3. Chapter 3

Carina woke up at 4 am with a start. She had been having the weirdest and most unsettling dreams all night, most of them about Maya getting seriously injured or dying.

However, she never fully woke up from any of them until the last one in which she watched Maya slowly bleed out, listening to her cry for help but not able to get anywhere near her to help.

“Carina,” Jo said, looking up from her charts as she saw Carina sit up, clearly starting to panic, “Hey, you are safe. Maya is safe.”

Carina continued struggling to breathe, Jo getting up and going over to the cot, sitting down next to her friend.

“Carina, you are safe,” Jo said, putting a hand on her back.

Carina’s eyes were darting a little, clearly struggling to focus until her hands hit the fabric of the blanket on the bed. As soon as she felt the familiar fabric, Carina looked down, settling her eyes on the blanket, finally able to hear Jo’s voice.

“Carina,” Jo said, feeling her breathing slowing down a little, “Hey. Are you alright?”

“It was just dreams,” Carina said, eyes looking over to Maya, “How is she?”

“She’s been stable,” Jo said, “She’s also breathing over the vent quite a bit so I am guessing she is going to come off that soon. Her neuro checks have been normal, her drains still have a lot of output except the chest tube. Her vitals have been stable all night.”

“What time is it?” Carina asked, rubbing her tired eyes.

“4 am,” Jo said, looking at her watch, “Do you want to take another pill and knock back out? I can keep them in the hall for rounds at 8.”

“No,” Carina said, shaking her head, “No. I’m just going to lay here next to her, if that’s ok?” “Of course,” Jo said, “Do you need anything?”

“No,” Carina said, shaking her head as she grabbed her water bottle, taking a few long sips, “Thank you.”

“Just let me know if you need anything,” Jo said, going back to her chair.

Carina laid down in the bed, pulling the blue and white blanket close as she laid on her side, holding Maya’s hand as she just stared at her, watching her chest rise and fall, listening to the steady beeps of the monitors, telling everyone Maya was ok.

Carina let her thoughts drift a little, not quite falling asleep, but also not totally awake, just thinking about the happy times she had had with her wife.

She thought about when they met, how she had been memorized by the blonde from the moment she had run into the ER with the nose. She had almost missed what her patient had been saying to her because she was so drawn to the slightly red faced, frowning blonde. When she had met her at the bar later that night, Carina had had a million questions, and while Maya had seemed sad and exhausted when she sat down, Carina watched her eyes perk up slightly as the night wore on, both of them staying until last call and then sharing a long kiss before they parted ways.

She thought about the day she had almost walked away from Maya forever, when the blonde told her she didn’t need a girlfriend. Carina wasn’t really trying to be her girlfriend, but after everything Maya had told her that night in the bar, she knew the blonde needed friends, someone in her corner, and Carina wanted to be that person. To this day, she was forever grateful Maya had slammed the door shut and apologized.

She thought about the day Maya had called her over for morning sex, only to have a complete breakdown in her arms after two, no three, amazing rounds together. Carina had been shocked and at the same time grateful that Maya felt safe enough around her to spill these feeling Carina had seen her bottling up since their first conversation. That had been the catalyst to their relationship going further because when Carina didn’t make fun of Maya for her breakdown, the blonde started trusting her more and more.

Carina smiled when she thought about the night Maya had suggested a vacation. Carina herself hadn’t been on a trip in too long and was so happy to get away. Their time there had been amazingly fun, and even when Maya had her first panic attack in front of Carina, and a second one later that night, it still felt like they were moving in such a good direction.

And then Captain Herrera died and Maya’s mom showed up, and everything just about fell apart. It had taken Maya a full week after she cheated to come find Carina, and that week had been so hard. Everyone around the Italian knew to steer clear of her because she was in such a bad mood.

When she had seen Maya that day at the coffee cart, her hair chopped off, face slightly puffy, Carina wanted desperately to be mad at her, but the second Maya started talking, begging, Carina’s resolve crumbled and she remembered how much she truly loved the head-strong, driven, maddening woman standing in front of her, and how much the words spilling out of her mouth were truly from her heart.

