19. Chapter 19

That night was worse than the one before for both Maya and Carina. Every hour from 11 pm to 5 am, Maya was kicking Carina out of the room as her stomach ran worse than she ever thought possible. The time between these bouts of diarrhea brought cramps and nausea that had the blonde in tears for at least half the night, leaving Carina feeling very overwhelmed because she couldn’t help her feel better.

Finally, around 6 am, Maya managed to drift off to sleep which made Carina extremely happy because seeing her wife in that much pain and distress and not being able to do anything about it was so hard. However, because of how overwhelmed she was feeling, the Italian didn’t actually manage to get any sleep until after to 8 am after working herself through a panic attack.

Also, her own stomach had decided it was unhappy in the middle of the night, which she knew was probably a combination of stress and her own course of antibiotic being hard on her stomach, but the extra trips to the bathroom and the rung out feeling she had were not helping anything.

Around 11, Carina woke up to Maya shaking her a little.

“It’s happening again,” the blonde groaned, “Please go?”

“Si,” Carina nodded, forcing her exhausted body out of bed as the nurse walked in.

As Carina stood in the hall waiting for her wife to be done, Amelia walked up to her.

“Hey,” the neurosurgeon said, “I came to bring you breakfast this morning, but the nurse said you two were still sleeping. Rough night?”

“Si,” Carina yawned, “Maya was so sick for most of it. She was awake from 11 to 6 because of her stomach and then I couldn’t fall asleep until close to 8, and I am also not feeling great right now.”

“Did you catch c. diff?” Amelia asked, looking at Carina.

“I don’t think so,” Carina said, stretching a little, “I think it is just nerves and my antibiotics, but if I feel worse, I will get tested.”

“So, I’m guessing you are not in the mood for pancakes then?” Amelia asked, “That’s what I brought for breakfast for you.”

“Not really,” Carina said, hand on her stomach, “I was going to ask the nurses if I could have some yogurt and dry toast.”

“I can make that happen,” Amelia said, “I’m waiting for my patient who is in CT. I’ll go grab that stuff for you and be right back.”

“Grazie,” Carina sighed, leaning against the wall.

Her anxiety, which was already crazy stupid high from not sleeping, was getting worse as she thought about going to her therapy session in just a few hours.

Just then, the nurse came back out, gesturing that Carina could go back in. The Italian walked into the room, offering her wife a weak smile.

“How are you feeling this morning Bambina?” Carina asked, kissing Maya’s forehead.

“Terrible,” Maya said, rubbing her eyes, “What time is it?”

“It’s close to 11:30,” Carina said, “You slept through rounds and I think through morning physical therapy.”

“I don’t think my body would have cooperated enough for therapy this morning,” Maya said, “I feel so weak and shaky. I thought I would be feeling better by today.”

“It usually takes at least 48 hours,” Carina said, “But sometimes more. You just have to have patience with your body.”

“How are you feeling this morning?” Maya asked, “Did you get any sleep?”

“Maybe about two or three hours,” Carina shrugged.

“You should go down to your office and take a nap where I won’t be keeping you up,” Maya said, frowning, “You need rest.”

“I will be ok,” Carina yawned. Just then, there was a knock on the door.

“Delivery for one Mrs. Bishop-Deluca,” Amelia said, coming in, “And also the other one. The nurse asked me to give you this Maya. She said drink what you can. And Carina, your toast and yogurt and a bottle of Pedialyte because you need fluids.”

“Is your stomach still bothering you?” Maya asked her wife, concerned as the Italian helped her take a few long sips of her drink.

“I am fine,” Carina assured her, “This happens every time I am on antibiotics. It’s just a little stomach upset. I only have one more day on the antibiotics and then this will start to clear itself up.”

“Or I gave you c. diff. and you are about to be miserable,” Maya said, looking at her wife.

“Well, then at least I will get to be here with you,” Carina said, taking a small bite of the yogurt, making a face as she did.

“What’s wrong with it?” Amelia asked.

“Nothing,” Carina said, shaking her head, “I’m just not feeling good. Maybe I should cancel my therapy appointment this afternoon.”

“That’s today?” Maya said.

“Si,” Carina nodded, “But I already don’t feel good so maybe I should just skip it.”

“If you really feel that bad, then maybe,” Maya said, “But you should try to go if you think you can. I know it might be rough because you’re tired, but I think it would really help.”

“I agree with your wife, Carina,” Amelia said, putting a hand on her friend’s shoulder, “You are not going to get better if you don’t sleep well and you are not going to sleep well if you are anxious and having flashbacks.”

