Chapter 9

Lilly

My eyes closed as a sudden breeze enveloped my body, serenity all around me in the calms of nature.

I pictured his face in my mind, the perfection of every detail, every angle. He was someone I've always felt drawn to, even as pups.

The agonizing conversation Zain and I had moments ago left me reeling, questions in my mind flowing rampantly.

Feeling so helpless when it came to my own destiny was more than I could bear. With that in mind, I decided it was time for my second shift ever.

My wolf was pacing in the back of my mind, wanting to release her aggression.

Seeing Grace and hearing the foul words spout from her lips didn't sit well with my wolf, all she could think about was chasing after the pregnant she-wolf and taking something away from her, just like she did to us, but I wouldn't let her.

It was hard but I managed to keep my wolf reigned in, letting her know I was going to let her out to play.

Zain's words had left hope inside me.

I won't mark her…

Words that would make any female smile, but I shouldn't even be in this predicament in the first place.

I should be the one with his mark already.

Yes, there was hope, but the aching inside my heart was slowly being replaced by anger.

Anger at him for wanting me to wait, his unspoken implication- to watch that woman's belly grow while I wait.

The wolf in me wanted him because he is ours.

She would wait, but she would also have taken out the competition.

The human in me, that part was angry that Zain would even insinuate that I just watch and see how things go and just wait for him.

I won't let my wolf out to take Grace down, but I will not be a backup plan either.

I know he couldn't help what had happened between them but I still felt angry.

Anger for that she wolf who trapped my mate unknowingly.

I couldn't be this sad girl showing my broken heart to everyone, hiding my face behind a curtain of chestnut hair when I had nothing to be ashamed of.

It wasn't my shame.

It was his.

It was hers.

I couldn't hide anymore, I had to face my family and friends eventually.

My parents came to my room religiously in the two weeks I had locked myself away.

They knew I was inside, but I couldn't bring myself to face them, I didn't want their pity.

My father, the Alpha's Beta and right hand was respected by the pack and now instead of a time to rejoice, he was shamed by the Alpha's son's indiscretions against his own mate- my dad's only daughter.

I didn't want to see the sadness in my parent's eyes neither did I want to see disappointment or pity.

I remember just holding a pillow over my face, quieting my sobs as my parent's voices tried coaxing me out of the room but they eventually gave up, knowing I wanted to be alone.

I haven't seen anyone in these past two weeks.

Other than Dan.

And now Zain.

I needed to get ahold of the reckoning heartache I felt, mend my shattered soul back together with this new found contempt I held for this intruding woman and her family.

My mate didn't shun me.

He wanted me.

He was being forced to do the right thing but it is his pup, of course he would want to be in that pups life.

The pup would be half him, half of his Alpha blood- and half of her Alpha blood; A strong bloodline.

A wolf has strong instincts when it comes to their young pups and I couldn't blame Zain for this because he's an expecting Alpha parent.

He wouldn't just give up a pup.

I could blame him for wanting me either I was his mate after all and I couldn't blame him entirely for anything because he never knew I was his and he never sensed Grace's heat.

There were far more factors playing in this than I had originally thought, I can't just blame everyone..

But I could blame her for a lot.

She ruined any chance of my happiness and I won't stand by waiting to see if she miscarries or not.

I won't be that desperate other woman. I couldn't stand by and watch him have a pup with another female, waiting in the wings for him.

I just won't do that.

But my soul wants his.. Desperately.

My mind and my soul are at war with one another on this and my wolf was on a whole other level.

I can't think about this anymore, I just can't.

It will destroy me more than I already am.

I am too young to go through this kind of soul shattering heartbreak.

The one I was made for, being forced to father a pup he never meant to create but he did help create it and now it's his responsibility.

Being angry would be my only saving grace.

It would save my heart from shriveling and my soul from crumbling.

I don't want to feel So fragile, so breakable; hiding from the eyes of curious wolves.

This wasn't my fault. I'm an innocent bystander in all of this.

Watching the sunlight sway through the trees, bouncing off the water as it cascaded over each stone jutting from the surface, I felt the tears dry on my cheeks from the cool breeze.

There would be no more crying.

Not today, not ever.

I stood, sliding my dress off my shoulders so that it pooled around my feet, taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes, standing bare in the secluded clearing of my secret meadow at the cliffs as I concentrated on my energy.

Focusing.

A strong current rolled through my mind, it was my wolf surfacing, ready to take over.

A piercing cry ripped through my throat as the snapping and shifting of bones slowly began to give way to my wolf's body as she came barrelling through- a happy image of her in my mind with her tongue lolling out to the side.

She was happy to be let out of the cage.

It was always painful to shift for a while until you become used to the feeling of your bones breaking and realigning into another shape. A handful more shifts and it wouldn't phase me at all.

After a few moments of agonizing pain, I was lying on the grass, white fur in my view.

My wolf surged forward, throwing me to the back but I stayed grounded, being in the forefront of our mind.

I couldn't let her be too free or she could do something bad.

Shaking her head from side to side, white fur with gray markings came into view and she purred to herself. She liked the way she looked, she thought she was beautiful and I would have to agree.

Everything was so clear; The sun so bright, the grass so green. Every smell overcame our senses.

The scent of flowers enveloped the air and the rushing water from the creek rippled along stones before falling down the cliff into the lake below, making a continuous splash.

The low hum of bees and the chirping of birds; everything was so much more now.

Standing on shaky legs, she balanced herself.

Our energy came back quickly and she padded forward as she prowled around the creek, sniffing and rubbing her fur along the trees, scenting our hideaway. I was enjoying this time as one with my wolf.

She deserved this.

We deserved this.

Sniffing along the ground, she smelled our mate's scent on the spot he had rested just by the creek bed. It was a scent that had her eyes rolling back in her head and her mouth opening in a wide grin.

She was unbelievable.

A low purr erupted from her chest, followed by a whine and a whimper.

Her pain over what we are having to deal with concerning our mate was too much for us.

Especially for her.

She felt the pain like I did but her instincts are more animalistic. She wanted to take out the competition and claim her mate.

The thoughts of Grace crossing my mind caused a low growl to protrude from my wolf. I needed to stay present in our mind in case she decided to do just that.

That action wouldn't be easily forgiven.

Understood, but not forgiven.

Most newly shifted wolves don't have complete control over their wolves because they haven't learned to become one with them in their minds yet.

When I first shifted, I spent hours in wolf form, concentrating on staying in charge, getting to know my other half.

Now I could easily stay in command of her animal instincts, guiding her.

She did what she wanted but only if I allowed it.

The moment she wanted to do something that I didn't approve of, I could take control, forcing myself to reign her in.

She didn't like it, but that was how it went.

A familiar scent was picked up by the wind, sending it our way and she felt the urge to locate the scent trail.

Nose to the ground, ears perked, she carefully stalked through the clearing and into the forest; the calming sounds of rushing water diminished with every step.

As the scent became more abrupt, she stopped, sitting on her haunches, waiting for him to make an appearance.

She let out a playful bark, her front paws digging into the earth as she hunched low to the ground ready to pounce, keeping her eyes open for any sign of Dan.

A chuff came from behind a mass of shrubs but before she could do a thing, a large grey and white wolf leaped through the brush, pouncing on her, causing her to fall on her back.

The wolf began playfully nipping at her and she rolled playfully, my wolf's hind legs kicking him off her, sending him backwards before it was our turn to pounce.

Mine and Dan's wolves got along well. She sees him as her family, as that is what he is to me.

Family.