Chapter 4

"Are you ready?" Cat asked as we pulled up to the hotel.

I nodded hesitantly. I thought long and hard for days, wondering if I should look for my child's father. It was not an easy decision because I knew that finding him would be a hassle. I don't know his name, how he looks or where he lives. The only thing I knew about my child's father was the color of his eyes and I picture those emerald eyes almost every night. I grew up without my father present and I don't want that for my child if I can help it, especially since I have yet to tell Royce what's going on. He'll be coming home for Christmas break on the 22nd. I have no idea how he'll take this news and I can't expect him to forgive me. I broke his trust, our commitment and I flushed four years down the drain. That is one conversation I really want to avoid.

"Good luck, I'll be here okay? So call me if you need me." Cat said.

"Thank you so much." I said. I held my breath as I stepped out of the car and made my way to the revolving glass doors. The place looked exactly the same from when we were here almost two months ago. I straightened my back and walked up to the front desk.

"Good day, welcome to the Reynolds Grand Hotel, how can I help you today?" The lady asked.

"Um hi, I was here back in October when you guys had your Halloween party..."

"Masquermania! Yes!" She said smiling.

"Yea that, I was here with a gentleman who was staying in the penthouse and I'm sorry, but I really need to speak with him or get in touch with him somehow." I said.

"Oh, I'm sorry miss, our guests that stay here are personal. I can't just give you access to no one's room." She said.

"Can't you just look, or give me a name?" I pleaded.

"It's all confidential ma'am."

"It's really important. Please if you can just give him a message." I said.

"I'm sorry ma'am I can't and even if I could we have a few penthouses, I wouldn't know who I'd be leaving this message for." She said gently.

My shoulder slumped in defeat. "I'm sorry, but that is the hotel's policy. We must protect our guests." Her eyes were filled with remorse.

"It's okay, I understand." I mumbled.

I knew that the chance of finding out information here was slim. I was turning to leave, when the lady stopped me.

"Miss, many people come here when we are having big events, you can try coming to our Christmas Ball in two weeks, on the 24th, maybe the gentleman you're looking for will attend." She suggested.

"Okay, thank you." I slowly left feeling even more discouraged then when I came. I knew it wasn't going to be likely that I'd find him or even that he was still staying there, but I was hoping to at at least get a name. I was so distracted by my thoughts that I hadn't notice the person coming towards me until it was too late.

"Oh! I'm sorry." I said looking up. My eyes met familiar hazel ones.

"Caleb? What you doing here?" I asked shocked.

"Ava, you do realize that I'm a Reynolds right?" He chuckled.

"Oh yea right." I forgot that his family owned this hotel. Boy, he is probably loaded.

"What brings you here?" He asked.

"Um, I was just trying to find out some information." I said quickly.

"Okay, I have a meeting schedule for today."

"Yea, I forgot about that." I said. My gaze fell to the floor for a moment.

"Are you okay?"

"Yea, yea, of course." I chuckled.

"Well, I guess I'll see you on monday?" He asked.

"Of course."

"Okay breakfast is on me." He winked. I laughed rolling my eyes. He always says that, but bright an early monday morning he will ask me to bring breakfast instead.

"Don't forget I need you to set up a meeting with Mr. Fields. I want him at my office first thing on Wednesday." He said.

"Yes sir, no problem." I gave him a salute. Mr. Fields was the new writer he was interested in. I must admit the guy work was pretty impressive. I understand his eagerness to meet with him. We said our goodbyes and I made my way to the parking lot to Cat.

"How did it go?" She asked when I hopped in the car.

"A total bust. They aren't allowed to give out any information about their guests." I sighed.

"I'm sorry Ava, at least you tried."

"I have to try again. There's going to be a Christmas party here in two weeks. There's a chance my stranger will show up. Will you come with me?" I asked hopeful.

"You actually want to go to a party? Yea, you're desperate." She chuckled driving out of the parking lot. I scoffed and elbowed her arm.

"What if he still isn't there? I mean you're not going on much. That guy could've been passing through. What if he's married." Cat said.

