SPELLBOUND

I woke up in dirt and dust. Although my eyes were wide open and I was already on my knees, yet not so sure if I'm awake. Must be the darkness encasing me everywhere.

Shaking hands on my knees, I stood up groggily but soon a sharp stroke pierced my head... hazy visions sparked my forgetful mind, I could almost swear I had been here before, in this lonesome darkness, on those cold floors, even this ticking sound of water drops clashing with rocks keep knocking on my rickety skull...

"Wh... Where am I?" I wondered but for some reason I knew, an answer I had for a question I asked. Without prior knowledge, I knew. A cave, holed deep inside.

Weak knees, I fell. I gathered the power in this unversed body of mine and groveled my fingers through the rocks and sands then backed my body up.

I had two feet, but destination I didn't. I wandered among those stone pillars. Large and thick, wide and mountainous supporting the cave I woke in. A light, I saw. And out of blue, I bumped into her before I knew what or who was she?

Screamed on instinct and hid behind the one huge pole nearby... but a sweet voice allured me, called "Wait... I won't do anything, so please don't go, I'm Joan: princess of the kingdom, trainee to become the queen. You don't have to be afraid..."

I tilted out my head and stole a glance or two... She was the prettiest my eyes saw in a hundred year or more. I had no idea how many years I have been here but, that's the weight of my solicitude felt like.

Eyes staring on that beautiful figure holding weak-illuminating oil lamp with her delicate hands. Short blond hair and stunning turquoise eyes that could drown a man in the sea of lust with a bright smile shaped on her pinky lips had me entranced for a minute before her jump of joy in her luxurious off-white canton dress...

She screamed in most sweet voice "You really are here, just like my great grandma said... A boy of my height with deep red hair past his shoulders is waiting for someone staying down here"

"You know who I am?!" Impulsively I asked hungry for knowledge of my self, afraid of the darkness I wanted to leave.

"Hugo..."

"Hugo!!" Is that my name, I asked scuffling through the dusty shelves in my mind, but no idea flickered across my abandoned head, "Does your great grandma know me?" I asked hopefully but hope was gone like everything else in my possession.

"I'm sorry. Great grandma... died 2 nights ago, the kingdom is still mourning her death; the guard-duty was light so I sneaked out at night to meet you" she stood there diligently, talking confidently while maintaining a shining smile whose warmth touched deep in my heart than of the fading candle of her oil lamp.

"Why... meet me?"

"Great grandma always told me stories about the wonder boy Hugo, she said If I'm ever alone, I can always meet you down here in the cellar under the castle..."

"Why am I here at the cellar?" I asked again, not making the effort of paying attention, I just wanted to fill the gaps in my head.

She looked down and with a change in her tone, she said "you are always here waiting for someone to comfort your loneliness..."

Suddenly she turned in hurry that almost startled me, saying "Oh, no. I got caught up in the moment and completely lost track of time, I've to go back or my uncle..." and before I knew it, my body on its own reached out and I clung onto her long dress. I stuttered clenching weakly and begging "please don't leave me alone"

She turned to me and leant down taking my hands in hers and smiled brightly with her whole face "Don't worry, I'll be back. It's a promise"

Then rapidly, she left me in the darkness with only an oil lamp whose light soon faded little after she left.

I wandered alone down the maze till I came upon him or should I say "it".

A slim skeleton shrinking in one corner calling my name in my dreams asking me to comply to his calls, I approached with weary steps hearing his voice –who seemed familiar for a reason and awfully calming my shaking body- again in my head "Hugo... listen carefully to me. This is my very first... & final gift to you... Fulfil the dream that I couldn't make come true to myself"

Unknowingly, water was running down from my eyes and a strange pain sparked heavily in my chest.

○○○

"I came just as I promised, today" she walked down through the rocks and called my name amiably "Hugo, I brought you a gift"

"I don't need any gifts" with stagnant voice I replied to my guest who came to lighten up my dark solitude with another small oil lamp that soon will surely lose its light and leave in the darkness once again. But she asked "Why...?!"

"If you give me a gift... you'll leave me too"

"What are you talking about, I won't..." She approached me "Hugo... Were you crying?" She startled me with her big turquoise eyes that mesmerized me on spot when she stared at my face.

"Crying?... I was leaking water from my eyes for longest"

"Were you that lonely? I am sorry. Here, to kill time when I am not around" her hand kindly caressed my red hair and gave me a book. I excitedly grabbed it, flipping through the pages while listening to her words beautifully listed.

"It's an adventure story filled with all the juiciest bits... from the most exciting to the most thrilling and heart throbbing. I love the main character (Meldor). I am always pinned into the castle so I've never gone on an adventure... All I've been able to do is to read books... Books are so fun they make you feel like you've been pulled into their world completely... Of course you'd find some difficult words, I can read it for you..."

