XV

A couple days ago I received a voice message from an unknown number. At first, I was a little confused about it—specially because it was a little more than 3 minutes long—but I decided to listen to it; at the end of the day, I was gonna do it anyways at maybe it was from a buyer—even though I almost never give my personal number to anyone; there's no need for that—of a seller—same here.

I didn't recognize the voice at first, but this person called my name and said he wished he had the courage to contact me sooner. I kept listening, and then everything made sense.

He was an old friend, my best friend actually, from a long time ago—when I used to have friends. He basically told me he wanted to hang out again, to be friends again.

And I haven't answer him yet.

It's not that I'm mad at him or anything, it's just that I don't know what to say. Probably I told you this before but the reason I stopped hanging out with him and everyone else is because I just stopped wanting to hang out. And that hasn't really changed, to be honest; I mean, I could hang out with him, have a couple beers, and talk…

No.

Not talk.

I have nothing to say.

And I believe that's the problem. What can I tell them? I haven't done anything in all these years. Yes, now I'm selling plastic figures because I enjoy it and, most importantly, it's the best that I can do. Yes, before that I had a couple jobs I couldn't held for long. And yes, before that I spent years and years writing stuff that wasn't good enough.

Also I haven't been in a relationship in all these years and I'm still living with my dad.

Yeah…

I don't know. Maybe it's fear or maybe it's pride, but I just don't want him or anyone else from my past to see me like this.

I'm the same person I was when I meet them.

I haven't changed a bit.

I'm still a hikikomori. At least for now, but I'm still a hikikomori.