18. Chapter 18

When they both woke up the next time, it was to a knock on the door.

“Come in,” Maya mumbled sleepily as Carina sat up.

“Oh, were you sleeping?” Ty, the physical therapist said, coming in, “I am so sorry. I can come back later.”

“No,” Maya said, “It’s ok.”

Just then, Maya’s stomach gurgled and groaned, the blonde hitting the call button as the massive cramping took over.

“Come on Ty,” Carina said, forcing her body up and out of bed.

“Is she going to be up for therapy this afternoon?” Ty asked as he and Carina stood in the hall.

“I don’t know,” Carina sighed, yawning, “She liked to push herself, but today has been a rough day, and I think she is really not feeling well.”

“I’ll go slow,” Ty promised, “And if she starts to feel bad, we can always adjust and do something different. Right now, my main goal is just to get her moving, even if it’s just me moving her legs or her head. I don’t want her body to get stiff.”

“Lo so,” Carina nodded, “When the nurse says we can go back in, let me go first and give me about five minutes to talk to her.”

“Sounds good,” Ty nodded, “And if she’s not up for anything, Dr. Grey said that is ok. She did well this morning.”

“Ok,” Carina nodded. Just then, the nurse came out, nodding to Carina.

“Five minutes,” Carina said, looking at Ty before walking back into the room.

“Hey Bambina,” Carina said, smiling at her wife, “How are you feeling?”

“Tired,” Maya admitted, “And just overall not great. Was Ty in here when I woke up?”

“Si,” Carina nodded, “He will be back in a minute, but Bambina, are you feeling up to therapy?”

“I need to do it Carina,” Maya said, yawning a little, “The only way I get to go home is if I am able to move around more and the only way to do that is with therapy.”

“Si, but Bambina, you have to listen to your body too,” Carina said, “If you are too tired, it won’t help anything and will just make you feel worse.”

“I’ll be ok,” Maya said, “Let’s just do this.”

Just then, Ty walked back in.

“Ok,” he said, looking between the two women, “How are we feeling?”

“Let’s do it,” Maya said, looking at him, avoiding answering his question because if she told him she felt terrible, he probably wouldn’t let her do the therapy she wanted to try to do, “What are we doing this afternoon?”

“Well, I was going to try to get you sitting up again,” Ty said, “But if you are too tired, I can just do more of what we did earlier.”

“I think I can sit up,” Maya said, both trying to convince everyone else and herself because she was feeling very weak.

“Ok,” Ty said, “Carina, can you help me with getting her up?”

“Si,” Carina nodded, joining Ty where he was standing.

“Ok,” the PT said, “We are just going to do the same as yesterday and then we are going to just have you sit there for a few minutes, ok?”

“Sounds good,” Maya nodded, taking a small breath.

Carina took Maya’s legs while Ty got her shoulders and waist after making sure all of her lines were in a good place for them to move her.

“Alright,” Ty said, “Three, two, one, and up.”

Ty and Carina quickly maneuvered Maya to sitting, Ty keeping a. steady hand on Maya as the blonde clearly struggled sitting there.

“You ok?” Ty asked, seeing how shaky Maya was and how pale she was looking.

“I…I don’t know if I can do this,” Maya said, “I’m really dizzy and feel really shaky and kinda sick.”

“Ok,” Ty said, “Do you want to keep trying to see if the dizziness will clear or is it too much for right now?”

“I can’t,” Maya said, shaking her head, her body struggling, “I can’t do it anymore. I’m going to pass out.”

“Ok,” Ty said, “We will get you back down, ok?”

Maya nodded a little, Carina immediately getting back into position before they quickly laid her back down.

“You ok Bambina?” Carina asked, grabbing the emesis basin because Maya was not looking good.

The blonde nodded a little, keeping her eyes closed as she tried to breathe through the nausea growing in her stomach.