"I read it" I closed the book and returned it back only to be met with a peeved gasp "Come again... Are you messing with me!"

"The forth chapter was rather interesting but I can't comprehend how Princess Meldor could fight in full metal armor with her blonde hair that goes down past her knees" And as I finished explaining. Joan with open mouth, was looking shocked at me, whose hair just elongated past my knees and became blonde like that of Meldor.

"Y.. Your... Your hair!! That's incredible How could you do that... Hugo, are you a wizard?" a childish awe escaped her startled open mouth.

Now she asked what I was crying about, I replied relying on the few pieces of puzzle picturing my shattered memory "I'm no wizard. I was created by one. I am a doll"

"Huh... a doll!" she exclaimed entranced by my appearance, approaching me unknowingly of what I meant. So I showed her "Look..." I opened up my chest like some cranky old box displaying my small doll mechanical heart "that's the gift master gave to me, magical heart"

Innocently, my fingers pierced my chest showing up just only my heart in a sea of blackness, which had a different effect on her from what I assumed. She was standing terrified, screaming in denying and suddenly, she collapsed.

○○○

"Ah, Where... I'm in my room. How did I come here? Hugo!!" Soon she woke from her sleep, she called out for me but I was ordered not to come out... another lady entered the fancy wide bedroom where one magnificent bed with its 4 huge posts and silk layer sheets and the curtains designing the wall behind it. it was centered in the middle of the room where sunlight fell perfectly when sun rose over the far mountain every morning. It illuminated the room and fill it warmth from the large window on the left.

"Isabell" That's how Joan called the -much mature and older- woman in black dress with white bib and small black tie around her neck "What happened to me, Isabell?"

"You were brought here last night, your uncle have been mad all the time asking where you have gone" the woman answered with high degree of respect and stood straight with eyes sharpened but looking down.

"Did anyone... come with me?"

I tiptoed to find what scene was there behind the large magnificent door. I saw her lying in her bed in a beautiful white dress. She soon noticed me but before she called my name in her sweat soothing voice.

An old man in most elegant Royal dress entered her room with 2 guards at his tail... Without noticing his sharp sly eyes and his bristly face features, one could guess from his long dread white beard and tumultuousness voice, he was of no good will to the princess.

He looked for her and asked firmly about her health but in a way void of concern of her actual well-being, and while their conversation. One of the guards caught me.

"Who are you?" Called the old man rowdily threatening to behead me as I lacked to answer.

"He... She is my new maid" I was difficult to recognize after putting on the same black dress and the white bub and tie that white silk hat on my head, with my pretty face and silky red hair passing by my shoulder on my white fairly skin -I was always mistaken as a girl around the kingdom-.

"Isabell, go now and get my breakfast, I'm tired"

Isabell with a sophisticated bow to my princess, withdrew from the chamber. Then the old man said "Okay, I will leave you now dear. Please get your health back and stay alert. Your enemies are plotting in the kingdom, You're the next queen"

The old man left whispering to his guards. I stood watching his long strides leaving the corridor out of this part of the titanic castle.

Joan waved to me "What are you doing here?"

"Do you hate me!" I asked afraid, thinking of her feathery body in my hands after she closed her eyes and fell asleep remembering the ruins of my master who left me alone.

"No... I was just surprised; I don't hate you"

I ran to her side hugging the one human I can't think of life without.

She laughed off with reddened cheeks "Hugo!!" turning to her maid who came looking with a grin on her face.

"He is like a child, isn't he?" Joan called embracing me lightly, I could feel her hot skin touching mine.

"Shall I leave you alone, my princess"

"Isabell, it's not like that" her face blew like a red tomato. I didn't know why nor I wanted to know. As the sight of her in eternal sleep popped in my mind again, a groundless horror snaked through my body... I just held her tightly in my arms in fear of losing her like losing the one I held dearly before, the one from my baffled memories.

○○○

Days passed and we became inseparable, sneaking out on nights, wearing our costumes -I'd wear a large yet light silver plate armor while my princess as always shining in her elegant bright dresses- ready for an adventure, wandering the kingdom, having our little childish escapades just like Meldor... but as I grow fond of her, the more I became aware of the memory that dispersed 100 years ago... till that day came.

"Hugo come quickly, That's what I wanted to show you before"

She held my hand and guided me through the castle's rooms, to a place I yet to discover. She pointed at a giant portrait of a beautiful young lady resembling my Joan but not Joan... she was the one I lost before...

"This is Juliana. My great grandma, I told you about before... Hugo, you listening... Hugo? Hugo answer me" She shook me repeatedly but I was frozen in my place in a state-mind-zero like a doll that was shut down... indeed, I am a doll gathering the lost pieces of my dispersed puzzle.