“Lo so,” the Italian nodded, picking at the toast Amelia had brough her, “I just feel…Ahh, I feel crazy and gross and exhausted and it’s all just too much.”

With that, Carina broke down, sobbing into her hands.

“Amelia, I need you to hug her,” Maya said, trying hard to stay calm and not get angry that her body would not let her comfort her wife how she wanted to, “I am going to hold her hand, and I just need you to hug her, ok?”

“Yeah,” Amelia nodded, wrapping her arms around Carina as Maya took her hand.

“It’s ok Car,” Maya said, “I am right here. You are ok. Can you breathe for me please? I’m right here. Come on.”

Carina managed a shaky breath before the sobbing continued.

“Carina, hey, focus on Amelia’s breathing, ok?” Maya said, looking at the neurosurgeon, “Just breathe deeply.”

Amelia knew what to do, having helped plenty of friends through this before. Maya continued to speak quietly to her wife, encouraging her and telling her how much she loved her as she rubbed her hand up and down her arm.

It took a good ten minutes, but eventually, Carina calmed down, Amelia letting go of her.

“Come here,” Maya said, motioning Carina closer to her.

“I’ll hurt you,” Carina said, shaking her head.

“Just come here,” Maya said, “Most of my broken ribs are on the other side.”

Carina gingerly put her head on Maya’s chest, Amelia noticing the wince that ran across the blonde’s face.

“You ok?” Amelia mouthed, knowing if Carina knew Maya was in any pain, she would move.

Maya gave Amelia a look that told the neurosurgeon she was in some pain, but that it wasn’t too bad and she would rather be in pain than have to watch Carina suffer anymore at the moment. Amelia grabbed Carina’s blanket off of the chair, wrapping it around her friend, hoping it would add some comfort.

“I’m getting paged,” Amelia said as her phone started going off, “I’ll come back and check on you both later.”

Maya nodded a little, just rubbing Carina’s back with her left hand. Carina was shaking a little against Maya’s side, the blonde trying to help calm her down.

About ten minutes later, a nurse came in, not saying anything as she just put some meds in Maya’s IV because on her way down to the pit, Amelia had stopped at the nurse’s station, asking that someone give Maya some more pain meds so she could stay comfortable while she comforted Carina.

Maya was grateful for the pain relief that she felt about five minutes after the nurse left. They laid there for another hour, and probably could have stayed longer, but Maya’s stomach started grumbling again.

“Carina,” Maya said, unsure if her wife was awake, “Hey, Car. Wake up.”

The Italian sat up, rubbing her eyes as Maya pressed the call button.

“Oh,” Carina said, clearly still out of it as she walked out of the room.

While she was standing in the hall, Carina woke up a little more, her body achy and tired and overwhelmed. She leaned against the wall, trying to rub the sleep out of her eyes.

She thought about what Amelia and Maya had said earlier, trying to convince herself that therapy today would be good. She knew she needed it, and that in the long term, she would feel better, but she did not want to deal with the short term emotional and physical drain that almost always happened with these kinds of things.

The nurse came back out a few minutes later, Carina going back into the room.

“How are you doing Car?” Maya asked as the Italian came and sat back down.

“I don’t know,” Carina said, looking at the clock and seeing it was already 2 pm, meaning Carina had an hour before she had therapy, “I just hate going into therapy feeling this drained already.”

“I’m so sorry,” Maya said, “Maybe tonight you should go home, or to your office or an on call or something so you can sleep. You shouldn’t have to be kept up all night because my stomach is such a disaster.”

“I’m not leaving you,” Carina said, shaking her head, “I won’t sleep at all if I’m not here. I would rather be here, in bed with you while you are awake all night than at home or somewhere else alone.”

“Ok,” Maya sighed, knowing she was going to be fighting a losing battle with her wife, “Fine. Do you want to come back here and cuddle?”

“I have therapy in forty-five minutes,” Carina said nervously, “And I can’t settle down.”

“I’m sorry you are going through so much today,” Maya sighed, “I wish there was something I could do to help.”

“You are helping,” Carina assured her, “Just you being here and awake is helping.”

“Come here,” Maya said, reaching for Carina’s hand, “I am proud of you.”

“For what?” Carina asked, wiping at her exhausted eyes.

“For just keeping going,” Maya said, “And for being willing to accept that you need help. And for fighting so hard to keep going.”

Carina bit her lip, trying not to start sobbing again.

“Come here,” Maya said, “Let me give you a kiss.”

Carina leaned down, Maya kissing her wife gently, wiping a tear off her cheek.

“I love you,” Maya said, offering Carina a smile.