They had spent that night in each other’s arms, crying and talking and making love through the entire night. The next day, both of them were beyond exhausted and yet happier than they had maybe ever been.

Then they weathered a pandemic and Carina losing her brother and basically being deported and it ended in a wedding, the most amazing, happy day. Carina hadn’t been too keen on the idea of a wedding, but just getting to watch giddy Maya dancing and singing and all but skipping around their apartment for almost a week leading up to the big day made Carina want to get married every day if it meant her wife would be that happy.

Then, Maya’s mom had moved in which had been strange, and its own special challenge that had not been particularly healthy for any of them. Luckily, they were able to help Katherine get into her own apartment within two months, and then they were able to officially start their life as married women, just the two of them.

They got to go on a honeymoon for their first anniversary because the pandemic had finally calmed, and the tension between FD and PD, while Maya wasn’t sure it would ever go away, had relaxed to the point that Maya felt comfortable leaving for two weeks.

They had spent fourteen glorious days in the Maldives, soaking up the sun. Maya had soaked up a bit too much their second day, and had had to deal with a nasty sunburn, but even that had been fine because they got to just spend time together talking, Carina doting on Maya, diligently putting on aloe to help ease the burns.

They had bought a house together right after that and last month, they had officially started talking to a doctor about their options for having babies, still trying to decide if they wanted to use donor embryos or use Maya’s eggs, though those plans were officially on hold until Maya was better.

Carina felt her eyes fill with tears as she thought about the fact that if yesterday had gone any different, that there might not be a future for them to put on hold because Carina would be alone. Carina was drawn out of her thought by a shuffling in the corner, Jo getting up from the chair.

“Just relax,” she said, seeing Carina moving to sit up, “I’m just going to go grab her next round of meds.”

Carina nodded, laying back down. She watched as her friend carefully injected Maya’s IV with a few different meds before hooking up a new bag of fluids and another smaller bag which Carina knew had heavy duty antibiotics in it which everyone was hoping would prevent any kind of infection. She watched as Jo moved around her wife, checking various things, tapping things into the tablet she was holding.

“Everything is still normal,” Jo said as she saw Carina watching her, “I wish all our patients did as well their first night as Maya did last night, and most of our patients have not been though half the trauma she was.”

Carina nodded, smiling a little as she settled back down, just allowing herself to stay calm and comfortable for a little longer. She knew that today was probably going to be long and filled with people wanting to check on her wife, which Carina loved and appreciated, but honestly, if Carina could just put up a bubble and keep herself and Maya in it for the next week or so, that would be ideal. She knew it wasn’t practical, that Maya’s team had already waited a long time to see her and they were her family too.

Carina found herself wishing her brother was there. He was always so good at keeping her calm and making her feel better when she was majorly stressed when he wasn’t causing her stress. She let herself fall back into the weird state between awake and asleep for a little while longer, hand holding tightly to Maya’s the entire time.

When she fully woke up, she saw the sun coming through the curtains, sitting up.

“It’s already 8 am?” she said, rubbing her eyes as she looked at the clock, “I need to get dressed before they come to round on her.”

“I asked them to come here last,” Jo said, looking at her friend, “Just to give you a little more time. They will probably be here in 45 minutes.”

“Thank you,” Carina said, nodding.

“Want me to go grab you some breakfast and coffee?” Jo asked.

“Um, not yet,” Carina said, “I need to go get dressed. Can you just stay with her?”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Jo nodded, Carina smiling at her a little before she went to see what Amelia had brought for her.

She found some yoga pants and a shirt, going into the bathroom and changing, opening the door as soon as she was decent so she could see her wife.

She brushed her hair, knowing she probably needed a shower, but that was too long to be away from Maya’s side right now so instead, she pulled it up into a ponytail. She debated makeup but decided against it, the effort seeming like a lot and she was pretty sure there were going to be tears at least at some point today because it was still taking a lot of her energy to not let PTSD take over completely, and her whole body felt on edge. She settled on just washing her face, trying to help some of the puffiness in her eyes.