"Look, I need positive thoughts right now. I'm not trying to be apart of the guy's life, I just think he should know about his child. I really don't want my kid growing up without a father also." I said.

"Ava you turned out just fine without your father. That baby is going to be loved unconditionally regardless, especially by her aunty Kitty."

"So what if it's a boy?" I asked.

"Same thing applies." She shrugged.

"We have a long drive back, are you hungry?" She asked.

"I could go for a bite." I said as I leaned back in my chair. Although I was discouraged, I held on to the hope that I would be able to find him. I have to at least try. The next few weeks flew by and before I knew it, I had to get Royce from the airport. He was only here for a few days before he had to get back to flight school. I was excited to see him, but the strongest emotion pulsing through me was fear. I've been holding down this fear for weeks. God knows these last eight weeks has been an emotional rollercoaster for me. My body quivered slowly as I waited for him outside. I crossed my arms across my chest to stop them from shaking. Everyone around me looked so happy to be welcoming home their family members and guests. I wish I could share the same excitement. Royce exited the airport in a light tan sweater and jeans. His duffel bag was secured on his shoulders as he moved his shades to the top of his head. His jet black hair was slightly tousled out of place and his tall yet lean body moved gracefully with every step. He glanced around the lot quickly before his eyes focused on his phone. My phone began to ring in my pocket. I looked down seeing his number on my phone and stepped away from my place on the car into his view. His dark eyes met mine instantly and the most beautiful smile graced his lips. He ended the call and my heart pounded erratically as he got closer to me. He stood tall in front of my small frame and his duffel bag hit the floor with a soft thud. He was still smiling down at me as his hands cupped my face lovingly. His soft lips pressed gently against mine and in that moment everything disappeared. I threw my arms around his waist and squeezed him tight as our lips moved in sync. Everything I missed about him came rushing back like a tidal wave. His smell, his taste, his smile and the way he can bring me to my knees with one kiss. He pulled away letting some air between us and placed his forehead against mines.

"God I missed you so much." He said lovingly.

I pulled him into a tight hug pressing my head against his chest.

"I missed you too." For just a moment, one little moment, everything was okay. As we drove home, the car was filled with his soft chatter. He talked about school, everything he was learning, the people he met and flying.

"You look so good." He said. I blushed.

"I look the same." I said.

"Well, yea but, you look different too. Good different." He took my hand in his gently and I forced myself to focus on the road.

"I can't wait to see Spot."

"Yea, he's gotten so big. I know he misses you." I said.

"I got plans for us for the whole time I'm here. I'm going to tire you out in every possible way."

He kissed my wrist making me shudder slightly, more out of fear than desire.

"Hopefully, you'll still be up for it." I mumbled.

"What do you mean? Why wouldn't I be?" He asked curiously.

"Oh, um I just meant I figured you'd be tired with all the travelling, and you told me how tedious school was."

"Well yes, but I'm never too tired for you." He said.

I was about to remind him that lately he was always too tired to call me, but decided against it. I felt even more nauseous as we got closer to home. We pulled up to our house and he quickly got out and grabbed his bag. I followed behind him in silence, trying not to think of everything that will happen next.

"Spot! Hey boy!" Royce said excitedly. He dropped to his knees hugging and playing with Spot. Spot was jumping, barking and wagging his little tail. I knew he'd be so happy to see Royce again. I smiled gently and moved to walk away from the door, letting them have their reunion. I didn't make it far before Royce stood and grabbed my hand. I looked back at him in question and found all the answers in his eyes. Royce bit his bottom lip gently and pushed me up against the wall. I barely had time to respond before his lips attack mines. My body grew heated quickly as I pulled him closer, the hunger in my belly increased by tenfold. Royce moaned lifting me up with ease and I wrapped my legs around his waist. I couldn't get close enough. I pulled his shades that was still at the top of his head, and threw it across the room, before burying my fingers into his hair. I moaned softly, oh how I missed this. Just then, his fingers crawled under my top and grazed the skin on my stomach, the baby, and as if a bucket of cold water dropped on me, my senses came back.

"Wait, wait." I mumbled.