“I love you too,” Carina said, pressing another kiss to Maya’s lips.

They just sat there like that, eyes locked on each other, for a few minutes until Carina’s stomach gurgled.

“You ok?” Maya asked, frowning.

“Si,” Carina sighed, rubbing her achy stomach, “I should probably go put on different clothes and maybe do something about my hair though. And maybe use the bathroom.”

“Your clothes would probably be a good plan,” Maya said, knowing Carina had been in the same outfit for the past few days, “And maybe something to drink?”

Carina nodded, getting off the bed. As she did, her stomach protested more, Carina grabbing some clothed before quickly making her way into the bathroom.

As she was laying there, Maya grabbed her phone that Carina had given her a few days ago, texting Andy, Vic, and Travis making sure they were still on board to help her. They all texted her back, telling her they were doing what she asked. Carina came out of the bathroom a few minutes later, putting down her sweatshirt on a chair.

“That needs to be washed again,” Carina sighed, half wishing she had saved the sweatshirt to wear after therapy.

“Drink something,” Maya said, nodding at the bottle of Pedialyte Amelia had brought earlier, “You need to stay hydrated. Are you sure I didn’t give you c. diff?”

“Si Bambina,” Carina nodded, smoothing Maya’s hair away from her face, “My tummy is upset, but not like yours. I promise.”

Maya nodded, leaning her head into Carina’s touch.

“You should get going,” Maya said, looking at the clock, “Is this a two-hour appointment?”

“Si,” Carina nodded, “We have to do the pre-therapy interview part today before we start the EMDR.”

“You are going to be ok,” Maya said, kissing Carina’s hand, “And I will be right here when you are done.”

“I love you,” Carina said, leaning down and giving Maya a kiss, “So much.”

“I love you too,” Maya said, “Now, go.”

Carina sighed, getting up and heading to her therapy session. She arrived at the psychiatrist’s office, checking in before sitting down in a chair to wait.

“Carina,” the psychiatrist said about five minutes later, “Ready?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” Carina said, getting up and following her therapist back to the room.

Two hours later, Carina felt absolutely wrecked from her session. This feeling was nothing new after these sessions, but it didn’t make it any easier. She had thrown up twice during her session and was pretty sure that was not going to be the end of the vomiting for the night because nausea was rolling over her like waves. Her entire body was beyond overstimulated, and everything from the lights to the noises of the hospital made her feel on edge.

She just wanted to go back to Maya’s room and sleep the rest of the night. Carina made it back to the room, going in quietly, just in case her wife was sleeping.

However, instead of finding her wife asleep, Carina’s jaw dropped as she walked in.

Maya was in bed, sitting in a relatively inclined position smiling at her. There were Carina’s favorite flowers sitting on a table along with two bottles of Carina’s favorite rehydration solution and a box of her favorite crackers. There was also a box that Carina knew contained chocolates from her favorite Italian chocolate shop.

On the bed with Maya was Carina’s “sweatshirt kinda day” sweatshirt that looked clean, her “Andrea” blanket, and her weighted blanket from their house along with her favorite pair of sweatpants that she kept at the station for nights she spent there with Maya. There were Christmas lights strung up around the bed, and both her heating pad and favorite pillow from home sitting there.

“What…?” Carina said, rubbing her exhausted eyes, “What…?”

“I know today wasn’t easy for you,” Maya said, smiling at her wife, “And all I want to do tonight is take you home and make sure you know you are ok and tell you how proud I am of you, but that’s not really an option so this was the next best thing.”

“How…?” Carina asked, going over to the bed.

“Andy, Vic, and Travis helped me out,” Maya said, “Oh, and there is soup from Nonna’s and pasta from Gino’s and grilled cheese from The Deli all in fridge in the attendings longue and mango gelato in the freezer if you are hungry that Amelia can have up here in five minutes, or if you aren’t feeling like food, that’s ok too.”

“Thank you,” Carina said, tears streaming down her face as she crawled into bed, carefully moving into her wife’s embrace.

“You deserve the world Carina,” Maya said, kissing her forehead, “And I am the reason you are struggling with PTSD relapse and I want to do whatever I can to make it easier for you.”

“It’s not your fault,” Carina said, needing her wife to know she didn’t blame her, “Not in the slightest.”

Maya didn’t say anything, just rubbing Carina’s back.

“How are you feeling?” Maya asked eventually, “How did your session go?”

“I feel pretty miserable,” Carina admitted, “My whole body hurts and I feel very overstimulated and exhausted and sick. I threw up twice during my session.”