She went back into the room, moving the cot away from Maya’s bed, folding it in the corner so it wouldn’t be in the way.

Just as Jo was about to offer to go get coffee again because honestly, she needed it after spending the night making sure her boss and friend’s wife was alright, the door opened and Amelia walked in with a tray of coffees and a bag of food.

“Amelia, you are the best,” Jo said as she took a cup.

“I try,” Amelia said, smiling, “I’m guess that because I didn’t get any calls, that last night went well.”

“Yeah,” Jo said, nodding, “She was stable all night.”

“And did you get sleep?” Amelia asked, handing Carina, who had taken up residence in the chair next to Maya again, a cup of coffee.

“Yeah,” Carina said, “It wasn’t exactly restful because of the dreams, but I was asleep.”

“Well, I’m glad you slept,” Amelia said, rubbing he back a little, “I have breakfast sandwiches if anyone wants them.”

“I’m not hungry,” Carina said, shaking her head as Jo reached for what Amelia offered her.

“I’m not going to push you now because you are last night, but you are going to eat lunch,” Amelia said, taking out her own food as she sat down in a chair.

“Are you working today?” Carina asked the neurosurgeon.

“This afternoon,” Amelia nodded, “I wanted to be here for rounds on her though.”

“Thank you,” Carina said, smiling at her before looking back at her wife.

The three of them chatted a little before there was a knock at the door, Maggie, Owen, Link, and Meredith all coming in.

“We told the interns to scram,” Maggie said, seeing the confusion on Carina’s face when they walked in without a bunch of people, “They are not being particularly competent this morning, and we thought you didn’t need that.”

“Thank you,” Carina said, smiling. “Alright,” Link said, “I’m starting because my piece is the shortest. Her ribs should be just fine. I put the one that punctured her lung back so as long as she is careful once she wakes up, she should heal just fine. You know she had 6 others that are cracked so she’s going to be sore, but in 6 weeks, she’ll be good to go. I want to get a repeat expert of her hand and arm because I think I saw a few hairline fractures in some of her fingers and possibly her wrist, but I need better pictures. Even if they are broken, we will just be looking at a cast for a month or two to let them heal, no surgery or anything. Once we recheck the hand, I am going to clear her from an orthopedic perspective.”

“I’m next,” Maggie said, “I see that her chest tube drain had little to no output all night, so I am going to remove it. I’ll go grab a kit and a nurse when we are done here. I am not worried about the lung healing. It looked good yesterday once we got it patched, so barring any displacement of the rub, she is good to go there. I can also see she is breathing over the vent which was really just there to help her lungs rest a little so we are going to have her extubated. I want to get a CT to check on the aorta, but as long as it is still holding the way it was yesterday, I am comfortable with lowering the sedation and waking her up.”

“I agree,” Owen said, nodding, “Her abdominal drains still have a lot of output, so we will have to be careful when she starts moving around, but I don’t think that is going to happen for a few days. Her thigh looks good, the drain output there is as expected. I want her non-weight barring on it for at least two weeks though, just to be safe.”

“Her urine output is good,” Meredith said, checking the chart, “And her remaining kidney seems to be working well, all things considered. I will monitor her for signs of problems, but I think she is going to be fine. I am going to check on her intestine on the CT too, but so far so good there. She is still on a strict nothing by mouth for the next few days, just to give everything a chance to heal.”

“And her lovely head,” Amelia said, having joined her colleagues even though she wasn’t even technically working, “Her ICP is holding perfectly because as crazy as I think her brain is, it is acting normal right now. I am good if we want to wake her up today. I am going to keep the monitor in for another day or two, but after that, she will just have to deal with the concussion.”

“Alright,” Meredith said, “Carina, do you have any questions?”

“No,” the Italian said, shaking her head.

