Chapter 11: Consumed by Thoughts

(TW: Panic attack, mention of abuse/torture, thoughts of suicide)

LI WEI SILENTLY TAPS HIS FINGER ON HIS DESK-waiting for the day to end. Today, the team is going against another team full of older men for practice before their fated match against Nekoma. The day thus far has been long and gruelling, with Li Wei wanting to fall asleep in class. That's a thought he's never had and it was quite a surprise. Lowly humming, Li Wei subtly glances at the round clock, noticing that there are only 5 minutes left of class.

Sighing, he turns to his friend Yachi, who is also dozing off lightly. After the blonde-headed girl realized he wouldn't eat her, they became closer than ever. Li Wei was always confused by her statement, wondering why he would ever eat her. He is by no means a cannibal, nor does he condone the actions of cannibals. It's a barbaric practice in his mind, especially if done as a way to justify murder.

Finally, the bell rings and class finally ends, with the teacher clapping her hands and reminding all students about the homework due the next day. Li Wei slowly gets up, placing all his books back into his brown shoulder bag, before planning on leaving. However, just as he is about to leave, he is called to stay behind by the teacher. Worried, Li Wei places his mask back onto his face, not wanting to show an adult any of his weaknesses.

"Li-san, come sit down in one of the front desks. I promise you aren't in any trouble, I would just like to touch base with you." His teacher, Yori-sensei, gently smiles at him as she points her finger towards one of the front desks. The emerald-eyed male goes to the desk his teacher's finger is pointing too, hoping this little meeting won't take up much time. He's sure the match would have already started by now, considering how no one on the team really enjoys staying on school grounds late at night.

"Now, as I stated, I would like to touch base with you. As an international student, i'm sure that certain adjustments had to be made to understand parts of Japanese culture and it may have been difficult or overwhelming. During my high school career, I studied in Seoul for an entire academic year and felt overwhelmed fairly fast. I was lucky to have a teacher who decided to look out for me. However, even then, there were times where I was either homesick or stressed out, wishing I had my family with me." She starts off, not noticing the way Li Wei's face furthers into a neutral tone at the mention of his teacher missing her family. He's worried that she will try to get him to contact those monsters.

Fidgeting a bit, the beautiful male manager continues to listen to his teacher's story. He isn't ungrateful at all, finding it heartwarming that an adult would want to look out for him, but even the idea of reaching out to his parents is frightening because he is technically on the run from them. If they find out where he is, they'll lock him up forever. He can't be locked up forever! He can't go through that anymore. If he has to go back, he would rather take one of his ice skates and slash it through his neck.

Silently breathing more harshly, his teacher finally notices his blank face and flushed cheeks, quieting down. To others, Li Wei seems as though he is simply blushing from embarrassment even if that isn't the case. Throughout his life, Li Wei has learned to become as silent as a cat, crying and panicking without a noise ever escaping his lips. Though he is no longer home, he finds it terrifying to be freaking out in front of someone with the authority to report him to the police and subsequently send him home. The long black-haired male knows he shouldn't be so pessimistic, but it feels as though when something amazing happens to him, something just as bad follows.

Finally having calmed down a bit, Li Wei finally speaks up. "I..thank you, Yori-sensei. I have been..alright. I am thankful for your kindness and will come to you if I need someone to speak to." He speaks slowly and as confidently as he can, before gently leaving the seat. He gives his teacher a quick bow before rushing out of the classroom, knowing he'll scold himself later for the rudeness he presented to an adult and may end up punishing himself. However, the room felt suffocating and he needed to escape.

Li Wei gently opens the door to the gymnasium, having heard the match already ongoing through the doors. Only Kiyoko and the blonde from the small shop notice him, making Li Wei wonder why the male is there. Quietly making his way over, he apologizes to Kiyoko for being late before turning towards the blonde, who is giving him a calculating look of sorts. "Name's Keishin Ukai. I'll be the temporary coach of this team until the match against Nekoma. Shimizu-san has already informed me of your role." The coach easily says, looking as though he wants to ruffle Li Wei's head but is holding himself back.

The male manager gives a slight nod to the coach, before turning towards the match as surprise fills his features. There, on the court, stands his new friend Azumane. The same male he was sure had no plans of going back to playing volleyball. His friend is amazing and has so much force behind his spikes. As of right now, the other player he had met, Nishinoya, has just saved a point for the team in green. Li Wei quickly realizes that this team has the members of the neighbor's association.

Another thing that amazes Li Wei is that the entire team is now together, despite playing on opposite sides. It's crazy how volleyball players are able to synch with others they have just met and play in a way where everyone just works together. With ice skating, it takes months for a sense of harmony to occur between two partners, or less depending on the compatibility. Li Wei has never completely clicked with anyone in ice skating, as many of his past partners have been awful to say the least. The male isn't referring to the skillset of any of his past partners, but their personalities.