“I’ll go let the nurse know she’s not feeling well,” Ty said quietly to Carina, “And let whoever is on tomorrow know how today went. If she’s up to it, you could do some massaging on her neck. But if she’s not, I honestly think the best form of physical therapy for her body right now is rest.”

Carina nodded as Ty left, turning all her attention back to Maya. She went to the sink, grabbing another wet cloth for Maya’s forehead, gently laying it there before sitting down on the bed.

“I don’t feel good Carina,” Maya said quietly, a few tears running down her cheeks.

“Lo so Bambina,” Carina said, “They are going to bring you something to help really soon, ok? And if you have to be sick, it’s ok.”

Maya was very shaky and pale still, both of which worried Carina a lot. The nurse came in just then.

“Not feeling well again Maya?” she asked, grabbing Maya’s IV line.

“No,” Maya said, opening her eyes a little.

“This should help,” the nurse said, “And I am going to draw another round of labs, just to make sure there’s nothing else going on.”

Maya gagged a little, Carina immediately getting the basin under had mouth as the nurse went to grab some tissues.

“You ok, Bambina?” Carina asked, making sure her wife’s hair was out of her face.

“I think so,” Maya said, leaning back against her pillows, “Uhh, I hate this. Why do I feel like this?”

“It could just be recovery,” the nurse said, checking Maya’s vitals, “Or part of c. diff. or part of your kidney struggling right now or something completely unrelated. These labs will tell us if there’s anything serious going on. We might just need to keep an antinausea med in your regimen for the next couple of days. Is it helping yet?”

“Some,” Maya said, her eyes feeling heavy, “Can you turn off the lights?”

“Of course,” the nurse nodded as she headed out of the room.

“Can you hold me?” Maya asked, looking at her wife, desperate for some physical contact that she always craved when she didn’t feel well, “Please?”

“Bambina, I don’t know how I would without hurting you,” Carina sighed, seeing the tears filling Maya’s blue eyes, “Hey, don’t cry. Please. I want nothing more than to hold you and take all of this away from you, but I don’t know how.”

“I just feel so bad,” Maya cried, trying hard not to sob because it hurt her ribs and stomach, “And I just want to feel normal again.”

“I know Bambina,” Carina said, “All I want is for you to have that, but it is going to take time. You just have to be patient. It’s only been a little over a week. It will happen, and I promise you, as soon as it is safe, I will hold you as much and as long as you want, ok?”

“I’m holding you to that,” Maya said, yawning, “God, I am still so tired.”

“Then sleep,” Carina encouraged, “Your body is trying to tell you something, and you need to listen. It is the best way to get better.”

“Will you talk to me until I fall asleep?” Maya requested, “Please?”

“About what?” Carina asked, kissing Maya’s forehead.

“Tell me about…something you have never told me before,” Maya said, “Maybe about Andrew or your mom or when you were a kid.”

“How about the first time I came to see Mamma and Andrea in Wisconsin?” Carina asked, “Which also happened to be the very first time I saw snow.”

“How old were you?” Maya asked, needing to set the scene in her head.

“I was 16,” Carina said, “And Andrea must have been…11 I think. I was so excited to go see them, but also so nervous because it was a big trip and I was leaving Papa on his own and he was not doing very well, but I missed Mamma and Andrea so so much. The plane ride was so long, and there were these three creepy men who kept trying to hit on me until the flight attendant helped me out.”

“Why are men such pigs?” Maya asked, yawning.

“Because their brains do not work right,” Carina said, shrugging, “But anyway, when I got to Wisconsin, I was wearing a pair of jeans and a light long sleeved shirt. I also had a khaki jacket, and that was it. Andrea laughed at me when he saw me, telling me I was going to freeze. I told him he was a little brat, but he was right. I didn’t have any idea it was possible for air to be that cold before then. Luckily, Mamma had a winter jacket and hat and gloves for me which I only took off to sleep that first trip. It was so cold. But we had Christmas together and Mamma let me sleep in her bed and told me I could come stay with them, live with them and leave my dad. However, my papa was so manic and was barely able to care for himself so I knew I needed to stay with him.”