Later I woke up to find her, the woman in the paint with a comforting smile, looking over me. She stared deeply in my eyes as I rested my head on her lab enjoying our time in total peace... having all kinds of fun but suddenly I tripped and fell into a deep pitch black hole and began sinking in eternal darkness till my princess pulled my hand and called my name again in her gentle tone "Hugo... please wake up"

I stood up wandering round the royal garden till I reached one specific spot, where my heart skipped a beat and my eyes teared, a newfound feeling of warmth and sadness flooded my chest.

"What is wrong, Hugo?" my princess called, so I answered "This place..."

"Ah... It's Great grandma's favorite spot, she always told me stories here when I was younger"

I knew her, Juliana... "I want to be alone" I asked for what I loathed for 100 years or more. To be left again, alone and discarded to the darkness and solitude.

○○○

I walked out of the castle wandering the kingdom at night where no light except the beautiful moon shining brightly through the black sky. It alone guided me among the dark streets of the kingdom, shops renewed and others closed after ruined. So vivid like my memory who parted me years ago. And as I grouped my thoughts with every corner I turned in those streets, I heard her shouts screeching suddenly not far from me...

"Uncle, I knew you desired the throne way before my parents died but I can't believe you're willing to kill me for it!"

"I have no choice... You ought to die with them but you didn't, I was supposed to be the king after your parents died but Juliana preferred you, a child over me. I'm already in my seventies, when would I rule?"

I walked to where the voices raised, only to find my princess entrapped into an alley with 2 of her uncle's guards in their shiny heavy armors closing in with their swords out conspiring on making me lose my love again... Without any conscious or preparations, only the thought of protecting my princess was my sole concern. I had their hearts at the palms of my hands, I didn't control myself, strange power coursed in me and I was gathering more pieced from my puzzle memories.

"Hu..go!" she fell behind and called in fear, backing away. Her eyes carried a different look not her smiling beautiful face, a look I couldn't comprehend at that moment but I was a child and she was my mentor, my lover, my world. So I tried to reach her but that man stood between us with a knife in his hand and bare his yellow ragged teeth cursing my way. With dreadful eyes he shouted "It is really you... Merlin's puppet!!"

"The old Wizard who wanted to destroy the kingdom!!" Joan called in fear.

I walked to her but the man threatened to kill me again '...again?!' I thought, I raised my hand choking the old man with my magic while my memories flooded in process.

I... I'd been here before with Juliana where soldiers surrounding us here, I ought to protect her but I couldn't, something happened. I don't remember it.

I woke out of my daydreams to find the moon's light fainting as the oil lamps had illuminated the street. People waking from their sleep crowded and whispered "It's the cursed doll of Merlin, it came to avenge him and kill the royal family once again."

Armed men in front of me shouting "Save the princess from the demon, the cursed doll of that bloody wizard"

That's wrong, Merlin never intended to harm anyone with his magic... for years he protected the kingdom from its enemies but you all convicted him guilty with no evidences, thrown in the cellars tied to eternal darkness, he created me with his magic of heart and entrusted me to fulfil his promise, to walk among the living, to feel what they feel, to laugh and cry and to fall in love.

But no mater whom I call, they were still closing in, vicious eyes glaring at me, sharp spears pointing at me.

I dropped my hand after I snuffed the Old man's soul and walked to my princess' side I grabbed her shaking hand to my side and faced the people of the kingdom ready to fight while the memories continued to rush through my mind... I remember being trapped here before, I swear it could be the same alley, the same men shouting the same words, the same eyes staring at me with the same looks piercing through me. The same scenes that happened before when they were closing in trying to harm me and the one I loved before but no matter how I dig out in my dusty skull, I could never remember the end of my affliction.

And suddenly and out of blue... My princess helped me sadly and united me with the last piece of my memories as she struck my back with a cold blade that cut precisely through my heart...

I felt cold for the first time in this awakening, as numbness conquered my limbs, I fell down gazing at the lights waning away in slow motion and the feeling of death forced me to recall what happened before.

It also came short from behind when Juliana stabbed me in tears. Betrayed and on the verge to death, I sworn to take revenge but why couldn't I remember my deceitful fate soon, it must be her pinky libs that spelled me on sight, her smile that always shaped on her face and kept me chained to an illusion, I see.

After all who I am to feel, I am just a doll.

May be, she did it to stop the rebellion ahead of us or she saw me as a monster or else. But one thing I know for sure, I loved her for real...

Now alone, confined in the cellar, away in my solitude, lost in my despair thinking...

If having a heart hurts this much... then I don't need one. I don't want to feel ever again. I just want to remain a plain old doll.