“Oh,” Link said, looking at her, “I am supposed to tell you to text Travis when you are up for visitors up here. He is getting discharged later today if everything goes well, but I told him he could come up here whenever you said you were ready.”

“Grazie,” Carina nodded, “I will wait until she is done with the procedures and tests.”

Everyone filed out except Maggie who stayed behind to remove the chest tube.

“I need to get going,” Jo said, looking at Carina, “Unless you need me to stay?”

“No,” Carina said, shaking her head, “You have done so much. Thank you.”

“I’ll be back later,” Jo said, “Text me if you need anything.”

“I’m gonna go talk to Link really fast,” Amelia said, “Just to make sure he is going to go home and relieve the nanny.”

Carina nodded, going back to her seat next to her wife.

“She’s doing really well, Carina,” Maggie said, carefully pulling the tube out, handing it to a nurse as she held some gauze to stop the small amount of bleeding before getting ready to give her a few stitches.

“I know,” Carina said, holding her wife’s hand, rubbing circles on it, “But that doesn’t make it any easier.”

“I know,” Maggie said, “I don’t think it ever gets easier. After everything with my mom, anytime anyone is in the hospital, it is so much worse than it was before.”

Carina nodded, wiping at her eyes which were filled with tears again. They sat in silence for a few minutes as Maggie stitched up the place where the tube had been before the cardiothoracic surgeon stood.

“Alright,” Maggie said, “And now, I am going to extubate her. We are going to keep her sedated just to get her through the CT, but then, we will ease off and see how she does.”

Carina nodded as Maggie went up to Maya’s head, the Italian looking away as Maggie removed the tube from Maya’s throat, checking the monitors to make sure the numbers were holding.

“Alright,” Maggie said, smiling at Carina as she got Maya on some oxygen, “Looks good. I think Mer already put in the CT order so hopefully someone will be here to take her soon.”

“Thank you,” Carina said, nodding as she got up, going to Maya’s head, getting a good look at her face.

There was still a tube down Maya’s nose that was suctioning her stomach to allow her small intestine to heal. But without the tube down her throat, Carina could see the place where Maya’s lip had been busted a little, not bad enough to need stitches. Maya also had other smaller cuts all over her face which would heal on their own, but Carina made a mental note to ask someone to bring her some topical antibiotic cream just to help them along.

Her eyes looked like she had twin shiners, though that was probably more from the brain surgery than anything.

Maya’s color was finally looking better this morning. Last night, the part of Maya’s face Carina could see was so white it was almost scary. However, she had had two blood transfusions overnight that helped, and the blonde, while still incredibly pale, was almost back to her normal coloring.

“You are doing so well Bambina,” Carina said, brushing her hand against Maya’s cheek, “And hopefully, in a few hours, I will get to see those beautiful blue eyes of yours. Everyone is so impressed with how well everything is going. I am just glad you are still here with me.”

Carina kissed her cheek gently, pulling back as the door opened.

“Look at your kick ass wife breathing all on her own,” Amelia said, getting a little tiny smile out of her friend, “Nurse Sam is going to take her up to CT.”

“Can I go?” Carina asked, not even mad at the desperate whininess in her voice.

“Sure,” the nurse nodded, getting Maya hooked up to portable oxygen and got her IV pole ready to move.

They walked down the hall to CT, another tech stepping in to carefully move Maya into the machine.

“Alright, Dr. Deluca,” the tech said, “Why don’t you step back into the back room?”

“No,” Carina said, shaking her head. “Let her stay,” Amelia said through the speaker system, “She’s fine.”

The techs backed off, Carina staying at Maya’s side as she went into the machine. It took about thirty minutes, but Maya was soon on her way back to her room, Carina back at her bedside.

“Ok,” Amelia said, coming back into the room a few minutes later, “Mer and Maggie are going to go over those. Her brain still looks good, so I am on board with waking her up today.”

Carina nodded, sighing a little.

“I need to text Travis,” she said, grabbing her phone.

“Are you ready for him to come up?” Amelia asked, sitting down on the opposite side of the bed.