Feeling excited simply by watching the match, Li Wei takes mental notes in his head about how each member interacts with others, as well as their strengths and weaknesses. It'll be difficult for him to jump onto the team as a player in the future if he can't understand how his teammates work. Though, playing seems like wishful thinking as he doesn't get as much practice as he would like to.

Li Wei watches as his new friend realizes Hinata's absurd potential in volleyball and completely understands the male's surprise, as he was the very same when his best friend first showed off his amazing jumping skills. He holds back a bit of a chuckle, watching as the match continues on. Next to him, Kiyoko makes little comments here and there about who the other players are, as he only knows that they are a local volleyball team made up of older men. The stamina those men have at their age is surprising to Li Wei, ws he isn't sure if he'll be that fit by his 30's or 40's.

As the match plays on, Li Wei watches in horror as Hinata is hit by a ball and falls onto the ground, the urge to run over is extremely strong. It seems as though his friend has horrible luck on the court in terms of getting hit by balls and as Hinata gets back up, the red mark on his forehead is blaringly visible. The male manager has to hold back a wince, knowing exactly how a hit to the head feels in any capacity. Though, he wasn't usually hit with a volleyball, instead he was either hit by his father's fists or his mother's lovely supply of pots or pans. Despite the fact that his mother would have never lowered herself to the position of a cook, she loves showing off her diamond-embedded collection of fans, especially when those same diamonds hit various parts of his body.

A nudge to his elbow brings Li Wei back to the present, where he had apparently missed a bit of an encounter between Takeda-sensei and another possibly teacher on campus. Somehow, he hadn't noticed that the club advisor was at the match and scolds himself for not greeting the male properly. Quickly greeting Takeda-sensei, Li Wei turns back to the match, which has already resumed once again.

His eyes are glued to Hinata, who manages to finally hit a spike without being blocked. According to Kiyoko, Hinata had been strugglingly during the match as he was often blocked. Li Wei's proud of his friend again, who constantly defies the exceptions often set by other's for him simply because of his height. Maybe if Li Wei had just a smidgen of Hinata's willpower, he would've been able to stand up to his parents and actually report the abuse, but their power within China made that exceedingly difficult. One or two bribes here and there, then the case is just gone.

Eventually, the match ends in the neighborhood's association winning 2-0 and Li Wei has admittedly missed most of the match, having been too caught up in his thoughts again due to the panic attack of sorts from earlier. It feels as though a dam opens up whenever he has a panic attack, because all of those negative thoughts or memories find their way back into the forefront of his mind and he struggles to overcome them. However, Li Wei vows to not let that happen again as he doesn't want to keep missing important matches or feel as though the rest of the team is getting closer, while he is on the sidelines.

The other male team ends up leaving and the coach gathers everyone up, before making a bit of a speech. "Starting tomorrow, you've rigorous training ahead. Make sure you don't forget to stretch. Also, don't rush your stretches. It's stupidly easy to get a sore muscle just because you decided to breeze through the stretches. Aside from myself, you'll have both of your managers here for support, such as Li-san, who will become a strategist for this team at one point." Li Wei quickly turns towards the coach, wondering what he's on about. The only person he has ever told about possible strategies for the team is Kiyoko, who then winks at him. She mouths, "You can get closer to the team" before smiling. Kiyoko is someone he confides in and he told her all about the loneliness he has felt at times. Thankful for her help, Li Wei bows down towards the team.

"Please take care of me." His voice is soft yet powerful, shooting arrows through the hearts of the team. Li Wei's eyes are shimmering with emotions, excited at being able to get even closer to some of the volleyball members. He so badly wants to become a part of this slowly forming family.

The coach eventually continues his speech, before sending the team to clean the gymnasium. Li Wei and Kiyoko both help out, before walking home together. They don't usually leave together, but Li Wei told Hinata that he needed some advice. His friend seemed a bit crestfallen, before suggestively wiggling his eyebrows. The male manager had no idea as to what that was about, but shrugged it off.

"Kiyoko-san, i'm hanging out with two Aoba Johsai members this weekend and I don't know how i'm supposed to act." He starts off, as the two walk home. Kiyoko has never asked questions about why he wants to understand how people normally socialize, understanding that it's a touchy subject. "Well, just enjoy yourself. I'm sure you won't have to act a certain way at all. They asked to hang out with you, not someone else, alright?" She gently states, before reaching out to hold Li Wei's hand.

He thankfully doesn't flinch, used to Kiyoko's gentle touches and nature. Li Wei feels the other manager squeeze his hand, before leaving for her home. The male manager wonders if he really will be fine this weekend, having not really gotten to know the other male joining him and Oikawa. It'll be a new experience that he truly hopes will go well.