Crushed And Broken

***SECOND BOOK FOR- THE BROKEN SOLDIER: SECRETS OF A BROKEN MARINE***

Today I am on another bus ticket back home; this time around, I am not alone. Every single man finds themselves in the same place, heading the same way, including the forty-three brave souls that fought to the very end for their country.

What else is fighting is me; every time I just as much as open my goddamn eyes, they shove a needle in my arm. Now I am not a man with patience, and they are surely testing it to its limit.

Every time I start to drift away, I clench even harder on that photo of Isabella, knowing that in only a few mere hours, I will be seeing her.

Now I would like to tell you how jolly and eventful the plane flight is home, but yes, I am constantly being drugged by some over-eager nurse.

Then, just as I come out of my drug haze again, I spot Harrison, I immediately holler, yes, I know, but anyway, I call for the man to come over.

"Can you explain to me why nobody wants to tell me what is going on with my legs, the ones which everybody is keeping a fucking secret?"

I hear as he clears his throat rather uncomfortably as he shuffles his feet about, "I think we must wait for the doctor."

"Fuck the doctor's ass," the anger growls out of me like thunder, "I want to know now."

Just then, that little nurse with her needle comes poking around me again, it only takes me but a second to rip that thing from her hand; she gasps and jumps back, "All you have to do is say no."

"Sweety," I try to sound as calmly as possible. "Nothing about you says just ask; you were made to torture people."

With that, she hurries off to the back of the plane, where the damn doctor also seems to be hiding.

But I have Harrison, and if he knows what is good for me, he shall not go anywhere. "So, how about telling me why I cannot feel my legs and I am constantly being poked at?"

"Clay," he starts off as a whisper, "You, well, both of your legs got hurt."

I immediately go into shock as a terrifying horror creep as a cold rush over my spine, "God, please don't tell me?"

He looks down, and I can see that there is a small pearl-like tear that is bubbling in the corner of his eye, "They…"

Just then, the fucking pilot feels like it is time for an announcement. Well, apparently, I slept the whole flight away as we are approaching the airfield at Pendleton. The excitement of Isabella and her big baby belly is the only thing that is now consuming my mind. So I wait patiently while two of the soldiers come to carry me out on a stretcher.

Now, I know the woman will go in a panic, and believe me, I, myself, are already panicked. I am so expecting some sort of an I told you so. As they carry me out of the plane into what seems to be a very bright Summer's day. There is a slight breeze and the smell of wet sand from a storm that has just recently passed. How much I missed this. But not as much as the woman that I see as we get off the plane.

I watch her carefully as she shakes her head and carries on looking past me. Well, did my soon-to-be wife just not recognize her fiancé? I do not know if I should feel lucky that she has not seen my state or even offended.

So I do that very stupid thing and holler for her to hear me. God knows whoever invented that word, but ya, the thing is stuck in my head, especially with Lewis practically overusing it,

After what seems like my fifth attempt, she casually strolls over to where I am lying peacefully on my new mode of transportation. I watch as her eyes narrow while she is biting down on her lip, "Now, before I lose the last marble that I have left, you are going to tell me that you are just lazy to walk, and that is why you in that stretcher."

I cannot help but chuckle at her, though she does not find my words amusing, "I am serious soldier, why are you in there."

I only shrug my shoulders, "I don't know. All I know is I got shot."

"How can you not know?" I see as the entire crowd snap their heads in our direction as Isabella's voice has gone a fraction louder. "How can you not know?" She repeats once again.

"Boo, I have tried to ask the doctor, but both him and Harrison have been dodging my questions."

"Well," she scans the crowd looking for the doctor or Harrison. God, I feel sorry for the first one she founds first. Then she turns to me, "I will be back in a second."

She wanders off into the crowd, but I cannot see where she is going. All I see is Harrison fleeing to the other side of the airforce ground. As for the doctor, I guess it his him that she has found.

But I shove the craziness aside and watch how many Marines are back with their families again. I can see the tears of joy rolling like a river over cheeks that have burned from way too much sun. As for the rest, all they have to see is a casket; they don't even know where, but they know that between that forty-three, their beloved one is there. The one that is not going today.

As we all stand here and we watch as this horrific sadness enfolds around us, we all salute them in honor and sing a very old Marine anthem. These boys did us well; without out them, we would not have made a difference. But mostly, if it were not for their bravery, some of us would not have been alive.

So, what do I say, fuck my legs; I am glad that I am alive.

After Isabella gets no joy from the very helpful nurse and her needles, mainly because the doctor saw her coming and he bailed for it, I am being carried to the hospital on Pendleton. At least I am going to get a better doctor here; well, that is what I am hoping for. But let us not count those chickens just yet.

Soon I am carried into a single room on the second floor of the hospital; well, it is not the first for then it was something major urgent. The second lies on the brink of major and not so major. So I can say whatever has my entire body in jello, for yes, all those goddamn painkillers have me so limp I cannot even move my damn arms, needless to say, not even my hand. As for the legs, now that is what we are waiting for.

Then Isabella gets that "I have an idea" look on her face, and I know immediately that I am not going to like it. "I am just going to quickly peek under the blanket to see if everything is still there."

But from behind us, someone clears their voice loudly and steps closer, "Miss, I am sure that he still has it all."

She only but waves him off and comes to take a seat next to me, "So, dear Doctor," I recognize the hint of sarcasm in her voice as she addresses him. "What happens to my fiancé that is so bad that nobody wants to tell him?"

"The good news is that you did not lose your other leg, it was close, but yes, it is still in some sort of a way intact."

I look at him strangely, "Some sort of a way intact?"

"Yes, Lieutenant." He moves around to the other side, away from an Isabella that is near close to punching him out. "You took three bullets in your femur, crushing your bone in three places. It is a damn miracle that you are still able to walk."

I take a sigh of relief as I take Isabella's hand, who seems to have calmed down but wait, this man is not finished with his story.

"And," he so joyfully adds, "Unfortunately, the impact in your stump got caught in the fire I had…" then he goes uncomfortably softer. "I had to take more away as it could not be saved at the position it was angled." Then he is not even finished yet, "You going have to learn to walk all over again."

I only but wave him off as the tears burst through that barrier that was holding them back.

The fear of being defeated, of being shown that, yes, I could not do it, the fear of being a failure creeps in heavy over my heart. The pain that consumes my heart is something that one cannot bear and yet even explain. Your world crashes around you, just waiting for you to fall. I went out there to fulfill a dream, and I came back and an even more broken of a man.

I will never be a Marine again.

My life has come to an end now.

Fuck that…I will do anything to get what I want, and I already have my dreams set on it.