“I guess so,” Carina said, rubbing at her eyes, “Part of me wants no one in here, but that’s not fair to everyone else who loves her.”

“I get it,” Amelia nodded, “You are allowed to want to be a little selfish with your time with her.”

Carina nodded a little, looking down at her phone.

“I’m going to tell Travis to come up here now,” Carina said, “So he can see her before she wakes up because he is going home this afternoon, and I have no idea how she is going to be feeling once she is awake.”

“Good plan,” Amelia said, nodding, “I need to go for a little while. Are you good?”

“Yeah,” Carina nodded, smiling at Amelia as she left.

The Italian quickly texted Travis, telling him to come up whenever. He texted back, saying he had to have a nurse bring him, and that he would be there soon.

A nurse came in as she finished texting him, just checking Maya.

“Is there anything you need Dr. Deluca?” the nurse asked.

“Can I have some ointment to put on the cuts on her face?” Carina asked.

“Of course,” the nurse nodded, leaving and coming back a minute later with the cream.

“Thank you,” Carina said, taking it, going to wash her hands before carefully starting to apply the cream to Maya’s cuts, taking care to get each one covered, hoping it would help them heal better.

As she finished, the door opened and Travis came in in a wheel chair being pushed by a nurse, his shoulder heavily bandaged, arm in a sling. He also had some cuts on his face, but he looked pretty good all things considered.

“Hey,” Carina said, getting up and walking over to him, “How are you?”

“I’m alright,” he said, “My shoulder is sore, but they’ve got me on pain meds so nothing too bad. How is Maya?”

“She is doing well,” Carina said, “They are going to ease the sedation soon, but she is extubated and they already took out one tube.”

“That’s good,” Travis said as Carina pushed him closer to the bed, the firefighter gasping a little when he saw his captain, “Wow. I knew she was really hurt, but…wow.”

“It is a lot,” Carina nodded, going back to the side where she could hold Maya’s hand, “And it will be a long time before she is fully healed, but she will be one day.”

Travis nodded, wiping his eye with his good hand, “Jack came and visited this morning, and showed me pictures of our engine. It is bad. The side Maya and I were sitting on was totally crushed.”

“How did a car hit you all so high up?” Carina asked, having not asked for the details because that had not been a priority until this point, Maya’s well-being the only thing she had been able to focus on.

“It apparently hit something and was sent flying,” Travis said, “It hit directly where Maya was sitting. If I hadn’t been inside the engine, I wouldn’t have believed she or I walked away from it. I mean, I literally almost walked away, although the tear in my brachial artery made it a little tricky.”

“What exactly happened to your shoulder?” Carina asked.

“It was crushed by some metal,” Travis said, “My humerus is broken, and my clavicle. All the muscles up there are pretty messed up and I have over 100 stitches in it, but it should all heal. If it goes well, I should be back to between 95 and 100% with a lot of therapy.”

“So you can still fight fires?” Carina asked, having not even though about whether or not Maya would be able to, though none of her injuries were to the point that it would prevent her from doing her job once she heal.

“Yeah,” Travis said, nodding, “It’ll probably be 4 months or more, but it’ll happen.”

“How is Vic?” Carina asked.

“She’s alright,” Travis said, “Her head is hurting pretty bad, and she’s having some memory issues, but nothing too concerning. She is coming home today too, but she wasn’t feeling up to getting out of bed to come up here.”

“That’s fine,” Carina said, shrugging, “Concussions are rough. Are you two going to have help when you get home?”

“Jack is going to move in for the next few days,” Travis said, nodding, “Just to help out until we are both feeling a little better.”

“Good,” Carina nodded, eyes going back to Maya, almost as if she felt like if she looked away for more than a minute, something bad would happen.

“How are you doing?” Travis asked gently.

“I am…making it through,” Carina said, thinking, “The memories of Andrea are hard, and not being able to talk to her is hard and all of it is just hard right now, but I will be ok.”