“Why don’t you go shower?” Maya suggested, “Travis brought those shower tablets you like. Maybe it’ll help you relax and then you can come back here and just relax.”

Carina nodded, standing up to go shower.

“How are you feeling?” Carina asked, swallowing down a roll of nausea that was trying to rise in her throat.

“Not great,” Maya said, “But I will be ok tonight. Go shower.”

Carina nodded, taking her sweatshirt and sweatpants into the bathroom with her.

Maya laid in bed, waiting for Carina to come back and join her as she thought about the past couple of hours.

As soon as Carina had left the room to go to therapy, Vic and Travis had both come in with their arms full of things.

“Thank you so much guys,” Maya said, smiling at them, “Did you get everything?”

“I think so,” Vic nodded, taking the bags Travis had carried up in his good hand, “And what did you need me to take to wash?”

“This sweatshirt and blanket,” Maya said, “And can you make sure you use the old laundry soap at the station, not the one B shift bought last week. Carina likes how the old one smells better.”

“You are so cute it’s gross,” Travis said, shaking his head as Vic took the stuff, “Vic, are you good to go to the station alone?”

“You mean the big, scary place that I have worked for almost five years?” Vic said sarcastically, “Oh, I don’t know if I will survive without my big, strong, gay best friend.”

“Shut up,” Travis said, rolling his eyes, “Go. It’s gonna take almost the whole time she’s gone to get those cleaned.”

“I will be back later,” Vic said, heading out with the stuff.

“Now, where do you want the lights?” Travis asked, taking the box out of the bag it was in.

“How are you going to hang those with one arm?” Maya asked, “Wait for Andy.”

“Fine,” Travis said, taking some other stuff out of the bags, “How are you feeling today?”

“I was up most of the night sick,” Maya sighed, “And I still feel pretty bad, but I’ll survive. Carina is having a rough day already before therapy so thank you so much for helping me with this.”

“Of course,” Travis said, “She’s our friend too, and I know how hard it is for you to be stuck in that bed while she is having a hard time.”

Maya nodded, yawning a little. Just then, there was another knock at the door and in walked Maya’s physical therapist Jared.

“Is now an ok time?” Jared asked, walking in.

“Yeah,” Maya said as Travis moved the things he had brought over to the couch near the window, “Although, I have not been feeling very well today so I’m not sure how much my body is going to put up with.”

“I just want to do some massage,” Jared said, “And if you are up to it, we can try sitting.”

“I can go until you’re done,” Travis offered, not wanting to bother his friend.

“It’s ok,” Maya said, “You can stay.”

“Did I see you when I was here?” Travis asked the therapist as he started his massage on Maya’s legs.

“I think so,” Jared nodded, “Shattered shoulder?”

“Yeah,” Travis nodded, “From the same accident that did this to her.”

“Got it,” Jared said, finally putting the pieces together, “Damn, what exactly happened, if you don’t mind me asking.”

“A car somehow ended up skidding and becoming airborne,” Travis said, “And it slammed into the cab of our engine. It hit Maya basically directly and I was sitting right behind her so I got a lot of it too.”

“That is terrifying,” Jared said, carefully working the area around Maya’s leg injury, “So you two work together?”

“She’s my boss,” Travis said, smiling at Maya who stuck her tongue at him, “But we are also good friends.”

Jared nodded, looking at Maya.

“Do you want to try sitting up again?” Jared asked, “I know it didn’t go well yesterday, but today, I was thinking instead of doing a leg dangle, we could just increase the angle of your bed? Get your head used to being upright before we try to get your abs to agree with it.”

“That sounds…better,” Maya said cautiously, “But, can you make sure there is something just in case my stomach doesn’t agree?”

“I’ve got it,” Travis said, grabbing an emesis basin off the counter, “Will this work?”

“Yeah,” Maya said, taking it from Travis with her good arm.

“Alright,” the PT said, “Ready?”

“I guess,” Maya said, Jared slowly raising the bed. He stopped at a 45-degree angle, looking at Maya.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, “Any dizziness?”

“Not too much,” Maya said, “And I think it’s going away.”

“Good,” Jared said, “Ready to go up a little more?”

“Yeah,” Maya said, making sure to keep breathing through it.

Maya managed to make it all the way to a 75-degree position, feeling pretty well the entire time. Travis snuck a picture of his boss that he planned to send to Carina later, knowing how big of a deal this was for the injured blonde. Maya managed that position for a good ten minutes before her body started getting tired.

“That was amazing Maya,” Jared said, lowering the bed back, “If you feel up to it, you are welcome to sit like that as often as your body can handle. It will probably help with some of the dizziness.”