“You should not have had to take on that burden, Carina,” Maya mumbled, looking at her wife.

“Si, lo so,” Carina said, kissing the top of Maya’s head, “But at the time, I felt like I had to. It took me a long time to realize I did not have to be responsible for him. But also, it is not always his fault for how he is. Anyway, you are supposed to be sleeping.”

“I am,” Maya said, earning her a small laugh from her wife, “Keep going.”

“So I remember waking up at about 1 am and being wide awake because in Sicilia, it was about 8 am, and I didn’t want to wake Mamma so I got out of bed and went to the kitchen to get some water, and when I walked into the kitchen, Andrea was standing there making French toast,” Carina said, almost losing herself in the memory, “And he told me that for the past few days, he had been adjusting his body to Sicilian time so that when I had jetlag, he could be up with me and we could spend extra time together. So he made breakfast at 1 am and we ate it and talked. He told me all about school and how he had joined a local football club which everyone called soccer in the US and he had his first crush on a girl in his class, who he later took to a Valentine’s Day dance if I remember correctly. He told me about everything he had done in the fall like apple picking and corn mazes and pumpkin carving and trick-or-treating which we had never done back home, but we had always seen in movies. He told me he and Mamma were happy, but that he wished I could be with them too. I promised him I would come visit as often as I could because I missed them too. We are our breakfast and then went into his room and played board games and talked and we had just gone to start making lunch when Mamma woke up, and she was so confused and then almost angry with both of us, but then she smiled and hugged us both and told us she was so happy to have both her bambini back together and then she told us she was a little hurt we didn’t include her in our middle of the night adventures.”

Carina looked down then, seeing that Maya was sound asleep. She closed her own eyes, thinking back to the rest of that trip. She and Andrea had slowly gotten their bodies back onto a normal sleep schedule which was good because they had plans.

Andrea took her ice skating which Carina thought was absolutely too cold but seeing her baby brother so happy to show her his new life made her happy.

They had bakes copious amounts of Christmas treats just like they always did in Italy, but here, instead of taking them to their Zia Stella’s house to enjoy with all their cousins, they took them to the neighbors, Lucia making sure to wish everyone a Buon Natale.

Carina had noticed that when they were out in public, Andrea almost never spoke Italian unless it was just the two of them, and he had completely lost his accent as well, now sounding much more like he was raised in Madison his whole life instead of spending the first 11 years in Sicily. It made her a little sad that he wasn’t prouder of where he came from, but she decided that she couldn’t blame him for wanting to be like his peers.

It had been an amazing three weeks, the best by far that Carina had had since her mom and baby brother left for the States. The day she had to leave, she had cried from the moment she woke up. Andrea kept telling her to stop, that they only had so much time left together and that she should be happy they had it instead of being sad it was almost over.

She had thought about that a lot after he had died. That she was really glad she didn’t know he was going to die because instead of dreading the moment she was going to lose him, she had just gotten to live with him.

It was still impossibly painful to not have him, and even thinking about it now made her want to double over in pain and scream until her throat was raw, but she was glad she had these memories to look back on that were not clouded with fears of him dying. She had had a friend growing up who had lost her brother to cancer after he fought it for almost ten years, and one thing that friend had said was that the last ten years of her brother’s life, every memory she had of him felt like it had a haze of sadness surrounding it because in the back of her mind, she always wondered if it would be the last time they did fill in the blank. Carina was glad her memories with Andrea were not covered in that same haze.

She reached up, wiping the tears that were running down her face as she looked down at her sleeping wife, feeling beyond grateful that she was still here with her.

Carina knew she wasn’t out of the woods yet and was trying everything in her power not to let her mind wander down the scary path where she had to conceive of a life without her love but sitting here made it hard. She took a deep breath, trying to settle her mind and her breathing. Everything had been feeling a little better the past day and a half because she was able to focus on helping Maya recover instead of just staring at her laying in a bed with a tube down her throat wondering if she would ever wake up.