“I can’t even imagine what this is like for you,” Travis said, shaking his head, “I know what it’s like to be married to a firefighter, to live that fear when they are on shift. I think it took me a year to learn how to sleep when Michael was on shift and I was off. We are not easy people to love because there is always a chance this or worse happens, and she is so lucky to have you, but I know it cannot have been easy on you.”

“Si,” Carina nodded, blinking back the tears, “I always forget you know what it is like to live both sides. I do not know what I would do if I was in your situation, if this didn’t go the way it had.”

“I never knew what I would do either,” Travis said, “And I hope you never have to experience it.”

Carina reached across the bed, careful to avoid Maya’s incisions and drains, grabbing Travis’s hand for a second. Just then, a nurse came in with an x-ray machine.

“Sorry,” the nurse said, realizing they were having some kind of serious conversation, “I can come back.”

“No,” Carina said, shaking her head, “No, you can go ahead.” Carina quickly helped Travis move so the nurse could access Maya’s hand and arm.

“Is it broken?” Travis asked, looking at what was happening.

“That is what they are trying to figure out,” Carina said, “It wasn’t bad enough to be a priority when she had metal in her abdominal aorta, but today, they want to figure it out.”

“Wait, in her abdominal aorta?” Travis said, eyes wide as he looked at Carina, “Are you serious?”

“Si,” Carina nodded, “But they caught it in the OR so they were able to stitch it in a controlled environment.”

It hit Travis in that moment how close they truly came to losing their captain, their Maya, the only other member of Seattle Fire Queers at Station 19. While his relationship with Maya was different from his relationship with Vic, of everyone at the station, he was probably only closer with Vic, and he couldn’t imagine the house without her.

“Alright,” the nurse said, “I will tell Dr. Lincoln these are done, and he will come up here later.”

“I should probably go back to my room,” Travis said, noticing how drained Carina looked, “I will come back soon.”

“Thanks for coming,” Carina said, smiling at him, “I will get someone to take you back?”

“I can do it,” a nurse said, coming into the room with more fluids for Maya.

Soon enough, Carina was alone in the room with her wife. She sat next to her, singing softly to her in Italian until Meredith came into the room.

“Hey,” the general surgeon said, “So I talked to everyone, and we are going to lower her sedation now. Hopefully, in the next few hours, she will be awake.”

“Thank you,” Carina said, nodding as Meredith adjusted a few things.

Once everything was done, Meredith left the room, Carina just focusing on her wife’s face. She was so ready to see the beautiful baby blues that were hiding under the slightly bruised eyelids, but at the same time, she was scared for when Maya woke up. Would she be in a lot of pain? Would she be all there mentally? Would she be ok?

“Hey,” Amelia said, at some point, startling Carina out of her thoughts, “I brought you food, and you are going to eat some because you need nutrition if you are going to be any help to her when she wakes up.”

“Fine,” Carina said, accepting the container of soup from Amelia, “Don’t you have to work?”

“In like thirty minutes,” Amelia nodded, “I thought I would come eat with you and make sure you were still ok. And then Teddy is taking over my job as the watcher of Carina because she is finally over Allison’s stomach flu.”

“I don’t need to be watched,” Carina grumbled, taking a bite of her food.

“Fine,” Amelia said, “Not the watcher. How about the support system?”

“Yeah,” Carina said, nodding, “That sounds better.”

As they sat there, Carina noticed Maya’s left hand start to move slightly.

“I think she’s starting to wake up,” Carina said, putting her food aside, “Her hand just moved.”

“It’s been two hours since we let off the sedation,” Amelia said, looking at the clock, “So she will probably be up soon, but you know how slow it can be.”

Carina nodded, looking at Maya’s had which was still again.

“I’ve got to get to work,” Amelia said, “But when she wakes up, have the nurses page me. I need to do a neuro check and make sure she knows she’s not allowed to go anywhere.”

“Thank you for lunch Amelia,” Carina said as her friend went to work, leaving Carina to wait for Maya to wake up alone.