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We drank in silence, just throwing glances at one another, waiting for one of us to make the first move.

James Arthur ft Anne Marie, Rewrite The Stars was playing and it spelt our situation, we were on the verge of redrafting our story.

She placed my head on my beating heart, right where she should be. She seemed so fragile leaning on me. For protection.

Love.

I love her.

I hadn't told her yet. I was waiting for the right moment. I know she loved me. I just didn't know if she was ready to admit it to herself just yet. But she was the type of girl who could draw out the protective instinct of a male just the way she looked. The way she spoke gently, like a meek lamb, a harmless kitten.

She always came to me for safety, protection. She made me feel strong, it might be a caveman way of thinking but a man needs to feel like a man. And a man's ego is sacred to him.

"I wanted to be close to you in this way that it hurt just by thinking I couldn't get to you." she said swaying her head to look up at me. "it was agonising knowing I wouldn't see you again soon and that spelt doom for us."

I'm sure that's the wine talking, she was clutched to me tightly, why is she so open? I thought looking straight into those big brown eyes, Do I need to spell it out too? It seems like the way to go, honesty. I was collecting my thoughts looking for the right words to say. She said hers without any form of struggle, she was master of her own words, and they came out slowly and gently and caused the intended effect on me.

In a way I hated myself for making her feel doubt or hurt. Damn, why hurt such a harmless soul, I felt a pang tugging at the corners of my heart. But I washed the pain down with shots of whisky, the scorching effect came in handy. I downed two more shots before she started wiggling and whimpering on my chest

"I'm here now baby" I said placing a kiss on her forehead and caressed her head. This was weird, it was not how I expected it to go down, I had expected tantrums and wailing. A shouting match to be precise. But look at us, cuddled up like rained on chickens spelling out love.

All in all it seems all is forgiven. Building bridges.

She was my favorite girl. My favorite colour. I call her Blue. But when we were apart I'm sure she would have thought I go around calling people colors, it's true, they remind me of certain people but she was something too close to my heart and mine. She was special.

The colour that gave me life. The most important colour.

I watch her breath slow, her hair on her face, she's dizzying off. I scooped her off the couch with one clean sweep and strolled to the bedroom. Not as heavy as I expected, on one point I nearly tripped near the kitchen. Damn.

She was so peaceful in her sleep, I waved off her hair so she could see me in her dreams. I smiled at her, she was beautiful, I took out my phone, snapped a few pictures. She wiggled again but this time sprawling on the bed like she was swimming, took up all the space, I had to squeeze myself somewhere and sleep.

Music was still playing in the background, Ariana Grande's Off The Table, was soothing me down. Of course our love wasn't completely off the table, we were on the road for along relationship, a healthy one for status.

I wonder why I had planned so many things in my head like what I'd say to her, now she was smiling, what was making her so happy when she looked so broken by me? I hope she understands when she wakes up that the way I feel for her is getting stronger.

I drew out my notebook and scribbled these words:

I love you so very much,

Even though at times I do things that hurt.

I try so hard to hope that you always see

How much you being in my life means to me.

I am sorry yet again for causing you pain.

That is the last thing I ever wanted to do.

Even when I am trying to look out for you and do the right thing,

I mess up; I am sorry for that too.

I hope that you still know how much I love and cherish you,

Like nothing else in my life gives me the thrill of being loved by you.

So I hope that you listen and see it in my eyes,

This sincere apology that comes with tears from deep inside.

Love.

I wasn't sure if I should give her whatever I'd written, an apology from deep within me.

I hope our love alarms ring each other, hope we stay in love. I do not know what I did exactly, but reading the expression on her pretty face tells there is something I did, even if she won't admit or tell me. I know her. Something is wrong and I will find out.

**

I remember one day I almost burnt down my mom's house when I was in the kitchen trying to surprise her for HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY. Maybe she have smacked me but she was happy at least I was trying to do something. Anyway the kitchen was left in bits but at least it was workable in.

**

I was sweating, I tried to move but I was stuck,I tensed before I realized where I was. I opened my eyes to find her legs tangled up with mine, her head on my chest and hair sprawling over my face. I removed her head slowly, she groaned a little and went back to sleep.

Phew!

It was almost three in the morning, crickets still screeching outside or wherever they were. I had to pee.

The door to the bedroom was ajar, not that I was scared someone had broken in, but remembered I left it open just in case.

I came back to the bed and tried to fall back to sleep, my eyes were wide awake, strolling my way to the kitchen to make some coffee, I stopped by the bed and stared at the sleeping beauty, she was too perfect for me.

I sipped once.

Twice.

This coffee didn't have the same effect it usually does. Is this a sign of a bad day? Bad omen right.

I shrugged and placed the half empty cup in the sink and went back to sleep. I kept on shuffling in the bed, but it was nearly impossible to turn when she was walking in the bed, I wonder what's the dream. I lost sleep, I played with her hair. Soft, silky and long, so attractive that it was impossible not to touch.

I was battling these thoughts I had, should I just tear the damn paper, she won't even read anyway. It was just an apology, not that urgent, it wasn't top CIA secret. I was looking at her and watching her sleep. I felt like I had found my way home just by looking at her.

She is special, lips slightly parted, lightly snoring, beautiful even in her sleep and she didn't even try. It came as her aura. This is her, who she is, beautiful girl whom I know nothing about, I don't know much, I know I love her and that's all I need to know.

I shoved the cover my head and tried to sleep again.

No sleep.

I finally decided to watch her sleep.

Creepy.