"Huh? What is it babe?" he asked confused. He was still panting as he held me close. I slowly pushed him away and loosened my legs from around his waist. He placed my feet on the floor, but didn't pull away from me. I tried to calm my heart as I fixed my clothes in shame.

"Ava what is it? I've waited for this moment for so long." He whispered, tugging me closer. I pressed my palms against his chest.

"I know, I know and we'll get to it. I just want to cook us a nice dinner and do some more catching up, please? I want tonight be special, not rushed." I made up an excuse quickly. Royce looked doubtful for a moment but sighed and nodded, making me sigh in relief. I need to get a hold of my emotions.

"I'm going to jump in the shower and freshen up." He said.

I agreed and made my way to the kitchen to prepare a quick dinner. Homemade burgers are Royce's favorite, so I decided to make them. I moved around the kitchen like a programmed robot, trying to keep myself busy. By the time Royce was done with the shower I was finishing up the burgers.

"Come on, I made your favorite." I said.

"Hmm, smells good babe." He sat to the table excitedly and we quickly dug in.

"Man, I missed your cooking." He groaned, biting into his burger.

"I can tell." I chuckled. Royce and I chatted and laughed for over an hour which made me miss him so much more. Telling him the truth was going to be the hardest thing I ever did. Royce decided to take Spot outside for a bit and I begrudgingly decided to do the dishes. I stared out of the window in the kitchen as I washed the dishes slowly. My stomach quivered in knots as I watched him play with Spot in the yard. He always look so happy when he's home. Having him home, even for a little while, is the best thing that could happen at the worse possible time. I sighed softly and looked at the plate that I was washing for at least the third time. I hated doing the dishes, hell I avoided it at all cost. I practically forced Royce to install the dishwasher just so I wouldn't have to do them, and even then I hated loading it. I was so lost in my thoughts that I hadn't notice when Royce came back inside. He wrapped his arms around me gently and placed a soft kiss on my neck.

"You're actually doing the dishes?" He laughed shocked.

I smiled sadly before drying my hands and turning in his arms.

"Yea, there was nothing else to do." I said shrugging, as I wrapped my arms around his neck.

"I've watched you do everything in this house besides the dishes." He chuckled.

I brought my hand up to his dark hair to brush it away from his forehead, before slowly pulling away. I moved to the kitchen table and started to remove all the condiments that were left out from dinner.

"Baby, what's wrong?" He asked gently.

I wanted to shout it out just to get it over with, just to see his reaction and accept the consequences of my actions. He was always so forgiving, so understanding and loving. It makes everything that much worse. I swallowed as the knot in the pit of my stomach felt that much heavier. My lips trembled gently as tears pooled in my eyes and I turned to face him. Seeing the look on my face changed his expression went from curious to concern.

"Ava....Ava, what is it? What's wrong?" He took my sweaty palms in his rough ones and urged me to talk to him. I looked up at him and opened my mouth slowly as my heart continued to pound in my chest. His eyes were captivating, full of love and understanding, something I didn't deserve, not even in the slightest. I looked away from him breaking that connection, trying to force the words out of my shaky lips. But...how could I? How do you tell the man that you love, the man that you're afraid to disappoint, the man that you can't imagine being without, that you're pregnant with someone else's baby? Someone that you don't even know?

"Ava, please, what is it?"

"I...I need to tell you something." I whispered.

Royce stared at me, eyes never leaving my face. He tugged my hands, guiding me to sit at the kitchen table.

"Go on." He said.

"Halloween weekend, when Cat and I went to Seattle, we went to this huge Masquerade party that hotel was hosting." I started.

"Yea, I remember." He said slowly.

"Well, we....we went and we were having so much fun and I was just drinking so much, I didn't know what was happening." I started to hyperventilate.

"Ava, what are you trying to tell me?" He said pulling his hands away from me. He was putting it all together in his head already.

"I'm....I'm pregnant." I whispered. The room was deadly silent as Royce stared at me, mouth opened in shock. I swore I heard Spot drinking from the toilet upstairs. I forced myself to remain still as he processed my words.

