly believable.

„Yeah, sure." He said mockingly. „But don't feel relieved just yet. Miracles can happen at any time."

„Are you threatening me now?" I raised an eyebrow. „Maybe suspect me?"

„I don't do anything but sit here and sip my tea pleasantly." He spread his hands as if to show that he wasn't doing anything. „Take it as a warning."

„Really?" I asked back and he nodded firmly.

„I have no evidence. At least right now." He lowered his voice. „But I don't believe you are who you seem. You can fool Rhys with your pretty little face and your sparkling blue eyes, but not me. Seth's death came in handy for your family because your mother inherited a lot of money. Pretty suspicious, don't you think so?" He glanced at me as if he could break me with a hard look. No, not anymore. Never again. I fell to pieces once, it will never happen again.

„My mother had nothing to do with his death!" I slammed my cup against the table and some tea spilled out. Never mind, it wasn't very good anyway. „And I didn't do anything either." I added it hastily. „I may not have gotten along with him that well, but I would never have killed him." What a lie! But this is my story and I have to stick to it. „Mother loved him as if he was her real child, she would never have been able to hurt him. I won't let you get her involved in this!" It broke out of me. Suspecting me is one thing, but how dare you do this to my mother? „Money doesn't matter to us!" Not entirely true, but my mother is not a materialistic person. „There are many more important things. Like love and compassion." Well, it didn't sound very convincing. I tried, but... Love and compassion? I can hardly believe it myself. His smile turned disdainful.

„Maybe you can play in front of other people that you are the embodiment of goodness and charm, but I'm not that easy to trick."

„You already said that." I reminded him. „Can we skip this repetitive part?" Did his mouth twitch?

„If you insist." He leaned forward a little. „I just wanted to emphasize my point, Miss Charming."

„Mr. Bastard, I think we better stop wasting each other's time."

„I agree so I'll get to the point." He looked deeply into my eyes, his gaze unwavering. „Leave Rhys alone."

„What?" It's a wonder my jaw did not make a big noise, because it must have dropped. But I quickly tried to hide my surprise. „Ah, I see!" My lips curled into a knowing smirk. „You don't have to be so ashamed." He was staring at me in such confusion that I could barely hold back a laugh. „There is nothing wrong with that."

„With what?" He asked with forced patience.

„I don't think it's a big deal that you have feelings for your co-worker. Falling in love is something we can't control, gender doesn't matter." He became red. I should add that it was out of anger and not because I hit the nail on the head and he was embarrassed. If looks could kill, I would have already left the circle of the living. I couldn't hold it back any longer and laughed openly.

„Are you playing with me!?" I couldn't tell if it was a question or a statement.

„Everyone needs a hobby." I said, stirring my tea.

„Then I suggest you look for something else." He gazed at me threateningly, but it didn't affect me.

„I don't even understand why are you telling me this." I sighed. „I don't want anything from Rhys." That wasn't true. I wanted something... But what? I don't know either. But he will be the last person on the earth I admit that sort of thing.

„It might be true, but he likes you." He grumbled reluctantly. „So don't encourage him."

„I don't think I ever did." I tilted my head to the side.

„You know what I meant." He gave me a dirty look. „Don't bat your eyelashes at him, don't smile at him, no, don't talk to him at all. He is a good apple and deserves a nice, fine girl." Unlike you. He didn't say it out loud but it was pretty obvious.

„I am not good." I readily admitted. „But I don't think I am much worse than any other ordinary person. Or who knows?" I shrugged. „Humans have no right to judge each other. These decisions are not yours to make. If Rhys chooses to get to know me better, that's up to him. And if he ends up disappointed, it will be his disappointment."

„You may be right, but aren't people always poking their noses at things they have nothing to do with?" He asked playfully.

„Be the exception." I looked at him devastatingly and then stood up. „I am very grateful for this absolutely fantastic opportunity to talk but I have to go." I told him sarcastically.

„The pleasure was all mine." His voice also dripped with mockery. I took one last look at him and then left without paying. An evil satisfaction filled me at the thought that he would have to pay my share as well. It's petty, but that's okay. He doesn't deserve any better and that tea wasn't that good anyway.