“Thanks,” Maya said, feeling very tired but very happy.

“Ty will be back tomorrow,” Jared said, “I’ll let him know how today went, but I am very pleased. Keep up the good work.”

“Thank you,” Maya said, rubbing her eyes as Jared left.

Just then, her stomach gurgled and Maya reached for the call button.

“Trav, can you go stand in the hall until the nurse tells you you can come back?” Maya asked.

“Yeah,” Travis nodded, knowing what was going on.

Travis stood out in the hall, just thinking about the accident when Andy walked up.

“What are you doing out here?” Andy asked.

“Maya’s dealing with some…personal stuff,” Travis said, hoping Andy knew what he meant, “And she wanted privacy.”

“Got it,” Andy nodded, “How is she doing today?”

“She’s really tired,” Travis said, “But she just kicked ass in PT so she’s doing pretty well. I think today has been rough for both of them.”

Andy nodded, having gotten a text earlier from Amelia asking if she was planning on stopping by, telling her that both women could probably use some looking after. Andy had told Amelia about Maya’s plans which Amelia though was absolutely adorable and said to let her know if they needed any help with anything.

The nurse came out a minute later, telling them both they could come back in but that Maya was really tired and would probably fall asleep soon.

“Hey Mai,” Andy said, walking in with bags in her hands of things she had collected at the Bishop-Deluca house.

“Hey,” Maya said, smiling at her best friend, “Thanks for coming.”

“Of course,” Andy said, “I am just so glad you are awake.”

“Same,” Maya said, yawning, “Although, no promises I am going to stay awake. Last night was…rough.”

“You can sleep,” Andy nodded, “We will get everything set up, ok? Just close your eyes.”

Maya nodded, letting her eyes slip closed. When she woke up, Travis was sitting in a chair next to her bed, reading something on his phone.

“Hey,” Travis said, seeing her eyes open, “How was your nap?”

“Good,” Maya said, “Can you give me my drink?”

“Sure,” Travis nodded, “This one?”

“Yeah,” Maya nodded, taking the cup carefully from Travis, taking a few sips before handing it back, “Thanks. What time is it?”

“It’s almost 5,” Travis said, “Vic and Andy both texted, they are on their way back.”

“Good,” Maya said, feeling her stomach cramping again, “Ok, and my stomach again.”

“I’m going,” Travis nodded, stepping out of the room.

Once Maya’s stomach was done, Travis, Andy, and Vic all walked back in.

“The food is in the attendings longue,” Andy said, “And here is all the stuff from the house.”

“And here is the clean laundry,” Vic said, setting the blanket and sweatshirt down on the bed.

“And all the other stuff is here and on the counter,” Travis said, “Is there anything else?”

“I think that’s it,” Maya said, “Thank you guys so much. I hope this helps.”

“Maya, just the fact that you are laying in this bed struggling with a barely functioning kidney, a nasty colon infection, and all the injuries from the accident and you are still thinking about how you can help your wife will probably help,” Andy said, “You are an amazing wife.”

“She’s been through so much,” Maya sighed, “And this accident didn’t help anything. She deserves some peace.”

“Oh, Bailey just texted, Carina is on her way,” Vic said, “We gotta go. Bye Mai. We’ll see you soon.”

“Thanks guys,” Maya called as they left, leaving Maya to wait for her wife.

Maya was brought out of her thoughts as Carina walked out of the bathroom, back in her favorite sweatshirt, toweling off her hair.

“Good shower?” Maya asked as Carina hung her towel on the back of a chair.

“I guess,” Carina nodded, “I threw up while I was in the shower which was not great, but I did get my hair washed properly for the first time in a long time.”

“I’m sorry you aren’t feeling good,” Maya said, “What can I do?”

“You did so much already,” Carina said, rubbing her eyes as she picked up the rehydration solution, knowing she needed to hydrate, “I am exhausted.”

“Do you want to watch a movie?” Maya asked, “Travis helped me get your Disney account on the TV.”

“Si,” Carina nodded, getting into bed, putting on her “Andrea” blanket before putting on her weighted blanket, a decent substitute for when Maya couldn’t hold her or when physical contact was too overwhelming for her senses.

Carina tucked herself close to Maya, careful not to hurt her wife, but desperate for her touch to help calm her overactive, painful nerves. Carina picked a movie before they both settled into the bed, Maya just playing with Carina’s hair gently.

“Thank you for everything Bambina,” Carina mumbled as she felt sleep overtaking her exhausted body.

“For you, Carina, I would do anything,” Maya said as she helped lull her wife to sleep.