However, sitting alone with her thoughts was proving challenging right now. She was glad she wasn’t able to hold Maya yet as she slipped out of the bed, grabbing her blanket off the chair before getting back in bed with her wife.

Just then, there was a small knock on the door before it opened. Carina almost pretended to be asleep, but then she saw it was Maya’s nurse, getting up and going over to talk to her.

“So, we got her labs back,” the nurse said, “And we think the reason she is not feeling great is a combination of mild dehydration which we are going to add another IV line and fluids once she wakes up to help correct, and her kidney is struggling again. It isn’t completely shut down like when she was in septic shock, but it’s not doing well. Hopefully, the extra hydration will help.”

Carina nodded, looking at the labs the nurse was showing her.

“Everything else looks good though,” Carina said, “Except her WBC, but that’s from the infection.”

“Yeah,” the nurse nodded, “I think her body is just exhausted from fighting another infection and needs time to rest. Let me know when she wakes up and I will get another line in her. Hopefully, she’ll only need it for a day or so, but Dr. Grey really wants to push those fluids and because she’s been pretty nauseous today, IV fluids are better.”

“Si,” Carina nodded, “I will try to get her to drink more too, once she wakes up.”

“Dr. Grey said if she’s up to it, Maya can have some light chicken broth starting tonight,” the nurse said, “But if not, the electrolyte drink is still available too.”

“I will ask when she wakes up,” Carina sighed, “I am guessing she will say only the electrolyte drink, but she might try to push herself with the broth even though I don’t think her stomach is going to handle it right now.”

“Just let me know what she says,” the nurse nodded, “Sorry for bothering you. I’ll keep everyone out so you two can rest unless it’s an emergency.”

“Grazie,” Carina nodded, closing the door as she went back to the bed.

She crawled back into bed, pulling her blanket close before slipping her hand back into Maya’s. She just laid there, watching Maya’s chest rise and fall in a rhythmically in a pattern that she had memorized a long time ago. There were so many nights when Carina’s mind would race as she laid in bed, and on nights that that happened, sometimes, Maya would stay up with her, the two of them talking about whatever was on their minds. Other nights, Maya would pass out before her head even hit the pillow, either from work or from previous bedroom activities, and Carina would just lay there, watching her wife breathe, memorizing the pattern and letting herself get lost in it. It was also usually the first way she would know when her wife was not feeling well, the pattern changing ever so slightly. It made Maya nuts that Carina always knew when she was sick sometimes even before she did, and Carina would always just tell her it was because she knew her so well, which was the truth. She did know her well enough to pick up on every little change in her breathing patterns, even when she was asleep. Right now, Maya’s breathing was a touch faster than normal and nowhere near as deep, both of which Carina knew was because she was in pain and also sick. Carina must have dozed off at some point because the next thing she knew, Maya’s hand pulled away from hers.

“Va bene Bambina?” Carina asked, sitting herself up a little.

“I think so,” Maya said, “Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you. My nose was just itchy.”

“It’s ok,” Carina said, “I probably shouldn’t be sleeping so much during the day or I am going to be up all night. How are you feeling?”

“Icky,” Maya said, making a face, “I’m tired of feeling like that. How are you? I see you busted out the Andrea blanket so I’m guessing not so good?”

“I’m just tired and feeling very anxious for no reason,” Carina shrugged, “And this makes some of that anxiety feel a little less big.”

“Hopefully tomorrow helps with that too,” Maya said, reaching over and taking Carina’s hand, “What time is it?”

“It’s almost 6 pm,” Carina said, eyes wide as she looked at the clock, “We slept a long time.”

“And yet I still feel tired,” Maya said, “When is that going to go away?”

“Probably when your body is done healing,” Carina said, laughing a little at the face Maya made, “It will probably get a lot better though once you are done fighting this infection. You still have a fever, remember? And those always make you feel sleepy.”