"What?" He said in shock.

"I'm pregnant, about eight weeks." My voice cracked.

"Are you kidding?" He asked incredulous. My eyes watered at the look on his face.

"Ava if this is a sick joke, you are taking this too far." He warned. A sob broke from between my lips.

"Please, please Royce I am so sorry, I'm sorry I was drunk... I didn't know what I was doing, I don't even remember it."

"Ava are you kidding me?! Who is the guy?" He stood up and I flinched away in shame.

"I.... he.." I was blubbering mess. I could barely form a coherent sentence.

"Ava who was it?" He said again more calmly.

"I...I don't know." I cried.

"What the hell do you mean you don't know Ava?! How could you not know?!"

"He...it...it was dark! It was dark and I was drunk and we were wearing masks." His jaw hung open in shock.

He spun around and started to grab his hair in anger as he paced. The tears were coming faster now, hot streaks down my face.

"You got drunk and slept with someone you don't even know?! Ava how stupid can you be?!" Royce face started to turn red and the veins in his neck bulged.

"I know, I'm sorry Royce. I'm sorry! I was stupid and careless, I made a mistake."

I got up and moved close to his side, praying that he doesn't leave. We can talk this out, can't we?

"How could you do this to me? Huh? How could you? I'm away to flight school, trying to get a career to give us a better life and take care of you, God! You're staying in my house Ava! This is how you repay me?" His voice cracked and I choked out a sob. Seeing him cry was even more worse than his anger.

"Royce, I'm...I'm sorry, I made a mistake!" I reached out to touch him and he yanked way quickly.

"Don't touch me!" He yelled. I jumped back instantly, allowing my hands to drop.

"I want to explain everything, please let me explain?" I pleaded.

"Explain?! Ava how can you explain this shit to me right now?! Tell me!" He yelled. My body quivered as I tried to find the words.

"What?! Are you going to explain to me how you went out, got drunk, went with a random man and slept with him?! There is no way you can explain that and make that shit okay! There is no way!" He cried.

"Roy...I'm...I didn't me.." I couldn't even get the words out anymore.

"I love you, I would've done anything for you. You mean everything to me and you just threw away the last four years like it was nothing!"

"I'm sorry! I'm so so sorry."

"Well, I guess now I know." He stated. I gasped.

"No! Royce please no. Please baby, understand me, I was drunk, I barely remembered what happened, I wasn't myself. Oh God please, please... don't." I begged.

"That's not like you Ava! To get drunk to the point of no memory? To sleep with a complete stranger? I don't even know who you are anymore." He said in disgust.

I almost could hear the sound of my heart cracking in my chest. "Please! It's still me! I'm still me! I was just trying to let go and have fun with Catherine. I took it too far and I know it. I blame myself for drinking so much and for allowing all of this happen. I should've been more responsible, I'm sorry!"

"Now you're gonna have his baby." He stated.

"I can't just...I can't just abort it. This baby didn't asked for this! Neither did I, but I have to take responsibility." I mumbled.

"You want to talk about responsibility?!" I hung my head ashamed, lost for words.

"I must just be okay that you slept with someone and you're having his kid?!"

"It's not right for me to hurt this child, he or she didn't ask for this." I cried.

"I didn't ask for this Ava! The right thing would've been keeping your legs closed!" I covered my face with my hands and sobbed uncontrollably. He didn't say anything I didn't already know.

"I don't know if I could deal with this." He whispered.

Tears left a trail on his cheek and his bloodshot eyes met mine. My head snapped up quickly, I held my chest, almost expecting my heart to lodge out of it.

"So where does that leave us?" I sobbed.

The room went silent. We stared at each other, me willing him to forgive me, to understand and to wrap his head around it. I knew I made a mistake and it would probably haunt me for the rest of my life. When he didn't respond I tried to approach him slowly and he held his hands up immediately.

"Just...just stay away from me Ava." He whispered shaking his head.

Grabbing his coat he marched out the house without another word. The silence that was left behind was so horrible, I crumbled to the floor in pain. I hurt the person I love, my best friend, how can I live with myself?