“Yeah, I guess I forgot about that,” Maya said as her stomach started making noises again, “And this is probably not helping either.”

“Are you kicking me out?” Carina asked as Maya put her hand on her stomach.

“Yeah,” Maya said, feeling the icky feeling getting worse, “Sorry.”

“No need to be sorry,” Carina said, setting her blanket down on the chair before heading out of the room. As she stood in the hall, Amelia walked up carrying a bag.

“I was just coming to bring you dinner,” the neurosurgeon said, “What are you doing out here?” “Maya does not let me in the room when she is using the bathroom,” Carina explained, looking at her friend.

“Is she still stuck with a bedpan?” Amelia asked, wincing as Carina nodded, “Oh, that sucks.”

“Si,” Carina nodded, “But she can’t sit up without getting dizzy or having her abs complain or almost throwing up so it has been slow going.”

“Maybe she needs another neuro assessment,” Amelia said, a little worried about the dizziness.

“If you want, I am sure she would be happy to see you,” Carina shrugged, “Although maybe not tonight because she is very tired and a little cranky.”

“I want to do a quick check,” Amelia said, “She can put up with me for a few minutes.”

“Ok,” Carina nodded.

“How are you doing?” Amelia asked.

“It comes and goes,” Carina shrugged, “It’s better than when she was in the coma though.” “Good,” Amelia nodded, “Well, I stopped at Gino’s and got you that pasta you always talk about.”

“Thank you so much Amelia,” Carina smiled, “You didn’t have to do that.”

“I wanted to,” Amelia shrugged, “Plus, selfishly, I was craving it too so if Maya’s up to it, I am going to join you for dinner.”

“We will see,” Carina said. Just then, the nurse came out of the room.

“You can go back in Carina,” the nurse said, “I am going to grab her some more electrolyte drink and broth and another IV to try to offset what she’s losing.”

“Grazie,” Carina nodded, both her and Amelia going back into the room, “Hey Bambina, someone is here to see you.”

“Hey Maya,” Amelia said, “How are you feeling?”

“Like my body hates me,” Maya groaned, “What are you doing here?”

“You’re right, she is cranky,” Amelia laughed, looking at Carina.

“I’m not cranky,” Maya said, “I just don’t feel well.”

“Bambina, calmati,” Carina said, sitting down next to her wife, “Amelia is just brining me dinner and she is going to do a quick neuro check, just because you have been so dizzy.”

“I’m fine,” Maya said, rubbing her eyes.

“Just humor me,” Amelia said, grabbing her penlight, “Then, I will leave you alone.”

Amelia quickly did some checks, Maya grumbling at her the whole time.

“You still look good,” Amelia said, “But if your head starts hurting more or anything else, you have to tell someone, ok?”

“Promise,” Maya nodded, relaxing a little, “Now you’ll leave me along?”

“I guess,” Amelia nodded, sitting down in one of the chairs, “But I did come to have dinner with my friend so…”

“You can stay,” Maya said as Amelia handed Carina her box of food.

Amelia and Carina chatted as Maya just laid in bed, occasionally joining in on the conversation. About five minutes later, the nurse came back in, with a few cups, an IV kit, and another bag of fluids.

“Ok,” the nurse said, “We are going to have to put this in your foot because you blew the one in your hand, and your right arm is completely out of commission. If you start walking around before this one can come out, we will just disconnect it and tape it up so it doesn’t get in the way, ok?”

“Ok,” Maya said as the nurse began setting up to insert another IV. Once it was placed, the nurse hung the bag of fluids.

“Alright, and here is your broth and electrolytes,” the nurse said, setting the cups down, “Let me know if you need anything else.”

“Thanks,” Maya said as the nurse left.

“Alright,” Carina said, “Are you ready to have a sip of something?”

“I want to try the broth,” Maya said, “Maybe it will help.”

Carina nodded, helping get the bed into position before helping Maya with the cup.

“Is this your first time with the broth?” Amelia asked as Maya took a few sips.

“Si,” Carina answered for her, making sure Maya was able to concentrate on swallowing.

“No more,” Maya said, pushing it away, “I want to make sure it stays down.”

“Let me know if you want more,” Carina said, putting down the cup before taking another bite of her food.

“How is that settling?” Carina asked after a few minutes of talking to Amelia.

“Not terribly but also not great,” Maya shrugged, “I don’t know. I don’t want more yet.”

“Trying to get used to eating after surgery is the worse,” Amelia said, “After my brain surgery, I couldn’t stomach more than jello for like five days.”

“Brain surgery?” Maya said, “Don’t you do brain surgery?”

‘I do,” Amelia nodded, “But your wife found a tumor in my head during her orgasm study so I also had brain surgery.”

“How did I never know this?” Maya said, looking at Amelia in disbelief.

“I mean, I don’t usually advertise that I had a large tumor removed from my head,” Amelia shrugged, “It tends to be bad for business.”

Carina laughed a little, shaking her head.

“Apparently that study was good for both of us,” Maya said, “I got a wife who gives the most mind-blowing orgasms and you got your brain tumor out.”

“I think you got the better end of that deal,” Amelia said, “I’d rather get orgasms that have my brain tumor out.”

“You are alive and still practicing medicine because that tumor got taken out,” Carina said, shaking her head.

“I would still rather have orgasms,” Amelia said, shrugging as she took a bite of her pasta.

“You are insane,” Carina said.

Amelia and Carina finished their pasta before Amelia headed back to work, leaving Maya and Carina alone again.

“Want to try a little more broth?” Carina asked, knowing the longer Maya was awake, the more important it was that she start taking nutrition by mouth.

“I guess,” Maya said, opening her mouth as Carina helped her get the straw into her mouth.

After a few more sips, Maya pushed it out of her mouth, wrinkling up her nose.

“I don’t want more,” the blonde said, letting out a small burp, Carina immediately grabbing the emesis basin, “I think I’m ok. I just don’t feel good.”

“Ok,” Carina said, still not setting down the basin just in case, “Just try to breathe through it.”

Maya tried, but suddenly, she gagged, Carina holding the basin as Maya threw up everything she had just put in her body.

“Shhhh,” Carina said, making sure Maya’s hair was out of her face as she threw up, “It’s ok.”

Carina hit the call button as Maya finished throwing up, the blonde groaning in pain. The nurse came rushing in, frowning when she saw what had happened.

“Can we get her some more anti-nausea meds?” Carina asked, “And some pain meds? Please?”

“Of course,” the nurse nodded, taking the basin from Carina, replacing it with a clean one, “The broth didn’t do so well tonight, huh?”

“No,” Carina said, shaking her head as Maya focused on breathing through the pain in her abdomen from the violence of the retching.

“I’ll go grab the meds,” the nurse said, “And no more oral fluids until morning.”

“I’m sorry that happened Bambina,” Carina said, moving so Maya could lean on her, “I guess you weren’t ready for the broth.”

“I just want to feel better,” Maya cried, “I’m so done with this.”

“I know,” Carina said, trying to hold her wife as best as she could without bothering any of her injuries, “It is going to get better.”

The nurse came back in a minute later with the meds, pushing them both.

“The pain meds are going to probably knock you out,” the nurse said, “Let me know if you guys need anything tonight.”

“Grazie,” Carina said, thanking the nurse who walked out of the room, turning off the lights as she left.

Once the meds started working Maya calmed down quickly, relaxing as Carina also relaxed a little.

“Can you talk to me again so I can fall asleep?” Maya asked, yawning.

“Si,” Carina nodded, “I am going to tell you the steps to a c-section because I think it will also put me to sleep right now.”

“Ok,” Maya nodded as they both got comfortable.

Carina started running through the surgery that she had done hundreds and hundreds of times, both she and Maya falling asleep quickly, hands wrapped up together, both of them trying hard to provide support for the other.